Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Can I tell you about some of the Things I like

1. The smell after the rain.

2. The smell of soft, fresh laundry, sun kissed.

3. Also like people who smell nice, because believe it or not, I smell you!

4. The smell of roses, fresh roses, and anything to do with roses.

5. So, since i like smells, its time to tell you I am an avid collector of perfumes. My favourite perfume in my collection is by Salvatore Ferragamo. The perfume I wish i have though, is the classic Miss Dior Cherie, Christian Dior

5. Likes simple things that make me happy, like a good plate of bihun goreng, served with ayam goreng.

6. I like to laugh out loud, until i cry. I can laugh and cry at the same time. I just like to laugh..Make me laugh, that is your ticket to knowing who I really am.

7. Likes to enrapture myself in music. My playlist is always on with songs that capture my mood.

Well, these are just a few things that make me happy.
-I am a happy kid-

Monday, 22 February 2010

hati-hati menjaga hati

There is this purple bookmark on my desk, it has been lying there for days. I have no time to clean my room, actually, i have lots of time, but all i can do is stare into space. The shine of the metal bookmark caught my eye, the edges done beautifully with ribbons and beads. "Great thoughts come from the heart" is carefully carved into the top. I cried this afternoon, i do not know why. Weak, that is I. I can smile and laugh to others, but my heart is aching inside.

What a power the heart is isnt it? where your emotions hide, where your love blossoms, where memories ache and evolve. Tucked on the left side of our body, it pumps blood through every inch of us. Not stopping for a minute, for a second, it spreads the blood, filled with who we are again and again. When we are born, the heart is clean, pumping innocently, coarsing our veins and arteries. And as we grow older, little dots of sins spot our once pure heart. That same heart will be pumping our every deed through us, as what we think, what we eat, what we do...in the end determines who we are...

Pepatah Melayu Berkata: Ikut Hati Binasa~

I first really took notice about the power of the heart when i drove in Indonesia. The roads are a maze, weaving in and out, they all look the same. But when I am lost, or cant decide which way to turn, I always, always ask my heart which way i should go. And so far, my little heart has never lied to me. Whenever my heart tells me to follow a road, but i end up thinking and contemplating about another and choose that, it turns out, the first thought that came to my heart is always right. Why do I trust my heart, pepatah melayu kata "ikut hati binasa", orang pula kata "fikiran hati itu hanya nafsu, kita harus berfikir dengan otak". I dont think that it is so, as everything all comes down to faith. When you have faith in your creator to guide you somewhere, may it be in life, or in a way, then your heart is the most powerful and reliable tool to have in your body. The heart is the instinct that we were born with~
Do you know what Nafsu or Nafs means?

I do not want to sound like a hypocrite, so, i would just tell the truth. I thought Nafsu was bad, everyone tells me that when I do something bad, it is known as "ikut nafsu". But nafs, actually means SOUL. What you decide to be determines whether your soul is pure, or evil, therefore, nafsu is something that depends wholly on you. I have a friend, who always told me that in whatever I do, I would have to open my heart, free my soul and use it wisely. The secret to life is yearning for something with your soul, and the way to succeed is to put your whole heart into it. So, if you use the right part of your soul, you can then trust your heart into making a decision.

I think that when you want to do something evil, you blame your heart for choosing that way. But what really happens is, everyones heart, no matter how bad it is will always whisper to us the right thing. Setiap detik pertama di hati itu, lahir dari keikhlasan, keikhlasan itu lahir dari jiwa kita. But once we think, we give reasons to doubt our heart, and thus end up doing something that we would regret our whole life. I know, I have been there, done that.~

If you have time, read this, i think it is the most simple to understand.

Qalb- Heart
2 meanings:
1. The pine shaped organ located in the left; it’s a flesh of a particular sort. This is the physical heart. It’s a piece of flesh which is from the seen world and doesn’t have much worth.
2. The spiritual heart, it’s a latifa, subtlety. The spiritual heart can be killed, can die, just like the physical heart. The spiritual heart is from the unseen, but has a connection to the physical heart. Majority of people are bewildered in perceiving its connection.

Ruh- Spirit
This also has 2 meanings:
1. The subtle body- connection to the physical heart.
2. The subtle thing which knows and perceives.
As long as the spirit in your body is there, you are alive

Nafs- Soul
It’s essentially who you are.

