Tuesday, 31 March 2009
dan mengetahui apa yang dibisikkan oleh hatinya,
dan Kami lebih dekat kepadanya daripada urat lehernya
No one knows how it feels like to die, no one knows how it feels to face death in the face and when you look up, you know you cant turn back. I always have this feeling when i go to events where people laugh, or cry, or sing, or just have fun, theres this deep cringe in my heart. I keep thinking the same thing again, that one day, none of this would be here anymore, one day all of us would die and all the laughter and tears are no more. I write this post from something that jolted me back to reality, the death of someone a friend really cared for, and also from what i am experiencing now.
Here are a few verses from surah Qaaf, 16-26. It tells the tale of us human beings who were brought to earth to serve only One. The devil looked down upon us, he laughed at us and mocked us as Adam and Eve first arrived on land. Allah banished him from the realms of the seven skies, and thus the jiins and the demons flew down to join the human race as invincible creatures bent on destroying each and every pure soul there is.
17. (yaitu) ketika dua malaikat mencatat amal perbuatannya,
satu duduk di sebelah kanan dan yang lain duduk di sebelah kiri.
18. Tiada satu ucapan pun yang diucapkannya melainkan
ada di dekatnya malaikat pengawas yang selalu hadir
Yes, we are a very forgetful species. One day, we can pour tears of sadness thinking about death, and the next, we just...forget~ Someone did something to me today, i felt it was an awful thing to do. I felt like i could wring the persons neck and tell the person to grow up!Get a life!Go to hell! All the curses started pouring out of my mouth before i can stop it. The angels surrounding me, shook their heads, one by one, all the filthy words coming out of my mouth were written down. I felt the angels speaking through my heart saying, you are a muslim, you are an ummah, stop!stop!
The devils danced in joy and amazement at how easy it was to lead me to do something wrong, i cant take back the words that i said, i cant cleanse my heart of the evil thoughts i had, and thus another day has gone with more evil done than good. Imagine, how little things like that can have a very big consequence. An act like that, could have cost me a scorching drop from Gods hellfire. What other acts have i done, which im not even aware of, or i consider as a small sin, that the angels have written, God has seen, and the devils had clapped their hands in delight.
19. Dan datanglah sakaratul maut dengan sebenar-benarnya.
Itulah yang kamu selalu lari darinya
20. Dan ditiuplah sangkakala. Itulah hari terlaksananya ancaman.
21. Dan datanglah tiap-tiap diri,
bersama dengan dia malaikat pengiring dan malaikat penyaksi
DEATH..the word itself brings visible fear in the bravest of men. I am afraid of dying, i hate tight spaces as those remind me of coffins. From a book that i had read and commented upon in an entry before, it said that the pain of death itself is unlike any pain the world can bring upon us. Feel as one by one, our veins are disattached from the skin, feeling the stop of blood as the the last breath is taken away...thats how death is.
And when all mankind is raised from the dead, awaiting judgement day, how our legs would break at the thought of seeing the All-mighty. Theres no more earth, theres no more acting on a stage fit for kings, theres nothing left and nothing to turn back to. How a drop of fire from hell can destroy billions of us in seconds.
How our minds will race back to all the things we had done, all the things we did not do, and we know at that time, its all too late. It was never too late for anything way back on earth, but once the angel of death blows his horn, the universe is at a standstill, those who have not used their time well, and reached the finish line before having time to repent will cower in fear. While those who followed the right way will have smiles on their faces.
22. Sesungguhnya kamu berada dalam keadaan lalai dari (hal) ini,
maka Kami singkapkan darimu tutupan (yang menutupi) matamu,
maka penglihatanmu pada hari itu amat tajam.
23. Dan yang menyertai dia berkata,
"Inilah (catatan amalnya) yang tersedia pada sisiku."
24. Allah berfirman, "Lemparkanlah olehmu berdua ke dalam neraka
semua orang yang sangat ingkar dan keras kepala,
25. yang sangat enggan melakukan kebajikan, melanggar batas, dan ragu-ragu,
26. yang menyembah sembahan yang lain beserta Allah,
maka lemparkanlah dia ke dalam siksaan yang sangat."
