stepping over cold water

I have a question...(*dear readers, you know my question mark button is not working right..huhu)

Actually, maybe its half an opinion, half a question...

Recently, i kind of noticed that my blog and some others were filled with entries on things that i or other people do that is considered a sin.Stay away from this, it is dosa, stay away from that, do this, do that. Suddenly, there are so many rules and regulations in Islam, that I find myself very confused between what is right and wrong.

Where is the balance between love and fear in Islam. Sometimes, we need to be God-fearing to stay away from sins, but at the same time, we need to show that our religion is simple and teaches us how to love God,and the people around us. These are things that are not easy to do because love and fear are 2 different things, 2 VERY different things.

Things were different when i was younger, what we were taught in school, what i was taught at home, and basically what i picked up along the way, very much differs from what i face now.

1. solat hajat

Since i was small, i was an avid prayer of the solat hajat, a prayer to ask for a specific wish. I have grown up with it all my life, i even read it in most books on how to perform that specific solat. I am sure all of you have done it, whether simply on any day, or maybe for something specific like during your PMR or SPM.

But suddenly, when i came here, i found out that we are not supposed to do it. I was shocked, as was most of my friends who did not know. Why were we taught so many different things, i mean, all the ustazah and ustaz that taught us before, takkan depa tak tau
I have somthing to confess, I used to love performing solat hajat, it was so easy, and i really believed in miracles when i did it. Since solat hajat was a sunnah, (at that time), i would also make effort to perform other prayers beside the usual 5. But when i found out that it was bida`ah, i suddenly lost the feeling of performing other non-obligatory prayers. That is as sad thing to confess, but i feel i have to be honest with myself. I would like to start doing other sunnah things again, but oh dear, confused soul~~~

2. Yaasins on thursday nights.

Asrama students, we are known for our nitty gritty routines from dusk till dawn. I was brought up with reciting the verses from Yaasin every thursday night and it was an obligatory routine in school.

Then when i came here, suddenly, you cant do it. I became even more confused. I know im blundering and i do hope you get my point. The specific word is, i became AFRAID of doing things that i thought were supplementary and was earning my way to heaven. All of a sudden, i had to stop it.

I was not brought up with an extremely grueling background in religion. And there are many more out there, just like me. WE become lost, confused, and in the end, helpless. Yes we try to find more knowledge on what we can do and what we cant do. But how far can we. What are our sources. You ask one friend, and it would be different from the next.For me, a part of me which knew the difference between right and wrong is fading away, wallowed in different opinions.

3. Henna on hand

Everyone who was going to wed had henna on their hands. Nothing was said about it. Then, came the 21st century, and suddenly, it is haram. A friend of mine wrote about this recently in his blog. It intrigued me a lot, and i wanted to write on it myself. But i havent had time to do a particular research on it. Dear friend, if you are reading this, i would like to implore for your help to find more substantial evidence, hopefully from international opinions, and i would also like to add my own two cents to your entry a bit.

As all the things above, when i was younger, i heard all that was of henna can and could be used. As long as it did not stop water from touching the skin. Another thing that made it haram was that it was an ornament on a womens hand, and it could attract the attention of men. hmmm~~

I dont know, i really dont know much about the hukums in Islam. So, i would just pose some questions, hopefully, someone can satisfy them.
If every single accessory could not be worn by women, then what are we supposed to do about it. Rings are accessories, and they can be very attractive, but why arent they haram. Why is the henna on the hand haram then.

** reminder to anyone reading this, these are questions mixed with opinions. except you cant tell which is which because my question mark button is not working.. *_*

4. Dyeing the hair

I always looked disgustedly at people who dye their hair. I always had this thought in my head that people who dyed their hair must be wild rascals. But now, here i am, i dyed my hair, and although i am a bit of a wild rascal, but there was a reason. I had thought dyeing your hair is a big NO-NO, until when i came here, and did some research (for the satisfaction of finding if i can really dye my hair or not, sigh). Anyway, i came across a hadith, that i used to permit me to dye my hair. We always search for things to make it easier for us, we try bending the rules here and there so that we eventually we can do something we couldnt. The question is, is it the right thing to do, bending these rules~

But the fact remains, before this, everyone said to me it was a sin to dye ones hair, and now, all of a sudden, you can.

Sigh~ arent we all mere confused mortals.



** When i ask for an explanation, people would tell me it is Bid`ah. It means that the hadiths these were taken are very weak and the source of it is untrustworthy
But why now....why not before, i dont understand~~


**to end my statements, i just want to say.
~I want to be firm in what i believe in.
~I want to answer swiftly anything anyone asks me about my religion
~But how am i going to achieve that when im not sure of all these things
~Its like stepping over cold water to get to the other side, you want to and you have to, but your always afraid.



** hmm...there are many other hukums in Islam that i am not sure of, but i have to stop blabbering on my blog, because i have some learning issue that i practically mUST FINISH tonight.

**tomorrow my tutorial group is going for a picnic, cant wait!!

**heres a little bit of something on that solat hajat thing, but hrmm,i need opinions~help~
http://www.scribd.com/doc/4739519/Hukum-Solat-Hajat




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the latest jiwang song im listening to~ *_*

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air

See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know

That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and I said

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh oh

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said

Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh, oh, oh
'Cause we were both young when I first saw you

Im cured of my homesickness!!yippee!!

Im back in action!!

HAha....I guess i was really homesick after all

I was in dire need of a break, and i got it just in time before a major breakdown.

My flight was at 6 in the morning on a very cold and tiring thursday. I woke up at 3 am, and tip toed my way across the hall of the house as i went out. It was too early to wake anyone, so i quietly said a hushed goodbye, and waited outside for my friend to come and send me of to the airport. (im so sorry dear friend for the 4 am wake up call, i really owe you one)~~

I was a bit sad when i arrived in malaysia,it was 9 am, mom and dad had to go off to the Pakistani embassy so they could not see me until 2 in the afternoon. My aunt picked me up, and although it was great to see her, i cringed at the prospect of having to wait for so long until i met my parents. WHile i was daydreaming in the car, suddenly the phone rang, guess what!! mom and dad had to cancel their trip to the embassy as Pakistan was having a public holiday and the embassy was closed. Suddenly pakistan was one of my favourite countries on the planet!wuhuu! I got to see mom and dad!!

Well, what can i say, it was really good to be home. Technically, i dont actually know where our real home is, the houses in kajang before this were mostly rented, dad bought this apartment just to rent out, but we now use it as a half way house, oh dear. Anyway, during short visits back home, we stay in kajang, long visits would be in perak, or cameron sometimes. huhu...I do wish dad sold all the other houses and settled down on a nice house by the sea, i wish, i wish~ sigh~ At night, my other aunt and uncle came and we ate satay kajang...(clap3!!)..Theres this place that has the best satay in town, but theres no ambience, so, not many people know about it. Anyway, me loike satay!