Aql- Intellect
2 types:
1. Lower intellect, which is the brain
2. Higher intellect, which is located in the heart

In summary:
Heart- Place which we know Allah
Soul- Who we are
Spirit- The tool in which we love Allah
Aql- That what we know

All actions come from the heart, and all actions come from thought:

Thought- Heart- Action

1. The first thing that comes to the heart is a thought.
2. The second thing that comes to the heart is the natural inclination towards that particular thing.
3. The third thing is the judgement of the heart- if you should do it or not
4. The fourth is having firm resolution and actually having the intention of doing it.

In the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd stages, you are not taken into account for it, its only when you get to the 4th stage, you are taken into account for. For example, a thought of stealing something comes to your heart, it then moves onto the next stage which is the inclination of the heart about stealing, then it moves onto the 3rd stage where you judge whether to steal or not, then the last stage is when you actually intend to steal, or don’t intend to steal. And its only at the 4th stage, when you have made that intention to do it, you are held accountable. You can’t control the thoughts that come to your heart. Sometimes they come even if you do not want them to. No matter how many thoughts that come to your heart, you are not accountable as long as you do not intend to do it. With the stealing example, you will only be held accountable if you actually reach the 4th stage and intend on stealing. You can have all the thoughts and inclinations, but its only when you actually intend on stealing, you are held accountable for it.

I know it has been a long time since i have written about all these. Keimanan seseorang itu, kadang kala naik, kadang kala menurun. I as a human being, have these ups and downs, we all do. But we must try to change it, no matter how small or little our effort is. Keep the heart bursting with trust towards the Al-Mighty, and He shall reward you with His most powerful gift, Your Heart.~

ps: To make your heart strong towards all the test that He has given you, add courage, faith and trust to your daily happy meals =)

pps: And I am trying to be strong

Take care

Youre on the other side of the world~

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an Iceberg
Waiting to change,
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like
the water,

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water

Then the fire fades away
But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world
to me

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers
and feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along

Then the fire fades away
But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world

Can you help me?
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can't see me anymore

Then the fire fades away
most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world
Ohh.... the other side of the world
You're.... the other side of the world
To me.

ps: This song played on my play list today, it kind of means a lot to me.

pps: i cant embed the videoclip, i dont know why. but you should see i guess

Sunday, 21 February 2010

my name is khan...and i am not a terrorist

Waktu itu, yang hanya ada di fikiranku,
Aku ga sempat untuk bicara sama kamu..

I was driving, my mind was perturbed by lots of things today. We had our benchmarking exam this morning, I hoped I answered everything carefully. Although, it is hard to concentrate when you dont really want to. I answered as fast as i could, 200 questions just moulded into each other, not knowing which is wrong and right. I shut my eyes, flipped the pages shut and made my way down the stairs. I wore white today, the colour of faith, contrasting the little amount of faith i have left in myself. I grabbed my gray bag, the one i have been using for days out of no time to change. And i walked, looking down, "im not ready to face you yet world". I thought.

I was driving, my mind was perturbed by lots of things today. I arrived home at approximately 10.15, made myself some hot cocoa (much needed) and just stared at the ceiling. (something i have been doing a lot lately). At last, i decided, "i think i need to go out today, get some air". I asked a few friends out, maybe to catch a movie, i said. Not knowing what lay ahead today~ EMBRACE

I was driving, my mind was perturbed by lots of things today. Suddenly, a 16-wheeler lorry swerved to my lane. I heard my friend gasp, maybe she could not scream anymore. The wheels were an inch from my tyres. I could not think of anything else, all i thought was that i never got the chance to speak to you today. I shut my eyes for a split moment. My friend was still screaming that gasp, my heart was racing, you can almost feel the arteries protrude from underneath the flimsy cloth. My side of the car was a smokes inch from hitting the highway divider, the passengers side was now a centimeter from being crushed into a million pieces. I opened my eyes, my legs charged on the brakes as hard as they could, and the car came to an abrupt halt, our lives were dangling on a thin line, waiting to be taken away.