How i pray that God reminds me of death everyday. The more we dont think of death, the more lost you are. Im not a pious person, neither someone who knows much about Islam. I just know all the basic things, i do all the basic things, and i try to refrain from doing anything stupid. I do get lost most of the time, i am weak, i am unstable, and i need help in many things in life. But, thats only human. We are nothing compared to Allah, only speckles of sand in a dessert storm. I view the level of my closeness to Allah through how many times i think of death a day, the more i think about it, i think the closer i am to God.
Yes, i am VERY AFRAID.
Yes, i DO NOT WANT to DIE.
Yes, i DO NOT WANT to think of DEATH.
thats what i need, like a switch on the back of my head, telling me not to stray afar from righteousness.
How long do we have to live. how many more seconds of this precious life can we survive. Thats a secret no one knows.
We do not have much time left. Our biological clock is ticking, and our hourglass is running out of sand.
AS long as we are still alive, take the chance to savour every single moment. Love all that needs to be loved. Remember all that needs to be remembered. As long as our soul is still in our body, we have just ONE MORE CHANCE.......TO LIVE~
Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raji’un
Thursday, 26 March 2009
Langit tiada berbintang
Kedengaran tiupan angin, sungguh sayu
Pujuklah hatimu, hentikan rasa rindu
Kenangan manis, jangan kau lupakan
yang pahit, dijadikan pengajaran
simpanlah hatinya jauh di lubuk hatimu
bila tiba masanya, tidak akan dihilang waktu
masih panjang hidupmu
kedengaran hembus nafasmu, sungguh lemah
pujuklah cintamu, hentinya, tidak bererti mengalah
Sujud, tadahkan tanganmu
cinta dikejar, hanyalah yang Satu
Sabar dan setia menunggu
indahnya hari yang diimpikan itu..
Ku janji akan kau ketemu lagi
Namun janji manusia tiada tandingnya kehendak Ilahi
kun...fayakun, pabila dibilang
yang dulunya kukuh bertahan, mudahnya menghilang
Jika hidup di dunia ini hanyalah noda pertemuan pertama
Kau, akan di hikayat selamanya
Semoga noda kedua, begitu indah di pentas syurga
Mungkin di situ, akhirnya,belahan dua jiwa cantum selamanya...
Wednesday, 25 March 2009
I was gulping down some food in front of the tv when Sn came into the house looking flustered. She said to me `N,do i look different today`, in between mouthfuls of pecel ayam, I managed to answer her question. `yeahh, you do look prettier today, maybe its because you are wearing makeup...`aahhaa!`, she said.. `my boyfriend said whats that weird thing you put on your face`(meaning the makeup)...why do boys dont like girls who wear make up! she groaned....
That gave me an idea to write this post, which was due yesterday..I did an experiment the next day after that incident and wore make up to class (remember my last post). Do men really dont like women who wear make up. and if so, why is that(big question mark). Women spend 100s to buy make up just to add a little cherry pink blush to their cheeks, to make their eyes look bigger and absolutely eye-catching with the newest shade of glittering eye-shadow. But, as it turns out, its not what the world is asking for. And it turns out, you dont need to pay loads of money for all that make up, it wont be of any use for now, natural is the new way to go!
Relationships and friendships*o*
Men are an utterly confusing species. I just dont understand what is going on in a guys mind, its really hard to comprehend. Speaking from a few personal experiences, and also from a few friends, i have totally given up on understanding men language when it comes to relationships and friendships.
