my name is khan...and i am not a terrorist

Waktu itu, yang hanya ada di fikiranku,
Aku ga sempat untuk bicara sama kamu..

I was driving, my mind was perturbed by lots of things today. We had our benchmarking exam this morning, I hoped I answered everything carefully. Although, it is hard to concentrate when you dont really want to. I answered as fast as i could, 200 questions just moulded into each other, not knowing which is wrong and right. I shut my eyes, flipped the pages shut and made my way down the stairs. I wore white today, the colour of faith, contrasting the little amount of faith i have left in myself. I grabbed my gray bag, the one i have been using for days out of no time to change. And i walked, looking down, "im not ready to face you yet world". I thought.

I was driving, my mind was perturbed by lots of things today. I arrived home at approximately 10.15, made myself some hot cocoa (much needed) and just stared at the ceiling. (something i have been doing a lot lately). At last, i decided, "i think i need to go out today, get some air". I asked a few friends out, maybe to catch a movie, i said. Not knowing what lay ahead today~ EMBRACE

I was driving, my mind was perturbed by lots of things today. Suddenly, a 16-wheeler lorry swerved to my lane. I heard my friend gasp, maybe she could not scream anymore. The wheels were an inch from my tyres. I could not think of anything else, all i thought was that i never got the chance to speak to you today. I shut my eyes for a split moment. My friend was still screaming that gasp, my heart was racing, you can almost feel the arteries protrude from underneath the flimsy cloth. My side of the car was a smokes inch from hitting the highway divider, the passengers side was now a centimeter from being crushed into a million pieces. I opened my eyes, my legs charged on the brakes as hard as they could, and the car came to an abrupt halt, our lives were dangling on a thin line, waiting to be taken away.

But God has other plans for me, doesnt He? The megastructure-of-a vehicle swung back to his lane after realizing that he almost crushed us and i was left with trembling fingers, clutched tightly on the wheels. My thumping heart slowed its staccato, and i escaped again the rhythm of death, for today at least. Thank You for giving me another chance to live~

Jangan bersedih~

I arrived with an empty stomach, only partaking on honey and yoghurt this morning. We decided to do some house hunting today, InsyaAllah, in July or so, we would be able to pack our things and move to Bandung. We pertained the help of a senior, of which i am so grateful to have received, and we drove around searching for some place that could finally be called our future home. The world is small is it not? We were introduced to this man, who incidentally, was the eldest brother of one of my doctors in Jatinangor, who, incidentally teaches our batch this year. We sat there, as he told us humorous stories, and fed us full with rambutans from his backyard. We got all the information we needed and went on our search for house hunting. I like to call it REJEKI, as we did find a house which was almost, just almost perfect. We would just have to wait and see if everything works out. InsyaAllah~

After the long search, my grumbling stomach could not take it anymore, and we headed to McDonalds for a late lunch. I probably gobbled up my lunch in 20 seconds, seriously. I even finished all the french fries, which i have never done before. Our plan was to catch a movie at 3.45, alas, it was not meant to be. We arrived late, and the only movie next was at 6.45 pm. So, we waited, we had to, everyone was saying this was a good movie!

I know everyone else has watched it, but to those who have not, i think you should really see it. I thought it was some soppy hindhi movie, but evidently, it is not at all. I liked it. I think you can trust my judgement on a movie ey? Its a story about the things that divide us, unite us and combine us. There are only two types of people in this world, those who are good and do good things, and those who are evil, and do evil things. You decide who you want to be~
I enjoyed the movie immensely, and after 3 hours of it, (although it is a sad movie, i felt much better)

Teman aku pernah bilang kepada aku,

"Pada waktu kita sedih kerna sesuatu, ada sejuta sesuatu yang bsa membuat kita senyum kembali"


Guess who i met today? Yes, i met him! Afghan..!

Well, accidentally of course, and for free! And I was there just in time to hear him sing, his voice sounds exactly the same live. We were standing quite near the stage too! Anyway, he made me smile today. I told you, there are a million things that can make us happy, just wait for it.
Well, i know i am writing nonsense nowadays, but atleast i am starting to write again right? Anyway, i have my tae kwan do grading tomorrow, and i have to wake up early. I should probably get some sleep right about now.

Good night~

something personal

"I did not feel well today, i think.

I woke up, and i did not want to think.

It would be so nice if i could stop thinking.

Thinking about things i should not be thinking about."

That was what i felt like when i woke up today, my head was throbbing from a late night staring at the ceiling, awake, feeling numb. My eyes felt like someone poured acid into them, dried from too much tears. i Hate This. I just want my normal life back. Define normal, pray tell.
I did not go to class today, even though it was an important one. Sometimes, you need a day to feel free, i have done this before, people say i like to run away from facing my problems. Maybe they dont understand that i need to get away to clear my mind. I know, i do run away. But when i come back, i hope to come back with strength to face my life which at this point can be considered nearing ground zero.

The doctor diagnosed me as V V V hypotension. I diagnose mysef as emotional hypotension. My blood pressure was too low, explaining the throbbing headache. I went back, stared at the ceiling and I feel numb again.

tetris

gOOD Morning, blessed Day...

i do call it a ver blessed day today as i had slept 13 hours last night (woah!!).. tiredness from the thesis making perhaps? i should really be hitting myself for not blogging a lot...seriously...i keep making empty promises. that is one thing i would like to change about myself, somtimes, i promise myself that i would like to become someone great, but how can you become someone great when you dont put 100% focus in what you do. focus is very important, and it is the first part of self loving..

