Saturday, 28 November 2009

praying under the clear blue sky

I woke up yesterday morning with a start as my housemate banged her room door, rushing on the way out so as not to miss prayers for raya. I sprang out of bed with such speed, that i nearly ran over my cat Bubu who usually accompanies me to the bathroom and waits outside as i shower. Grabbed anything i saw in my wardrobe and called to my other friends who were to go with me for the prayers that morning. This is our first Raya Haji that we Malaysians prayed together instead of at our own respective areas, so i was quite excited. Furthermore, the prayers were held out in the open, under the clear blue morning sky. IT WAS EXHILARATING!

I sat cross-legged indian style at the back of the row, as the soothing voice of other muslims called out to Allahs name. I just sat there, oblivious to the others around me, looked up, breathed in the fresh air and smiled to Him. It was a glorious day! I felt so calm and peaceful that i wished the prayers wont end, but like any other, it ended, and we got duit raya as well!haha..(can i use it to buy a pair of jeans..huhu)

I called mom, dad and kakak at home..they had just finished their prayers as well. They had rendang, lemang and all the raya stuff for breakfast. Daddy asked me what i had, and because me and my housemates didnt actually have enough time to plan for what to cook, we had stopped by a small sundry shop and bought maggie which we cooked for 7 of us. oh dear. It was simple, but i liked it, because at least we sat down together and spent time with friends.

The rest of the day was history, i spent it cleaning up my messy room as it was still messy since TSM, and after cleaning it up, i slept all through the afternoon. By the time i woke up, it was time to get dressed for dinner at Alpina. This year, i didnt even go to see the animals get slaughtered. I just stayed home and rested. and i liked it very much.

You know what, i always wondered why when we selawat and all, we mention the prophet Ibrahims name. Why not Adam, and why not only Mohammed s.a.w..

The answer is that:

The prophet Ibrahim was one of the prophets who sacrificed a lot to mankind, i read somewhere in the Quran, but i dont remember where it is. And i dont exactly remember what i read. Ibrahim was the father of Ismail who after was the first descendant towards the birth of our beloved prophet. (i cant believe i forgot my point, but i do have something important to tell, but i must read again)

Also, Prophet Ibrahim had settled his wife and son in the valley of Makkah by God's order to pioneers a civilization. It was from this civilization that Prophet Mohammed was born.

Prophet's Ibrahim's willingness to sacrifice his beloved son Ismail for the sake of God exemplifies not only his sincere devotion to God.

(i cant finish this just as yet, because i have to hurry out to bandung now and i havent taken a bath yet, will try to finish and prove my point though..)huu~!

take care , have a blessed aidiladha

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

manusia bermacam ragam

Hey world

ps: this is not an emotional entry, im actually gleefully writing this happily. but i would like to apologize if you have any hard feelings after reading this, i write only the truth and nothing but the truth.

I just came out from 2 weeks of fiery hell, scorched and burnt, but still stable i am. Thank god.

It was a humongously busy 1 month, but the last 2 weeks seriously gave me hell. And being a woman, and of course being me, i was really emotional about it. i should really scrap the emo part of me, someday though.

Anyway, we finally finished our 1 year planning of TSM charity golf, which was to be our most major event in our 2 year hold as UMNO Bandung members. And i personally thought it sucked for everyone because the students had to work their butts off like slaves, and in the end other people (lots of them) just lulled as if no one is working hard.

I just really want to thank the members of kelab umno bandung who really helped, whether they have high posts, or none at all, because everyone played a part in making the event happen. i know we got pissed of at some people who think we are just kids or just there as pawns set for the game, i dont know, whatever. i just hope that when we grow up , (i mean like really grow up), we wont turn into people like that.