Heres an interesting specimen. ..There was this one guy i knew, whom i totally dislike now because he thought really highly of himself. **sorry, identity is a secret, but ill name him E. We started out as friends, and i meant to keep it that way. I dont know what i did, or what actions that may have caused him to think i adoreed him, but yupp, he did. (that is like so gross). (sometimes i hope he reads this post so that i can finally say it straight to his face that only loosers think like that) --~you go gurl!hehe
And i find it hard sometimes, when a guy you dont know well messages you for fun. What exactly are we supposed to do.
a) just ignore the message, and may be termed as `sombong`
b) reply the message, but make it short and curt
c) take some time to think and reply the message (if you like the guy), and maybe he would think your sooo into him (like the guy up there) or maybe youll get lucky and hell just think your being nice and friendly.
haihh....the world is confusing enough with the separate sex not being able to understand them
i wish every girl was born with a guide to what men really think.
- Men are like ... Horoscopes
- Men are like ... Weather
I definitely find the opposite sex a very hard species to understand.
1.Sometimes they say one thing but mean another.
2.Sometimes they dont say anything at all, and we women get restless because they dont say anything.
3. Sometimes they say something, then we think about it again and again, wondering if we said something wrong, and when we ask them, they will say `YOU JUST THINK TOO MUCH`
4. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
5. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
6. When four or more women get together, they talk about men
Alright, enough of my rambling on guys... (see, if i ramble too much on guys, some might think im a boy-holic or worse, they think im toooo into them!) =P
As usual, whatever we think, in the end, we do have a guide in life. It is certainly our choice whether or not we want to follow it.
"Among His signs is (the fact) that He has created spouses for you from among yourselves so that you may console yourselves with them. He has planted love and mercy between you; in that are signs for people who reflect" (30:21)
** i took this surah for the entry on relationships and friendships. yes, men are confusing. and so are women. But thats the whole point of it.
Some people ask me why i dont have a boyfriend yet, *cringe*, its not that i dont want or theres no one. the answer to this is very simple.
InsyaAllah, i have a long life ahead of me. We should take time in choosing the right person we would spend our life with. A friend once said to me, `yang lebih penting adalah kasih sayang dariNya`. I still remember her words, and i repeatedly LOVE to say this to her if she ever gets lonely when theres no guy around for her to message.hehe
everyone is entitled to their own opinions. i personally have mixed feelings on this matter. I have a few friends who believe that love comes after marriage. and i do have a few friends who say that theres no harm in having someone special as long as you dont do any harm. needless to say, i think we are big enough to think for ourselves. Just remember, Allah has given us a guide in life, choose wisely my dear friends.
**sayyy...this sounds like a reaally good thing to write on!
on make up
As far as Islamic Shari`ah is concerned, a Muslim woman is allowed to wear makeup in a moderate way in the presence of her husband, mahrams (Arabic for: relatives to whom a woman cannot marry) or women-only gatherings. A woman should be keen not to be excessive in wearing makeup or spending too much money on it.
**Hmm...i cant think of something clever to say here yet. Just want to add, for those who love to wear make up, maybe you shouldnt go for too heavy make up and go for a much natural look. Sometimes if we wear make up every day, its hard for people to notice that you look prettier on special occasions. Besides, too much make up can destroy the beauty of your skin. Everything God has made is perfectly beautiful in its own way. We women are vey beautiful creatures, and theres nothing more beautiful than what He has created.
***i would like to thank FATIN today because she told me that people without blogs could not comment on my blog...no wonder! huhu! luv u gurl, ure a life saver!***this post is for the benefit of myself and whoever wants to listen to my constant ramblings.
***the purpose of me writing with some islamic teachings is that we all improve for the betterment, not because of the community, not to show of how alim we are...just simply in search for His LOVE! =)
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
Dear diary, 24.03.09
i woke up late today (6.45) because i hate classes at 7 am in the morning.
Took a very quick bath, (water was extremely cold and uninviting), at exactly 7 am, i was done and dressed!quick right! and you thought i took hours for my bath...!
Eventhough i woke up late, (usually i wake up at 7 anyway), i was determined to put on some make up today because i felt like it and for the purpose of a post that i hope to write later on tonight.
Went to class with D, the others had already gone...
It was an extremely hot day today.
Arrived flustered at around 7.20 am in campus, rushed to class and found out as usual the lecturer did not come today.
