si. HiTam mAnIS, sAWo matAnG DAN pUtIH MELePak

I was having one of my diarrhea episodes when i looked at myself in the toilet mirror. i absolutely love to look at myself in that one mirror because that mirror is the ONLY one that makes me look fair as in good to go for a FAIR & LOVELY commercial...haha...I WISH...

DO you ever notice that even though we do not want to procrastinate against any skin colour, that we actually do. fOR EXAMPLE, The men of our world mostly prefer the weaker sex with the PUTIH MELEPAK look...Looks do not actually matter once it comes to skin colour. Some women could be short, and people would look at them as cute-pixy like sweetness because they have a fair skin tone. Some people could be tall and have EXTRA plain features but look beautiful because they are fair. So what happens to the people given the name ~hitam manis~? I mean, i know our ancestors added the MANIS after HITAM just to make things seem better.....
How about job opportunities? are they given more to people with beautiful, glistening white skin? maybe...our society does depend on looks mind you...

White in the dictionary brings meaning to INNOCENT, MORALLY PURE, SNOWLIKE COLOUR...Black on the other hand means ILLEGAL, UNDERGROUND, BODING ILL...haha...how different do these words mean...Why did God create such different ends of homosapiens? That we do not know, but the will of God is great and everything he does happens for a reason. So, my question was what happens to si HITAM MANIS? Well, people who fall under this category usually get pityful looks. Sometimes, they have the MOST BEAUTIFUL FEATURes, with hazel eyes and all...but people would still say `mesti dia lagi cantik kalau dia putih kan` Well people, i got news for you! Si hitam manis are already beautiful just the way they are....

Lastly, comes the people with the SAWO MATANG colour...People under this category have an identity crisis. SOme use whitening products in hope they would fall under the PUTIH MELEPAK category, while some hide in the pretense that they are actually SI MANIS YANG TIDAK HITAM SANGAT... THey are a lucky lot sometimes, because they fall right in the middle...and luckier still, if they go to european countries, they would be like A SUN GODDESS as they are considered under the TANNED SUMMER FASHION LOOK....

I do not know what category i am under, obviously not under the PUTIH MELEPAK one though. I do not deny that i have blissful wishes of being there...but in the end, i remember, God has blessed us with this perfect layer of cells making our skin...and that is what is more important to all of us..

SO, TO SI HITAM MANIS, SI SAWO MATANG AND SI PUTIH MELEPAK, colour should not stop anyone of us from being who we really are...we are all human beings under THE SAME SUN (eventhough some do no get black skin under scorching sun)..hehe...

some things are better left forgotten : part 1

Do you ever experience nights when you just cant stop thinking of someone or something? The image and the memory of that person or something just keeps replaying in your brain...You know it is not right for you to remember the past, but you just cant help it. In Malay, there is this proverb ~melayan perasaan~, and this is the phase that i am going through now especially since it is exam time. The more you want to forget, the more the devil tells you to remember. If i could just shut the thoughts out, i think my life would be much happier because some things are better left forgotten.

The first thought i would like to shut out from my brain is my love life(haa) which has its ups and downs (but mostly downs). By the way, is talking about my love life on my blog appropriate? maybe not, what if one of my ex-lovers read this?haha...well, good for you then...Past relationships are really hard, no wonder in Islam, it is actually forbidden for a guy and girl to have a relationship(bf-gf) before marriage. If i had known this before, then i would not have encompassed myself on this rugged journey of feelings..unstable emotions..trust..sensitivity.. A THING WE CALL L-O-V-E....

One of my past experiences was with someone whom the letter LOVE was just not enough to describe, we were both perfect and imperfect in a lot of ways. the relationship lasted for two years ( so far, two years is my normal ratio for a relationship, God help me..hehe). We both had faults and it would seem that we were not destined for each other from the start. But we prevailed against everyones wishes and tried to withstand the test of time...until time got the better of us.