Orang Melayu or MAlaysia la, have a tendency to stick their noses way up high once they get something. For example, there was this guy i knew a year ago,who came to us asking for help in making this event happen. At the time, he did not have the title DATO to his name, and he was known only as encik. Well, the encik i knew at the time was very courteous, and a real gentleman really. Lo behold, when he came for the event last week, he had just received his title a few months before, and he was a real pain in the back (im still controlling my language). I think he was just plain rude to all of us and his attitude was really unacceptable. Id hate to see my country fall in the hands of people who have greed spelt in their beady eyes. G-R-E-E-D.

I remember when i went to Australia, i had a meeting with the dean of Bond university, and he was one of the professors in the world who was called to create a vaccine for H1N1. He is a really respected man, holding a high post, and yet, he is one of the most humble person i ever knew. As i waited in the waiting room for my 2 o`clock meeting, he came out at exactly 2 to meet me and shook my hand, as he led the way to his office. This world renowned professor had the courtesy of a gentleman, but not our malay politicians. REally!

So many more things happened during the event, and i wasnt the only one that faced it. My juniors had to go all out to find food to satisfy someones hunger, my colleagues had to stay up night and day to finish what was supposed to be the tsm committee`s work, and the likes. They wanted the best, but they themselves never gave their best.

Oh yeah, i remember 5 of us working at the hilton hotel to do something that wasnt our job at all, and this man gave us RM27 to split between the 5 of us for our lunch.and he said, `tak payah la nak makan kat hotel ni, dah la mahal, makanan tak sedap pulak tu, makanla kat luar2 tu ke tepi2 jalan tu ke`....betapa hinanya

hey man, dont you know, i go to hilton just to have my lunch on lazy days, and i could damn well afford eating there without your help.

I guess our looks gave us away, and the man finally decided to double the amount. The thing was i didnt mind if he didnt give anything at all, as long as he was just courteous, and appreciated that we wanted to help. Just dont say that part `xpayahla nak makan kat hotel ni`.. pooodah~
(btw, this man is still an encik as well, lets just wait and see how he turns out to be once he gets the title that he most probably wants`

I have always been interested in politics since the day i could walk, and i know that politics is like a rotten apple waiting to fall of a tree. But watching what happened from just that simple event, watching greedy men race to kow-tow the feet of our dpm, i just felt like laughing and it made me look down on our people. You are given the chance to be someboedy to help your rakyat, and not mengampu 24 jam at someones foot. It was called a CHARITY for a reason, unless you forgot what charity means. or you could look up the dictionary for the word IDIOT, maybe you would find your name at the meaning =) peace~

I would like to promise myself that if one day, Allah permits me to be someone in this country, world or universe, i would use the power given to me to bring good to mankind and not look down on people. There are people that i extremely respect and have been bred to respect for example Dr Jamilah Mahmood, Tun Dr Mahathir Mohammad, Zeti Aziz, and many more. These are people that i have the deepest respect for and would like to stand in their shoes some day. one day, we could be elected as the most powerful man in our country and feel proud of it, but it would only matter if it comes with being the one man people pray for everyday.~

I could say it now, but i dont know if i would keep my end of the bargain someday, because people tend to change, people tend to become greedy, and people tend to bring out monsters and demons inside of them without realizing it. Im going to join politics one day, if i have the chance. And when i do, im counting on you guys to remind me of who i really am, who i want to be and what i can do for YOU. thank you

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

making it through the rain~

I saw you this morning ,In my red ruby shoes
You looked down, i looked down and we acted like we didnt know each other....

I used to hate days that i didnt tell you everything i did, and you would just listen
I used to like days when i would pour out my heart, and you would try to console it
I used to be impatient for the day to end, so that we would talk till the morning light
and I used to love the thought of just having someone like you there for me~

I left you without telling you why, but you never asked for a reason
I said goodbye without saying those words, but you never turned around to listen
I cried tears when i knew that it was my last time with you, but you just kept on
and I did care deeply once in my life, and wished that you would care too~

I saw you in the rain just now, it was a cold day wasnt it
I wanted to walk away, but you know, i just couldnt do it
I stood by your side to help, the way i always used to do
But you couldnt care less, coz i mean nothing to you