The other day when i went back, i found tis old game of tetris that mom likes to play, call me old-fashioned, but i love the game. do you remember it? it was born before game-boy, before play station ever existed...there was the game of brick-o-bracks...a mind game of shelving bricks and stacking them before the next level. Me and mommy had daily championships to see who could win, an when we played it, we forgot about everything else.

We would not listen to what other people were saying, we forgot about the boiling hot soup n the kitchen, and we would be oblivious to our surroundings. our brain was focused on one sole thing---to stack a brick!! At the end of the day, me and mom would laugh it off, and mom would say, if you really focus on something, then you are sure to succeed in it, true story...

To prove the fact, i would like to tell you about this thin, tall guy i used to know in high school. He had a british accent as his grandmother was o,ye queen of england (nay)..but was incidentally british. Anyway, he was on the debate team as i, and as my senior, i really looked up to him. He was smart, really good in religion, good in english (alas,not athletic).. but what i admired about him, was that he could balance his life so well. He told me, in whatever he did, he gave his 100% focus. When he studied, only his studies were on his mind. When he was debating, only debate was on his mind..And thats how he succeeded. I keep to his words until today, but theoretically...forgive my weakness...i have yet to practise them.

**People who succeed are the people who know how to compartmentalize their brain. Studies, business, leisure are all different rooms with different keys to unlock them. When you unlock them, you can spend as much time as you want in the room, but when it is time to go out, you keep it under lock and key so as not to interfere with your other rooms.

**People who lead awesome lives, are born the same way as you and me ...it is just that they found the right way to live it...maybe you and i haven't..

**So it is time,that we do something about it, i do not want to sit on my back, be a potato couch.

So, can we do it?yupp...it takes only one thing

FOCUS!

PS: my blog is working again, notice the colour fonts?? baru semangat nak blog okkk!!!

dukun mie ayam bakso

I just finished my KKN yesterday, and me and my indonesian friends parted with sad goodbyes. I had a lot of fun with them and wished that there were more opportunities to gather with the locals.

Since 2 months ago, when KKN first started, i think my indonesian language shot up 50% and i now know more indonesian words than i learned in 3 years. It comes to show how hanging out with other people make you learn more things. IT was a bitter sweet experience, i loved the fact that i got to spend time with them. But unfortunately, i dont have much time as it is. It was during this 2 exhausting months that everything coincided, and everyone was also busy.

Anyway, i just wanted to write down a few bits and pieces of memories about the 2 months i spent with them.



1.
I was with this guy friend who drove my car from Jatinangor to our Desa which is like 1 hour away by car, and about 3 hours by angkot. So there we were, talking about each others lives and all, when suddenly he asked me where my father worked. So without further delay, i answered confidently. ``Oh, my dad is retired, but before he retired, he worked in two companies``. Suddenly, my guy friend became very quiet, and looked at me. I was unperturbed and thought he did not hear, so i repeated again, ``my dad worked in TWO COMPANIES``. He slowed down the car as he asked me straight to my face, ``kok, bapa lo kerjanya TUKANG PENIS`` ..i was like WHATT!!! and he answered again, ``ga usah malu2, walaupun bapanya tukang penis, tapi itu juga pekerjaan kan``.. I started laughing like a mad cow, as i heard him repeating again and again that i shouldnt be ashamed of my dad working as a tukang penis. I think after an eternity of laughter, i finally calmed down and caught my breath in time to say, ``Bokap gue dulu kerja di TWO COMPANIES,bukan TUKANG PENIS.`` hehe....i will remember this like for EVERR!!

2.
HAve you ever tried the food which they sell near your housing areas in Indonesia. The ones where they sell food carried on their shoulder, may it be bakso, mie ayam or anything at all. Ive never actually tried those, although i do eat the ones at the main gate to our uni. Anyway, on one of the days in my kkn,THE village people bought me and a few of my friends mie ayam bakso from those sellers carrying it on their shoulder. I had a really bad stomach ache at the time, but i did not want to be rude in front of all the orang kampung that was there. SO i forced myself to eat the mie ayam bakso that they had graciously bought for me. As i stuffed it down my throat, getting ready to throw up as the food reached my oral cavity. When i suddenly tasted a really really delicious feeling as everything slid down my throat. Oh my God, it was GOOOD , and i mean REAALLY GOOD. i couldnt believe it, i thought it would taste like card board or something, but it was tasty i tell you. From that point on, i became a real fan of mie ayam bakso. So me and my KKN friends decided to try out this famous mie bakso near our area. We went with my friend who brought her driver along, and we went inside, ready to taste good food. A lot of people in the area said that this place sells the best bakso ever! and the place was really full of people, the customers never stopped coming. we even had to wait for a few minutes for a place to sit. As we sat down and got our steamy mie bakso, we greedily dug our forks and spoons and began eating. The funny thing was, it did not taste nice AT ALL. seriously. I thought i was the only one who thougt so, but my other friends said the same thing as well. We all just ate a bit, as everyone was disapointed. with forlorn faces, we finished eating only a portion of it, and after like 10 minutes clambered back in the car. everyone was dissatisfied. When everyone had settled in the car, the driver pressed the accelerator and we whisked away.
Suddenly, he turned around and said, `Tadi tukang parkirnya bilang, di tempat tadi ada guna dukun yang paling hebat di desa ini. Terus kalau orang di sini bilang nya emang enak sekali,soalnya terkena sihir dukun itu. Tapi kalau orangnya orang jauh,susah dkit kena sihirnya` ... you bet we were all screaming in the car..haha

NO WONDER!!!!









