tea, lime and honey

good morning..

i woke up today with a smile, as about a whole lot of days now. do you want to know why, well..its because i sleep with my super-duper cute cat-dog who is notoriously cheeky and cunning. I love him to bits even though he is just a normal cat. (sindhu says he acts and looks like a dog). Bubu (or Biu Biu as the vet calls him) has been starting to act really cute in the mornings. i dont know why, maybe he gets hungry, maybe he wants to go out of the room. He would curl up right beneath my eyes, or suddenly lean his soft fuzzy head on my legs with a gigantic thump. Seriously, it melts my heart.

Until ....

I think i know why he is acting all cute and cuddly nowadays...
because he feels guilty, leaving his humongously large poop in my bathroom..its REALLY REALLY big i tell you. (macam slurpee kat 7 eleven bentuk dan ukurannya, kecuali tinja nya berwarna hitam coklat)..muahahahah...

But whatever the reasons he rolls over me like a dog, i lurve him to bits!

So,anyway i woke up to day facing the sunshine, made myself some sardine rolls and a cup of steaming tea served with a slice of lime and a dip of honey~ yumm

Theres these blogs that i read on a nearly daily basis and which i would like to share with you. Today, i would like to talk about it one at a time, because my exam is coming up next week...tee hee

the first is a blog by NINIE AHMAD








I found this blog through a friend of a friend who was following this blog as well. IT tells the tale of a young woman, in her 20s who has succeeded in opening her very own yoga studio which i do find posh indeed in damansara.
What is the most interesting thing is that, i think she resembles me in a way. Like me, she is a girl who is vertically challenged i.e not tall but with her own big dreams in hand, she is now a very succesful woman owning a yoga studio where the rich and famous come to stretch their biceps and triceps.

She tries to tell people about how yoga is not banned in malaysia except for the ones that include all the religious chant, and that what she is doing is just another form of exercise like tai chi or something. Sometimes, going against the monotonous wave of what other people think is hard, but thats what you have to do to stand by what you think is your right.

Underneath all her fame, she is very humble and always remembers her family and religion. As i am, she is also a die hard fan of Yasmin Ahmad, who was both loved and hated just because she had a different way of thinking, a soul who wants to revive our race, our nation, our religion, but whom people close their minds to, not trying to think about new things.

It all comes down to identity, as my mother always say to me. I grew up under the value that IF EVERYONE IS THINKING OF THE SAME THING, THEN NO ONE IS THINKING AT ALL


and i am glad i grew up like that. I want to be someone who can think for myself, not afraid to be different. Everyone was born to be someone special in this world, someone with amazing capabilities, just waiting to be unlocked. The difference between all of us is that some people would stand unwavering, to unlock the magical wonders of their minds and bodies that God has given them, and finally succeed in life. While others stumble and fall before they get to find the key to unlock themselves.

So, i want to promise myself that

I AM NOT AFRAID OF BEING DIFFERENT

I AM NOT GOING TO BE JUST ANOTHER FACE IN THE CROWD

I AM GOING TO BE SOMEONE IN THIS WORLD


So, i guess i started with doing something different today. Other days, i or anyone else would just drink tea and sugar. Today, as a start to accepting our own difference, uniqueness and self, lets toast our new day with some tea with lime and honey! =)

a tribute to ninie ahmad ---BRAVO!

and i did dry my eyes...

Hey world...

today sounds more positive than yesterday night. i always have these emotional breakdowns dont i. and i tend to put them on the internet. it sounds dumb for me to tell the world what i feel, but you know what, sometimes i feel much better after writing crap anywhere. and i did !

after putting some nonsense on my blog, i played on the dance mat for a few hours until i was practically screaming with laughter and sweat poured down from jumping too much..i had fun!

i want to share you this song i like ...im watching tv right now, and catching up on some things. but do hear this song aite!











Belle Of The Boulevard

Down in a local bar
Out on the Boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you from sinking
It's a long way down, It's a long way

Back like you never broke
You tell a dirty joke
He touches your leg
And thinks He's getting close
For now you let him
Just this once
Just for now
And just like that
It's over.

[Chorus]
Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don't be afraid
But keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
For the Belle of the Boulevard

In all your silver rings
In all your silken things
That song you softly sing
Is keeping you from breaking
It's a long way down, it's a long way

Back here you never lost
You shake the shivers off
You take a drink
To get your courage up
Can you believe it?
Just this once
Just for now
It's over

[Chorus]
Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don't be afraid
But keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
For the Belle of the Boulevard

Please hold on, it's alright
Please hold on, it's alright
Please hold on

Down in a local bar
Out on the boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you

[Chorus]
Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry you eyes
Don't be afraid
Keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
For the Belle of the Boulevard

dont turn away...dry your eyes,

am i different...am i someone hard for people to accept...am i weird, am i strange...i dont know...~

it happened since i was small
i remember those words someone said when i was 14
i still remember them till today

its killing me inside
i need something to heal it
old wounds reopen
and im getting worse

i dont need to think of it
i try to put it at the back of my mind
but its etched there
and im alone in facing it

i cried just now
the tears just came
i just, im just lost

i keep saying everything happens for a reason
but i cant figure out the reason why

i want to run away
in the woods, feet against cool sand
face the cool air and breathe through my lungs

i want to go far
but i dont want to run away

dukun mie ayam bakso

I just finished my KKN yesterday, and me and my indonesian friends parted with sad goodbyes. I had a lot of fun with them and wished that there were more opportunities to gather with the locals.

Since 2 months ago, when KKN first started, i think my indonesian language shot up 50% and i now know more indonesian words than i learned in 3 years. It comes to show how hanging out with other people make you learn more things. IT was a bitter sweet experience, i loved the fact that i got to spend time with them. But unfortunately, i dont have much time as it is. It was during this 2 exhausting months that everything coincided, and everyone was also busy.

Anyway, i just wanted to write down a few bits and pieces of memories about the 2 months i spent with them.



1.
I was with this guy friend who drove my car from Jatinangor to our Desa which is like 1 hour away by car, and about 3 hours by angkot. So there we were, talking about each others lives and all, when suddenly he asked me where my father worked. So without further delay, i answered confidently. ``Oh, my dad is retired, but before he retired, he worked in two companies``. Suddenly, my guy friend became very quiet, and looked at me. I was unperturbed and thought he did not hear, so i repeated again, ``my dad worked in TWO COMPANIES``. He slowed down the car as he asked me straight to my face, ``kok, bapa lo kerjanya TUKANG PENIS`` ..i was like WHATT!!! and he answered again, ``ga usah malu2, walaupun bapanya tukang penis, tapi itu juga pekerjaan kan``.. I started laughing like a mad cow, as i heard him repeating again and again that i shouldnt be ashamed of my dad working as a tukang penis. I think after an eternity of laughter, i finally calmed down and caught my breath in time to say, ``Bokap gue dulu kerja di TWO COMPANIES,bukan TUKANG PENIS.`` hehe....i will remember this like for EVERR!!

2.
HAve you ever tried the food which they sell near your housing areas in Indonesia. The ones where they sell food carried on their shoulder, may it be bakso, mie ayam or anything at all. Ive never actually tried those, although i do eat the ones at the main gate to our uni. Anyway, on one of the days in my kkn,THE village people bought me and a few of my friends mie ayam bakso from those sellers carrying it on their shoulder. I had a really bad stomach ache at the time, but i did not want to be rude in front of all the orang kampung that was there. SO i forced myself to eat the mie ayam bakso that they had graciously bought for me. As i stuffed it down my throat, getting ready to throw up as the food reached my oral cavity. When i suddenly tasted a really really delicious feeling as everything slid down my throat. Oh my God, it was GOOOD , and i mean REAALLY GOOD. i couldnt believe it, i thought it would taste like card board or something, but it was tasty i tell you. From that point on, i became a real fan of mie ayam bakso. So me and my KKN friends decided to try out this famous mie bakso near our area. We went with my friend who brought her driver along, and we went inside, ready to taste good food. A lot of people in the area said that this place sells the best bakso ever! and the place was really full of people, the customers never stopped coming. we even had to wait for a few minutes for a place to sit. As we sat down and got our steamy mie bakso, we greedily dug our forks and spoons and began eating. The funny thing was, it did not taste nice AT ALL. seriously. I thought i was the only one who thougt so, but my other friends said the same thing as well. We all just ate a bit, as everyone was disapointed. with forlorn faces, we finished eating only a portion of it, and after like 10 minutes clambered back in the car. everyone was dissatisfied. When everyone had settled in the car, the driver pressed the accelerator and we whisked away.
Suddenly, he turned around and said, `Tadi tukang parkirnya bilang, di tempat tadi ada guna dukun yang paling hebat di desa ini. Terus kalau orang di sini bilang nya emang enak sekali,soalnya terkena sihir dukun itu. Tapi kalau orangnya orang jauh,susah dkit kena sihirnya` ... you bet we were all screaming in the car..haha

NO WONDER!!!!