The next morning, i persisted that we eat at the nearest mamak at home. I had set my heart to cure my homesickness also by filling my tummy with the best my tastebuds could find! I ate nasi kandar on my first morning!woahhh~~~sedapnyaa~~~( i feel as if i had not gone home for so long, but mom said i just came back 3 months ago...omg, i really have chronic homesickness). We wandered around kajang town for awhile, dad bought a new sony cybershot (im drop dead jealous!!argh!please buy me one...please!)I surveyed the latest from sony, 12.1mp~~i want!!~~~

Kakak came that afternoon from johor, afternoons are nice in malaysia, because someone would eventually go out and buy some kueh and we would eat it with sweet hot tea while gossiping at the dinner table. This time, there was no hot tea because it was an extremely hot day (malaysia panas gilerrr~~), we settled down with some cooling cans of yeos..hohoho



The day passed too fast, and it was time to send mom and dad for umrah on a sunny saturday morning. I felt glad that i went home, i got to spend a really short but quality time with my loved ones. If only abang was here, it would be utterly perfect. We waited until it was time to see them go, we hugged like a 100 times, and moms eyes were glassy (i think).

ps=

**I never regretted setting my heart to buy the ticket back home even for a minute.

**I learnt that we have to make decisions, im big enough, and i should listen to what other people think, but dont let that be something to waver any decision i have made.

**I feel happier now...and hope i would have more happy thoughts! *_*...yippee!!

**I miss mom and dad still, but i feel safer in my heart knowing i love them every second even more *_* aaawww~~~

im going back home

hello earthlings~ys to be ex

i am going back home!! yeayy!!

well, for only a few days to be exact...

Im coming back here saturday afternoon...

skipping 2 days of class which i would have to replace...

had to spend quite a sum for the tickets and document...

i would be missing on quite a lot of things even though im only going home for a few days...


haihh..i dnt know if it is worth it...but things are done and cant be undone...

so, folks..yeapp, im going home ~

my blog will be lonely for awhile....

mama,nak pesan jubah satu

I think i would like to diagnose myself with having bipolar disorder...

Or maybe, i have manic depression...

Or maybe, just maybe, im just terribly homesick...(i have never been homesick before, well maybe i had,just not as bad)

It has been a totally crappy month for me...if you have been reading my blog, you would notice how sadistic my entries have become..

My close friends know that the time i laugh the most, is the time im the saddest.

Do i need psychiatric help, owh god, i hope not.

I once watched this movie, the character in the movie said that if you question your sanity, then you are still sane...

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Lets put that aside, shall we...and go on to something that is worth reading

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I switched off the dim lights to my room, it was only 10 pm, but i didnt feel like doing anything else. I bundled up under the bed covers and lay my head on the pillow, waiting for the sound of the phone dial. After the 3rd ring, the voice i so badly wanted to hear picked up, it was my mommy. I giggled as she answered wei, ni hao ma..wo hen hao...i answered back... it was so good to hear moms voice,i really wished i was back home with her.

One thing about me, is that i try to avoid telling mom about my life problems. I try to hide it from her, i avoid her knowing questions, and i say everything is alright. I dont want to trouble moms poor soul with my trivial affairs because she would get all worked up and worried. With the hopes that i am independent enough to sort things out,ill always try my best to solve what i am going through. We talked and talked into the night, moms vegetable garden was growing well, dads flower garden was flourishing and my garden, well, it kind of disappeared between weeds somewhere.

Then mom said, mom and dad is going for umrah nextweek...my heart skipped a beat, they were going for umrah again..to the sacred land which i had wanted to go this year but couldn`t because of class schedules. I felt my heart churn, why! They were going to the Holy land, why must i feel so sad, why must i feel so scared for them,why must i feel so worried ...WHY WHY WHY!!!

Without thinking much, i told mom owh, mama pegi minggu depan ke, nak pesan boleh...can you buy me a jubah, a nicer one than the last one you bought for me....Mom fell quite for a minute...Hesitantly, she answered me slowly...

lain kali, kalau orang nak pergi Mecca, sampaikan salam kepada nabi dan rasul dulu~

...GULP~~i was utterly stunned. Oh dear, what have i become! How could i forget such a thing! I told you i was becoming materialistic! It felt like someone smacked me right in the face, i felt so ashamed of myself, and nervously laughed it of. I managed to change the subject, but the incident left a dent in my brain and my heart.


My dearest mother and father were going on a journey to instill their faith in God, and here i was thinking of which jubah would look nicer on me. How sad that sounded. Nadya, Nadya, you are a lost soul arent you....haihh~~

I have been for umrah before, when i was 11 years old. Trust me,There is no feeling like the miracle of stepping on the very steps the prophet had, drinking the crystal clear air zam zam, which was so abundant, you could take ablution with it. I was a small girl at that time, but i understood the purpose of my far journey into the Middle East. My memories of Arabia is a bit blurry though, as of most of my travels when i was young. But the feeling, the feeling has never and WILL NEVER disappear....

Our trip in Saudi Arabia began in Jeddah, Madinah, and finally ended in Mecca. The roads were dusty from one city to another. Each destination required us to fulfill a few obligations. In Madinah, I remember the majestic Masjid al-Nabawi, a mosque so beautiful, that there was gold carvings on the pillars, beautiful marbles spread across land bigger than numerous football fields...At night, the roof of the mosque opened as the Adzan for Magrib filled the air, the gust of soothing wind touching lightly on our skins, as we prayed, and prayed, and prayed.

In Mecca, Masjidil Haram, the forbidden kingdom. I remember myself quivering, a rush of humbleness came unto me as i tip toed my way on the cold marble floor. Large doors opened wide, like daggers into the hearts of us mere mortals. The sensation...indescribable~ Masjidil Haram is where the Ka`abah is situated. It is truly glorious i tell you, to grasp the origins of who you really are, your religion, your roots...Subhanallah...I just cant find words to tell you what i felt~

**A few years later, mom and dad has gone there a few times for the Hajj and for umrah. Im usually there to send them of, but not this time.

**i feel like a small girl, longing to be in the hands of mama and daddy. I just miss them so much and i just want to see them and be with them =`(

**Im confused with my inner turmoil, i should be happy that they are going to be closer to God in this coming two weeks, but to tell you the truth, i worry for their safety. Why should i feel that way....mom and dad has been travelling all their life, why do i feel so worried now....