3.
We went to this primary school to do a program, and after that program, we took some pictures with the children there. Incidentally, there was this little boy who ran from afar towards us, he was dirty and grimy unlike the other school kids who were in uniform and he had this small towel draped over his face. He squiggled in between the other kids but ran away as soon as we wanted to snap some pictures. He was really shy,and never even talked. After everyone had taken photos, my friend suddenly turned to look, and at the end of the hallway, there he was, this little kid was standing alone with that small towel still draped over his face. he wouldnt take it off even for a second. And my friend suddenly got the creeps as the boy was standing alone, near a banana tree. I smirked at her and went towards the boy. ``adik, mau foto bareng ga`` i asked the kid who was probably around 3 years old. He backed away, nearer and nearer to the end of the hallway, nearer to the banana tree. ``adik, yuk foto yuk`` i said again.
Suddenly, he slowly pulled down the towel, revealing only one eye and said `KE SINI YA` as his foot stepped directly underneath the banana tree. I was startled and turned to call my friend who was nearby to see the boy. As we turned to look at the boy, in only a few split seconds, he wAS GONE!! and the worst thing was, there was no exit from the banana tre...JENG JENG JENG.....








Many more things happened but i dont remember most of it obviuosly. Anyway, i hope that i get more chances to mingle with the locals. As of this moment, me and my friend have gone around Jatinangor trying out food that we would not even dream of trying if not of KKN. Im going around hunting for the best mie ayam in jatinangor, and just a few moments ago ate a quite good one in cisekeh gede..kikikiki....

alright, i have to go now, havent done pass year questions yet.

pps:
feel really good now because im not as busy as it was in the last 2-3 months. exams are coming up, mommy and daddy are coming for the holidays and bubu has a skin infection.


ppps:
Ok, i know, i know that i always never keep up to my promises of writing more often. please forgive me, and i am definitely running out of excuses as it is. but i am busy!huhuhu..

PPPPS:
internet is slow like hell, cant upload the pictures, especially the one with the kid

manusia bermacam ragam

Hey world

ps: this is not an emotional entry, im actually gleefully writing this happily. but i would like to apologize if you have any hard feelings after reading this, i write only the truth and nothing but the truth.

I just came out from 2 weeks of fiery hell, scorched and burnt, but still stable i am. Thank god.

It was a humongously busy 1 month, but the last 2 weeks seriously gave me hell. And being a woman, and of course being me, i was really emotional about it. i should really scrap the emo part of me, someday though.

Anyway, we finally finished our 1 year planning of TSM charity golf, which was to be our most major event in our 2 year hold as UMNO Bandung members. And i personally thought it sucked for everyone because the students had to work their butts off like slaves, and in the end other people (lots of them) just lulled as if no one is working hard.

I just really want to thank the members of kelab umno bandung who really helped, whether they have high posts, or none at all, because everyone played a part in making the event happen. i know we got pissed of at some people who think we are just kids or just there as pawns set for the game, i dont know, whatever. i just hope that when we grow up , (i mean like really grow up), we wont turn into people like that.

Orang Melayu or MAlaysia la, have a tendency to stick their noses way up high once they get something. For example, there was this guy i knew a year ago,who came to us asking for help in making this event happen. At the time, he did not have the title DATO to his name, and he was known only as encik. Well, the encik i knew at the time was very courteous, and a real gentleman really. Lo behold, when he came for the event last week, he had just received his title a few months before, and he was a real pain in the back (im still controlling my language). I think he was just plain rude to all of us and his attitude was really unacceptable. Id hate to see my country fall in the hands of people who have greed spelt in their beady eyes. G-R-E-E-D.

I remember when i went to Australia, i had a meeting with the dean of Bond university, and he was one of the professors in the world who was called to create a vaccine for H1N1. He is a really respected man, holding a high post, and yet, he is one of the most humble person i ever knew. As i waited in the waiting room for my 2 o`clock meeting, he came out at exactly 2 to meet me and shook my hand, as he led the way to his office. This world renowned professor had the courtesy of a gentleman, but not our malay politicians. REally!

So many more things happened during the event, and i wasnt the only one that faced it. My juniors had to go all out to find food to satisfy someones hunger, my colleagues had to stay up night and day to finish what was supposed to be the tsm committee`s work, and the likes. They wanted the best, but they themselves never gave their best.

Oh yeah, i remember 5 of us working at the hilton hotel to do something that wasnt our job at all, and this man gave us RM27 to split between the 5 of us for our lunch.and he said, `tak payah la nak makan kat hotel ni, dah la mahal, makanan tak sedap pulak tu, makanla kat luar2 tu ke tepi2 jalan tu ke`....betapa hinanya

hey man, dont you know, i go to hilton just to have my lunch on lazy days, and i could damn well afford eating there without your help.