Saw HARVARD HOTTIE along the way, but i dont think he took any notice of me. *_*
Finished my learning issue during class (yippee!!), had a blast laughing with friends since lecturer was not there. *happy tuesday*
Finished lectures at 10 am -->went to plaza to help Biro Dana KUBI sell during expo for BAIK(biro agama islam kubi). Mencapab-ed at the stall, sold food while being the public advertisement because people saw me eating the food from the stall. (i ate a bit too much)
Went to a booth where i could win something if i kicked the ball and hit the bottles on the floor. knocked half of the bottles, sent my shoe flying high up the sky, was laughed at by everyone.(I DO TEND TO MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF)
**oh yeah, i would like to congratulate RADZI for an amazing bulan kesenian islam. this year went really well, and the expo today was a blast! --> (kena blanja makan coz 1.pernah bg duit 20k yg lama tu, 2. pinjam kreta td) muahahahha!
During break, went back home, ate nasi lemak by I and biro pendidikan people which tasted really good and was cheap! loved it! Knocked on S door while she was sleeping and borrowed her wall-e cd.
**i cant go to sleep unless i watch a dvd half-way. Yesterday night, i watched angus, thongs and perfect snogging. it was quite nice, kind of gurly, but who cares. its a british flick by the same director of bend it like beckham.
Went back to class, (late again), sat down for erm 30 minutes*#$%X, and class was finished.
Walked back because someone borrowed my car, stopped at a new saloon to try out their hair treatment. (ahaha) and then walked back alone.
Arrived at home, took an evening bath and switched on the tv.
Above, from left
1. polka-dot ribbon bag
2. new pink polka-dot scrunchy that i bought 2 weeks ago
3. small pink earrings bought cheap yesterday
4.I chose a suttle rosy pink colour today, (i dont usually like to wear make up because it makes me look older, i only use make up for certain occasions, unlike today though). Blended 2 colours for a nice sweet blush, finished it of with a different shade of pink for the eyes which i havent used for ages.
5. bought these really cool blue starfish for my toilet, thought id show it to you, love the colour!
**was very happy today
**belum makan ayam sake lagi =(
**jojo bit me again
**room is very messy
Monday, 23 March 2009
although mom taught me how to make really good kue tiaw, (mine does not taste like hers though), this post is not exactly about kue tiaw.
i was in the kitchen one day, fyi, my mom never lets me in because she says im intruding in her food masterpiece. anyway, on that certain day, mom was making kue tiaw goreng, i sat down on a stool beside her and watched her cook. (everytime she asks me to cut the onions, i pretended i was talking to the cats)
we talked about things, the latest guy i had a crush on, gossip about my sister and brother, and just laughed at silly jokes which my father cracked. when, all of a sudden she said `nak tau x how i make the kue tiaw taste good?`, she smiled as she threw a handful of tauge into the wok. at that instant, i caught a whiff of delicious malay food. aaahh...i miss moms kue tiaw goreng, no one can make it as nice as her.
mom putting in the tauge with her loving hands made me think, how something simple as tauge can make something taste extraordinary!
sometimes, we go through our life, (like eating kue tiaw goreng) without noticing the small things, the simple things (like tauge) which makes life so much better. we take for granted that everything, everyone, will always be there for us, that we forget, God can take anything from us anytime.
am i a simple person?
i dont know....maybe im not a simple person, but at times i do like to live the simple life
--like breathing the very air into my lungs...im scared of dying, the scariest death is to be without air
--taking long walks in the green pastures...i hope my children will get to run around with sand between their toes, swinging on shady trees in the park when they grow up...
--i dont really know what i am rambling about, just another crappy post for the benefit of me and whoever reads this...
O you who believe! Eat of the good things that We have provided for you, and be grateful to Allah, if it is Him you worship
[Surah Al-Baqarah, 172]We created man from a drop of mingled sperm, in order to try him. We gave him the gifts of hearing and sight. We showed him the way: whether he be grateful or ungrateful.
[Surah Al-Insan, 2-.3]What can Allah gain by your punishment, if you are grateful and you believe? Indeed, it is Allah who recognizes all good, and knows all things.