**Ya Allah, help me sort out what i really feel...i really need your help on this one =`(

**Please help me pray for their safety, please help me pray that Allah will guide their way...please~

_____________________________________________________________________________________


Ya Allah,

Rendahkanlah suaraku bagi mereka
Perindahlah ucapanku di depan mereka
Lunakkanlah watakku terhadap mereka dan
Lembutkan hatiku untuk mereka

Ya Allah,

Berilah mereka balasan yang sebaik-baiknya, atas didikan mereka padaku
dan Pahala yang besar atas kesayangan yang mereka limpahkan padaku,
peliharalah mereka sebagaimana mereka memeliharaku.

Ya Allah,

Apa saja gangguan yang telah mereka rasakan atau kesusahan yang mereka
deritakan kerana aku, atau hilangnya sesuatu hak mereka kerana perbuatanku,
jadikanlah itu semua penyebab rontotnya dosa-dosa mereka dan bertambahnya
pahala kebaikan mereka dengan perkenan-Mu ya Allah, hanya Engkaulah
yang berhak membalas kejahatan dengan kebaikan berlipat ganda.

Ya Allah,

Bila magfirah-Mu telah mencapai mereka sebelumku, Izinkanlah mereka
memberi syafa'at untukku.
Tetapi jika sebaliknya, maka izinkanlah aku memberi syafa'at untuk
mereka, sehingga kami semua berkumpul bersama dengan santunan-Mu di tempat
kediaman yang dinaungi kemulian-Mu,ampunan-Mu serta rahmat-Mu

Sesungguhnya Engkaulah yang memiliki Kurnia Maha Agung, serta anugerah
yang tak berakhir dan
Engkaulah yang Maha Pengasih diantara semua pengasih.

Amin Ya Rabbul Alamin..

life update

hey there...

i had a 4 day holiday...and what did i do with it!! i burned myself in the scorching sun, i forced my muscles until they were overworked, and the rest is history~

SWEET,REALLY SWEET REVENGE~~

1. I entered chess again this year. At first i did not want to. (did i tell you i am afraid of doing things i might be good at because i would hate myself if i did not win).Anyway, last year, i came in 4th place when i was up against this junior. Argh! I had not played for 4 years, i guess thats got to do with the 4th placing right..haha*nervous laugh*..She killed my queen early in the game, and without my queen, i was a hopeless wreck! i could not focus, and thus lost with that junior smiling.wuhuu!

This year, the game began at 7 in the morning. Who in the right mind plays chess at 7 in the morning pray tell! I wasnt feeling well, and i woke up quite late, people were calling me and telling me to hurry, there was this person who shouted to people about how he was going to disqualify me and all (like hellooo, it was not like i woke up late on purpose)I arrived flustered as usual, and sat down to practice with a friend. (am i a nerd to love chess)huhu..

A good hour later, someone called me to start playing. Guess what!! I was up against my arch enemy (in chess), that same junior who defeated me last year. My mouth went dry fast, my knees quivered and i lost any 20% confidence i might have had before. The time started, and i forced myself to sit and play. This time, i calmed my nerves, focused and moved the pieces slowly. At about the 5th minute, I KILLED HER QUEEN!!owh, how sweet revenge tastes like, sweet..sweet! At the 8th minute, i won the game, alhamdulillah.

The next game was another miracle,as she killed my queen (usually i would have given up), but this time, i played hard, and i won! I was in the finals,against the same person who got 1st last year. I played, I lost, but i loved every minute of it. I found out that i still had my chess skills (no matter if it had no strategy at all), but i guess God was with me that day and helped me throughout the brain squishing ordeal. This year, i got 2nd, next year, who knows..lets pray for the best!

A GIGANTIC DISSAPOINTMENT

2. Last week, i went for the olymphiart try out with some indonesian friends.I just finished a meeting, i did not warm up, and i ran both sprint and long distance. I wanted to go for the 100m run, which is not that tiring. I could, but i just didnt. (please remind me not to give in to other people easily at times). So, eventually,i ran again for the long distance run. Since all the other places were taken, they decided to put me in for that, which i dislike because it hurts to run. huhu..
The next few days after that, i think my muscle was reduced to tart. I had given all my evergy during the tryout without thinking of the consequence that in the next few days, there will be a marathon.

The morning before the marathon, i played netball(which i will shamefully tell later). My muscles still had not healed and i was going to force it to work by hook or by crook. 1 hour after the game, after a very instantaneous rest, the marathon began. During my 1st year, i had entered the marathon and came in 2nd. This year, there were more people who entered,and i had an aim(shh...secret). But i knew i couldnt perform well because i was too tired. There were 4 checkpoints to past, and i was leading until the 3rd checkpoint. Suddenly, the route ahead was a different one instead of the usual route, and it was uphill.At that exact moment, i suddenly coudnt breathe, i was HYPERVENTILATING!! I had never before, usually i would slow down because my legs hurt or my tummy ached, but this! i had never experienced this before! I seriously was gasping for air, i couldnt run anymore. Even as i walked, i was afraid i would faint at any moment. I saw a friend on a bike, and asked him for help, he thought i was joking and laughed at me and told me to keep running. Apa lagi, saya give up lah~ SO, i walked all the way until the finish line, and dropped dead..ahaha..Anyway, the friend whom i saw along the way came to me and said sorry so many times because he thought i was really joking. I finished 6th place this year, i nearly fainted for air, but hey, mom told me there are times we loose, there are times we win, thats life! =)

SAYA SUKA MEMALUKAN DIRI~






3. Netball, oh netball. DO you know how many times i have ever played netball in my life. Nil, zero, kosong~~ahahaha...I decided to join some seniors in a netball competition, just for the experience anyway. I love basketball, i hate netball and i never practiced for the competition. I had played once before, and i know i TOTALLY SUCK AT IT. But, hey, i love sports, and it seemed like a good idea, at first. I played like an extreme idiot (ye kwn2,saya tahu)haha...My friends all said i played like a champion comel girl, translate = lawak giler nadya main, hahahahaha...etc2~~. But they did say they loved the spirit that i never gave up trying, eventhough i was making a fool out of myself...haha...

kampung girl said hye to city boy

I suddenly found myself to be a very kampung girl, not that i did not realise it, i just did not think i was too kampung-ish.

Anyway, i went out one day to fetch a friend from the airport and his parents were going to be there, so i opted to wear something pink and white. Plus,i had no more jeans to wear because of my &*%$#$ dobi. Omg, i must have looked childish, but i was going for the whole innocent look =P

That got me thinking actually, why had i become so like this. I was brought amongst my siblings who are the exact opposite of me. My cousins are the exact opposite of me. And here i am, shy, quiet, immature....worst of all, kampung...oh the dreaded word, i wonder why we are so afraid to be termed as kampung in the first place.

Mom always brought me up a bit differently, i dont know if it was because i was the last and thus termed the baby of the family. They never let me in the kitchen, dad never spanked me if i did not know my maths, abang has a soft side when it comes to me and kakak, bosses me around..just kidding, she spoils me a lot.

