air mata keinsafan

hey there to those still up in this unearthly hour~

ITs 4 am in the morning now, and i cant sleep, not because i dont want to (which if i had a choice, i would have done), but because sooca is on monday, and time is of the essence (even though i would like to take a few minutes ofF to write something on my blog.


i was reciting to myself just now, trying to remember the things that should have been in my brain ages ago. every time i look at the amount of notes that i still have to go through, and understand and memorize, it sends a shiver down my spine. YOu know how scary it feels right~ sometimes when you have read something a dozen times, and memorized it, and just when you think you get the picture, you suddenly forget. its absolutely panicky!

So i repeated the same words again
and again
and again.....
and it is so hard at this time to memorize because the brain can only function as much...

i think i was on the point of total exhaustion....the floor and the ceiling felt as if it was moving,i just had to lie down on the bed for awhile,.~

I FELT FEAR...
I FELT SCARED....
AND WORST OF ALL, I KEEP THINKING, AM I ABLE TO DO IT....~


i lay on my bed, with my eyes open,my laptop was playing this song that i have been hearing to during these trying days.....at the point when i felt like giving up, i heard the lyrics play.....


..........Setiap kekasih Allah
Menempuhi jalan ini
Untuk mereka memiliki kejayaan
Ayuh bersama kita susuli
Perjalanan kekasih Allah
Agar kita tiada rugi
Dalam meniti hidup ini...........

I dont know what im babbling now, i cant think...but i just want to say, that this part of the song really means a lot to me....

no matter how hard this part of mine or our lives are, setiap kekasih Allah menempuhi jalan ini....

im weak, and this moment im at my weakest point....
i guess the only part of me that keeps me going, is that im doing this for HIM~