3.
We went to this primary school to do a program, and after that program, we took some pictures with the children there. Incidentally, there was this little boy who ran from afar towards us, he was dirty and grimy unlike the other school kids who were in uniform and he had this small towel draped over his face. He squiggled in between the other kids but ran away as soon as we wanted to snap some pictures. He was really shy,and never even talked. After everyone had taken photos, my friend suddenly turned to look, and at the end of the hallway, there he was, this little kid was standing alone with that small towel still draped over his face. he wouldnt take it off even for a second. And my friend suddenly got the creeps as the boy was standing alone, near a banana tree. I smirked at her and went towards the boy. ``adik, mau foto bareng ga`` i asked the kid who was probably around 3 years old. He backed away, nearer and nearer to the end of the hallway, nearer to the banana tree. ``adik, yuk foto yuk`` i said again.
Suddenly, he slowly pulled down the towel, revealing only one eye and said `KE SINI YA` as his foot stepped directly underneath the banana tree. I was startled and turned to call my friend who was nearby to see the boy. As we turned to look at the boy, in only a few split seconds, he wAS GONE!! and the worst thing was, there was no exit from the banana tre...JENG JENG JENG.....








Many more things happened but i dont remember most of it obviuosly. Anyway, i hope that i get more chances to mingle with the locals. As of this moment, me and my friend have gone around Jatinangor trying out food that we would not even dream of trying if not of KKN. Im going around hunting for the best mie ayam in jatinangor, and just a few moments ago ate a quite good one in cisekeh gede..kikikiki....

alright, i have to go now, havent done pass year questions yet.

pps:
feel really good now because im not as busy as it was in the last 2-3 months. exams are coming up, mommy and daddy are coming for the holidays and bubu has a skin infection.


ppps:
Ok, i know, i know that i always never keep up to my promises of writing more often. please forgive me, and i am definitely running out of excuses as it is. but i am busy!huhuhu..

PPPPS:
internet is slow like hell, cant upload the pictures, especially the one with the kid

praying under the clear blue sky

I woke up yesterday morning with a start as my housemate banged her room door, rushing on the way out so as not to miss prayers for raya. I sprang out of bed with such speed, that i nearly ran over my cat Bubu who usually accompanies me to the bathroom and waits outside as i shower. Grabbed anything i saw in my wardrobe and called to my other friends who were to go with me for the prayers that morning. This is our first Raya Haji that we Malaysians prayed together instead of at our own respective areas, so i was quite excited. Furthermore, the prayers were held out in the open, under the clear blue morning sky. IT WAS EXHILARATING!

I sat cross-legged indian style at the back of the row, as the soothing voice of other muslims called out to Allahs name. I just sat there, oblivious to the others around me, looked up, breathed in the fresh air and smiled to Him. It was a glorious day! I felt so calm and peaceful that i wished the prayers wont end, but like any other, it ended, and we got duit raya as well!haha..(can i use it to buy a pair of jeans..huhu)

I called mom, dad and kakak at home..they had just finished their prayers as well. They had rendang, lemang and all the raya stuff for breakfast. Daddy asked me what i had, and because me and my housemates didnt actually have enough time to plan for what to cook, we had stopped by a small sundry shop and bought maggie which we cooked for 7 of us. oh dear. It was simple, but i liked it, because at least we sat down together and spent time with friends.

The rest of the day was history, i spent it cleaning up my messy room as it was still messy since TSM, and after cleaning it up, i slept all through the afternoon. By the time i woke up, it was time to get dressed for dinner at Alpina. This year, i didnt even go to see the animals get slaughtered. I just stayed home and rested. and i liked it very much.

You know what, i always wondered why when we selawat and all, we mention the prophet Ibrahims name. Why not Adam, and why not only Mohammed s.a.w..

The answer is that:

The prophet Ibrahim was one of the prophets who sacrificed a lot to mankind, i read somewhere in the Quran, but i dont remember where it is. And i dont exactly remember what i read. Ibrahim was the father of Ismail who after was the first descendant towards the birth of our beloved prophet. (i cant believe i forgot my point, but i do have something important to tell, but i must read again)

Also, Prophet Ibrahim had settled his wife and son in the valley of Makkah by God's order to pioneers a civilization. It was from this civilization that Prophet Mohammed was born.

Prophet's Ibrahim's willingness to sacrifice his beloved son Ismail for the sake of God exemplifies not only his sincere devotion to God.


(i cant finish this just as yet, because i have to hurry out to bandung now and i havent taken a bath yet, will try to finish and prove my point though..)huu~!

take care , have a blessed aidiladha

manusia bermacam ragam

Hey world

ps: this is not an emotional entry, im actually gleefully writing this happily. but i would like to apologize if you have any hard feelings after reading this, i write only the truth and nothing but the truth.

I just came out from 2 weeks of fiery hell, scorched and burnt, but still stable i am. Thank god.

It was a humongously busy 1 month, but the last 2 weeks seriously gave me hell. And being a woman, and of course being me, i was really emotional about it. i should really scrap the emo part of me, someday though.

Anyway, we finally finished our 1 year planning of TSM charity golf, which was to be our most major event in our 2 year hold as UMNO Bandung members. And i personally thought it sucked for everyone because the students had to work their butts off like slaves, and in the end other people (lots of them) just lulled as if no one is working hard.

I just really want to thank the members of kelab umno bandung who really helped, whether they have high posts, or none at all, because everyone played a part in making the event happen. i know we got pissed of at some people who think we are just kids or just there as pawns set for the game, i dont know, whatever. i just hope that when we grow up , (i mean like really grow up), we wont turn into people like that.

Orang Melayu or MAlaysia la, have a tendency to stick their noses way up high once they get something. For example, there was this guy i knew a year ago,who came to us asking for help in making this event happen. At the time, he did not have the title DATO to his name, and he was known only as encik. Well, the encik i knew at the time was very courteous, and a real gentleman really. Lo behold, when he came for the event last week, he had just received his title a few months before, and he was a real pain in the back (im still controlling my language). I think he was just plain rude to all of us and his attitude was really unacceptable. Id hate to see my country fall in the hands of people who have greed spelt in their beady eyes. G-R-E-E-D.

I remember when i went to Australia, i had a meeting with the dean of Bond university, and he was one of the professors in the world who was called to create a vaccine for H1N1. He is a really respected man, holding a high post, and yet, he is one of the most humble person i ever knew. As i waited in the waiting room for my 2 o`clock meeting, he came out at exactly 2 to meet me and shook my hand, as he led the way to his office. This world renowned professor had the courtesy of a gentleman, but not our malay politicians. REally!

So many more things happened during the event, and i wasnt the only one that faced it. My juniors had to go all out to find food to satisfy someones hunger, my colleagues had to stay up night and day to finish what was supposed to be the tsm committee`s work, and the likes. They wanted the best, but they themselves never gave their best.

Oh yeah, i remember 5 of us working at the hilton hotel to do something that wasnt our job at all, and this man gave us RM27 to split between the 5 of us for our lunch.and he said, `tak payah la nak makan kat hotel ni, dah la mahal, makanan tak sedap pulak tu, makanla kat luar2 tu ke tepi2 jalan tu ke`....betapa hinanya

hey man, dont you know, i go to hilton just to have my lunch on lazy days, and i could damn well afford eating there without your help.


I guess our looks gave us away, and the man finally decided to double the amount. The thing was i didnt mind if he didnt give anything at all, as long as he was just courteous, and appreciated that we wanted to help. Just dont say that part `xpayahla nak makan kat hotel ni`.. pooodah~
(btw, this man is still an encik as well, lets just wait and see how he turns out to be once he gets the title that he most probably wants`

I have always been interested in politics since the day i could walk, and i know that politics is like a rotten apple waiting to fall of a tree. But watching what happened from just that simple event, watching greedy men race to kow-tow the feet of our dpm, i just felt like laughing and it made me look down on our people. You are given the chance to be someboedy to help your rakyat, and not mengampu 24 jam at someones foot. It was called a CHARITY for a reason, unless you forgot what charity means. or you could look up the dictionary for the word IDIOT, maybe you would find your name at the meaning =) peace~

I would like to promise myself that if one day, Allah permits me to be someone in this country, world or universe, i would use the power given to me to bring good to mankind and not look down on people. There are people that i extremely respect and have been bred to respect for example Dr Jamilah Mahmood, Tun Dr Mahathir Mohammad, Zeti Aziz, and many more. These are people that i have the deepest respect for and would like to stand in their shoes some day. one day, we could be elected as the most powerful man in our country and feel proud of it, but it would only matter if it comes with being the one man people pray for everyday.~

I could say it now, but i dont know if i would keep my end of the bargain someday, because people tend to change, people tend to become greedy, and people tend to bring out monsters and demons inside of them without realizing it. Im going to join politics one day, if i have the chance. And when i do, im counting on you guys to remind me of who i really am, who i want to be and what i can do for YOU. thank you

making it through the rain~

I saw you this morning ,In my red ruby shoes
You looked down, i looked down and we acted like we didnt know each other....