[Surah An-Nisa, 147]“If you are grateful, I will increase my favours to you. But if you show ingratitude, truly, My punishment is terrible indeed.”
[Surah Al-Ibrahim, 7]
life is like kue tiaw goreng....
1. its very simple if you know how
2. but you have to make it according to order
3. you cant put less of anything, you cant put too much of anything, just nice
4. lastly, add something simple like tauge, it may be unimportant, you may miss it out....but life is too short to miss out on the simple things~~
Sunday, 22 March 2009
i was walking along the road to my house when i chanced upon a few people gossiping about someone. i nodded at them, as they huddled together talking about this person who was someone i know. i knew that gossip, but i looked away from them as they oohed and aahed at what the person did. it may be true, it may not be, but i shut their voices from my head as i was reminded of my past....
a few years ago, upon me descending on my first year in indonesia, i faced a whole lot of problems...
it was the middle of my 1st year and i was at my prime time. i felt that everyone knew me, and i was startled if someone did not remember my name, aahh, the good old days...but popularity comes at a cost i say, (although i wasnt that popular, we will just assume for the sake of this post..hehe*_*)and it cost me dearly...
i dont think im that friendly, even if i am, i do try to keep a distance from myself and others that im not close to. but once im close to someone, then, i would reveal my childishness, my sillyness, my uglyness and everything that comes under the label of a nadya amin. so...
some call me hard to approach
some dont even try to approach me and still call me hard to approach
some dont even want to approach me and say im unapproachable
to cut a long story short, i had a row with a few close friends, and we drifted apart, very far apart. at exactly that instant, that same time, people who did not know me well took advantage of that incident and started turning against me. every single thing i did after that, was a trail of wrong doings, everything i said was considered unworthy....bluntly, the queen of popular was now de-throned and down in the dumps.
suddenly, out of nowhere, people who did not know me well started giving me rude glances, which i did not notice at first. but as the weeks went by, more and more people stopped talking to me, some friends who i knew just brushed past me without acknowledging that i was there. i was utterly heartbroken. what did i do to deserve such an attitude from a community that i did not know well yet, since it has only been 6 months at the time...
everywhere i went, people were staring at me. whispers and hushed voices followed my steps as i clutched my books closely at campus. something was seriously wrong, but what!!!!
i was alone
i felt suicidal
i felt abandoned
i could not trust anyone.....
this feeling went on for the whole year. i moved to a different house, met a different group of people and comforted myself with these words -->
the people who are talking about me behind my back,....do not know me well
..... as time pasts, and if its true i did not do anything wrong, Allah will show them who i really am.....
there was one incident that i still remember until now, which a friend told me earlier during my 2nd year. she told me, when she was finding for people to move in to the same house with me, this particular girl, and also a few others told her to stay away from me, that by moving into the same house, she was only going to face loads of problems.
iv been bugging this friend of mine to tell me who, which she says she will not tell me until one day when she thinks im ready to know. but she says, dont worry about who the person is, because now, everyone knows the truth, and people are trusting you again. you dont need to know or care about what people said about you, in your heart, you know God is protecting you.....
i lived by those words for months.....
eventually, everyone forgot about everything....
i got closer to people, even those who did not know me, and whom i suspected have said bad things about me...
now, everyone has accepted me for who i am, Alhamdulillah~~
i would just like to say here, that i have been through the toughest of times when everyone was against me, when gossip about me spread like wildfire.
i know how it feels, and theres nothing like watching the community you live in loose their trust in you...
it hurts a lot
i do not want other people to go through what i did.
so if you ever want to spread gossip about someone, may it be true or not, please think twice, you are not close to that person, you have not heard the other end of the story....
think...what if the same thing happens to you............
nadya amin shaharudin
Saturday, 21 March 2009
does it sound like an urban legend? wrong again
its a problem im facing here, and i know more who have worse experiences than mine!
