love me!

to know someone better is to love someone --> the translation from the malay proverb, xkenal maka xcinta...

i was walking along the road to my house when i chanced upon a few people gossiping about someone. i nodded at them, as they huddled together talking about this person who was someone i know. i knew that gossip, but i looked away from them as they oohed and aahed at what the person did. it may be true, it may not be, but i shut their voices from my head as i was reminded of my past....

a few years ago, upon me descending on my first year in indonesia, i faced a whole lot of problems...

it was the middle of my 1st year and i was at my prime time. i felt that everyone knew me, and i was startled if someone did not remember my name, aahh, the good old days...but popularity comes at a cost i say, (although i wasnt that popular, we will just assume for the sake of this post..hehe*_*)and it cost me dearly...

i dont think im that friendly, even if i am, i do try to keep a distance from myself and others that im not close to. but once im close to someone, then, i would reveal my childishness, my sillyness, my uglyness and everything that comes under the label of a nadya amin. so...

some call me hard to approach

some dont even try to approach me and still call me hard to approach

some dont even want to approach me and say im unapproachable

to cut a long story short, i had a row with a few close friends, and we drifted apart, very far apart. at exactly that instant, that same time, people who did not know me well took advantage of that incident and started turning against me. every single thing i did after that, was a trail of wrong doings, everything i said was considered unworthy....bluntly, the queen of popular was now de-throned and down in the dumps.

suddenly, out of nowhere, people who did not know me well started giving me rude glances, which i did not notice at first. but as the weeks went by, more and more people stopped talking to me, some friends who i knew just brushed past me without acknowledging that i was there. i was utterly heartbroken. what did i do to deserve such an attitude from a community that i did not know well yet, since it has only been 6 months at the time...

everywhere i went, people were staring at me. whispers and hushed voices followed my steps as i clutched my books closely at campus. something was seriously wrong, but what!!!!

i was alone

i felt suicidal

i felt abandoned

i could not trust anyone.....

this feeling went on for the whole year. i moved to a different house, met a different group of people and comforted myself with these words -->

the people who are talking about me behind my back,....do not know me well
..... as time pasts, and if its true i did not do anything wrong, Allah will show them who i really am.....

there was one incident that i still remember until now, which a friend told me earlier during my 2nd year. she told me, when she was finding for people to move in to the same house with me, this particular girl, and also a few others told her to stay away from me, that by moving into the same house, she was only going to face loads of problems.

iv been bugging this friend of mine to tell me who, which she says she will not tell me until one day when she thinks im ready to know. but she says, dont worry about who the person is, because now, everyone knows the truth, and people are trusting you again. you dont need to know or care about what people said about you, in your heart, you know God is protecting you.....


i lived by those words for months.....
eventually, everyone forgot about everything....
i got closer to people, even those who did not know me, and whom i suspected have said bad things about me...
now, everyone has accepted me for who i am, Alhamdulillah~~

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Dearest friends,

i would just like to say here, that i have been through the toughest of times when everyone was against me, when gossip about me spread like wildfire.

i know how it feels, and theres nothing like watching the community you live in loose their trust in you...

it hurts

it hurts a lot

i do not want other people to go through what i did.

so if you ever want to spread gossip about someone, may it be true or not, please think twice, you are not close to that person, you have not heard the other end of the story....

think...what if the same thing happens to you............

sincerely yours,

nadya amin shaharudin