I used to hate days that i didnt tell you everything i did, and you would just listen
I used to like days when i would pour out my heart, and you would try to console it
I used to be impatient for the day to end, so that we would talk till the morning light
and I used to love the thought of just having someone like you there for me~

I left you without telling you why, but you never asked for a reason
I said goodbye without saying those words, but you never turned around to listen
I cried tears when i knew that it was my last time with you, but you just kept on
and I did care deeply once in my life, and wished that you would care too~

I saw you in the rain just now, it was a cold day wasnt it
I wanted to walk away, but you know, i just couldnt do it
I stood by your side to help, the way i always used to do
But you couldnt care less, coz i mean nothing to you

I hope its the last time that i feel like being there
Coz i dont like being taken for granted, anytime, anywhere
I felt like a total moron coz i believed that you would try
To make our paths collide, and we would be free to fly


I know i meant nothing to you,
But you meant the world to me once
Thanks for the memories that ill try to erase
God bless your life, and the future that you will pave~


ps: ( 10 years from now, i would kick myself coz i wrote this stupid poem and even thought of you)

if each morning could be as wonderful

Hye...

Yesterday, during a blackout, me and a few friends were hanging out at the dining table as the weather was parched hot and the light wasnt working. We ate, we drank to good times and laughed at stupid jokes, just felt like wasting our youth at the time. Coincidentally,there were 2 types of bread on the table, wholewheat and plain white bread. Which one would you choose Nadya, asked a friend of mine. I would definitely choose white bread as it tastes so much better than whole wheat, said i. but on the other hand, white bread has a much higher glycemic index than the other, thus making it unhealthier than even rice! A fleeting thought came into my mind at the moment as i continued the conversation with them, why do we human beings prefer something that only tastes good but has bad benefits in the end and not something that is a bit bitter but brings out only what is good in us, like the whole wheat bread.

And why did God make bad things nice while good things bad~
I dont know, maybe thats the point of living. He makes choices, and it is up to us to choose whether we want our life to be whole wheat or plain white~

I am now of the habit of sleeping very early and waking up early in the morning, therefore not missing my Subuh. Alhamdulillah to that.( but i kind of missed 1 Isya because i slept TOO early!huhu). At the moment, i stopped depending on other people to wake me up. At the moment, i detached myself from people who take me for granted. And at the moment, i am living my life for ME. In a nutshell, i am also trying to improve my whole balance in life, emotionally, mentally and physically.

I hope to be doing things that are healthier for me as a whole. I try to eat more natural things, and try to eat home made food instead of expensive take- outs. Im trying to increase the amount of time i exercise and do sports instead of just wallowing up in a cooped up bedroom on lonely afternoons. Most obviously, im trying to cut on my horrific spending habits (muahahhaha)which has grown to be a disease.

Because i think it is time for me to finally choose my wholewheat bread.

ITs been a long time since i did things just for myself, and it has finally come to a point in life when you decide, thats it, i dont mean to be selfish, but here i am, its my life, and like it or not, i have to make the best of it. you only get one chance in life you know. I used to be someone who would do anything to make people close to me happy and i would really go the distance to make that happen. But when people just tend to think you would always be there for them, it just drives you away when you find out that in the end, they will never be there for you~

In the end, all you have is your family, so why not go the distance for THEM and YOURSELF.

This year, i want to go the distance for myself...
to make me into a better person....
i know this sounds cheesy, and probably ive said that i want to change a thousand times, but trying to change is better than thinking that you cant right.

so, no matter how many times you want to turn over a new leaf, and no matter how many times other people think you cant do it, in the end, its the thought of trying that counts!

Life is like a wholewheat bread
It is bitter
Unlike plain white
But if you have to choose
Maybe you should go for the bitter part first
Coz as life goes along, im sure it will get sweet~

till death do us part

I have a very bad habit..i open my facebook like at least more than 5 times a day but i dont get to the job of replying peoples messages until around 5 days later. I just click and click and click without any purpose at all...maybe i just enjoy clicking. (ps, i even click on my handphone without any purpose, thats how bad its getting ..huhu)

Anyway, 3 days ago..i clicked to check my facebook home and i scrolled down to read some status which could make me laugh. Usually on the right side of the home page, there will be notices of friends that we have not reconnected with for a long time. this time, that friend was XTIMZ FATIMA...someone who had died barely a few months before.

I was actually stunned and speechless. If you knew her, or read the news, you would know that this wonderful person had died recently in a car crash in India. and yet, her facebook account is still here, lending a soft reminder of her presence, of her life for 20 over years with us.

I stopped to think twice, should i open her facebook.... how would it feel to open someones facebook when you know she is not alive anymore~ ive never thought of that. before the existence of the internet, the only memories we had were of photographs long kept in dusty cupboards, and an occasional diary that we find. Now, with facebook, you have a window opened to view someones private life,a window to the soul to tell us what happened when, who they were in love with, who they were fighting with, who they were crying to..I hesitated, but in the end, i clicked --RECONNECT WITH HER

I shut my eyes for a few seconds, not sure of what i would find. when i finally opened my eyes, i was stunned to see hundreds of new comments, some just posted a few hours ago when she had died weeks before. There were still people telling her how much they miss her, people reminiscing on old times, wishing she was there with them, asking her how she was,hoping she was ok on the other side, hoping all of this was just a lie and they would meet her again on another monday~

i was really touched with all the comments given on her page, she must have been a really good soul for people to still remember her like she was still there. I just wondered, one day, if im gone..will people remember me like they remember her~

i really wonder....

Thats why people say, the human race does not remember you by who you are, but they remember you by what you did while you were alive.

I always wonder, when we die, would we be amongst the living. Would we be a presence looking over what is happening to the people we were once with but are not able to talk to them anymore. Could i see the comments on my facebook when im dead, i mean, not la click the facebook kan...but you know, when you think of someone who has died, can they listen, can they hear us..can they feel what we commented..i wonder.

Mom told me once, that we all are just passing by in this world. It doesnt matter what car we drive, what house we live in,because what matters is what we bring inside of us. Whether our heart is pure, full of good deeds...or our hearts are filled with loath and evilness. Thats how people remember you.


Imam Malik Ibn Anas saw the Death Angel in his sleep, and the Imam asked him: " How much left for me to live?". The Angel pointed to his five fingers. Then the Imam asked him: " Does that mean 5 years, or 5 months, or 5 days ?". Before the Imam had a chance to get an answer back, he woke up.

The Imam went to someone who would interpret dreams. That man told him: " Imam Malik, when the Angel pointed to his five fingers he didn't mean 5 years or months or days, but the Angel meant that your question ' how much left for me to live' is among 5 matters that only Allah (SWT) knows about, and he recited the following verse from the Qur,an:







"" Verily, with ALLAH alone is the knowledge of the Hour. And HE sends down the rain, and HE knows what is in the wombs. And no soul knows what it will earn tomorrow, and no soul knows in what land it will die. Surely, ALLAH is All-Knowing, All-Aware. "" 31:34

the first movie i cried~

OK, its still my free saturday, just a few hours after i had written the other short post. The dvd guy that im close to suggested for me to watch this movie. its called AN AMERICAN CRIME.
its the first ever movie i CRIED...EVER
seriously....
its a true story and read more on it after i watched the movie with tears down my eyes...i cant believe something like this can happen to someone~






Times like these i feel very grateful that i have a loving family which would never leave me, and never would stop loving me....and i would never stop loving them~

panadol extra

you bet this was a super-duper busy month. I think i only go in my room after 10pm to sleep. and the worst thing is that i get really dizzy at night and have to settle down with a panadol extra so that i can sleep straight away.
this has been going on for 2 weeks.
2 weeks on drugs.
i need to stop.
havent stopped.
will stop.

Its going to be extra2 busy next week. This is my first saturday at home in a month. and im indulging myself by watching dvds in my oh-so-messy room, finally have time to play with Bubu who has grown quite a bit, he can potty outside already! Thank God i hired someone to clean my room 3 times a week, and she does it at a really good price, atleast my room is clean, i just havent gotten down to making it neat and tidy just the way i like it.

I wish i dont stop writing like im doing now....
I wish so many things to happen ...
and I wish so many things not to happen...
But they are happening...
So i guess its just time to suck it in
Go through one thing at a time the way i know i can handle it...
and just hope ill come out alive =)

naked man and naked woman

I just finished an hour at the gym, i need the exercise as i seem to increase in size the moment i stop working out. Me and my friend always walk back home from the gym, no matter rain or shine and nothing ever bothered us, not the dusty pavements, not the noise or even the abundant cars along the road...that is, until one day...

We came out a bit later than usual from the gym, we walked back side by side while talking along the way. Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a burst of pain on the right side of my shoulder. I turned my head as quickly as i could, my left hand clutching my shoulder as the pain radiated down my whole arm. My eyes caught the deep stare of this half naked woman staring at me as if she wanted to gouge my eyes out. Thats when i realized that she had punched me with all her strength, and looked like she wanted to do it again. I dont know the reason why she did it, except that she was not in her right state of mind, said my friend who told me she always saw her along the road.

My next encounter was not that scary, except for the fact that it was dark, silent and i was ALONE.

After finishing my dinner at a local eatery near my place, i decided at that very second that i wanted to go buy some dvds. I took the angkot as i did not bring my car at the time. The dvd seller smiled at me, gave his usual recommendations of movies that he knew i liked, and i ended up buying more than i had money in my pocket to pay with. The dvd seller knew me well, and he said i did not need to pay the rest of it. But i still did not have that 1k to pay my angkot fee back. so i decided to walk, i looked at my watch, it was nearly 9. its ok, i told myself,im used to it...