THE IBU DOBIs of INDONESIA
we dont have a washing machine, im not sure why, but maybe its because it would be a hassle to have to wash, hang and iron ourselves. so, it sounded like salvation when i first heard of the IBU DOBI system, i.e hiring a maid (ibu) specially dedicated to tidy up my dirty laundry. Students studying elsewhere would think we were super rich to have maids just for that, but its pretty cheap i tell ya...
anyway, the story goes that the first time you meet an ibu dobi, you would think she would be PERFECT for the job. Flashing a lovingly-mom style smile, one would melt at seeing this IBU who has to pick up the dirty laundry after you, bring it back to her place, get them washed, hang them fresh and iron until they are crisp. Thats the oldest trick up the sleeve, and i fell for it. My first ibu dobi was a winner, she lives near my place and is the caretaker here. She had this small doe eyes that looked so innocent, you would not dream that she was as cunning as a crow....
The first few weeks went by without any incident, and i was pretty happy with this IBU. I got my clothes on time, and i did not have anything to complain about, except that she demanded we pay her on time every month, but hey, thats just business. As the weeks grew into months, we noticed that everything was not as was promised. She came less and less to send back our clothes and when she eventually did, they smelled foul and were not even dry! owh God, imagine the times i wen to class and someone must have smelt my clothes and commented on bad body odour! (if anyone did, blame it on the DOBI!)
I breathed a sigh of relief one day when she told me some of us had to hire another ibu dobi, because there was just too much on her hands. Me and my friends qucikly found one(that was odd) and hired her. It was the same thing all over again, except this time it was worse! The first weeks were good, and then, i saw pure evil! (seriously!). She would come at 6 in the morning knocking on our doors for money eventhough it was still too early in the month. Sometimes, she would come up with a story like, she had to feed her children, or someone was sick in the family and we would pityfully borrow her money even for the nextmonth. I didnt mind at first, not until i found out that she asked from everyone else the same thing, and sometimes absentmindedly forgot that we had paid in advance. The same trouble was brewing again, we got our clothes late, and some were even a bit dirty than before we sent them!
One day, she knocked on my door, and said `Neng, ibu kan cucinya pake tangan,(which i didnt know), jadinya, baju neng itu kebanyakan...jadi harus bayar lebih,kalau gk, ibu udah gk mau cuci bajunya`....and i was like, ya udah, gk usah aja, nanti sy cariin yg lain..so i went in search of another ibu dobi and my friends suddenly wanted to join me because they were VERY UNSATISFIED with this one. woe behold! the next day the ibu dobi knocked on my room screaming her head of, saying why did i ask my friends to join me(my jaw was opened wide at about this time) and i suddenly got a lecture on how i did not care about people who needed money and jobs. I thought that was bad enough, suddenly out of nowhere, the 1ST IBU DOBI came(i found out later, all ibu dobis seem to know each other) and she gave me a lecture on REZEKI and it was not good to take rezeki from other people. I just stood at the door in utter amazement while my friend F was in my room and sadly gave in to their scoldings, they would not take another ibu dobi like i did...
So, ONTO My 3rd ibu dobi. As usual, she seems great at first, but i did have lots of problems, fortunately, she did try to improve everytime i told her to.
1. my white clothes became yellow, especially my lab coat which when i wear to class looks as if i rolled in mud compared to my fellow colleagues.
2. i sometimes buy clothes for the brand(loe behold one of my bad habits), and SHE WROTE KAMAR NO 9 on every single designer label there was on my clothes...aaarggghhhhh!!
3. she does come late during rainy seasons, and there would be a pile of laundry outside my door. i think if one day the cat kind of rams into it, it could die if all the clothes fell on him.
4. i once got a bunch of socks back, and they smelt of cat urine!
My neighbours told us their story which sounded even worse than ours, and i thought that we had it bad.
1. Their ibu dobi once asked to pay for a WHOLE YEAR, incidentally, telling a tale of how her next child is just starting pre-school and all.
2. They loose a lot of their clothes, and the next time they saw it, it was on some guy cleaning the house, innocently wearing a ZARA tshirt while humming to an indonesian dangdut tune.