But God has other plans for me, doesnt He? The megastructure-of-a vehicle swung back to his lane after realizing that he almost crushed us and i was left with trembling fingers, clutched tightly on the wheels. My thumping heart slowed its staccato, and i escaped again the rhythm of death, for today at least. Thank You for giving me another chance to live~

Jangan bersedih~

I arrived with an empty stomach, only partaking on honey and yoghurt this morning. We decided to do some house hunting today, InsyaAllah, in July or so, we would be able to pack our things and move to Bandung. We pertained the help of a senior, of which i am so grateful to have received, and we drove around searching for some place that could finally be called our future home. The world is small is it not? We were introduced to this man, who incidentally, was the eldest brother of one of my doctors in Jatinangor, who, incidentally teaches our batch this year. We sat there, as he told us humorous stories, and fed us full with rambutans from his backyard. We got all the information we needed and went on our search for house hunting. I like to call it REJEKI, as we did find a house which was almost, just almost perfect. We would just have to wait and see if everything works out. InsyaAllah~

After the long search, my grumbling stomach could not take it anymore, and we headed to McDonalds for a late lunch. I probably gobbled up my lunch in 20 seconds, seriously. I even finished all the french fries, which i have never done before. Our plan was to catch a movie at 3.45, alas, it was not meant to be. We arrived late, and the only movie next was at 6.45 pm. So, we waited, we had to, everyone was saying this was a good movie!

I know everyone else has watched it, but to those who have not, i think you should really see it. I thought it was some soppy hindhi movie, but evidently, it is not at all. I liked it. I think you can trust my judgement on a movie ey? Its a story about the things that divide us, unite us and combine us. There are only two types of people in this world, those who are good and do good things, and those who are evil, and do evil things. You decide who you want to be~
I enjoyed the movie immensely, and after 3 hours of it, (although it is a sad movie, i felt much better)

Teman aku pernah bilang kepada aku,
"Pada waktu kita sedih kerna sesuatu, ada sejuta sesuatu yang bsa membuat kita senyum kembali"

Guess who i met today? Yes, i met him! Afghan..!

Well, accidentally of course, and for free! And I was there just in time to hear him sing, his voice sounds exactly the same live. We were standing quite near the stage too! Anyway, he made me smile today. I told you, there are a million things that can make us happy, just wait for it.
Well, i know i am writing nonsense nowadays, but atleast i am starting to write again right? Anyway, i have my tae kwan do grading tomorrow, and i have to wake up early. I should probably get some sleep right about now.

Good night~

Friday, 19 February 2010

something personal

"I did not feel well today, i think.

I woke up, and i did not want to think.

It would be so nice if i could stop thinking.

Thinking about things i should not be thinking about."

That was what i felt like when i woke up today, my head was throbbing from a late night staring at the ceiling, awake, feeling numb. My eyes felt like someone poured acid into them, dried from too much tears. i Hate This. I just want my normal life back. Define normal, pray tell.
I did not go to class today, even though it was an important one. Sometimes, you need a day to feel free, i have done this before, people say i like to run away from facing my problems. Maybe they dont understand that i need to get away to clear my mind. I know, i do run away. But when i come back, i hope to come back with strength to face my life which at this point can be considered nearing ground zero.

The doctor diagnosed me as V V V hypotension. I diagnose mysef as emotional hypotension. My blood pressure was too low, explaining the throbbing headache. I went back, stared at the ceiling and I feel numb again.

Sunday, 14 February 2010

congratulations: today is your unlucky day

I dont understand. I completely dont understand. One moment, my internet and laptop is fine, and the other moment, it just horrendously changes into this monster which is not user friendly anymore. My blog is back to its trouble making, and i cant seem to change fonts anymore. My facebook is so weird, i dont feel like opening it. at this point, may i say life sucks for me. thank you. do have pity on my dear soul.

There is this negative vibe today, and i have been trying to get rid of it. It might be because of my slight fever, or its just what i am feeling today. Anyway, i woke up at 6 this morning, went for a jog for 3 hours (woohoo!!), tried out a new porridge stall (yucky) and watched 6 episodes of vampire diaries. I think the jogging helped to tune down my fever, its only partially there, but my negative energy is still surrounding me just as yet. What do you do when you think that something is bothering your mind and thoughts, but you just cant seem to know what it is. *sigh*

Owh, did i mention to you i was really out of luck today. I played pool for over an hour,and i sucked big time. I dropped my wallet, apologized and spilled drink all over the shopping mall floor, and apologized some more. It is just not my day. My car is having car troubles, my room is a mess, and my brain is malfunctioning. I cant even write properly on my blog. Argh.

feeling helpless.

ps: made my own soya bean drink yesterday.

