cant help falling in love with you......~

A few days ago, me and a couple of friends went for lunch at Ayam Bakar Laos, right after exams. I ordered my favourite mixture of Ayam goreng bumbu rojak and kuah kalasan and es teh manis to match. The moment my lunch arrived, i buried my head right into it as i was extremely hungry (as usual).

It was one of those happy days, where every single conversation turned out to be really funny. The food tasted extremely good that day, i commented ,in between fits of giggles from the jokes my friends cracked.

assalamualaikum ~~~
`pesona jilbabmu,jilbabmu, pulang dari kantor, masih berjilbab`,
`pesona jilbabmu,jilbabmu`

Suddenly, a she-man (if you know what i mean) came and started singing to this tune, as we call, mengamen(**pengamen = indonesian street singer who goes around singing in return for some donations). He\she was wearing a jilbab(head scarf) and was singing this song, in hopes that someone would give him\her change. EVeryone in the shop was trying not to burst into fits of laughter at the dangdut tune, very weird i must say, for a she-man to be singing this song. The owner of the shop started mimicking and laughing at the she-man, but he-she went on singing. Out of pity, my friend gave her some change, and with exuberance, she thanked all of us and prayed that we would be pretty women always and always. Thank you2!!..

When she was gone, everyone started laughing and singing to the tune.. It was kind of funny though..really!

A few seconds after the she-man left, a guitar tune filled the air, owh no, another pengamen, i groaned...argh..cant we eat in peace~!!!



Wise men say
only fools rush in

but I can't help
falling in love with you.

Shall I stay
would it be a sin

if I can't help
falling in love with you.

The only time i heard an indonesian street-singer hum an english tune was ages ago, this was most probably my second time! i turned quickly to take a closer look at him, eyeing him from top to bottom. It was an old man this time, his creased fingers gently strummed the guitar he had strapped against his soiled checkered shirt, with very dusty glasses, he gave and apologetic smile....his face a dark hue against the hot sunny day.

The way he walked...
The way he sang...
The way his sad eyes looked at me, it gave a shiver down my spine...
This wasnt an ordinary pengamen, this was a man, with a story...


I clapped my hands in delight as he finished the last line to the song, he wasnt one of those who came in for money, he sang the full song, albeit some wrong lyrics here and there, and then came to take the change.

WIth downcast eyes, he bowed and gave another apologetic smile, thanking us, his audience for the day. IT was one of those heart wrenching moments....where all laughter cease, as all of us sat there, in deep thought, watching this strange man....

who he was..
who he could have been..
who he is now...

____________________________________________________________________________________



Living in indonesia for nearly 3 years now, has taught me a lot of lessons in life. When we came here during our first year in medical school, nothing could have prepared us to what we were to see. There were so many people living of the streets, wearing tattered clothes and waiting for luck to smile upon them, when a passer-by would throw coins or dollar bills. They would wait by the side of the road, some poorer than others, some were handicapped with no arms and legs, carried by another beggar.

If you have not been here, maybe you cant imagine what its like. But those who do, know what i mean. When i first came here, i wanted to give money to every single beggar that i saw. Every man, woman and child made my heart cry and want to give as much as possible. If me and my friends did not have any small change for the child-beggars, we would go and buy food to give them and so on.

One day, a senior told me, lets see how long you last with these acts of kindness, im sure you would not.. one day you would become like what all of us here have become...hati keras~ .some of them dont need the money, he said, some of them are too poor they dont have anything to eat...some of them are sincere beggars, some of them are filthy thieves...and theres millions of them ....and you cant do anything about it.
i hated him for what he said that day, and i refused to believe that i would become a person who could shut my eye on the poverty in this country...

2 years later~

HAti sudah keras...What i refused to believe has come true. years of watching too many poor people around here has made my soft sides disappear. Im sure im not the only who has become so, and most of us have closed our hearts, after feeling helpless to help the people living of the streets. REmember the girl, (me) who used to give money to every beggar, now i just give to those who really look like they need it. It has become somewhat a bad habit, where i forgetfully ignore the beggars, especially those who pitifully stand at my car window during the red lights.

Its not something im proud of...
But i guess i just adapted to life here, and have become too accustomed watching them that my empathy has faded...

A friend once told me, dikala kita gembira dan gelak ketawa, pada waktu itu, pasti ada yang sedang berduka dan menangis ... I find that very true, and i will remember what my friend said to me until the day i die~

Im not sure whats the point of this entry...
But i guess its just as a reminder, that other people out there need our help...
Like me, i tend to forget, tend to take things for granted...
But what if one day, i become like the man singing the song cant help falling in love with you...
He could have been a rich man, brought down to his knees during the era of global economical downturn...
Anytime, anywhere, we never know what might happen to us....