I guess our looks gave us away, and the man finally decided to double the amount. The thing was i didnt mind if he didnt give anything at all, as long as he was just courteous, and appreciated that we wanted to help. Just dont say that part `xpayahla nak makan kat hotel ni`.. pooodah~
(btw, this man is still an encik as well, lets just wait and see how he turns out to be once he gets the title that he most probably wants`

I have always been interested in politics since the day i could walk, and i know that politics is like a rotten apple waiting to fall of a tree. But watching what happened from just that simple event, watching greedy men race to kow-tow the feet of our dpm, i just felt like laughing and it made me look down on our people. You are given the chance to be someboedy to help your rakyat, and not mengampu 24 jam at someones foot. It was called a CHARITY for a reason, unless you forgot what charity means. or you could look up the dictionary for the word IDIOT, maybe you would find your name at the meaning =) peace~

I would like to promise myself that if one day, Allah permits me to be someone in this country, world or universe, i would use the power given to me to bring good to mankind and not look down on people. There are people that i extremely respect and have been bred to respect for example Dr Jamilah Mahmood, Tun Dr Mahathir Mohammad, Zeti Aziz, and many more. These are people that i have the deepest respect for and would like to stand in their shoes some day. one day, we could be elected as the most powerful man in our country and feel proud of it, but it would only matter if it comes with being the one man people pray for everyday.~

I could say it now, but i dont know if i would keep my end of the bargain someday, because people tend to change, people tend to become greedy, and people tend to bring out monsters and demons inside of them without realizing it. Im going to join politics one day, if i have the chance. And when i do, im counting on you guys to remind me of who i really am, who i want to be and what i can do for YOU. thank you

panadol extra

you bet this was a super-duper busy month. I think i only go in my room after 10pm to sleep. and the worst thing is that i get really dizzy at night and have to settle down with a panadol extra so that i can sleep straight away.
this has been going on for 2 weeks.
2 weeks on drugs.
i need to stop.
havent stopped.
will stop.

Its going to be extra2 busy next week. This is my first saturday at home in a month. and im indulging myself by watching dvds in my oh-so-messy room, finally have time to play with Bubu who has grown quite a bit, he can potty outside already! Thank God i hired someone to clean my room 3 times a week, and she does it at a really good price, atleast my room is clean, i just havent gotten down to making it neat and tidy just the way i like it.

I wish i dont stop writing like im doing now....
I wish so many things to happen ...
and I wish so many things not to happen...
But they are happening...
So i guess its just time to suck it in
Go through one thing at a time the way i know i can handle it...
and just hope ill come out alive =)

moreh ..(is that how you spell it)

this was during ramadhan in tronoh

we had a small moreh at the masjid

raya quickie!

Selamat hari raya everyone!


1. WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU DONT LOVE GOD ENOUGH AS MUCH AS HE LOVES YOU

When? its when you have your terawih prayers and think about which baju raya to wear, the red or the pink one. You take Him for granted, but HE is always there to help you when you need Him. =(

2. WHEN YOU REALIZE YOUR LOVE FOR CATS CAN CHANGE

When? when your sister brings back a cat named Bali who terrorizes you even when you are watching tv. Or when he jumps over you as if you were a highway. Or when he bites you for no reason. You dont understand if he likes you or hates you as he bites at ONLY YOU!aiyoo

3. WHEN YOU REALIZE SOME OTHER PEOPLE NEED MORE THAN YOU DO, BUT THEN YOU FORGET ABOUT IT THE NEXT SECOND

When? when you go shopping at a factory outlet one night and suddenly stumble upon a small girl selling newspaper. When you want to offer her some money she doesnt take it, but instead just wants to sell the papers so she can go home. She looks at your bountiful plastic bags full of clothes and says 'teh, lg bli baju untuk lebaran ya?' 'saya gA ada baju baru untuk lebaran'. and you quickly go in the shop to buy her something for raya, but look out the window to see that she had already gone somewhere else. you cant buy anything for her, and instead start buying some other clothes for yourself. bummer!

4. WHEN YOU REALIZE SYAITAN DIIKAT WAKTU RAMADHAN, BUT WHAT ABOUT ...?

When? when you sleep one night and suddenly wake up to find this huge gray thing looming on top of you. and the sound of all the clocks suddenly tick loudly as the thing closes in on you. then you hear the running of small feet in your room and as you pray really really hard, it all goes away..then you pick up your handphone, look at the clock..its midnight!

5. WHEN YOU REALIZE WHAT RAYA IS ABOUT

FOOD
FAMILY
FUN!!

ps: am in perak now, havent taken a bath, had a blast enjoying with family in nilai and kajang yesterday..will update soon!

today is a friday...

today is the 3rd day of my life with boo boo..(or bubu) i havent decided yet which..so far he has been of no trouble at all. he doesnt meow, practically just gives a squeak every now and then after he gets bored of playing by himself. I went out to town from morning until night yesterday, and left booboo in the oilet with some food, water and the door left just enough for him to squeeze through if he wanted to. i was worried the whole day, whether he got scared or lonely in the cold bathroom (although i did supply a box and some towels in a corner), but my worries were rest assured as when i came back home, booboo bounded happily towards the door. no poop or pee outside the bathroom and he looked happy to see me! i hope he sticks with this attitude forever.