I hope its the last time that i feel like being there
Coz i dont like being taken for granted, anytime, anywhere
I felt like a total moron coz i believed that you would try
To make our paths collide, and we would be free to fly

I know i meant nothing to you,
But you meant the world to me once
Thanks for the memories that ill try to erase
God bless your life, and the future that you will pave~

ps: ( 10 years from now, i would kick myself coz i wrote this stupid poem and even thought of you)

Friday, 13 November 2009

if each morning could be as wonderful


Yesterday, during a blackout, me and a few friends were hanging out at the dining table as the weather was parched hot and the light wasnt working. We ate, we drank to good times and laughed at stupid jokes, just felt like wasting our youth at the time. Coincidentally,there were 2 types of bread on the table, wholewheat and plain white bread. Which one would you choose Nadya, asked a friend of mine. I would definitely choose white bread as it tastes so much better than whole wheat, said i. but on the other hand, white bread has a much higher glycemic index than the other, thus making it unhealthier than even rice! A fleeting thought came into my mind at the moment as i continued the conversation with them, why do we human beings prefer something that only tastes good but has bad benefits in the end and not something that is a bit bitter but brings out only what is good in us, like the whole wheat bread.

And why did God make bad things nice while good things bad~
I dont know, maybe thats the point of living. He makes choices, and it is up to us to choose whether we want our life to be whole wheat or plain white~

I am now of the habit of sleeping very early and waking up early in the morning, therefore not missing my Subuh. Alhamdulillah to that.( but i kind of missed 1 Isya because i slept TOO early!huhu). At the moment, i stopped depending on other people to wake me up. At the moment, i detached myself from people who take me for granted. And at the moment, i am living my life for ME. In a nutshell, i am also trying to improve my whole balance in life, emotionally, mentally and physically.

I hope to be doing things that are healthier for me as a whole. I try to eat more natural things, and try to eat home made food instead of expensive take- outs. Im trying to increase the amount of time i exercise and do sports instead of just wallowing up in a cooped up bedroom on lonely afternoons. Most obviously, im trying to cut on my horrific spending habits (muahahhaha)which has grown to be a disease.

Because i think it is time for me to finally choose my wholewheat bread.

ITs been a long time since i did things just for myself, and it has finally come to a point in life when you decide, thats it, i dont mean to be selfish, but here i am, its my life, and like it or not, i have to make the best of it. you only get one chance in life you know. I used to be someone who would do anything to make people close to me happy and i would really go the distance to make that happen. But when people just tend to think you would always be there for them, it just drives you away when you find out that in the end, they will never be there for you~

In the end, all you have is your family, so why not go the distance for THEM and YOURSELF.

This year, i want to go the distance for myself...
to make me into a better person....
i know this sounds cheesy, and probably ive said that i want to change a thousand times, but trying to change is better than thinking that you cant right.

so, no matter how many times you want to turn over a new leaf, and no matter how many times other people think you cant do it, in the end, its the thought of trying that counts!

Life is like a wholewheat bread
It is bitter
Unlike plain white
But if you have to choose
Maybe you should go for the bitter part first
Coz as life goes along, im sure it will get sweet~

Thursday, 12 November 2009

till death do us part

I have a very bad habit..i open my facebook like at least more than 5 times a day but i dont get to the job of replying peoples messages until around 5 days later. I just click and click and click without any purpose at all...maybe i just enjoy clicking. (ps, i even click on my handphone without any purpose, thats how bad its getting ..huhu)

Anyway, 3 days ago..i clicked to check my facebook home and i scrolled down to read some status which could make me laugh. Usually on the right side of the home page, there will be notices of friends that we have not reconnected with for a long time. this time, that friend was XTIMZ FATIMA...someone who had died barely a few months before.

I was actually stunned and speechless. If you knew her, or read the news, you would know that this wonderful person had died recently in a car crash in India. and yet, her facebook account is still here, lending a soft reminder of her presence, of her life for 20 over years with us.