I was in a very protected environment, which i am sometimes thankful of, but sometimes i do wish i was more like my sister, brother and cousins. MY sister laughed her head of when she heard i did not go clubbing in bali, my brother laughed his pants off when he heard it because he would go to brazil just to go clubbing.

Sometimes i wonder, who do i really wish to be...

Who am i actually...

Is my life full of what other people want me to be...

Or is it full of what i want to be like other people...

And if so, then what am i like, really...

I define the world into 3 types of human beings.

GROUP A : - PEOPLE WHO ARE REALLY RELIGIOUS
- REALLY TRY TO KEEP AWAY FROM DOING ANYTHING WRONG
- ALWAYS DO ACTIVITIES THAT ARE FOR THE GOOD OF OTHER PEOPLE-->
LIKE CERAMAH, USRAH, AND OTHERS
- MINGLE MOSTLY WITH OTHER PEOPLE FROM THIS GROUP
- MOST ARE NICE PEOPLE, HARMLESS ENOUGH, SOME WONT ACCEPT YOU IF YOU ARE
NOT RELIGIOUS ENOUGH
- SOMETIMES TERMED AS ALIM, SOMETIMES TERMED AS KAMPUNG

GROUP B : - NORMAL AVERAGE JOE
- SOMETIMES HAVE THE FEELING OF WANTING TO BE RELIGIOUS, SOMETIMES FORGETS
ABOUT IT AND WANTS TO JOIN GROUP C
- A VERY CONFUSED LOT OF PEOPLE
- HAVE A VERY BLURRY IDENTITY OF THEMSELVES
- SOMETIMES A BIT TOO SHY, SOMETIMES A BIT TOO LOUD, SOMTIMES JUST PLAIN
AWKWARD
- HAVE DONE ACHIEVEMENTS AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS, BUT ALSO HAVE DONE BAD STUFF
- SOMETIMES TERMED AS NERD, SOMETIMES TERMED AS KAMPUNG

GROUP C : - KNOW ABOUT RELIGION, BUT SOMETIMES TOO LAZY TO DO IT
- LIVE A VERY HAPPY LIFE IN THE WORLD, WITHOUT NEEDING TO CARE ABOUT
MUCH, BUT KNOWS THAT AFTER THE END OF THE WORLD, MAYBE ITS NOT HAPPY
- VERY CONFIDENT ABOUT THEMSELVES
- KNOW THAT MOST WANT TO BE LIKE THEM
- SOMETIMES TERMED AS COOL, NEVER TERMED AS KAMPUNG

So which group do i belong to u ask..of course i belong to group B. 1 foot in A,the other in C. I can be both at times, but majoring only in 1 at most.
My sister once said to me, 60% of what we do is what we picked up from the people near us. I wish i had picked up the cooler 60% though. Its easy for her to say, she was born to be cool. Unlike her little sister here.

Back to the bigger picture, i went to a boarding school, which helped in making me like this today.. sigh..No one in my family went to boarding school, except my brother, who eventually hated it because there was no freedom.

I cringed at how kampung-ish i must be.. *bigg cringe*

Ill try to be less kampung-ish in the future

But at the moment, I dont know the definition of myself. I kind of lost my identity along the way when i picked up 60% of other uncool beings along the way...

But who cares what people think right (yerright)

If thats who i really am, then theres nothing anyone can do about it (except for me, who will try)

kampung girl does not want to say bye to city boy, but it looks like it should be that way...

or shouldnt it be...~

can you tell me its ok...

today,yesterday,last week and the week before.....

I lost my hamster today...
~can you tell me,its ok,ill get you another one

i think the cat ate my hamster today...
~can you tell me,its ok,ill get you a sweet kitten to keep you company

I am in the athletic team with some indonesians...
~can you tell me,wow!im so proud of you!

I fell down and scraped my knee badly just now...
~can you tell me,its ok,ill help to stop the bleeding

I miss my mommy and daddy and im so homesick...
~can you tell me,its ok,im here, ill never let you get lonely

Im very emotionally unstable and keep breaking down easily now...
~can you tell me,its ok,ill always be there when you need me

I need someone to listen to,talk to,laugh with, cry with,smile with...
~can you tell me,its ok,we'll walk together and i will laugh and cry with you

ive suddenly become all whiney and clingy,and i know you are bored of it...
~can you tell me,its ok,i told you ill always be there right?

i want to hear your problems,i want to make you laugh and smile,i want to have long walks be it rain or shine,i want to share ice cream with you,i want to tell you secrets and we will giggle about it,i want~

But i cant right?because you cant even say its ok...

selagi hayat dikandung badan

16. Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah menciptakan manusia
dan mengetahui apa yang dibisikkan oleh hatinya,
dan Kami lebih dekat kepadanya daripada urat lehernya

No one knows how it feels like to die, no one knows how it feels to face death in the face and when you look up, you know you cant turn back. I always have this feeling when i go to events where people laugh, or cry, or sing, or just have fun, theres this deep cringe in my heart. I keep thinking the same thing again, that one day, none of this would be here anymore, one day all of us would die and all the laughter and tears are no more. I write this post from something that jolted me back to reality, the death of someone a friend really cared for, and also from what i am experiencing now.

Here are a few verses from surah Qaaf, 16-26. It tells the tale of us human beings who were brought to earth to serve only One. The devil looked down upon us, he laughed at us and mocked us as Adam and Eve first arrived on land. Allah banished him from the realms of the seven skies, and thus the jiins and the demons flew down to join the human race as invincible creatures bent on destroying each and every pure soul there is.

17. (yaitu) ketika dua malaikat mencatat amal perbuatannya,
satu duduk di sebelah kanan dan yang lain duduk di sebelah kiri.

18. Tiada satu ucapan pun yang diucapkannya melainkan
ada di dekatnya malaikat pengawas yang selalu hadir

Yes, we are a very forgetful species. One day, we can pour tears of sadness thinking about death, and the next, we just...forget~ Someone did something to me today, i felt it was an awful thing to do. I felt like i could wring the persons neck and tell the person to grow up!Get a life!Go to hell! All the curses started pouring out of my mouth before i can stop it. The angels surrounding me, shook their heads, one by one, all the filthy words coming out of my mouth were written down. I felt the angels speaking through my heart saying, you are a muslim, you are an ummah, stop!stop!

The devils danced in joy and amazement at how easy it was to lead me to do something wrong, i cant take back the words that i said, i cant cleanse my heart of the evil thoughts i had, and thus another day has gone with more evil done than good. Imagine, how little things like that can have a very big consequence. An act like that, could have cost me a scorching drop from Gods hellfire. What other acts have i done, which im not even aware of, or i consider as a small sin, that the angels have written, God has seen, and the devils had clapped their hands in delight.