I took the small black bag full of dvds, and kept staring at the ground, as i walked back. There were not many people around, 2 guys were walking in front of me. Suddenly, i heard hushed voices as they quickened their steps. Wondering what was going on, i looked past them, but as quickly, looked another way again. Oh my God, it was a naked man, walking towards me. I walked as closely as possible to the 2 boys in front of me, and they as quickly, was walking away as well!

To my dismay, they took a turning to somewhere else, and i was left all alone on the street to face the man who was also not in his right state of mind. I didnt know where to look, look up, and i would see his scary face, look down and err, i see err something else pulak kan..huhu...so i looked to my left, breathing prayers as fast as the wind so that he would just pass on peacefully. He slowed his step as we nearly bumped into each other....slowly, slowly, until he came to an abrupt stop beside me. I wanted to scream or run, but i knew if i did that, things would turn out worse. He stopped, glanced at me, with a half sad- half mad face, and finally decided to walk away.

YOu bet i ran ALL the way home!


I didnt write this today just to tell you about my experience with naked people, (pun unintended) because i bet my friends here have experienced a lot of this as well.
i was just thinking that I go through my daily life quite satisfactorily, i dont think i have any reason not to be happy, and yet here i am always feeling sad and unhappy without a reason to be so. I have everything needed to live a normal life, have people that care for and love me, and yet i do seem ungrateful at times.

What if i was like the really lonely people out there, the naked man, the naked woman. who do not have anyone to love them, feed them, or even clothe them. Would i be someone walking along a dusty road, avoided and shunned by the public.
And i would be alone, all alone...i wonder how would that feel~

Guess i just want to thank God that im alive and well...

PS:

~1 year ago, i made a deal with God...no one knows what it is...but God knows i didnt quite keep my part of the deal

~Theres this really nice book that a friend gave to me, and i like to read this part of the Du`a, although i havent done it for quite some time...

YA ALLAH, AKU BERLINDUNG KEPADA MU DARI RASA GELISAH DAN SEDIH, DARI KELEMAHAN DAN KEMALASAN, DARI SIFAT PENGECUT DAN BAKHIL, DARI TEKANAN HUTANG, DAN KESEWENANGAN ORANG

YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN BADANKU

YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN PENDNGARANKU

YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN PENGLIHATANKU

ps ps::

im sorry about the bad posts and updates, im actually working on something at the moment, which must be kept a secret until it has succeeded..sorrry!!

michael jackson and zain bhika- give thanks to Allah

free s, embed, michael jackson, gives thanks to allah songs
free Music download | free Mp3 download

Give thanks to Allah,
for the moon and the stars
prays in all day full,
what is and what was
take hold of your iman
dont givin to sjeitan
oh you who believe please give thanks to Allah.
Allah o Ghefor Allah o Rahim Allah o yihibbon Mohsinin,
o Khalikhone o Razikhone whahoe ala kolli sjeiin khadir

Allah is Ghefor Allah is Rahim Allah is the one who loves the Mohsinin,
he is a creater, he is a sistainer and he is the one who has power over all.

Give thanks to Allah,
for the moon and the stars
prays in all day full,
what is and what was
take hold of your iman
dont givin to sjeitan
oh you who believe please give thanks to Allah.
Allah o Ghefor Allah o Rahim Allah o yihibbon Mohsinin,
o Khalikhone o Razikhone whahoe ala kolli sjeiin khadir

Allah is Ghefor Allah is Rahim Allah is the one who loves the Mohsinin,
he is a creater, he is a sistainer and he is the one who has power over al

i like this

D'Masiv - Jangan Menyerah

Tak ada manusia
Yang terlahir sempurna
Jangan kau sesali
Segala yang telah terjadi

Kita pasti pernah
Dapatkan cobaan yang berat
Seakan hidup ini
Tak ada artinya lagi

Syukuri apa yang ada
Hidup adalah anugerah
Tetap jalani hidup ini
Melakukan yang terbaik

Tak ada manusia
Yang terlahir sempurna
Jangan kau sesali
Segala yang telah terjadi

Tuhan pasti kan menunjukkan
Kebesaran dan kuasanya
Bagi hambanya yang sabar
Dan tak kenal putus asa

OH MY GOD!!

I FORGOT!!

the most important resolution is TO STOP SPENDING LOADS OF MONEY...!!wuhuu!!

simple resolutions

ok, even though we have gone through 2 weeks this year, but its best that i do my resolution now, before i get too far back...

RESOLUTION FROM NOW AND 2010 ABOVE

(weird title, but dont know how else to say it)

1. keep my end of the promise to God

2. Love and respect my parents even more

3. stop taking things for granted, work harder for what i want

4. smile even more, since my tooth looks prettier now..haha

5. be forgiving, be kind, be loving, be caring

6. if someone does something to me, hopefully i can just brush it off and walk away

7. stop gossiping or mengumpating..haha...seriously

8. wake up early (and not like umm..5 minutes before class)

9. want to be funny but not silly

10. accept myself for who i am, and never lose my identity

moreh ..(is that how you spell it)

this was during ramadhan in tronoh

we had a small moreh at the masjid

raya quickie!

Selamat hari raya everyone!


1. WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU DONT LOVE GOD ENOUGH AS MUCH AS HE LOVES YOU

When? its when you have your terawih prayers and think about which baju raya to wear, the red or the pink one. You take Him for granted, but HE is always there to help you when you need Him. =(

2. WHEN YOU REALIZE YOUR LOVE FOR CATS CAN CHANGE

When? when your sister brings back a cat named Bali who terrorizes you even when you are watching tv. Or when he jumps over you as if you were a highway. Or when he bites you for no reason. You dont understand if he likes you or hates you as he bites at ONLY YOU!aiyoo

3. WHEN YOU REALIZE SOME OTHER PEOPLE NEED MORE THAN YOU DO, BUT THEN YOU FORGET ABOUT IT THE NEXT SECOND

When? when you go shopping at a factory outlet one night and suddenly stumble upon a small girl selling newspaper. When you want to offer her some money she doesnt take it, but instead just wants to sell the papers so she can go home. She looks at your bountiful plastic bags full of clothes and says 'teh, lg bli baju untuk lebaran ya?' 'saya gA ada baju baru untuk lebaran'. and you quickly go in the shop to buy her something for raya, but look out the window to see that she had already gone somewhere else. you cant buy anything for her, and instead start buying some other clothes for yourself. bummer!

4. WHEN YOU REALIZE SYAITAN DIIKAT WAKTU RAMADHAN, BUT WHAT ABOUT ...?

When? when you sleep one night and suddenly wake up to find this huge gray thing looming on top of you. and the sound of all the clocks suddenly tick loudly as the thing closes in on you. then you hear the running of small feet in your room and as you pray really really hard, it all goes away..then you pick up your handphone, look at the clock..its midnight!

5. WHEN YOU REALIZE WHAT RAYA IS ABOUT

FOOD
FAMILY
FUN!!

ps: am in perak now, havent taken a bath, had a blast enjoying with family in nilai and kajang yesterday..will update soon!

air asia and the 15 kilos

MONOLOGUE

I cant sleep...been tossing and turning for a good 2 hours while watching the departed on tv. Bubu has been sleeping soundly since 11 pm, i got a chance to squeeze in some sleep for about 15 minutes, but it was a nasty sleep, i kept waking up every few seconds.

Thought of getting some milk from the fridge, it works most of the time, but no milk was left in the fridge..most were given as sacrifice to Bubu for a peace offering. I remembered there was some left over downstairs and decided to have an early sahur. Went down, chose what i wanted and went up again to watch tv in my room. TV DINNER\sahur..

Anyway, while i was eating, i suddenly remembered the last time i packed my stuff to come here. Mom always lectures me about how i always pack excess luggage. There were lots that i wanted to bring back to Indonesia, but you know Airasia, its just ridiculous.i mean who in the world travels less than 15 kilos (i know some friends who do though). but i dont. so this time, i really wanted to try to lessen the weight of my luggage because most of the time mom would have to pay for excess luggage as if she bought another ticket. i brought a hand luggage and a bag to check in. I tried stuffing in so much in the hand luggage until the bag for check in was less than 15 kilos. and i was definitely so proud of that achievement. it would be my first time ever without excess luggage in uhhh.. 3 years!

Mom saw what i was trying to do, the hand luggage was already around 10 kilos, but i was happy, i wont have any excess luggage this time. She walked into my rrom in Kajang and said, `nadya, i wont have you carrying a heavy bag around` `maa!its just a short walk, i can carry it` i answered. but she just shook her head, and took out some things to put in the other luggage. She said,`i know i always blab to you about how much your bag weighs all the time, but i wont have you carrying this heavy bag, i dont mind paying as long as you dont carry anything heavy`

wow...thats my mom...i know it sounds like a small thing, but to me, it showed how much my mom loved me...aww..i miss my mom..she does sacrifice a lot for me and for all of us...i just miss her and cant wait to go back for raya.

thanking you for another breath of life...~

The last few days of Ramadhan is said to be as one of the most sacred days awaited by many. At 3 in the morning today, i was woken up by my housemate to go to the Qiamulail(special prayers performed in the early morning), my red eyes popped open as i dragged myself on my feet and with just my pyjamas, brushed my teeth, washed the groggy look of my face and set off to do our prayers in the wee morning at the university mosque. The air was chilly as i hugged myself in my old pink sweater and the wind bit like frost underneath the clear black sky.