i have classes at 7 today, and as usual i havent finished my assignment. argh...i went out to bandung yesterday with a friend. I am trying out this one project, which hopefully succeeds and that was the reason i went out. but ill tell you about it one day, just not now. after buying all the things needed for the project, we went for a spa which turned out to be not that relaxing as they used ice cubes, ouch! i broke one of my favourite heels and oh yeah, i finally stopped by petronas yesterday for the first time..haha

anyway, i have to write loads of things about viruses and all...must focus on that first..but my eyes are red already. will update more later..take care!

of badak berendam and mangkuk tingkat

Assalamualaikum and a happy ramadhan to everyone i know...

aaah, it feels so good to be able to sit in front of my laptop with internet at home (finally)...as of this moment, i am currently in our house in tronoh, perak.(yes, its perak now, no more kl).haha...but i dont mind, sometimes you do need a place to get away from everything which mom and dad have finally been able to do after all these years. It is peaceful here, all you can hear are the birds chirping and the pitter patter of rain. Mom is with Mak Teh reminiscing their childhood in perak, dad is reading the papers in the dining hall and kakak is sitting on the sofa, staring out at the garden which my parents have been missing out since they joined the rat race.

Kakak asked me a few days ago, nadya, what do you miss most about raya? the answer i could think of at that time was i miss the times when everyone would crowd in one house. kakak...missed our beloved Nani, she said..yeah, during those times, my grandmother, or affectionately called Nani was still alive. We do miss her a lot because with her presence, everyone would come back to batu gajah and just fill her yellow bricked house. the lawn would be full of us kids running around, chasing each other, climbing the massive mango tree, and the only thing that kept us from becoming wild goose were the mosquitoes that were abundant. As the sun begins to hide across the horizons, we could already sniff the sweet smell of Nanis and Mak Tehs delightful dinner on the way as they hustled and bustled in the hot kitchen. Everyone would wait impatiently as they bring out the best food ever, one by one... There would be plenty of food, everything tasted like a slice of heaven as they were the greatest chefs i could ever remember!

Mak teh kept a lot of cats and we would play with them before everyone was called to dinner. All of us were on our best behavior, no elbows on the dining table please, if you spill it, wipe it..and the list goes on. But every mouth watering dish was, ahh, indescribable..and the desserts were to die for.pumpkin pie, chocolate cake..you name it! and oh yeah, there would always be jars of young mango preserved, ooohh...succulent,sweet and tantalizing.hell yeah! all the aunts and uncles, cousins would eat together and talk through the night. We youngsters would play with the bunga api outside, laughing as we trembled with delight and awe at the sparkles.

And when the young night has come to an end, we would bring out those pink mattresses kept under Nani's bed and lay dozens of them in the large hall. Mak Teh would bring out the home made quilt blankets and all the families would sleep side by side. goodnight kakak,goodnight intan, goodnight afzal~

(i wish i could write a beautiful memoir of our childhood days, or at least a beautiful entry...but i dont feel so good today, went to the doctor and had heaps of blood taken out for a blood test =( ..)

PS:

yesterday, i learnt a new word..badak berendam..literally speaking. Mom told me and my sister to go buy some malay kuehs for buka puasa, so we went out to the nearest kueh stall just around the curb. as kakak was staying in the car, i went out and patrolled the streets for the best kueh around. finally, something caught my eye. they looked like bakso dipped in coconut milk! i was elated! the stall seller just laughed and said, this is badak berendam, try some. feeling not so confident to try it, i decided to buy it anyway and brought it back home.

Upon buka puasa, everyone reached out for the kuehs, and dad with startled eyes asked, whats this ball-like thing in the coconut milk? and we all answered its badak berendam! he was laughing and said, what an ugly name, its so literal! but as we tried it, it turns out the kueh was good after all. guess its true not to judge anything by its name and appearance then! =)

i should be updating about my winter/summer holiday in this entry, but i totally forgot to bring my travel journal, and it wouldnt be of much use if i just made a just-so entry would it? but ill put some pictures here, just a little bit..for all the rest, theres always facebook .

updates since 24/7

im back in malaysia since the day i turned 22! owh how old i feel and how uncomfortable i am in this very stinky cyber cafe. theres no internet connection in our house in kajang, and thats where i would be for this whole week.

lots of nice things happened since i came back home, kakak drove all the way to kajang from johor to celebrate my birthday! i would really love to upload some nice pics of what we did but as i said, i am stuck here..

mom wanted dim sum so we went to eat at this chinese restaurant in equatorial hotel, unfortunately, the person we called did not mention that they only served dim sums for lunch..so we just ate normal food of steak and sandwiches,but i ate the buffet...haha...reminds me of my childhood days when mom would bring us there for breakfast and lunch as she was busy with work in bangi..

anyway..can i update on that later? seriously...trhis place is soo stinky!!..
huhu

but probably ill not update for quite some time...maybe in 2 weeks..maybe in a month...im not sure yet...t

take care!i miss the comfort of internet at home,..wuwuwuw

when was the last time you did something spontaneous

dear diary,

its been one week since i wrote anything, fresh out of ideas i might say.

i was walking back home from my sunday morning jog, which is now a walk because i cant run more than a few miles before starting to cough, argh, really a pain in the butt, me cough..cant even go do proper workout.

anyway,during my walk back home...

i felt ive been living the same old day in and day out...

whens the last time i did something spontaneous

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I REALLY LIVED~

arent we all under the weather...