19. Dan datanglah sakaratul maut dengan sebenar-benarnya.
Itulah yang kamu selalu lari darinya

20. Dan ditiuplah sangkakala. Itulah hari terlaksananya ancaman.

21. Dan datanglah tiap-tiap diri,
bersama dengan dia malaikat pengiring dan malaikat penyaksi

DEATH..the word itself brings visible fear in the bravest of men. I am afraid of dying, i hate tight spaces as those remind me of coffins. From a book that i had read and commented upon in an entry before, it said that the pain of death itself is unlike any pain the world can bring upon us. Feel as one by one, our veins are disattached from the skin, feeling the stop of blood as the the last breath is taken away...thats how death is.

And when all mankind is raised from the dead, awaiting judgement day, how our legs would break at the thought of seeing the All-mighty. Theres no more earth, theres no more acting on a stage fit for kings, theres nothing left and nothing to turn back to. How a drop of fire from hell can destroy billions of us in seconds.

How our minds will race back to all the things we had done, all the things we did not do, and we know at that time, its all too late. It was never too late for anything way back on earth, but once the angel of death blows his horn, the universe is at a standstill, those who have not used their time well, and reached the finish line before having time to repent will cower in fear. While those who followed the right way will have smiles on their faces.

22. Sesungguhnya kamu berada dalam keadaan lalai dari (hal) ini,
maka Kami singkapkan darimu tutupan (yang menutupi) matamu,
maka penglihatanmu pada hari itu amat tajam.

23. Dan yang menyertai dia berkata,
"Inilah (catatan amalnya) yang tersedia pada sisiku."

24. Allah berfirman, "Lemparkanlah olehmu berdua ke dalam neraka
semua orang yang sangat ingkar dan keras kepala,

25. yang sangat enggan melakukan kebajikan, melanggar batas, dan ragu-ragu,

26. yang menyembah sembahan yang lain beserta Allah,
maka lemparkanlah dia ke dalam siksaan yang sangat."

How i pray that God reminds me of death everyday. The more we dont think of death, the more lost you are. Im not a pious person, neither someone who knows much about Islam. I just know all the basic things, i do all the basic things, and i try to refrain from doing anything stupid. I do get lost most of the time, i am weak, i am unstable, and i need help in many things in life. But, thats only human. We are nothing compared to Allah, only speckles of sand in a dessert storm. I view the level of my closeness to Allah through how many times i think of death a day, the more i think about it, i think the closer i am to God.
Yes, i am VERY AFRAID.
Yes, i DO NOT WANT to DIE.
Yes, i DO NOT WANT to think of DEATH.
BUT....
thats what i need, like a switch on the back of my head, telling me not to stray afar from righteousness.

How long do we have to live. how many more seconds of this precious life can we survive. Thats a secret no one knows.

We do not have much time left. Our biological clock is ticking, and our hourglass is running out of sand.

AS long as we are still alive, take the chance to savour every single moment. Love all that needs to be loved. Remember all that needs to be remembered. As long as our soul is still in our body, we have just ONE MORE CHANCE.......TO LIVE~

Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un

pentas syurga

dedicated to a friend ..
la tahzan~

temanku...

ku tahu, Sepi....dini malam
Langit tiada berbintang
Kedengaran tiupan angin, sungguh sayu
Pujuklah hatimu, hentikan rasa rindu

Kenangan manis, jangan kau lupakan
yang pahit, dijadikan pengajaran
simpanlah hatinya jauh di lubuk hatimu
bila tiba masanya, tidak akan dihilang waktu

senyumlah sayangku,
masih panjang hidupmu
kedengaran hembus nafasmu, sungguh lemah
pujuklah cintamu, hentinya, tidak bererti mengalah

Sujud, tadahkan tanganmu
cinta dikejar, hanyalah yang Satu
Sabar dan setia menunggu
indahnya hari yang diimpikan itu..

Ku janji akan kau ketemu lagi
Namun janji manusia tiada tandingnya kehendak Ilahi
kun...fayakun, pabila dibilang
yang dulunya kukuh bertahan, mudahnya menghilang

Temanku...
Jika hidup di dunia ini hanyalah noda pertemuan pertama
Kau, akan di hikayat selamanya
Semoga noda kedua, begitu indah di pentas syurga
Mungkin di situ, akhirnya,belahan dua jiwa cantum selamanya...

ps : the post below have loads of grammatical and spelling errors. im a tad too lazy to change it ..read it, and if you love it, smile.
...read it, and if you dont like it, keep smilling

cheers peeps!

Men are from MARS, women are from VENUS,so where are lesbians and gays are from

do men really dont like women who wear make up*_*

I was gulping down some food in front of the tv when Sn came into the house looking flustered. She said to me `N,do i look different today`, in between mouthfuls of pecel ayam, I managed to answer her question. `yeahh, you do look prettier today, maybe its because you are wearing makeup...`aahhaa!`, she said.. `my boyfriend said whats that weird thing you put on your face`(meaning the makeup)...why do boys dont like girls who wear make up! she groaned....

That gave me an idea to write this post, which was due yesterday..I did an experiment the next day after that incident and wore make up to class (remember my last post). Do men really dont like women who wear make up. and if so, why is that(big question mark). Women spend 100s to buy make up just to add a little cherry pink blush to their cheeks, to make their eyes look bigger and absolutely eye-catching with the newest shade of glittering eye-shadow. But, as it turns out, its not what the world is asking for. And it turns out, you dont need to pay loads of money for all that make up, it wont be of any use for now, natural is the new way to go!

Relationships and friendships*o*

Men are an utterly confusing species. I just dont understand what is going on in a guys mind, its really hard to comprehend. Speaking from a few personal experiences, and also from a few friends, i have totally given up on understanding men language when it comes to relationships and friendships.

Heres an interesting specimen. ..There was this one guy i knew, whom i totally dislike now because he thought really highly of himself. **sorry, identity is a secret, but ill name him E. We started out as friends, and i meant to keep it that way. I dont know what i did, or what actions that may have caused him to think i adoreed him, but yupp, he did. (that is like so gross). (sometimes i hope he reads this post so that i can finally say it straight to his face that only loosers think like that) --~you go gurl!hehe

And i find it hard sometimes, when a guy you dont know well messages you for fun. What exactly are we supposed to do.

a) just ignore the message, and may be termed as `sombong`

b) reply the message, but make it short and curt

c) take some time to think and reply the message (if you like the guy), and maybe he would think your sooo into him (like the guy up there) or maybe youll get lucky and hell just think your being nice and friendly.

haihh....the world is confusing enough with the separate sex not being able to understand them

i wish every girl was born with a guide to what men really think.