As i laid my praying mat on the brown carpet of the mosque, i glanced to my left and my gaze was met by 2 friends of mine who lived somewhat far away from the university. Curiously, i asked them, how in the world did they get here, as there were no transportations from where they lived to the university at such time. With a shy smile, one answered, `we went out, and just left it in God`s hands whether or not he wanted to provide us with some means to go to this morning prayer`. `surprisingly,there was an ojek (motorcycle) waiting for us across the road! Maybe, when you put your heart to do something good, God will always help you` said the other one.(they didnt exactly use those words =p)I smiled to myself, how very true were their words, it was a reminder to me about what i wrote in an entry before. If you pray to get closer to God, God doesnt give you closeness, he gives you the OPPORTUNITY to get close to HIM. As we prayed that morning, i felt a sense of peace and calm to be amongst the lucky ones to wake up and pray to Allah...

After a nice sahur at the mosque, we parted our ways and each went to bed again. My tired eyes were shut for a mere 2 hours when Bubu the cat got hungry and began clawing at my hair. It was still early and i didnt have the strength to get up, but Bubu became even more persistent and agitated. At nearly the same time, my housemate came barging into my room and jumped on my bed without so much as a good morning. `not you again!` i grumbled jokingly as she played with Bubu. After squinting for a while, i finally got up and gave Bubu his breakfast. It was only around 7 at the time and the sun was just beginning to rise.

I spent the whole morning and afternoon talking to my friend, playing with Bubu and cleaning up my room. It was nice to have a really restful weekend at last. suddenly, i remembered that i was to have dinner with a friend tonight. So at around 3 in the afternoon, i took a really late bath, and waited until the Asar prayers before proceeding to go out making it only 2 hours of sleep in the last 24 hours.

As i shifted into gear on the highway to Bandung, my eyes were slowly fluttering every now and then out of sleepiness. I pressed the pedal harder, speeding to get to town faster as i was a bit late and should have been there a good half an hour before. I was going at about 130kmh with sleepy eyes when suddenly, a black avanza in front of me stopped abruptly in the middle of the highway.I was so near the car that it took me by surprise as i wasnt paying much attention on the road. My heart skipped a beat as i estimated that i couldnt brake in time, the silver CRV behind me was tailing right behind and was so near.in mere seconds, I had to choose between a devastating crash with a car in front, crash with the divider on the side or be knocked dead by the car behind.

Fleeting memories and pictures of my whole life flashed through my mind as i pressed down on the brake as far and hard as i could. Even with the brake fully down, i knew there was no way i could escape from hitting straight into the back of the avanza. With trembling hands, i took a risk and swirved to the right,barely inches from the divider and the car in front.At the same time, my eyes stood transfixed at the rearview mirrow as the speeding CRV behind didnt notice me in time. With the only strength i had, i turned the wheels as fast as i could and the CRV braked with such force behind me that his wheels practically grinded the tar beneath and smoke started to develop beneath them. It was exactly like in the movies, the screeching tyres and the heart-thumping seconds between life and death as the crash was just able to be stopped in time. It was awful! Sweat poured from my face as i replayed it in my mind again and again, my hands were still trembling and all the blood from my face seemed to have vanished as i was so scared from the incident, i just blanked out.

After a few moments, realizing i was still alive, i quickly regained driving and got back on the road. We were lucky, all 3 cars because what happened was, there was an accident right in front of us. And we were the cars behind that got lucky not to have been trapped in the same accident! I was in a state of shock and disbelief at avoiding such a catastrophe, the feeling of being seconds away from death is not something that i would want to experience again..ever!
I said my prayers, and continued the drive slowly and wide awake this time. I kept thinking what would have happened if i didnt brake in time.

**Note to self, please never drive alone when you are sleepy!

So..I guess its true what they say, the last few days of ramadhan are really sacred. Today, i learnt 2 valuable lessons which ill try to always remember.

#1. IN WHATEVER YOU DO, ALWAYS PLACE GOD AS YOUR FIRST REASON, AND IN HIS OWN WAY, HE WILL MAKE IT ABLE FOR YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU CHOOSE TO DO..

#2. DO NOT TAKE FOR GRANTED THAT YOU WILL LIVE TO BE A HUNDRED, DO NOT TAKE FOR GRANTED THAT YOU MAY LIVE TO SEE TOMORROW, AS YOUR LIFE CAN BE TAKEN AWAY ANYTIME AT ALL

AND OOH YEAHH

#3. DO NOT DRIVE AT 130KMH WHILE YOU ARE HALF ASLEEP!!!huhu


**At only 22, i dont want to die yet, i still have so many things so go through, so many experiences to live upon, so many wrongs to right....The incident jolted me back to reality on how i havent been thankful enough for what we all have...which is the simple gift of LIFE. If God wanted to take me away at that very moment, he could easily have. Instead, he gave me another chance, another breath of life.......~

today is a friday...

today is the 3rd day of my life with boo boo..(or bubu) i havent decided yet which..so far he has been of no trouble at all. he doesnt meow, practically just gives a squeak every now and then after he gets bored of playing by himself. I went out to town from morning until night yesterday, and left booboo in the oilet with some food, water and the door left just enough for him to squeeze through if he wanted to. i was worried the whole day, whether he got scared or lonely in the cold bathroom (although i did supply a box and some towels in a corner), but my worries were rest assured as when i came back home, booboo bounded happily towards the door. no poop or pee outside the bathroom and he looked happy to see me! i hope he sticks with this attitude forever.

i have classes at 7 today, and as usual i havent finished my assignment. argh...i went out to bandung yesterday with a friend. I am trying out this one project, which hopefully succeeds and that was the reason i went out. but ill tell you about it one day, just not now. after buying all the things needed for the project, we went for a spa which turned out to be not that relaxing as they used ice cubes, ouch! i broke one of my favourite heels and oh yeah, i finally stopped by petronas yesterday for the first time..haha

anyway, i have to write loads of things about viruses and all...must focus on that first..but my eyes are red already. will update more later..take care!

is it boo boo or bubu or bubur!

morning again! i seem to be up early nowadays, and thats a good thing right.=)

i came back home yesterday afternoon after around an hour of blank gaze during tutorial. i couldnt pick up what everyone was saying after the tutorial break as my brain normally malfunctions at around that time. coming back home tired, the house cat named Omer entered my room nonchalantly. This orange cat of my friends, is a humongous orange cat unlike garfield minus the obesity. As he purred and rubbed against my legs, i squatted down and talked to him like i always do. I asked him, where had he been...had he seen his girlfriend today...and so on. Omer doesnt mind me talking to him, and the reason why i never had a cat here was that i loved him a lot. But nowadays, hes a grown boy and he doesnt come back home often, i thought as i rubbed his dirty chin. Looking in his eyes, i whispered, Omer, please bring me a kitten to take care.~

At precisely that time, i suddenly heard the pityful meow of a kitten from the back of the house. I ran to the balcony and saw this teeny form of a kitten wandering aimlessly in the paddy fields! it was meowing at the top of its lungs, whether from hunger or just calling for someone to love him (i think its a boy), i shall never know. but at that moment, i ran as fast as i could, could this be...the cat that i was finding for!!

Maybe it was destiny, or maybe it was just a hungry cat, but the scraggly kitten came running and running towards me as if it knew that i was going to take him HOME. it was such a heartbreaking moment, really! I brought him to my room and petted him for a bit, when suddenly Omer came into the room to see what the fuss was all about. When he saw that some other being was in my room, he literally dived onto the poor kitten and nearly broke its bone! i was horrified!! Omer! how could you!! he gave me an ugly look, which must have meant `i hate you!` and looked sharply at the kitten who was now so scared, his legs were shaking like a chicken.

I gave the kitten a bath, and decided to name it BOo BOo, because, suddenly, i cant think of another name! owh dear, maybe i should put up a contest on who can name my kitten...anyone has any ideas what to name it..anyway, as for now, its boo boo, and boo boo has been very good in the past hours. he doesnt meow loudly, which is good and he did potty train himself. the only thing that irritated me was when i tried to get some sleep last night, but he kept wanting to sleep on the bed with me and after some attempts at scolding him, i finally caved in as his tear drop eyes looked at me as if to say `i love you`...

**ps: i hope nothing happens to boo boo, unlike my hamsters!

good morning!!

good morning world!

its 5.40 am in indonesia and i am halfway through my utter most horrible assignment, due at 9 today. only my study lamp is on, and the rest of the room is dark, as if it is night. but it isnt, and i could get cranky by midday because of lack of sleep..owh dear!

anyway, i woke up with a start this morning. as my phone which doubles as the only alarm in the world that i can hear, woke me up with a startle and i accidentally dropped it under the bed. as it rang the second time, i lazily reached out under, but as it was too far, i fell right down from the bed with it. what an early morning start. and i didnt have time to have my morning coffee *grumble*. but i did manage to gulp down some water before the mark of sahur has come to an end.

im wearing my new pink cotton baju kurung today. want to post a picture, but maybe a little later as im still in my jammies...~

anyway, as my teacher used to say, lets pray that today would be better than yesterday..have a great wednesday people!

the scrapbook and the paper shredder

when i was smaller, i once asked mom to take a couple of coloured paper to her office to shred. They were bright yellow a4 sized papers, to make the borders of my scrapbook which had to be done for school. so I asked mom to shred the coloured paper to make mini squiggly borders on the sides of each page, and if mom forgot to shred them, i would throw a tantrum, getting mad at her, as i would be late in doing my nice scrapbook. Mom would always just say, `sorry,sorry,sorry..mama forgot, i`ll do it tomorrow ok`..and i would frown tight-lipped as i thought about how i was ever going to be able to do the borders now!