Recently there seems to be an epidemic not only in my house but i guess a lot of people here and everywhere. EVeryone seems to be sick, and if not sick, is already showing signs of getting the same sickness.

Its really terrible to be sick, but people say that when sickness comes, sins float away. So, in reality, we should be happy to be sick i guess, but it really is hard to be happy when your nose is blocked and your throat is swollen like a bee right.

A wise man told me the trick to not feeling sick is to fight back, when your body feels the most weak, that is when you act as if you feel nothing.

i went out to jog today, but i kept stumbling over my own feet because i didnt feel up to it. Both me and my friend felt like 2 dizzy homo sapient who just happened to stroll down the dusty hot road. Along the way, we bought hot fresh milk, maybe it would soothe our dizzyness. As we walked slowly, we stopped talking for awhile, both immersed in each others own thoughts of dizzyness.

Still not content with the hot milk, i stopped by the local grocery mart and bought myself tons of ionic drinks, having high hopes that these would help. But as the day would turn into night, i would probably go see a doctor later in the evening.

This post means nothing really, but just wanting to say im sick!haha...nah~its not that, i just want to wish all the others who are sick to get well soon~

Mom told me this story of a muslim doctor, captive in a dark cell with other prisoners of war. ALl they had was mountain water trickling inside their dark cell. The doctor tried to cure the sickness of everyone who was in the cell with him with what he had...and all he had was water. He made them drink lots of water day in and out, he bathed their wounds with water, and he made sure that everything he did, included the treatment with water.

With the blessing of God, all under his care became well again, and one day they were set free after months of being captives. After regaining his freedom, he did a research on using water as a healing remedy. I dont remember exactly, but i think it was mentioned in the quran or hadiths about the power of clear water, untainted by any other contents. And at last, his research proved to be fruitful, as water indeed had may i say a miracle healing property.

Thats why all of us today are recommended to drink 3L of water a day..

ok, so thats what im trying to do now...ive stocked myself with more water than ever..hopefulle id get well soon...

maybe prove the miracle of water too =)

anyway, get well soon everyone....may the holidays be happy and not like as if stuck in a prison where everyone seems to be in a foul mood

BOOm bOoM PoW!!!

!!!HELLELELELEOOOOOO!!!updates2!

hye there!

i just finished all my papers today! yippee!! but unfortunately, theres still my practical exams next week...argh! but anyway, i want to rest and clean my room today..therefore, today is officially NO STUDY DAY!

My room is an absolute mess i tell you, its as if hurricane Katrina landed in the midst of jatinangor,and happened to knock on my door. I would like to show some pictures of my room one day, haha, because i never had the chance to decorate my own room way back home. We moved too much that i got used to staying in rooms that lacked any personal touches.

The sun was shinning hot today, but it was windy though. I feel im getting even darker than ever, sigh~ MY rezeki today, i was treated to lunch by mr-iv-never-been-to-jatos, (actually i forced him to go, sorry~~) and also had a really really nice bubur jagung made specially by miss-jangok-of-jatinangor (who is a really2 good friend of mine though)(btw, sedaaappp tauuu)...thank you2! you guys made my day~

After eating full to the brim, me and Y headed of to the gym, which im trying to go everyday now since classes have ended.

And things i plan to do during the hols while awaiting remedials~


1. travel jogja-solo-semarang (26-1july)

2. judicium (owh God)

3. go for guitar lessons, (yes, i am going, thank you very much =P)

4. check out the equestrian club somewhere in lembang, but cant quite get in contact with the person in charge just as yet

5. continue swimming lessons

6. continue my tae kwan do lessons

8. jog in the mornings

9. gym in the afternoons

10. finally ----get to do what normal teenagers do --> watch tons of movies, shop till i drop dead, and I GET TO WEAR PRETTY CLOTHES AGAIN...weeee ..(exam month been wearing baju tidur unless theres exams, you can see why i cant wait to wear nice clothes again..)

** btw, someone promised to play ping pong with me!!you know who you are =)

REading PHop..and going GREEN

Well, tomorrow is my public health exams and im with my usual fundamental gastritis.

After reading about pollution and all, i mean i know its common knowledge, but i just want to say that i decided that im going green.

Not yet that is, but i want to try.

Not to become a vegetarian though, (because i am a meat eater), but just trying to do things to save the environment. Maybe i will update on anything i do that i feel is helping the universe live from now.
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That reminds me of my childhood days (as usual). My dad was an agricultural scientist that did research on main community plants. We would move from one place to another depending on what specific plant he was researching on at the time. For example, when we lived in Cameron, dad researched on apples and cold weather plants, and when we moved to the states, dad did research on cloning oranges. And the likes..So, our family was a real nomad family, but i dont mind, change is good sometimes.
DAd is now a retired scientist, after years of dedicating his life to his plants, he is safe and sound tucked in perak and is now a full time environmentalist, oh, and maybe farmer. =)

My father is a very passionate man, and with his shining eyes, he would come back from work at nights, telling us stories about what he did with what plants and all. And we kiddos would listen with even more eager eyes, while munching on the fruit that he was researching on. It was always like that, if he was studying on coco trees, we would have coco every weekend, if dad was studying strawberries, then it was strawberries everyday..and in sarawak, when he studied the sagoo tree, we ATE ULAT SAGU!!aha!its true...!!