• Men are like ... Horoscopes

They always tell you what to do, and are usually wrong

• Men are like ... Weather

Nothing can be done to change them


I definitely find the opposite sex a very hard species to understand.

1.Sometimes they say one thing but mean another.

2.Sometimes they dont say anything at all, and we women get restless because they dont say anything.

3. Sometimes they say something, then we think about it again and again, wondering if we said something wrong, and when we ask them, they will say `YOU JUST THINK TOO MUCH`

4. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

5. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

6. When four or more women get together, they talk about men


Alright, enough of my rambling on guys... (see, if i ramble too much on guys, some might think im a boy-holic or worse, they think im toooo into them!) =P

As usual, whatever we think, in the end, we do have a guide in life. It is certainly our choice whether or not we want to follow it.

----->>>>>

"Among His signs is (the fact) that He has created spouses for you from among yourselves so that you may console yourselves with them. He has planted love and mercy between you; in that are signs for people who reflect" (30:21)

** i took this surah for the entry on relationships and friendships. yes, men are confusing. and so are women. But thats the whole point of it.
Some people ask me why i dont have a boyfriend yet, *cringe*, its not that i dont want or theres no one. the answer to this is very simple.
InsyaAllah, i have a long life ahead of me. We should take time in choosing the right person we would spend our life with. A friend once said to me, `yang lebih penting adalah kasih sayang dariNya`. I still remember her words, and i repeatedly LOVE to say this to her if she ever gets lonely when theres no guy around for her to message.hehe

everyone is entitled to their own opinions. i personally have mixed feelings on this matter. I have a few friends who believe that love comes after marriage. and i do have a few friends who say that theres no harm in having someone special as long as you dont do any harm. needless to say, i think we are big enough to think for ourselves. Just remember, Allah has given us a guide in life, choose wisely my dear friends.

**sayyy...this sounds like a reaally good thing to write on!

on make up

As far as Islamic Shari`ah is concerned, a Muslim woman is allowed to wear makeup in a moderate way in the presence of her husband, mahrams (Arabic for: relatives to whom a woman cannot marry) or women-only gatherings. A woman should be keen not to be excessive in wearing makeup or spending too much money on it.

**Hmm...i cant think of something clever to say here yet. Just want to add, for those who love to wear make up, maybe you shouldnt go for too heavy make up and go for a much natural look. Sometimes if we wear make up every day, its hard for people to notice that you look prettier on special occasions. Besides, too much make up can destroy the beauty of your skin. Everything God has made is perfectly beautiful in its own way. We women are vey beautiful creatures, and theres nothing more beautiful than what He has created.

***i would like to thank FATIN today because she told me that people without blogs could not comment on my blog...no wonder! huhu! luv u gurl, ure a life saver!

***this post is for the benefit of myself and whoever wants to listen to my constant ramblings.

***the purpose of me writing with some islamic teachings is that we all improve for the betterment, not because of the community, not to show of how alim we are...just simply in search for His LOVE! =)

i suddenly realised

i suddenly realised ----

ive gone all GURLY WURLY!!

pinky tuesday

Dear diary, 24.03.09

i woke up late today (6.45) because i hate classes at 7 am in the morning.

Took a very quick bath, (water was extremely cold and uninviting), at exactly 7 am, i was done and dressed!quick right! and you thought i took hours for my bath...!

Eventhough i woke up late, (usually i wake up at 7 anyway), i was determined to put on some make up today because i felt like it and for the purpose of a post that i hope to write later on tonight.




Went to class with D, the others had already gone...

It was an extremely hot day today.

Arrived flustered at around 7.20 am in campus, rushed to class and found out as usual the lecturer did not come today.

Saw HARVARD HOTTIE along the way, but i dont think he took any notice of me. *_*

Finished my learning issue during class (yippee!!), had a blast laughing with friends since lecturer was not there. *happy tuesday*

Finished lectures at 10 am -->went to plaza to help Biro Dana KUBI sell during expo for BAIK(biro agama islam kubi). Mencapab-ed at the stall, sold food while being the public advertisement because people saw me eating the food from the stall. (i ate a bit too much)

Went to a booth where i could win something if i kicked the ball and hit the bottles on the floor. knocked half of the bottles, sent my shoe flying high up the sky, was laughed at by everyone.(I DO TEND TO MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF)

**oh yeah, i would like to congratulate RADZI for an amazing bulan kesenian islam. this year went really well, and the expo today was a blast! --> (kena blanja makan coz 1.pernah bg duit 20k yg lama tu, 2. pinjam kreta td) muahahahha!




During break, went back home, ate nasi lemak by I and biro pendidikan people which tasted really good and was cheap! loved it! Knocked on S door while she was sleeping and borrowed her wall-e cd.

**i cant go to sleep unless i watch a dvd half-way. Yesterday night, i watched angus, thongs and perfect snogging. it was quite nice, kind of gurly, but who cares. its a british flick by the same director of bend it like beckham.

Went back to class, (late again), sat down for erm 30 minutes*#$%X, and class was finished.

Walked back because someone borrowed my car, stopped at a new saloon to try out their hair treatment. (ahaha) and then walked back alone.


Arrived at home, took an evening bath and switched on the tv.

Above, from left

1. polka-dot ribbon bag
2. new pink polka-dot scrunchy that i bought 2 weeks ago
3. small pink earrings bought cheap yesterday
4.I chose a suttle rosy pink colour today, (i dont usually like to wear make up because it makes me look older, i only use make up for certain occasions, unlike today though). Blended 2 colours for a nice sweet blush, finished it of with a different shade of pink for the eyes which i havent used for ages.
5. bought these really cool blue starfish for my toilet, thought id show it to you, love the colour!



**was very happy today
**belum makan ayam sake lagi =(
**jojo bit me again
**room is very messy

xoxo,
nadya!

tauge memaniskan kue tiaw

cara-cara membuat kue tiaw goreng yang sedap!


haha!gotcha!

although mom taught me how to make really good kue tiaw, (mine does not taste like hers though), this post is not exactly about kue tiaw.

i was in the kitchen one day, fyi, my mom never lets me in because she says im intruding in her food masterpiece. anyway, on that certain day, mom was making kue tiaw goreng, i sat down on a stool beside her and watched her cook. (everytime she asks me to cut the onions, i pretended i was talking to the cats)

we talked about things, the latest guy i had a crush on, gossip about my sister and brother, and just laughed at silly jokes which my father cracked. when, all of a sudden she said `nak tau x how i make the kue tiaw taste good?`, she smiled as she threw a handful of tauge into the wok. at that instant, i caught a whiff of delicious malay food. aaahh...i miss moms kue tiaw goreng, no one can make it as nice as her.

mom putting in the tauge with her loving hands made me think, how something simple as tauge can make something taste extraordinary!