Everyone had to do the scrapbook project, and it was some sort of competition, who made the most beautiful scrapbook with neat hand writing and beautiful cartoon pictures. We would even go out on weekends to find the fanciest paper for the cover, and even nicer covers for the pages inside. At school, we would marvel at each others development and compete to see who would end up with the nicest scrapbook of all.

I would bug mom and dad all day to take me to the nearest bookstore so that i could show off to my friends about how my scrapbook would be the fanciest. Each page was done with care so as to appear neat and tidy. Mom and dad must have had a headache watching me meticulously doing it again and again, and spending their money on it. But, who cares, as long as we have the nicest scrapbook right! And i sure wanted to hand in my scrapbook on time, making sure it would be the best.



_____________________________________________________________________________________

The reason why i remembered this piece of memory, was when mom called just now. They had just finished their prayers at 11 o`clock at night from the mosque and are now safely tucked in our orange house in perak. We talked for awhile, but actually, i wasnt focusing on our conversation, my mind was thinking about how i always take for granted that mom and dad would always be there when i called, when i needed them...i forgot how precious every single time i have to talk or spend with my mom and dad was.

What triggered this thought was when i went with some friends to help out at the earthquake site,where a lot of them had lost everything, if not food, water, shelter, then loved ones. I dont mean to sound all mushy, and goody two shoe-d...but its just that sometimes we forget things can be taken from us at any time in our lives.. and the point is, the only thing i dont want taken away from me is my mother and father......

I always take them for granted, when i run out of money, with just a phone call,mom would drive out to the bank and put in double the amount i needed. If it was my birthday, they would always write me beautiful notes in my birthday card chosen with lots of love. They were ALWAYS there...ALWAYS..i cant imagine what would happen to me if they werent...

REcently, we just celebrated dads 60th birthday..both my parents are aged as it is, and even the process of watching them slowly aging is really sad to see.. they were both succesful and were on the fast track for such a long time that it is really different to see them slow down.....and they are slowing down. They walk slower, they forget easily, and they take things one at a time.

Yasmin ahmad once told her mother, she wants her mother to die first. because if she herself died first, then there would be no one to take care of her mother. Thats a really noble thing to say, if you think about it. Because,my wish on the other hand is very selfish...i would always pray that i die before my parents do...because i cant bear to live without them....i really cant....i just cant.....~

you see...Mom and dad are like a scrapbook which i should always do as best as i can...fill them with pretty pictures of sweet memories, make them even more precious with their perfect smile and laughter...and always handle them with care... so that one day, when i have to hand them over to God, i want to make sure that they had the perfect life that they deserved.and this is certainly one scrapbook that i want to make sure...is the best~

**ps

guilty!!of not blogging for a long time!and blogging nonsense stuff!been busy readjusting to life back in jatinangor after nice hols..!huu~

of badak berendam and mangkuk tingkat

Assalamualaikum and a happy ramadhan to everyone i know...

aaah, it feels so good to be able to sit in front of my laptop with internet at home (finally)...as of this moment, i am currently in our house in tronoh, perak.(yes, its perak now, no more kl).haha...but i dont mind, sometimes you do need a place to get away from everything which mom and dad have finally been able to do after all these years. It is peaceful here, all you can hear are the birds chirping and the pitter patter of rain. Mom is with Mak Teh reminiscing their childhood in perak, dad is reading the papers in the dining hall and kakak is sitting on the sofa, staring out at the garden which my parents have been missing out since they joined the rat race.

Kakak asked me a few days ago, nadya, what do you miss most about raya? the answer i could think of at that time was i miss the times when everyone would crowd in one house. kakak...missed our beloved Nani, she said..yeah, during those times, my grandmother, or affectionately called Nani was still alive. We do miss her a lot because with her presence, everyone would come back to batu gajah and just fill her yellow bricked house. the lawn would be full of us kids running around, chasing each other, climbing the massive mango tree, and the only thing that kept us from becoming wild goose were the mosquitoes that were abundant. As the sun begins to hide across the horizons, we could already sniff the sweet smell of Nanis and Mak Tehs delightful dinner on the way as they hustled and bustled in the hot kitchen. Everyone would wait impatiently as they bring out the best food ever, one by one... There would be plenty of food, everything tasted like a slice of heaven as they were the greatest chefs i could ever remember!

Mak teh kept a lot of cats and we would play with them before everyone was called to dinner. All of us were on our best behavior, no elbows on the dining table please, if you spill it, wipe it..and the list goes on. But every mouth watering dish was, ahh, indescribable..and the desserts were to die for.pumpkin pie, chocolate cake..you name it! and oh yeah, there would always be jars of young mango preserved, ooohh...succulent,sweet and tantalizing.hell yeah! all the aunts and uncles, cousins would eat together and talk through the night. We youngsters would play with the bunga api outside, laughing as we trembled with delight and awe at the sparkles.

And when the young night has come to an end, we would bring out those pink mattresses kept under Nani's bed and lay dozens of them in the large hall. Mak Teh would bring out the home made quilt blankets and all the families would sleep side by side. goodnight kakak,goodnight intan, goodnight afzal~

(i wish i could write a beautiful memoir of our childhood days, or at least a beautiful entry...but i dont feel so good today, went to the doctor and had heaps of blood taken out for a blood test =( ..)

PS:

yesterday, i learnt a new word..badak berendam..literally speaking. Mom told me and my sister to go buy some malay kuehs for buka puasa, so we went out to the nearest kueh stall just around the curb. as kakak was staying in the car, i went out and patrolled the streets for the best kueh around. finally, something caught my eye. they looked like bakso dipped in coconut milk! i was elated! the stall seller just laughed and said, this is badak berendam, try some. feeling not so confident to try it, i decided to buy it anyway and brought it back home.

Upon buka puasa, everyone reached out for the kuehs, and dad with startled eyes asked, whats this ball-like thing in the coconut milk? and we all answered its badak berendam! he was laughing and said, what an ugly name, its so literal! but as we tried it, it turns out the kueh was good after all. guess its true not to judge anything by its name and appearance then! =)

i should be updating about my winter/summer holiday in this entry, but i totally forgot to bring my travel journal, and it wouldnt be of much use if i just made a just-so entry would it? but ill put some pictures here, just a little bit..for all the rest, theres always facebook .

back in business!

haha!told you it would be way loonng before i wrote again...i just came back from a terrific vacation in aussie!!and i really really miss my cousins already...awww...!ive got tons to tell, but it'll have to wait until im in the house in perak...

updates since 24/7

im back in malaysia since the day i turned 22! owh how old i feel and how uncomfortable i am in this very stinky cyber cafe. theres no internet connection in our house in kajang, and thats where i would be for this whole week.

lots of nice things happened since i came back home, kakak drove all the way to kajang from johor to celebrate my birthday! i would really love to upload some nice pics of what we did but as i said, i am stuck here..

mom wanted dim sum so we went to eat at this chinese restaurant in equatorial hotel, unfortunately, the person we called did not mention that they only served dim sums for lunch..so we just ate normal food of steak and sandwiches,but i ate the buffet...haha...reminds me of my childhood days when mom would bring us there for breakfast and lunch as she was busy with work in bangi..

anyway..can i update on that later? seriously...trhis place is soo stinky!!..
huhu

but probably ill not update for quite some time...maybe in 2 weeks..maybe in a month...im not sure yet...t

take care!i miss the comfort of internet at home,..wuwuwuw

.....

happy birthday to me =(

if someone prays....

ive been complaining about my cough for the last month, which was very bad i might add. The reason why my cough continued even more than my other friends who suffered the same episode was that i come from a family who has asthma. The doctor who checked on me the other day told me that even if one does not have asthma, but have family members who do, they will have a prolonged coughing episode...i see~

First of all, i would like to apologize AGAIN for not updating my blog as frequently as i used to. hey, even my room is messy nowadays. argh...

anyway...i was watching evan almighty while half studying with my eyes closed yesterday. Ive watched it before, but had nothing better to do as i sat in front of the idiot box.actually, Evan almighty was found not to be suitable for the muslim audience as it contained scenes nearing to blasphemy and the likes. but then again, theres this saying that goes, take what is good and leave the bad, and that is what i did when i watched this particular movie.

if any of you watched it, you would probably have heard this line that i would like to share with you:

If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient?

If they pray for courage, does God give them courage, or does he give them opportunities to be courageous?