Being a man of nature, dad always reminded us to save the environment.

1. When we washed the dishes, dad would come over and scold us if he finds that the water was flowing too much from the pipe.

2. If we ever stepped foot outside of the house, lets say, gunung brinchang during our days in cameron, dad would look out for the scattered rubbish that disturbs his sight and tells us...daughters, lets save the environment, and there we were, small kids picking up thrash...but i felt proud of it!

3. when we were in cameron, we would go jungle trekking on weekends, as me and my siblings raced through the lush green forest, dad would walk hand in hand with mom, at times calling us back to show us any interesting plant that had herbal use or was just peculiar in anyway.

4. dad likes to pick up things he finds alongside the road that he thinks is recyclable...and our house would be full of what i call`junk`..when he wasnt looking, me and mom would rush to take out as many junks as possible, and we would throw it very very far away so that he wouldnt notice anything was gone. But mom always asks me to do the dirty job, because she says daddy never scolds his little girls.

5. i once compared dad to this mentally-handicapped man by the road because he too was picking up trash. DAd got so upset, he said i was wishing him to be like that. I never brought up the issue again~

Theres so many more stories about my dad, and i could get carried away. haha..im so sorry, but im always talking about my family arent i..you must be bored i guess, but thats just the story of my life, its all about me, my family and what we have gone through together~ =)

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OMG..i did get carried away, this post was supposed to be about me going green.!

lets see, theres a couple of things i could do to start, hmm...but ill post it later, i have to study more of phop...really!

which is more important.....

u....or




u......which!

PS!

**
I WANT TO SAY
GREAT LUCK AND GOOD LUCK
TO MY COLLEAGUES WHO WILL FACE SOOCA TOMORROW
GOD SPEED..GOD BLESS...AND JUST ACE THE TEST!

...and i want to climb your mango tree~

I finally finished my sooca today!yeayy!!i am so happy, a part of me feels so giddy because im too happy for words to describe. I slept at nearly 3 in the morning, and with a very restless sleep, got up at 4.30 after many missed calls from many people, i finally forced myself to get up. just 1 more day, i told myself, i just had to sacrifice my few hours of sleeping for this 1 day.

My heart felt it was about to burst every time i read the notes that i still had to review. Nothing i did could calm my nerves, i was so scared that i shivered and had to wear socks because it felt safe and warm..wuwuwuw...When i just couldnt take it anymore, i decided to call my mommy and daddy, maybe their voice would further soothe me. Mom picked up the phone on the second dial tone, and we talked for a while. Telling her how afraid i was, mother quickly recited some soothing prayers and words as i just sat there on my bed, clutching my mobile to my ear, wells of tears were beginning to form at my lacrimal glands (MUAHAHHAHAHAH!!).

dID I tell you, the meaning of sooca is = SOOsCAry!seriously it is the most frightening type of exam in my entire young adult life, because it is utterly unpredictable and it depends on factors that you can control and cant:

so the uncontrollable factors are:

1. after re-memorizing all the notes, will what we memorize ACTUALLy be remembered on that morning

2. will we be the LUCKY people who get to know which case is coming out from the dozens of cases that we have to learn

3. will we GET the case we really know, memorize and like

4. do we REMEMBER what to write down during the very heart pumping 30 minutes in the quarantine room

5. once you open the door, will it be :
a)door of doom = bad\strict\sadist doctors
b)door of heaven = good doctors\doctors who know or like you\doctors who arent there in the room at all, and you babble to yourself, and when they come in, they just give you an A

what a life~

Alhamdulillah, God was with me today, and i managed to survive my sooca morning. IT felt so good to finally feel free, (although today is only the first exam of more to come)

The only thing i wasnt satisfied was that we had to stay in the &*%^$^ quarantined computer lab, and i was sweating like a $%^* and i was so hungry i could %^&* eat a horse! I was showing to my friends some stuff i liked on the internet, when suddenly a virus infected the computer that i was using,and it couldnt close any windows and just got stuck there with the manifesto left by the virus creator..i was like, thats a big UH-OHHH~(serves them right for containing me in that room!)

Mentally and physically, i was extremely exhausted, the drive back home seemed to trudge on endlessly, and when i finally reached home, i collapsed straight away on the bed. The room left still in its unkempt messy-ness,my bag strewn on the floor, the comfort of bundling oneself underneath the bed covers and the only sound i heard was the pitter-patter of rain drops on the window outside my room....for a moment there, i experienced heaven~

ANyway, i did not want to write this entry, i actually wanted to write about something else, thus the title...but, im so tired and i have to clean up my room...so, i guess ill write it later

**ps: tonight must sleep late so that i can wake up a list of people(S)

**ps: omer the cat just had a bath, and is sleeping on my bed, so i cant change the bed sheets

FEAR NOT THE BIG, BAD WORLD~

I was trying to figure out what to do with sooca just around the corner, when i decided to rest my brain for a few seconds, which as usual would turn into minutes or hours. My hands lingered beneath the shelf of my study table until i found the book that i wanted, a recipe book.aha! no, my dears, im not a talented cook, and no, i still havent found the best joys of cooking, so i have to look at recipe books. This certain recipe book was one that mom gave me during my second year, when i started cooking malaysian food for my housemates as we have this schedule on who cooks on what days. TImely enough, it is my turn to cook for today and i was flipping through the pages when an old newspaper clipping suddenly dropped to the floor.