--------------->>

sometimes, we go through our life, (like eating kue tiaw goreng) without noticing the small things, the simple things (like tauge) which makes life so much better. we take for granted that everything, everyone, will always be there for us, that we forget, God can take anything from us anytime.


am i a simple person?

i dont know....maybe im not a simple person, but at times i do like to live the simple life


--like breathing the very air into my lungs...im scared of dying, the scariest death is to be without air




--taking long walks in the green pastures...i hope my children will get to run around with sand between their toes, swinging on shady trees in the park when they grow up...



--i dont really know what i am rambling about, just another crappy post for the benefit of me and whoever reads this...


O you who believe! Eat of the good things that We have provided for you, and be grateful to Allah, if it is Him you worship

[Surah Al-Baqarah, 172]

We created man from a drop of mingled sperm, in order to try him. We gave him the gifts of hearing and sight. We showed him the way: whether he be grateful or ungrateful.

[Surah Al-Insan, 2-.3]

What can Allah gain by your punishment, if you are grateful and you believe? Indeed, it is Allah who recognizes all good, and knows all things.

[Surah An-Nisa, 147]

“If you are grateful, I will increase my favours to you. But if you show ingratitude, truly, My punishment is terrible indeed.”

[Surah Al-Ibrahim, 7]

----->>>

life is like kue tiaw goreng....

1. its very simple if you know how

2. but you have to make it according to order

3. you cant put less of anything, you cant put too much of anything, just nice

4. lastly, add something simple like tauge, it may be unimportant, you may miss it out....but life is too short to miss out on the simple things~~

love me!

to know someone better is to love someone --> the translation from the malay proverb, xkenal maka xcinta...

i was walking along the road to my house when i chanced upon a few people gossiping about someone. i nodded at them, as they huddled together talking about this person who was someone i know. i knew that gossip, but i looked away from them as they oohed and aahed at what the person did. it may be true, it may not be, but i shut their voices from my head as i was reminded of my past....

a few years ago, upon me descending on my first year in indonesia, i faced a whole lot of problems...

it was the middle of my 1st year and i was at my prime time. i felt that everyone knew me, and i was startled if someone did not remember my name, aahh, the good old days...but popularity comes at a cost i say, (although i wasnt that popular, we will just assume for the sake of this post..hehe*_*)and it cost me dearly...

i dont think im that friendly, even if i am, i do try to keep a distance from myself and others that im not close to. but once im close to someone, then, i would reveal my childishness, my sillyness, my uglyness and everything that comes under the label of a nadya amin. so...

some call me hard to approach

some dont even try to approach me and still call me hard to approach

some dont even want to approach me and say im unapproachable

to cut a long story short, i had a row with a few close friends, and we drifted apart, very far apart. at exactly that instant, that same time, people who did not know me well took advantage of that incident and started turning against me. every single thing i did after that, was a trail of wrong doings, everything i said was considered unworthy....bluntly, the queen of popular was now de-throned and down in the dumps.

suddenly, out of nowhere, people who did not know me well started giving me rude glances, which i did not notice at first. but as the weeks went by, more and more people stopped talking to me, some friends who i knew just brushed past me without acknowledging that i was there. i was utterly heartbroken. what did i do to deserve such an attitude from a community that i did not know well yet, since it has only been 6 months at the time...

everywhere i went, people were staring at me. whispers and hushed voices followed my steps as i clutched my books closely at campus. something was seriously wrong, but what!!!!

i was alone

i felt suicidal

i felt abandoned

i could not trust anyone.....

this feeling went on for the whole year. i moved to a different house, met a different group of people and comforted myself with these words -->

the people who are talking about me behind my back,....do not know me well
..... as time pasts, and if its true i did not do anything wrong, Allah will show them who i really am.....

there was one incident that i still remember until now, which a friend told me earlier during my 2nd year. she told me, when she was finding for people to move in to the same house with me, this particular girl, and also a few others told her to stay away from me, that by moving into the same house, she was only going to face loads of problems.

iv been bugging this friend of mine to tell me who, which she says she will not tell me until one day when she thinks im ready to know. but she says, dont worry about who the person is, because now, everyone knows the truth, and people are trusting you again. you dont need to know or care about what people said about you, in your heart, you know God is protecting you.....


i lived by those words for months.....
eventually, everyone forgot about everything....
i got closer to people, even those who did not know me, and whom i suspected have said bad things about me...
now, everyone has accepted me for who i am, Alhamdulillah~~

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dearest friends,

i would just like to say here, that i have been through the toughest of times when everyone was against me, when gossip about me spread like wildfire.

i know how it feels, and theres nothing like watching the community you live in loose their trust in you...

it hurts

it hurts a lot

i do not want other people to go through what i did.

so if you ever want to spread gossip about someone, may it be true or not, please think twice, you are not close to that person, you have not heard the other end of the story....

think...what if the same thing happens to you............

sincerely yours,

nadya amin shaharudin

the curse of the dobis~

sounds like a good horror movie? wrong

does it sound like an urban legend? wrong again

its a problem im facing here, and i know more who have worse experiences than mine!

THE IBU DOBIs of INDONESIA

we dont have a washing machine, im not sure why, but maybe its because it would be a hassle to have to wash, hang and iron ourselves. so, it sounded like salvation when i first heard of the IBU DOBI system, i.e hiring a maid (ibu) specially dedicated to tidy up my dirty laundry. Students studying elsewhere would think we were super rich to have maids just for that, but its pretty cheap i tell ya...

anyway, the story goes that the first time you meet an ibu dobi, you would think she would be PERFECT for the job. Flashing a lovingly-mom style smile, one would melt at seeing this IBU who has to pick up the dirty laundry after you, bring it back to her place, get them washed, hang them fresh and iron until they are crisp. Thats the oldest trick up the sleeve, and i fell for it. My first ibu dobi was a winner, she lives near my place and is the caretaker here. She had this small doe eyes that looked so innocent, you would not dream that she was as cunning as a crow....

The first few weeks went by without any incident, and i was pretty happy with this IBU. I got my clothes on time, and i did not have anything to complain about, except that she demanded we pay her on time every month, but hey, thats just business. As the weeks grew into months, we noticed that everything was not as was promised. She came less and less to send back our clothes and when she eventually did, they smelled foul and were not even dry! owh God, imagine the times i wen to class and someone must have smelt my clothes and commented on bad body odour! (if anyone did, blame it on the DOBI!)