If someone prayed for their family to be closer,you think God zaps them with warm, fuzzy feelings? Or does he give them opportunities to love each other?


it means alot doesnt it, see, i told you not all that is bad IS bad. anyway, that night, after quite some time of not doing so, i opened my Quran and flipped to the last page that i had read before. i had finally reached surah Yaasin after so long, and so that night, i read the verses with a bottle of water in front of me as my habit when reading the quran. (not for any purposes, but just my throat gets parched easily). As i recited the last words one by one, i was getting ready for a bout of cough, and gulped down to the last drop the bottle of water in front of me.

Guess what, until today...my cough which had been torturing me for one month ..has finally gone away as the last droplets of water that night entered my throat. can i say its a miracle, maybe.....

i prayed to God to make me well, i complained to Him not to make me sick, not to burden me especially at this time. I fretted and frowned at every cough, every sneeze, every high temperature. I talked to Him every night before i sleep that if he could just make me well again, i would pray to him with even more zest.everyday i would tell him i would appreciate it very much if he took my painful cough away..and then i stopped to think...

IF I PRAYED TO BE CLOSER TO GOD, DO YOU THINK GOD GIVES ME CLOSENESS....OR DOES HE GIVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE CLOSE TO HIM~

thats deep~..you see, i have based my whole life on this particular sentence, that everything happens for a reason..no matter how bad that something is..i guess its true..hmm, this is kind of an abrupt entry as im still finding my momentum on blogging! hope you liked this, toodles...and i am coming back to the blogging world! =)

when was the last time you did something spontaneous

dear diary,

its been one week since i wrote anything, fresh out of ideas i might say.

i was walking back home from my sunday morning jog, which is now a walk because i cant run more than a few miles before starting to cough, argh, really a pain in the butt, me cough..cant even go do proper workout.

anyway,during my walk back home...

i felt ive been living the same old day in and day out...

whens the last time i did something spontaneous

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I REALLY LIVED~

the cat in the hat

There was an old woman who lived by the sea
She ate lobsters and crickets for dinner
And for breakfast, its beans coladas and pea

Her house was at the tip of a cliff
Her smile was uneven, much needed a face lift
Her scarf was red and well used
But she always, just smiles, and laughs and mused

The old woman had a cat who lived in a hat
Who lived with her while catching live rats
He slept and snored on the window sill
And kept by her side when she was ill

The cat worried if his owner died
What would he eat, would he have survived
And purred day in and out by the womans bed
Until one day, she gasped and coughed..and then she was dead..

Poor old cat cried tiny kitty tears
He is now alone, as he had always feared
His fur was dirty from no human touch
All he ate was mice for lunch

One day as he strolled through the garden of weed
He stumbled upon a giant apple seed
As he patted the dust so that he could see
the seed grew and grew into a tree

On top of the tree was an old woman whos smile was uneven
And put out her arms to the now purring cat
Who took up her cat with her to heaven
ANd remained the same furry creature who lived in her hat

~ex
libris

arent we all under the weather...

Recently there seems to be an epidemic not only in my house but i guess a lot of people here and everywhere. EVeryone seems to be sick, and if not sick, is already showing signs of getting the same sickness.

Its really terrible to be sick, but people say that when sickness comes, sins float away. So, in reality, we should be happy to be sick i guess, but it really is hard to be happy when your nose is blocked and your throat is swollen like a bee right.

A wise man told me the trick to not feeling sick is to fight back, when your body feels the most weak, that is when you act as if you feel nothing.

i went out to jog today, but i kept stumbling over my own feet because i didnt feel up to it. Both me and my friend felt like 2 dizzy homo sapient who just happened to stroll down the dusty hot road. Along the way, we bought hot fresh milk, maybe it would soothe our dizzyness. As we walked slowly, we stopped talking for awhile, both immersed in each others own thoughts of dizzyness.

Still not content with the hot milk, i stopped by the local grocery mart and bought myself tons of ionic drinks, having high hopes that these would help. But as the day would turn into night, i would probably go see a doctor later in the evening.

This post means nothing really, but just wanting to say im sick!haha...nah~its not that, i just want to wish all the others who are sick to get well soon~

Mom told me this story of a muslim doctor, captive in a dark cell with other prisoners of war. ALl they had was mountain water trickling inside their dark cell. The doctor tried to cure the sickness of everyone who was in the cell with him with what he had...and all he had was water. He made them drink lots of water day in and out, he bathed their wounds with water, and he made sure that everything he did, included the treatment with water.

With the blessing of God, all under his care became well again, and one day they were set free after months of being captives. After regaining his freedom, he did a research on using water as a healing remedy. I dont remember exactly, but i think it was mentioned in the quran or hadiths about the power of clear water, untainted by any other contents. And at last, his research proved to be fruitful, as water indeed had may i say a miracle healing property.

Thats why all of us today are recommended to drink 3L of water a day..

ok, so thats what im trying to do now...ive stocked myself with more water than ever..hopefulle id get well soon...

maybe prove the miracle of water too =)

anyway, get well soon everyone....may the holidays be happy and not like as if stuck in a prison where everyone seems to be in a foul mood

want to read something beautiful~

purity is half of faith

alhamdulillah fills the scales

subhanallah and alhamdulillah fill that which is between heaven and earth

prayer is light

charity is proof

patience is illumination

Quran is an argument for OR against you

Everyone starts his day

And is a vendor of his soul

either freeing it or bringing about its ruin~~

hadith # 23

JOGJAKARTA-SOLO 2009

(a very tanned hand from the travels i must say!)

Im back from a really fantastic vacation from my accounts that is. EVeryone has been telling me that Jogjakarta had nothing much to offer, but for me, the 5 day holidays with 9 crazy lunatics was worth every single cent. The 5 days of total relaxing holiday was what i needed to get away from the hustling life in jatinangor for awhile, and it did me good. But coming back to the comforts of my room, from the hot sun of jogjakarta, yupp,its true what they say... sometimes theres no place like home!

I have been thinking of finding myself a travel log traditional type of notebook, where i can record my travels. But i havent been able to find a really nice one, something like abangs leather bound notebook. Anyway, for this travel, i used my expense record in my handphone to keep track of what i have been doing. IT helps a bit, but a travel journal would be even better.

These entries are going to be very very travelly, so sorry if you get bored about it...!This entry is an intro, so bear with it ya





ok, first things first, the essential things to bring during a 5 day travel. from left.

1. make sure you bring a bag fit to travel that can ACTUALLY fit stuff in it! I finally found the best bag to travel, which was given to me by my aunt from one of her travels to Greece, i think. It has lots of useful pockets in it, and can be turned into a side bag, handbag and back pack. very versatile.

2. always bring along toiletries to freshen oneself anywhere at anytime. sunblock, wet tissue, hand sanitizer, face spray, hair comb,hair serum..haha...very gurly, i know!but it IS essential i say!

3. Bring a camera that lasts the whole day and night (which mine only lasts for half a day, hence the lack of photographs)

4. NEver forget to bring your handphone, eventhough sometimtes you need to get away from all those gadgets

4. its not in the picture, but i bring along my hat wherever i go because it is definitely hot!

5.SUNGLASSES! --to shade oneself..and to look HOT...muahaha

6. I recently bought a mini telekung, which is a tad bigger than the palm of my hand..very,very useful..one of the most practical things i bought in my life, seriously

After finishing my osce remed on friday, i ran home, and....SLEPT!!
huhu
but i did finish packing a good hour before going to the train station.
our kijang was really late and we had to employ personal vehicles at the last minute..that was cumbersome for everyone, so sorry..
but at last, we reached the train station in time, and after crossing the railway track, in and out of coaches, we finally settled into our blue seats ..all 10 of us.

those on the trip:





ok...actually this entry has been in my draft for ages, around 2-3 days. but i have been busy wrecking my mind thinking of something to weasle my way out of the 2nd judicium. I just dont understand why we have to go and dont they understand that we are not only troubling ourselves, but troubling our parents as well...yeahh, mom said, they are just a sadistically set of people...aint nothing we can do about it, they live on other peoples sadness.

Dont want to spoil my mood on writing about my trip now, so i guess ill go back to the vacation part.


DAY 1 ( 27.06.09)

The train ride was for 8 hours, and it was extremely cold in the coach. I bundled myself with layers of warmth, woken up time to time by some passing freeze. Luckily, i survived the cold train ride unscathed and we arrived at the train station in jogjakarta at 4.30 am.
The air was cool, as we unloaded our bags into the RUMAH UMNO,which we would be staying in for the next 4 days, 3 nights. The big house was not luxurious, but good enough to accommodate us backpackers. WE rested for an hour, some took a bath, 1 person didnt (hee)...and by 7, we were of again to travel the ancient city.

The aim for today was to finish all the temples, or candis. I felt that it was very interesting to look upon such great architecture, the richness of the past, which one day could collapse at any moment. The day was extremely hot, as we climbed the first temple, CANDI BOROBUDUR. The view was astonishing, miles and miles of ancient stones merely stacked upon each other with nothing much to hold them together. Any large earthquake could easily dismantle the ancient temple as had more than once happened. I took lots of pictures, definitely, as we scuttled around the large temple. We spent around 2 hours there before proceeding to other temples. The next two temples were much smaller, Candi Pawon and Candi Mendut. Candi Mendut was nice because it had this large tree where we children swung like tarzan from timbuktu. These temples had various buddhist influence, and beside Candi Mendut was a newly built buddhist monastery which we did go in, only to take some photos. A friend of mine took a really beautiful photograph from her slr, which i would like to congratulate her on, and wish that she would enter the photo in any competitions!i do!






