Thursday, 18 March 2010

i just havent met you yet

hye, a short post on my current affairs~

Exam just finished today...triple kind of feeling down about something, but i still have a long way to go, no use crying over spoilt (or is it spilt) milk. But i do have plans to unwind, (as usual)..i want to go for movies tomorrow, maybe fit in a spa here and there =) =) =).. oh dear, but im on a tight budget, we have to pay 20% of 2 years worth down payment for the house in bandung next week. Mom had banked in twice already, money seems to be running through my fingers like water (argh).

Anyway, id like to share with you this song. i loikes it as and mom are fans of michael buble. .michael bubble as we adoring fans call him, mommys boy. Oh, by the way, these few days have been mighty depressing for me, what with the exams and all, i keep on remembering about someone (s). i wish i did not have to, because obviously no one is thinking of me either. Maybe it is just my mind playing games on me, knowing when my immune system is down, attack!! Speaking about immune system, my room has become a breeding hole for viruses. Maybe from my sudden allergy to cat fur, or my awful awful sneezing bouts, either one, i have been facing severe hay fever (if ever there was hay here). So right after exams, i opened my doors wide, pulled down the curtains and let the sun shine and wind blow away those cumbersome pathogens.

when you remember someone, will the other person have telepathy to remember you as well, or will they go on with their life obliviously

i need to morph out of this mess

cant wait for tomorrow. who says money cant buy happiness, just did not know where to spend it! =) =) =)

Saturday, 13 March 2010

I think i miss home

I called Mommy last night, she was a bit late on picking up the phone. And when i was talking to her, she did not respond as quickly as she used to. Her reason, she just bought something that she had wanted for a long time and now here eyes are glued to it (dad said). I am happy for mom, finally buying something for herself, and not for her spoilt children (especially the daughter studying in Indonesia). I miss home~


someone asked how i felt~

I cried a few days ago, not because of homesickness, but because of something that some people did to me and my friends. I did not mean to cry, actually the incident did not perturb me at all, until other people started looking at me with pity, or hate, i dont know which. On the day it happened, i felt no emotions, just a bit sad, but as the day wore on, and people started to talk about it, it hit me..was i supposed to be embarrased, was i supposed to be ashamed, or was i supposed to be angry. I was smilling like a dumb fool the whole time, oblivious to the fact that the situation was actually getting chaotic.

When i went back home, and heard people talking about it, i still did not feel anything. But the day after that, as people STILL talked about it, it kinda left an effect on me. I do not feel hate, i do not feel revenge..but what i felt is just sadness, a huge sadness overcame me since that day, and that was the reason i cried~ I remember the times when i get angry or hate someone, and the hatred bubbles up to an enormous effect. The only thing that can calm me down is to remember the good things about the person, little things they do to help you, the smiles and laughter that you share, which are more important than anything else in the world. Sometimes, i just dont understand, why some people would throw it all away for materialistic and worldly things.
Is it to prove a point?
Is it to show someones weakness?
Is it to show that you are right?
Is it to get what you want?
But in the end, is it all worth it? Is it worth hurting people that had been there for you all this while?
Is it worth it letting down the people who had backed you up when other people were against you?

tell me, is it worth it~

If what you did was right, then why does it feel so wrong~

It takes forever to know yourself, and it takes years to know someone else. From the outside, we all seem like the perfect human beings, but we determine how right that picture is. I am not perfect, i admit, but i would like to be as close to perfect as i can. We all have our own moments of weakness, and at that particular moment, we must think hard on making the right decisions to make ourself stronger. If we choose the right way, things would turn out best in the end even after many obstacles. But if we take the wrong way, stop yourself before it is too late, turn back and start again on our path in this world.

I dont know, this is just me..maybe some people dont want to know how i feel. but this is how i feel ...

missing people~the scientist - coldplay

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,
Oh lets go back to the start.
Running in circles, Comin' in tails
Heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.

Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin' at numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles, Chasin' tails
Comin' back as we are

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.

I'm goin' back to the start.

Friday, 12 March 2010

The wise man said `go learn a lesson`, and thats what i did~

I learnt a valuable lesson today, actually i learnt many lessons today.

** I did something, and said something, out of spite to someone i dislike. And because of that, as of this moment, i am facing a dilemma of which i unfortunately regret.

Anyway, today was a very busy day for me. I had to run errands since the moment i opened my eyes this morning as the sun was rising from the tips of the misty blue mountains, dotting the horizon. There were bank errands, and printing errands,and just about any type of errands under the sun. I managed to finish everything, and about 11 am, i was off to Bandung. I had to meet my thesis doctor today, settled some documents, and after walking around like a mad hooligan in the hospital, finished everything i needed to do, and went to get myself a Macca. (McDonalds)

I had packed all the things i needed to sit down and study. I was with 2 other friends, and we notoriously took up the whole birthday room for our own use, even after some slight stares by the employees. The room was a bit stuffy (maybe the McD people switched of the ac on purpose), but each of us grabbed a table, facing the huge window and ate and studied for hours on end. I felt great, finally i was studying. If i was in my room, i swear i would have dozed off after 5 minutes. We sat there, studied, talked, laughed, gossiped, ate and be merry for more than 4 hours. As the day grew dark, we packed our things and got ready to go back.
Just about then, another friend asked us to join him for dinner, and as we were still capable of eating more, the 3 of us agreed.

So, we stuffed our overloaded intestinal tracts with food, food and more food. I had a great time laughing my head of at the classy resto, drinks were exchanged, i laughed until i cried crocodile tears. As the night wore on, we listened as this friend gave us some advice about life, the challenges that lay ahead and the road which never ends. On our journey to reach our goals, there will be many setbacks, some will motivate us to move on, while others are so tough, that we just want to give up. A hard life is a test from God, but an easy life is an even tougher test from God. He told us a story about someone who had a very easy and blessed life, and within a few years, everything went downhill. I was sad to hear it, and i sincerely heard every single word of the story, something to remind me of how i lead my life. I wish i could tell you the story, but i would have to ask permission first. In a nutshell, our life can change from zero to hero, and from hero to zero in a nanosecond. So, every second of our life must be rejoiced, every minute our heart beats must be thanked and every step we take, should be taken in gratitude.

At this moment, i would like to thank Allah for giving me reminders everywhere i go. When i forget Him sometimes, I hear Him whispering into my thoughts. When i loose myself, He opens up other ways for people to remind me. And i am thankful for that, pray that His reminders will always be with me until the day i breathe my last breath on earth.~

Oh ya, what goes around comes around.

I have been very nasty lately, i say things i hate myself for saying, and i do things just out of spite. Now it has all come back to me, yeahh, serves me right. I cant tell you what it is about, but I think i am getting what i deserve. (oh noo~~~). What you do determines who you are, and everything happens for a reason. My very principles that i have forgotten. I just would like to take this opportunity to tell myself, (and if you want to listen, you as well, ) that no matter what someone does to you, you must never do the same thing to that person, at all costs. Remember, you have a high set of values for yourself, so why scoop so low to reach the level of that person. What goes around comes around, eventually, and when it does, make sure you are not in that circle to have to face something you dont want to. Smile, and look forward to the joys of life ahead of you, because i promise you that there are many more happy moments just waiting for you to drop by and say HELLO!