He was a really loving person and so far, that is the best quality in him that i saw. every single step of my way, he was there for me. I was the one who changed in the first place, i thought it was for the better. I did not want to, but i felt that it was the only way( if this guy is reading this--just wanna let him know that im sorry(too late for that)) but whatever i do is for a reason.
He isnt perfect, but that was the best part of him...his imperfectness made everything seem perfect. But in the end, it destroyed us...I guess i pushed him too hard to be a big success in his life, and that thing was what he was not used to. i dont know if he has changed to that person that i wanted him to become, or has he changed to something else? thats what lies in the future....
I dont exactly know what changed my mind, was it because we did not have a bright future together or was it my alter ego telling me to do the right thing. But until now, i dont know if i did the right thing. Yes, i was wrong in many ways... i was wrong in how our relationship ended, but am i right in my decision? Only Allah knows...

Yes, as any human in love would be, we made our promises of being together FOREVER AND EVER, but promises are meant to be broken. or are they?


to be continued one day...

how i miss MALAYSIA

TIME = 9.30
i JUSt finished studying another case for my SoCA exams...woahhh..theres like 20 more to go..and all of this must be done within how many forsaken days!!wuhuu!!nothing comes without hard work ey?so, basically,i have been studying in Indonesia now for 2 years. Alhamdulillah, the journey has been hard but very rewarding. When i first arrived here, i was like OH-MY-GOD-IM-SO-GONNA-DIE-LIVING-IN-THIS-ULU-NAK-MAMPOSS-PLACE. But every step of the way that i trudged here was like opening a packet of nasi lemak, you never know how good it tastes until u really try it!

Now i am living a more or less stable life here, it still has its ups and downs but i dont mind. The only thing now is that i really miss Malaysia... no other country in this world can beat the joys of Malaysia---expecially one of this in the video clip...hehe

yuna ~ dan sebenarnya

hye peeps...this is d newest craze i have going on for me, its a malay song by yuna, something to pass my time away...hehe...great improvement in the malaysian music industry though...


YUNA ~ DAN SEBENARNYA

oh bulan
enggan melayan diriku lagi
pabila
airmata membasahi pipi
dah lagu lagu di radio
seolah olah memerli aku
pabila
kau bersama yang lain

adakah perasaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmu
dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan
sebalik senyumanmu itu
kau juga
merindui aku

ku enggan
berpura-pura ku bahagia
ku enggan
melihat kau bersama si dia
oo ku akui cemburu mula menular dlm diri
apabila kau bersama dengan lain

adakah perasaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmu
dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan
sebalik senyumanmu itu
kau juga
merindui aku

[Bridge]
Apabila kau merenung matanya
ku rebah jatuh ke bumi
disaat kau benar benar mahu pergi
seperti ku bernafas dalam air

adakah perasaan benci ini sebenarnya cinta
yang masih bersemadi untukmu
dan sebenarnya ku mengharapkan
sebalik senyumanmu itu
kau juga
merindui aku

Th bigger picture

As i read and re-read my books and revise my past year exam questions, my brain gets blocked in and out at certain point until all i want to do is just keep clicking the mouse without any reason. i dont know if that last sentence makes sense, but anyway, my exam is starting tomorrow and as i know myself, the weeks of torture is something i dont relish in. i keep wondering when this is all going to end, everytime i read a book, i check how many more pages till the end...

but then again, i dont see the bigger picture of it all.... i dont see that the more i waste my time clicking this zestful mouse, i am adding more stress to my life. what i should be doing now instead of typing away is to keep on doing what other medical students are doing now...STUDY STUDY AND..OH YEAH...STUDY!!! D-UH....

what is the bigger picture for you? for me...what i mean by the bigger picture is, i am going through a torture chamber of uncertain density now, but all this will quintessentially lead me closer to my purpose in life. that is my bigger picture. the little things now, will make me what i am when i am in the future. let us all pray that we have bright futures ahead of us and may all of us paint our perfect bigger picture.