Monday, 8 February 2010








Saturday, 6 February 2010

One step at a time, baby..one step at a time

Again, i started yesterday, very focused indeed since my last post was on focusing on certain things. Class only started at 1, so my focus span was reachable. I still have not finished my thesis though, since i did not really focus on doing it last night. I keep watching tv before i go to sleep nowadays, and sleep while the idiot box is still making noise, the study lamp is on, the laptop is oozing with brightness, and my cat, erm, my cat is doing somthing to my teddy bear,sleeping above.. (ps: you really don't want to know what he did to the bear..but one of these days, i would share the video(s)..

Recently, i started on this routine of looking better after myself. My
Ustazah once told me, (heyy,whats with the look??=P)Anyway, my religious teacher once told me, when i was a kid, that, he things you do everyday, that contribute to your well-being, is a duty, but when you do the same thing, sincerely, in the name of Allah, you will be rewarded more than a duty.

So, in the name of this next step, i have decided to do some simple things that you may think is nothing, but to me, they affect me alot.

step numero uno = WHAT YOU EAT IS WHAT YOU ARE

- i have started cooking for myself lately, even though i'm not a fantastic cook that is. But it just feels great to know that your own clean hands are the ones at work. The hands that feed you, are your own. True to the sayings that, what you eat is what you are, I have now added more nutricious things to my daily meal, which once had only consisted of AYAM SAKE (which i am addicted to), gorengan from the canteen, and some yucky ordered food,which i stuff down my throat for the sake of eating.
- Now, my daily dose of diet consists of lots of fruits (jatos sells fruits too expensively=/), lots of vege, and oh yeahh, BROWN RICE! My friend, Irika is doing a thesis on brown rice, and i hope her results are that it does affect the cholesterol levels, meaning that it lowers it (oh please do!!).. Brown rice is supposed to be much healthier, and you know what, it seriously does not taste that bad. Wait, did you think i was on a diet?? No, my dears, im merely on a path to being a wholesome, healthier me!!(haha)
- Then, i have been trying to cut down my weakness for everything sweet. I could die out of my hunger pangs for sweet things, literally! By the by, i have to tell you a secret, jeng3! My triglyceride level is above normal, supposed to be some genetic malfunction. So, i really have to be careful in what i eat and what i do. But, God sent me down on earth with some sweet tooth, and i have been savouring sweet stuff ever since! So, what i am doing now, is to cut down in ordering ES TEH MANIS or any other sweet drinks, and since i am cooking myself,it is easier. One more thing, i am trying to cut down on the KICAP and the SOS which even though tastes good, are one of the culprits of a bad diet.
- ** Have you ever heard of the saying, that the chef of the food that you eat, also influences who you are. For example, if he prays a lot or if the person is good, the food that you eat is more blessed. I do not know whether that is true, but, as i said, what you eat, in the end eventually becomes who you are.

(i kind of feel like i am writing one of those health posters you see at the clinic, omaiigatt)

Daripada Anas r.a. pula, katanya, Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda,

"Sesungguhnya Allah itu nescayalah redha pada seseorang hambaNya, jikalau ia
makan sesuatu makanan lalu memuji kepada Allah kerana adanya makanan itu, atau
minum suatu minuman lalu memuji padanya kerana adanya minuman itu."

(Riwayat Muslim)

ps: I read this one this morning

Barley: Good in fever, while use in a soup form.
Dates: The Prophet (SAW) said that a house without dates has no food. It should also be eaten at the time of childbirth.
Figs: It is a fruit from paradise and a cure for piles.
Grapes: The Prophet (SAW) was very fond of grapes – it purifies the blood, provides vigour and health, strengthens the kidneys and clears the bowels.
Honey: Considered the best remedy for diarrhea when mixed in hot water. It is the food of foods, drink of drinks and drug of drugs. It is used for creating appetite, strengthening the stomach, eliminating phlegm; as a meat preservative, hair conditioner, eye soother and mouthwash. It is extremely beneficial in the morning in warm water.
Melon: The Prophet (SAW) said: “None of your women who are pregnant and eat of water melon will fail to produce off spring that is good in countenance and good in character.”
Milk: The Prophet (SAW) said that milk wipes away heat from the heart just as the finger wipes away sweat from the brow. It strengthens the back, improved the brain, renews vision and drives away forgetfulness.
Mushroom: The Prophet (SAW) said that mushroom is a good cure for the eyes; it also serves as a form of birth control and arrests paralysis.
Olive Oil: Excellent treatment for skin and hair, delays old age, and treats inflammation of the stomach.
Pomegranate: The Prophet (SAW) said it cleanses you of Satan and evil aspirations for 40 days.
Vinegar: A food Prophet Muhammad (SAW) used to eat with olive oil. [That's now a fashion in elite Italian Restaurants]
Water: The Prophet (SAW) said the best drink in this world is water, when you are thirsty drink it by sips and not gulps, gulping produces sickness of the liver.
So “darood” and praise be upon our beloved Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (SAW) who related us with marvelous knowledge, which dazzles the wisest minds. May this information be beneficial to all of us.Insha’Allah.