I stopped to think twice, should i open her facebook.... how would it feel to open someones facebook when you know she is not alive anymore~ ive never thought of that. before the existence of the internet, the only memories we had were of photographs long kept in dusty cupboards, and an occasional diary that we find. Now, with facebook, you have a window opened to view someones private life,a window to the soul to tell us what happened when, who they were in love with, who they were fighting with, who they were crying to..I hesitated, but in the end, i clicked --RECONNECT WITH HER

I shut my eyes for a few seconds, not sure of what i would find. when i finally opened my eyes, i was stunned to see hundreds of new comments, some just posted a few hours ago when she had died weeks before. There were still people telling her how much they miss her, people reminiscing on old times, wishing she was there with them, asking her how she was,hoping she was ok on the other side, hoping all of this was just a lie and they would meet her again on another monday~

i was really touched with all the comments given on her page, she must have been a really good soul for people to still remember her like she was still there. I just wondered, one day, if im gone..will people remember me like they remember her~

i really wonder....

Thats why people say, the human race does not remember you by who you are, but they remember you by what you did while you were alive.

I always wonder, when we die, would we be amongst the living. Would we be a presence looking over what is happening to the people we were once with but are not able to talk to them anymore. Could i see the comments on my facebook when im dead, i mean, not la click the facebook kan...but you know, when you think of someone who has died, can they listen, can they hear us..can they feel what we commented..i wonder.

Mom told me once, that we all are just passing by in this world. It doesnt matter what car we drive, what house we live in,because what matters is what we bring inside of us. Whether our heart is pure, full of good deeds...or our hearts are filled with loath and evilness. Thats how people remember you.

Imam Malik Ibn Anas saw the Death Angel in his sleep, and the Imam asked him: " How much left for me to live?". The Angel pointed to his five fingers. Then the Imam asked him: " Does that mean 5 years, or 5 months, or 5 days ?". Before the Imam had a chance to get an answer back, he woke up.

The Imam went to someone who would interpret dreams. That man told him: " Imam Malik, when the Angel pointed to his five fingers he didn't mean 5 years or months or days, but the Angel meant that your question ' how much left for me to live' is among 5 matters that only Allah (SWT) knows about, and he recited the following verse from the Qur,an:

"" Verily, with ALLAH alone is the knowledge of the Hour. And HE sends down the rain, and HE knows what is in the wombs. And no soul knows what it will earn tomorrow, and no soul knows in what land it will die. Surely, ALLAH is All-Knowing, All-Aware. "" 31:34

Saturday, 7 November 2009

the first movie i cried~

OK, its still my free saturday, just a few hours after i had written the other short post. The dvd guy that im close to suggested for me to watch this movie. its called AN AMERICAN CRIME.
its the first ever movie i CRIED...EVER
its a true story and read more on it after i watched the movie with tears down my eyes...i cant believe something like this can happen to someone~

Times like these i feel very grateful that i have a loving family which would never leave me, and never would stop loving me....and i would never stop loving them~

panadol extra

you bet this was a super-duper busy month. I think i only go in my room after 10pm to sleep. and the worst thing is that i get really dizzy at night and have to settle down with a panadol extra so that i can sleep straight away.
this has been going on for 2 weeks.
2 weeks on drugs.
i need to stop.
havent stopped.
will stop.

Its going to be extra2 busy next week. This is my first saturday at home in a month. and im indulging myself by watching dvds in my oh-so-messy room, finally have time to play with Bubu who has grown quite a bit, he can potty outside already! Thank God i hired someone to clean my room 3 times a week, and she does it at a really good price, atleast my room is clean, i just havent gotten down to making it neat and tidy just the way i like it.

I wish i dont stop writing like im doing now....
I wish so many things to happen ...
and I wish so many things not to happen...
But they are happening...
So i guess its just time to suck it in
Go through one thing at a time the way i know i can handle it...
and just hope ill come out alive =)