I breathed a sigh of relief one day when she told me some of us had to hire another ibu dobi, because there was just too much on her hands. Me and my friends qucikly found one(that was odd) and hired her. It was the same thing all over again, except this time it was worse! The first weeks were good, and then, i saw pure evil! (seriously!). She would come at 6 in the morning knocking on our doors for money eventhough it was still too early in the month. Sometimes, she would come up with a story like, she had to feed her children, or someone was sick in the family and we would pityfully borrow her money even for the nextmonth. I didnt mind at first, not until i found out that she asked from everyone else the same thing, and sometimes absentmindedly forgot that we had paid in advance. The same trouble was brewing again, we got our clothes late, and some were even a bit dirty than before we sent them!

One day, she knocked on my door, and said `Neng, ibu kan cucinya pake tangan,(which i didnt know), jadinya, baju neng itu kebanyakan...jadi harus bayar lebih,kalau gk, ibu udah gk mau cuci bajunya`....and i was like, ya udah, gk usah aja, nanti sy cariin yg lain..so i went in search of another ibu dobi and my friends suddenly wanted to join me because they were VERY UNSATISFIED with this one. woe behold! the next day the ibu dobi knocked on my room screaming her head of, saying why did i ask my friends to join me(my jaw was opened wide at about this time) and i suddenly got a lecture on how i did not care about people who needed money and jobs. I thought that was bad enough, suddenly out of nowhere, the 1ST IBU DOBI came(i found out later, all ibu dobis seem to know each other) and she gave me a lecture on REZEKI and it was not good to take rezeki from other people. I just stood at the door in utter amazement while my friend F was in my room and sadly gave in to their scoldings, they would not take another ibu dobi like i did...

So, ONTO My 3rd ibu dobi. As usual, she seems great at first, but i did have lots of problems, fortunately, she did try to improve everytime i told her to.

1. my white clothes became yellow, especially my lab coat which when i wear to class looks as if i rolled in mud compared to my fellow colleagues.

2. i sometimes buy clothes for the brand(loe behold one of my bad habits), and SHE WROTE KAMAR NO 9 on every single designer label there was on my clothes...aaarggghhhhh!!

3. she does come late during rainy seasons, and there would be a pile of laundry outside my door. i think if one day the cat kind of rams into it, it could die if all the clothes fell on him.

4. i once got a bunch of socks back, and they smelt of cat urine!

My neighbours told us their story which sounded even worse than ours, and i thought that we had it bad.

1. Their ibu dobi once asked to pay for a WHOLE YEAR, incidentally, telling a tale of how her next child is just starting pre-school and all.

2. They loose a lot of their clothes, and the next time they saw it, it was on some guy cleaning the house, innocently wearing a ZARA tshirt while humming to an indonesian dangdut tune.

3. sometimes, when they get back their clothes and wear them......they would suddenly start scratching and fishy red bumbs suddenly appear out of nowhere

well, Those are among others that i still remember, but it has been a tiring hunt finding for the perfect ibu dobi.

For those who are lucky enough to have a reliable one, i take my hats off at how you were able to. Anyway, i hope someone could tell me a solution to this problem, or maybe recommend me a 5 star IBU DOBI that you know of. It would help a lot @_@...

hope you liked this post, cheers!

scare me to death!!

guess what....

this holiday, im on a horror movie marathon...in search of the scariest movies ever made by mankind...

im watching one now, and its getting kind of boring, so i thought ill give my blog a visit in the meantime....

i used to be scared of any horror movies, eventhough im an avid watcher..but then i got used to watching them with my cousins, and i watched while putting a blanket nearby....

then i watched them when im free with my housemates, and we would all huddle in a corner with our mouths gaped wide open in frequent high-pitched screams...until we kind of got used to it, and most did not scare us....

now....i can watch horror movies all alone...and i am in search of the best horror movie in town...


this hols, i watched loads of horror movies...here are the top 2 movies that i have watched that did scare me....give it a try...

1.quarantine

2.coming soon --thai

and the holidays have started and is 3 days to its end~

Hello fellow readers of my extremely unworthy blog!

i havent been writing as you all may have noticed

my fellow blogger mate cum ex-tutorial mate named ahmad fahmi said that the next time i opened my blog, dah banyak habuk berkumpul....ahaa

well, ill try my best to update this blog, but i have been busy with exams and all...but the most important thing, was, i did not have enough money to pay my horridly expensive internet fees!

if you have been following my blog, you would have read about the posts before this about how im trying to deal with my economy crisis...i dont think that i have improved much from the first i started aspiring to save money...

yesterday, i went out with a couple of friends....it was the first time i went out with less than 150, 000 rupiah = rm60 in my pocket...in bandung, eventhough its indonesia, + because im a girl, that is NOT ENOUGH...as i found out too late...

it was supposed to be a shopping + bowling day out, but unfortunately i had to cut down the big S! i did not even shop anything !! OMG!and yet, the 150k disappeared down the drain without any further notice...

nadya only spent on :

1. car rent = 27k
2. lunch = 30k
3. bowling = 23k
4. dinner = 40k

i found out what it felt like to be really poor for once, and it felt extremely disheartening. there was this sad part, when all my friends went to breadtalk to buy bread, i looked inside my wallet and i found out, i did not even have enough money to buy bread...at that time, i felt tears crowding my eyes, owh god!

it was around 9 pm, and it was chilly outside...but rather than see people buy things i couldnt, i stayed outside of the shopping mall and huddled in a corner by the stairs...that was the worst feeling ever! now i know what its like to go out with people when you cant afford things everyone else can...i felt bad for all the times when i may have smirked at people who did not have even a small amount of money to buy something simple.....God has his special ways of opening our eyes, i guess it was just his way of opening mine....

and then, at 10 pm sharp, when everyone else was tired, i slowly dialled +6012 886 1352.....

`hello, hello`

`hello mommy..i miss you~`

`hello baby, how are you, are you ok`

`mommy, emm...emmm...i need some financial help`

`laa...kenapa xcakap awal2, duit indonesia kan murah je`




LAAAAA.......................~~

ketika musim exam melanda

u know im having my exams IF....

1. my room is messy, it means im studying--> it was messy a few minutes ago

2. i write an entry in my blog at 1 am pacific time --> when i should be studying

3. the best thing to eat is suddenly biskut marie cicah KOPI

4. i keep checking my facebook even though i know nothing changed --> coz i feel bored

5. the tv has not been switched on for more than 24 hours

6. i spontaneously combust at certain times per day out of jitteryness --> coz less den 24 hours theres an exam

7. i have credit, when i hadnt topped up for more than a week --> to call mom tomorrow morning

8. small notes appear on the table, big notes posted on the wall --> none yet posted in brain

9. i eat a lot --> i mean A LOT!!

10. i keep opening the fridge, eventhough i know nothings in it --> to let mr stomach see that i REALLY dont have anything to feed him

11. my lights are open the whole night --> even hours after my eyes are closed