What is this, is it one of those old papers that i keep forgetting to throw away. Opening it, i read the big bold letters spelling out..FEAR NOT THE BIG, BAD WORLD..by dina zaman. Owh, now i remember, my mother had placed this article in the recipe book just before the flight, she said, read it, and maybe it will enlighten you to search for greener pastures. well, she didnt exactly say that, but that abound sums her words up anyway.

iv been putting off the time to read the article, that i totally forgot it existed. but today, i guess ill share some excerpts from the article and why my mom insisted on me reading it. ps i linked the article and you should really read it before you proceed to read my entry, or not you would not understand my constant ramblings...please click here for anyone who would love to read it~
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No wonder mom asked me to read this article. I guess she saw how narrow minded i have become and she placed this article in hopes that i would change for the better. IT is terrifyingly true what the writer had wrote, and i really wish i did not have to say this, but this is what i have become. Im always in the same circle of friends, that my mind has not smelt the fragrance of other thoughts, other opinions and other ways of living.

IT sometimes feels cooped up to live in a world where you see and talk with the same people everyday. Even though it does feel nice to have a clique or a certain group of friends most times, thats not a good enough excuse not to mingle around. If i had the chance, i would definitely love to mingle around with some indonesian friends, but at every chance i get, i probably would ruin any friendship that was about to blossom.

Firstly, i stutter in my terrible indonesian language, which after 3 years here has not improved the least, and then i do tend to jingle the wrong words, so its either that i might die out of embarrasment, or they would die out of fits of laughter (which they try to hide by the way). I really admire some of my malaysian friends who had succeeded in breaking the barrier between two adverse countries. it must feel so good to get a change of air sometimes, and i always wish i was one of those who could. sometimes i would ask, whats wrong with me, why cant i be more like that, but until now i have not found the answer, and i definitely have not found the solution yet.

Mother always said to me, IF EVERYONE IS THINKING THE SAME THING, THEN NO ONE IS THINKING AT ALL.
Sometimes i do like to talk to people outside the circle of friends that i usually hang around with.
Sometimes, i just like to walk alone and have some time for myself to think.
Sometimes, when i think alone, i tend to smile to myself...and i guess people would think i was a lunatic huh~

I would like to follow the writers and moms advice, its high time to change for nadya amin shaharudin, dont you think! by the way, i want to share with you something, why do i like to blog when i know no one actually reads my blog..haha....its the fact that blogging helps me talk to myself (in a healthy way, mind you), and it helps me rethink of the person that i am, and the person that i will be in the future. I really support everyone who blogs and i must say, i would never restrict what they want to express on their blogs. Bloggers are people with an open heart, bloggers are people who always talk to themselves frequently and smile without noticing it, and bloggers are, just, you and me~

**Its time for me to open my eyes and stop closing myself from the world, nadya is going abroad in mind, soul and in her way of life. DEfinitely!

**Its time that i should stop being afraid of anything, confidence goes a long way, but i must remember over-confidence will bring me down though~

**Its time for me to become someone in this world, not another face in the crowd

**ITS
TIME
FOR
ME
TO
CHANGE!


ps: its also time for me to cook, but it wouldnt sound cool if i put it just now..lo...anyway, sorry for the really unfeasible entry, please blame it on the fact that my brain must not have any literature at the moment and must be filled with mad sciene..

ps2: hey, i just found out mad-science= medicine ...they do sound nearly the same, haha...im babbling arent i...

anyway..gotta go~
over and out


`

7 things i wish would drop out of the sky and land on my lap

heyya!

i have a bad stomachache and im sure its going to get worst.
my exams are next monday and the hours are passing by extremely fast...i wonder can God change the total sense of time but still maintain the exact hours for us human beings, as it flies so fast, i wish i could just grasp it in my hands....but still, time passes at the grips of my fingers, while i am still gaping open mouthed at the amount of things i havent studied yet.

i have tons of reasons to study hard this time, and i really pray that i would. for if i do, i have decided that this year i would like to reward myself if i work hard. yippeee! but hard work is not enough, i still have to save tons of money to get the stuff that i want...

NADYAS WISH LIST for the year 2009
(but must save money to buy before even wishing for it)

1. check out the new n97, i think i want!!

2. ask someone to buy me the new sony cybershot,but i think at last, i would have to buy it myself,*sigh*..but it would take such a long time to save money..haihh~

3. get a back pack for travelling

4. get a travelling wallet (the one that i can put passport and tickets in)

5. get new luggage (as my sister once said, for a family who travels a lot, we do not have the right luggage at all)

6. buy mom a watch, hmmm, i think im going to jakarta to buy that...what do you think...anyway,hope i can save enough money for that too.

7. get a pair of really comfortable loafers and athletic shoes, its been awhile since i last bought mine


Well, i cant remember much from my loooong list, but these are top priority that i have to save money for...argh...and the list goes on~..i wish i was an(a) heiress !



anyway, as for rewarding myself, i have planned some vacations after exams..hopefully everything will go as planned..pretty please~