#1. learn how to control your EMOTICONS
I have a problem. I have a problem in controlling my emotions. I have a problem in controlling my emotions when they get out of hand.
IF there was an anger management class, i think i would be the first one to sign up.
Before i start,let me define a few types of anger according to me
cepat marah is the usual form of anger. too much of this disease can cause fatal consuquences.
merajuk is a form of anger where you have this feeling of kecik hati(small heart). The etiology of small heart is that you feel people do not care for you, or you did not get something that you wanted.
jealous is defined as a disease of the heart when other people do better or have other things that you dont have.
- Could anger issues be a genetic problem because if they were, i know where they came from. I definitely think it came from my dads side, the Negeri Sembilan people with their very strong features and muka-oh-so-garang compared to the always smilling side from my Perakian mom.
- bUT if it wasnt genetic, i would say that the syaitan got control of me, that smart ass of a devil. If i could get my hands on that devil, ill wring his neck!! How dare he play with my emotions!!
- BUT THEN AGAIN, if it wasnt neither...could it really be....could it really be from me myself...sigh...(i still think its genetic)... haha...anyway, if it was from me, i sure need to deal with it...i dont want to go on with my life being a sadistically angry fella..thats so sad
I noticed dad has this problem too, he tries to control it, but like me, it does get out of hand. We are very impatient, and like a lion who had his tail stepped on, we do lash out to the people closest to us. This is the first time im going public about this problem of mine. Im sure many people have this problem, but do not face it. LEt me refer to us people facing this problem as Anger-Problem-Emo (APE)..ahhhaaa
DO you want to know the feeling? It starts with easily getting annoyed by small things, we APEs have very low patience level, we dont like people to be late or slow. Dont like people who complain or whine a lot, and basically we just dont like lots of things. For me, i feel my chest burning and getting hotter everytime i try to calm down my anger. There is this hot boiling bubble feeling near the throat, then its BREATH, 1,2,3, BREATH 1,2,3 AND BRE..waaaaaAAA!!!at the 3rd breathing attempt, ill erupt like a volcanoe and start my anger rampage. i think the mechanism is something like this
Genetic --> devil --> personality --> small problem --> turns into big problem --> MARAHLA!...haiyyaaa
(Ingatlah dan kenangkanlah ihsan Tuhan kepada kamu) ketika orang-orang yang kafir itu menimbulkan perasaan sombong angkuh yang ada dalam hati mereka (terhadap kebenaran Islam) - perasaan sombong angkuh secara Jahiliah (yang menyebabkan kamu panas hati dan terharu), lalu Allah menurunkan semangat tenang tenteram kepada Rasul-Nya dan kepada orang-orang yang beriman (sehingga tercapailah perdamaian), serta meminta mereka tetap berpegang kepada kalimah takwa, sedang mereka (di sisi Allah) adalah orang-orang yang sangat berhak dengan kalimah takwa itu serta menjadi ahlinya. Dan (ingatlah), Allah adalah Maha Mengetahui akan tiap-tiap sesuatu. (al-Fath: 26)
I placed this surah here to show that i think the boiling feeling is true. You see, when anger overcomes you, we get this feeling of panas hati. I think it is at this point where the devil comes in. So the mechanism should be something like this.
APE cannot manage anger --> devil quickly strikes you heart chord --> panas hati ....can this be true
Someone once said, no matter what, always turn back to the holy Quran and hadiths. so, turning on a more Islamic tone, if you ever try to find when the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was angry, that would never happen . He did get red in the face or visibly upset, but thats as far as he goes. How odd, indeed, that despite claiming our sincere desire to emulate the Prophet, you and I continue to exercise little self-restraint when we are angry. Instead, we say hurtful things and sometimes, in our weakest moments, we resort to pushing, hitting, or punching others, or throwing things at them.
"When Allah completed the creation, He wrote in His Book which is with Him on His Throne, 'My Mercy overpowers My anger.'" (Al-Bukhari, Book 54, #416)
"The strong is not the one who overcomes people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself when in anger." (Al-Bukhari, Book 73, #135)A man said to the Prophet, "Advise me!" The Prophet said, "Do not get angry." The man asked (the same) again and again, and the Prophet said each time, "Do not get angry." (Al-Bukhari, Book 73, #137)
What is the solution to our anger? The main thing to understand here, is that the solution lies within us. it is not genetic, it is not the devil that first caused it, but it is from us ourselves with a little nudge from our evil counterparts. Every time we get angry, try to do these things in less than 5 seconds, because =
1st second = brain gets angry at something
2nd second = boiling feeling in heart
3rd second = breath in and out (hyperventilate!!)
4th second = brain flashes out some images of evaluation whether or not the consequences are that bad if we burst out
5th second = if you step over this, then theres no turning back, because you would already be screaming at the top of your lungs at this time.
- I would go with the breathing exercise first, i think it does help, just needs a few modifications. if i erupt at the third breathe, then i should stop at the second breathe followed by other things.
- Ask yourself, the reason for the anger and the effects it would cause if you burst out.
- Here are some things to recite in case all else fails. You can just choose a simple one that suits you, (in that 5 critical seconds), Allah does not discriminate whether our Doa` is long or not, its the heart that counts...
- A`oodhu billahi mina ash-shaytaani ar-rajeem
- I SEEK REFUGE IN ALLAH FROM SATAN THE ACCURSED 3x
- Allahumma innee a`oodhu bika min hamazaati ash-shayaateen; wa a`oodhu bika rabbi an yahdhuroonee
- (O ALLAH, I SEEK REFUGE IN YOU FROM THE WHISPERINGS OF DEVILS, AND I SEEK REFUGE IN YOU FROM THEIR PRESENCE AROUND ME)
- Astaghfiru Allah
- (I ASK FOR FORGIVENESS) 3X
- Rabbi qinee sharra nafsee; rabbi qinee sharra sam `ee; rabbi qinee sharra basaree; rabbi qinee sharaa lisaanee
- (MY LORD, SAVE ME FROM THE EVILS OF MY OWN SELF; MY LORD, SAVE ME FROM THE EVILS OF MY HEARING; MY LORD, SAVE ME FROM THE EVILS OF MY SEEING; MY LORD, SAVE ME FROM THE EVILS OF MY TONGUE)
- Subhaan Allah, al-hamdu lillah, laa ilaha illa Allah, wa laa hawla wa laa quwwata illa bi-illah
- (SUBLIME IS ALLAH; PRAISE BE TO ALLAH; THERE IS NO GOD BUT ALLAH; THERE IS NO POWER OR STRENGHT EXCEPT BY THE WILL OF ALLAH)
Hope this entry can help myself and others in becoming a better person....Peace