The next was Ratu Boko, which isnt actually a temple, but a place for the princesses to take a bath. ermm..may i say, it was an ancient ground for bath tubs. I absolutely loved the scenery here, but unfortunately, my battery died on me upon reaching this scenic place. but, ill ask from some other friends, probably youll see it on my facebook. The whole landscape was large, and we got lost once, (following someone la...i wonder who laa)..=P..But we managed to get back to the right area, and we spent a lot of time there, taking in the natural beauty of the past.

As we spent a lot of time there, by the time we went to Prambanan, we couldnt get in. But the sun was setting and it was magnificent! I do wish i could post the pictures here! later, i hope.

Lastly, after a tiring day visiting all the temples, we went home, took a bath and went out for dinner at Mang Engking. (im not quite sure how to spell it). But this restaurant is in a castle, very interesting i must say! The seafood was normal, but maybe we paid for the ambience.

All in all...it was a good day spent..

EXPENSES
Car petrol 20 000
Borobudur entrance ticket 16 000
Personal stuff 28 000
6 000
Candi Pawon and Candi Mendut
entrance ticket 3 500
Lunch (nasi baker) 11 500
Any travel expenses 10 000
Candi Brambanan and Ratu Boko
entrance ticket 25 000
Dinner at Mang Engking
–palace seafood… 57 500

total= 177 500

_________________________________________________________________________________

DAY 2 (28.06.09)

I was eager to try out nasi gudeg after my lecturer told me that it tasted good. Unfortunately, never trust anyones taste buds except for yourself...true! It wasnt good at all, i barely touched mine, what more looked at my friends dish which contained an exotic bird head and rice...ahaha..



Today, we went to the train station to check out our options to Solo before proceeding to the Kraton which is the palace in Jogja. The palace grounds was large, very asian oriented monarchy. It is considered the little brother of Solo as the royalty first started there. Kraton closes at 2 pm so, we had to go there first thing.






After the palace, we visited Brambanan again, this time my camera still had batteries. But you should really see it during sun set, awesome! I bought this really nice purple had for a good price and am extremely satisfied with it.(yeayy!!)

At brambanan, we took a mini train around the compound while looking at other temples around it. By the end of our 2 day trip, i reckon we could ace any history test on the temples in jogja!









WE went back home to rest for lunch, again eating nasi bakar which is really good and cheap. Situated just at the corner of where we were staying, definitely should try. After having rested, we went to Amplaz in search of civilized shopping! (sorry ma friends, we had to check out the mall didnt we!)..fortunately for me, things were expensive and not to my liking so i didnt spend much.

VEry restful and unhurried day, enjoyed it!

EXPENSES

Car rental (2 days travel) 160 000
Breakfast-nasi gudeg, ayam suwir 12 500
Car petrol day 2 20 000
Kraton entrance ticket 3 000
Personal stuff 7 000
40 000
10 000
20 000
70 000
130 000
Mini train at brambanan 5000
Lunch –nasi bakar again 10 000
Dinner @ pastello ---
ambarrukmo plaza (amplaz) 25 500

TOTAL = 513 000

___________________________________________________________________________________

DAY 3 (29.06.09)

Today we woke up earlier than usual because we are going to SOLo! hurrayy!
The train to Solo is called pramex, costing very cheap and the trip is only 1 hour.
WE were kind of lost at what to do, i felt guilty because i lost the list of things to visit in Solo. We took a beca from the train station and went around town, as we arrived early in the morning, nothing was opened much. So we went to mcd, where 2 friends went to find a large car to rent. We ended up getting thiS reALY really large mobile fitting all of us.




First stop, Kraton Kasunanan. This palace was unique because it had a lot of western influence as it is the big brother of the royalty in Jogja. There were many gifts from athens, greece, the british and a lot of european countries. In solo, it is known as kasunanan because it is bigger than the royalty in jogja. in jogja, it is known as kasultanan..see the difference right..
The palace grounds were unique because you had to take off any sandals or slippers to step on the special sand taken from the samudra sea. BUt if you wore closed shoes or a sandal with a back strap, then it is allowed. THe belief is that if you go bare footed on the sand, it is a sign that you were blessed and may hinder from any rheumatism.






Theres this really beautiful carriage that i liked, pure white..but as usual, my camera died on me again!!
In the middle of the palace is a well, believed to be used for health by the king.





The trip was then proceeded to the next palace known as Puro Mangkunegaran. The thing about this palace, is that he is actually one of the kings nephews, a knight in his title. He succeded to make a kingdom of his own in Solo, and thus the royal family still lives on in the palace until now.

This palace is somewhat like a mansion of a rich man. Full of marbles from italy, chandeliers from france and furs from the sumatran jungle. The tour guide said that there was a generation of the kings where he became very rich because he charged a lot of taxes from the local people, therefore enabling him to buy all those luxuries.

One interesting object in this palace, is when the tour guide mentioned the ancient g-string and the chastity belt for the king and queen. It is worn so that they wont you-know with other people outside the blood lineage. It closes their private parts, and is locked by a key, held by only 1 person. Unfortunately, photography is no allowed inside the palace itself.
The tour guide, even showed us some lulur and traditional herbs sold by the women of the palace, believed to be used since ancient time for beauty and health.






The whole mansion-type palace was very aspiring, because it was a new monarchy, a lot of the furniture still were from the 20th century. There are pictures of the king who is only 59 years old and his family. one of the family married a malaysian.

Oh, did i mention, that the movie PUTERI GUNUNG LEDANG was filmed at this palace, and there are pictures of tiara jacquelina as well.

From all the palaces, we did what we always do best...visit temples..the next temple on the list is called Candi Sukho. A unique thing about this temple is that it is known as the temple for pronography!! What!! believe it or not..

The story behind this temple is that the people who built it believed that sex is sacred, something like karma sutra, and filled the temple with 18 above carvings for the sole prupose of sexual education...hmm,peculiar eyy... but true.

This candi is a long way from solo town, so we had to travel more than an hour, passing the Bengawan Solo, which is the famous river in solo, drove through impossible hilly roads and finally reach the top of the cold cold mountain.



Everyone was hungry as we got of the mini bus, so we all ate pop mie and drank hot coffee...sadly, my camera aint working this time either...(and i dont think i can buy a camera this year because of **^&*&^ FK who forced us to stay for judicium 2, so i have to waste my *&^&*^ money on flight tickets!!!!argh!!! )..
the temple was shaped like a pyramid, very unique from all the temples that we saw. i believe that it had some egyptian influence or so, as the temple was like an aztec temple.
A funny thing happened there, when we were all posing to take photographs, my friend went to ask some mat salleh for help..
so she was like, ok, you have to press this button and get this view and etc etc...
suddenly the mat salleh said : photonya mau smua atau gi mana....ahaa!!never underestimate the power of a language barrier i say!

FRom the top of the mountain, we went back to the town, it was nearing 5, so Pasar klewer which was a cheap place for batik was already closed, we had to go to this place called KAMPUNG BATIK, and the stuff there is freaking expensive.. all i got from solo, was an expensive tshirt, which after much running around, i finally got the cheapest they had to offer.

We went back to Jogja on the same 1 hour train...along the way, we stopped at the WRONG STATION!..but had time to cover our shame and went back in the train before it started to move.haha...but we reached jogja around 8, just in time for dinner after a really really long taxi ride.

EXPENSES

SOLO-train pramex 7 000
Personal stuff 6 000
25 000
Beca transport 7 500
Breakfast @ McD 34 000
Kraton Kasunanan
entrance ticket 5000
Puro Mangkunegaran 10 000
Lunch—pop mie
Candi Sukhoh 5 500
Car rental 50 000
Train back 7 000
Dinner –
phuket (8.30 pm) 29 000

TOTAL = 134 700

____________________________________________________________________________________

DAY 4 (30.06.09)

our last day in JOGJA..i would personally vote this day as one of the best days of my life! haha
I ABSOLUTELY love the beach and to the beach we went!!
This beach is called pantai krakal...its so stunningly beautiful, at par with the beaches in Bali! TO get there, is a tiring 2 hour drive up a hill! But, once you get there, it was worth it! I loved it! WE had the best times there, the water was as clear as the sky was blue...the waves crashed upon each other like neptune with his crown..The rocks beneath our feet were like stumped glass, sharp, but pleasant to our senses...

We sunk in our happiness, seeping in the sun that burn pleasurably on our already tanned skin. We even opened our own spa with sand massages! how about that!

After more than an hour of swimming, everyone lazed on the sand while playing uno..ahhh, c`est la vie....~

From the sun scorched waters of the sea, only a minute walk lead us to the public shower rooms. at first, i didnt exactly wanted to take a bath in a place like that, but we had no choice..BUT, once i took a bath in the cool natural mountain water, it was definitely a pleasantly clean experience...



EXPENSE

gas 20 000
lunch 15 000
other 10 000
train 175 000
travel
car back 160 000
house
for 3 days 45 000

TOTAL = 380 000

GRAND TOTAL = 1, 250, 000

a very budget holiday!