-i have a bad knee,it was the outcome of a bad knee injury, i now run like my right leg is shorter than my left, and i cant run as i used to.true story
- mom does not like it when i tell her i go for aerobics, or a jog. she tells me to stick to exercise that does not put pressure on the leg. Mom, you know my passion is to run. I feel free, i feel light, i feel i am on top of the world. But alas, you cant practically feel on top of the world when you cant even run properly right?
- anyway, i thank God that i have a friend who likes to work out as much as i do, because you need a friend to motivate you, and to make sure that each of you dont slack on the exercise. If you really want to have a routine exercise, try find someone who has the same interest in keeping fit.
-My routine used to be daily gym visits, tae kwan do, tae bo, swimming and jogs. But, when i did it everyday, i felt utterly exhausted at the end of the week. Don't get me wrong, it was great, but you have to do things moderately, because when i went to the extreme once, my muscles started to twitch even while i was at rest. true story!
- Now, i try to have a more balanced work out routine, and hope i can find better alternatives that would not hurt my knee. Hmm, after this rainy season:

a) gym on monday
b)swim on tuesday
c)rest on wednesday??
d) tennis or golf sounds fantastic, although dad injured his ligament forever during tennis, and i don't exactly know how to play golf? on thursdays
e)gym again on fridays
f) rest on saturdays??
g) jog on sundays

how does this plan sound??

**ok people, it is time for Nadya to take a bath, (still in the pouring sweat of todays refreshing jog)

** Todays targets=
a) finish my thesis
b) finish my project
c)love myself and the people around me more!

Friday, 5 February 2010


gOOD Morning, blessed Day...

i do call it a ver blessed day today as i had slept 13 hours last night (woah!!).. tiredness from the thesis making perhaps? i should really be hitting myself for not blogging a lot...seriously...i keep making empty promises. that is one thing i would like to change about myself, somtimes, i promise myself that i would like to become someone great, but how can you become someone great when you dont put 100% focus in what you do. focus is very important, and it is the first part of self loving..

The other day when i went back, i found tis old game of tetris that mom likes to play, call me old-fashioned, but i love the game. do you remember it? it was born before game-boy, before play station ever existed...there was the game of brick-o-bracks...a mind game of shelving bricks and stacking them before the next level. Me and mommy had daily championships to see who could win, an when we played it, we forgot about everything else.

We would not listen to what other people were saying, we forgot about the boiling hot soup n the kitchen, and we would be oblivious to our surroundings. our brain was focused on one sole thing---to stack a brick!! At the end of the day, me and mom would laugh it off, and mom would say, if you really focus on something, then you are sure to succeed in it, true story...

To prove the fact, i would like to tell you about this thin, tall guy i used to know in high school. He had a british accent as his grandmother was o,ye queen of england (nay)..but was incidentally british. Anyway, he was on the debate team as i, and as my senior, i really looked up to him. He was smart, really good in religion, good in english (alas,not athletic).. but what i admired about him, was that he could balance his life so well. He told me, in whatever he did, he gave his 100% focus. When he studied, only his studies were on his mind. When he was debating, only debate was on his mind..And thats how he succeeded. I keep to his words until today, but theoretically...forgive my weakness...i have yet to practise them.

**People who succeed are the people who know how to compartmentalize their brain. Studies, business, leisure are all different rooms with different keys to unlock them. When you unlock them, you can spend as much time as you want in the room, but when it is time to go out, you keep it under lock and key so as not to interfere with your other rooms.

**People who lead awesome lives, are born the same way as you and me ...it is just that they found the right way to live it...maybe you and i haven't..

**So it is time,that we do something about it, i do not want to sit on my back, be a potato couch.

So, can we do it?yupp...it takes only one thing


PS: my blog is working again, notice the colour fonts?? baru semangat nak blog okkk!!!