Saturday, 13 March 2010

I think i miss home

I called Mommy last night, she was a bit late on picking up the phone. And when i was talking to her, she did not respond as quickly as she used to. Her reason, she just bought something that she had wanted for a long time and now here eyes are glued to it (dad said). I am happy for mom, finally buying something for herself, and not for her spoilt children (especially the daughter studying in Indonesia). I miss home~

--NOTE TO SELF --

someone asked how i felt~

I cried a few days ago, not because of homesickness, but because of something that some people did to me and my friends. I did not mean to cry, actually the incident did not perturb me at all, until other people started looking at me with pity, or hate, i dont know which. On the day it happened, i felt no emotions, just a bit sad, but as the day wore on, and people started to talk about it, it hit me..was i supposed to be embarrased, was i supposed to be ashamed, or was i supposed to be angry. I was smilling like a dumb fool the whole time, oblivious to the fact that the situation was actually getting chaotic.

When i went back home, and heard people talking about it, i still did not feel anything. But the day after that, as people STILL talked about it, it kinda left an effect on me. I do not feel hate, i do not feel revenge..but what i felt is just sadness, a huge sadness overcame me since that day, and that was the reason i cried~ I remember the times when i get angry or hate someone, and the hatred bubbles up to an enormous effect. The only thing that can calm me down is to remember the good things about the person, little things they do to help you, the smiles and laughter that you share, which are more important than anything else in the world. Sometimes, i just dont understand, why some people would throw it all away for materialistic and worldly things.
Is it to prove a point?
Is it to show someones weakness?
Is it to show that you are right?
Is it to get what you want?
But in the end, is it all worth it? Is it worth hurting people that had been there for you all this while?
Is it worth it letting down the people who had backed you up when other people were against you?

tell me, is it worth it~

If what you did was right, then why does it feel so wrong~

It takes forever to know yourself, and it takes years to know someone else. From the outside, we all seem like the perfect human beings, but we determine how right that picture is. I am not perfect, i admit, but i would like to be as close to perfect as i can. We all have our own moments of weakness, and at that particular moment, we must think hard on making the right decisions to make ourself stronger. If we choose the right way, things would turn out best in the end even after many obstacles. But if we take the wrong way, stop yourself before it is too late, turn back and start again on our path in this world.

I dont know, this is just me..maybe some people dont want to know how i feel. but this is how i feel ...


4 comments:

dr hakim said...

i know its harder than we imagine...
sabar yer noddy...masa akan berlalu...
keraskan jer hati...yang penting dont revenge it...ia namapak u damn fool...people noddy..people..esp dalam komuniti kecil sebegini...
kuatkan hati ok?

me said...

sorry if its hurting u~~

it is WRONG.. i know....

dun have argument for that...

as i am ~ NADYA~ said...

ps:
i wrote this note as an afterthought..

so, its long gone from my mind

zhufieza ahmad hashim said...

it has been a long time i didnt see ur mom..how is she now?hope she is doing fine...she was my lecturer when i was in mukah...anyway i also miss her...send my regards to her..wslm..