3. sometimes, when they get back their clothes and wear them......they would suddenly start scratching and fishy red bumbs suddenly appear out of nowhere
well, Those are among others that i still remember, but it has been a tiring hunt finding for the perfect ibu dobi.
For those who are lucky enough to have a reliable one, i take my hats off at how you were able to. Anyway, i hope someone could tell me a solution to this problem, or maybe recommend me a 5 star IBU DOBI that you know of. It would help a lot @_@...
hope you liked this post, cheers!
this holiday, im on a horror movie marathon...in search of the scariest movies ever made by mankind...
im watching one now, and its getting kind of boring, so i thought ill give my blog a visit in the meantime....
i used to be scared of any horror movies, eventhough im an avid watcher..but then i got used to watching them with my cousins, and i watched while putting a blanket nearby....
then i watched them when im free with my housemates, and we would all huddle in a corner with our mouths gaped wide open in frequent high-pitched screams...until we kind of got used to it, and most did not scare us....
now....i can watch horror movies all alone...and i am in search of the best horror movie in town...
this hols, i watched loads of horror movies...here are the top 2 movies that i have watched that did scare me....give it a try...
2.coming soon --thai
Thursday, 19 March 2009
i havent been writing as you all may have noticed
my fellow blogger mate cum ex-tutorial mate named ahmad fahmi said that the next time i opened my blog, dah banyak habuk berkumpul....ahaa
well, ill try my best to update this blog, but i have been busy with exams and all...but the most important thing, was, i did not have enough money to pay my horridly expensive internet fees!
if you have been following my blog, you would have read about the posts before this about how im trying to deal with my economy crisis...i dont think that i have improved much from the first i started aspiring to save money...
yesterday, i went out with a couple of friends....it was the first time i went out with less than 150, 000 rupiah = rm60 in my pocket...in bandung, eventhough its indonesia, + because im a girl, that is NOT ENOUGH...as i found out too late...
it was supposed to be a shopping + bowling day out, but unfortunately i had to cut down the big S! i did not even shop anything !! OMG!and yet, the 150k disappeared down the drain without any further notice...
nadya only spent on :
1. car rent = 27k
2. lunch = 30k
3. bowling = 23k
4. dinner = 40k
i found out what it felt like to be really poor for once, and it felt extremely disheartening. there was this sad part, when all my friends went to breadtalk to buy bread, i looked inside my wallet and i found out, i did not even have enough money to buy bread...at that time, i felt tears crowding my eyes, owh god!
it was around 9 pm, and it was chilly outside...but rather than see people buy things i couldnt, i stayed outside of the shopping mall and huddled in a corner by the stairs...that was the worst feeling ever! now i know what its like to go out with people when you cant afford things everyone else can...i felt bad for all the times when i may have smirked at people who did not have even a small amount of money to buy something simple.....God has his special ways of opening our eyes, i guess it was just his way of opening mine....
and then, at 10 pm sharp, when everyone else was tired, i slowly dialled +6012 886 1352.....
`hello mommy..i miss you~`
`hello baby, how are you, are you ok`
`mommy, emm...emmm...i need some financial help`
`laa...kenapa xcakap awal2, duit indonesia kan murah je`
Monday, 16 March 2009
1. my room is messy, it means im studying--> it was messy a few minutes ago
2. i write an entry in my blog at 1 am pacific time --> when i should be studying
3. the best thing to eat is suddenly biskut marie cicah KOPI
4. i keep checking my facebook even though i know nothing changed --> coz i feel bored
5. the tv has not been switched on for more than 24 hours
6. i spontaneously combust at certain times per day out of jitteryness --> coz less den 24 hours theres an exam
7. i have credit, when i hadnt topped up for more than a week --> to call mom tomorrow morning
8. small notes appear on the table, big notes posted on the wall --> none yet posted in brain
9. i eat a lot --> i mean A LOT!!
10. i keep opening the fridge, eventhough i know nothings in it --> to let mr stomach see that i REALLY dont have anything to feed him
11. my lights are open the whole night --> even hours after my eyes are closed