(sorry, im so sleepy, cant think...brain dead)(excuse the lame entry please, as i will write a better one...some day..that is..huhu)

________________________________________________________________________________

THis afternoon, coming back from gym, we walked back home uner the dusky sky..An old man was walking in front of me, somehow he looked familiar from the back. On his right was a small child, still in his school uniform ,on his left, was a guitar strapped to a soiled checkered shirt.

One hand was holding the means of getting money day in and day out, a song for a rupiah, the only source of income for him.

The other hand was holding his son, and with him was a hope that one day this boy could bring them out of their poverty..

__________________________________________________________________________

I couldnt look them in the eye, they were too sad....
But if you do see them, or the man one day while you are in jatinangor, please do give something to them.....
Who knows, we might be able to change their life one day...
Lets hope for a miracle~


Like a river flows
surely to the sea
darling so it goes
some things are meant to be.

Take my hand
take my whole life too

for I can't help falling
in love with you.

For I can't help falling
in love with you.........

BOOm bOoM PoW!!!

!!!HELLELELELEOOOOOO!!!updates2!

hye there!

i just finished all my papers today! yippee!! but unfortunately, theres still my practical exams next week...argh! but anyway, i want to rest and clean my room today..therefore, today is officially NO STUDY DAY!

My room is an absolute mess i tell you, its as if hurricane Katrina landed in the midst of jatinangor,and happened to knock on my door. I would like to show some pictures of my room one day, haha, because i never had the chance to decorate my own room way back home. We moved too much that i got used to staying in rooms that lacked any personal touches.

The sun was shinning hot today, but it was windy though. I feel im getting even darker than ever, sigh~ MY rezeki today, i was treated to lunch by mr-iv-never-been-to-jatos, (actually i forced him to go, sorry~~) and also had a really really nice bubur jagung made specially by miss-jangok-of-jatinangor (who is a really2 good friend of mine though)(btw, sedaaappp tauuu)...thank you2! you guys made my day~

After eating full to the brim, me and Y headed of to the gym, which im trying to go everyday now since classes have ended.

And things i plan to do during the hols while awaiting remedials~


1. travel jogja-solo-semarang (26-1july)

2. judicium (owh God)

3. go for guitar lessons, (yes, i am going, thank you very much =P)

4. check out the equestrian club somewhere in lembang, but cant quite get in contact with the person in charge just as yet

5. continue swimming lessons

6. continue my tae kwan do lessons

8. jog in the mornings

9. gym in the afternoons

10. finally ----get to do what normal teenagers do --> watch tons of movies, shop till i drop dead, and I GET TO WEAR PRETTY CLOTHES AGAIN...weeee ..(exam month been wearing baju tidur unless theres exams, you can see why i cant wait to wear nice clothes again..)

** btw, someone promised to play ping pong with me!!you know who you are =)

selalu denganmu~

one of my favourite indonesian artists is TOMPI!

so id like to share this song with you guys, to those who also like his songs~

anyway, enjoy..

Selalu Denganmu - Tompi



adakah waktu yg tak berbatas
untukku merasa bahagia
saat-saat aku jatuh cinta
saat ku terbang jauh ke sana

**: selalu denganmu
kasihku selamanya
selalu denganmu
cintaku bersama

kaulah matahari dalam hidupku
dan kaulah cahaya bulan di malamku
hadirmu selalu akan ku tunggu
cintamu selalu akan ku rindu

Tau kah kau diriku
tak sanggup hidup bila kau jauh dariku
ku ingin di pelukmu
slalu.........

Hadirmu.. selalu akan kutunggu..
cintamu.. selalu akan ku rindu..
dan tiada lagi batas ruang waktu

ooh tuhan
tetapkan rasa cintaku ini
hanya untukmu..
selalu setia..
slama-lamanya

owh dear god!

what have i done!!

my blog has been destroyeddd

i cant even find my layouts now!!!

i think im going to have to move my blog somewhere!!

aaaa>>>!!!noooo

(gr....tu laaa...gataallllll sgtttttt...aaaaaargh)

har de har har~

nadya= pink! no way!

but i cant find a background that i like!

guess ill check out templates later...

hey gurl..studyla

REading PHop..and going GREEN

Well, tomorrow is my public health exams and im with my usual fundamental gastritis.

After reading about pollution and all, i mean i know its common knowledge, but i just want to say that i decided that im going green.

Not yet that is, but i want to try.

Not to become a vegetarian though, (because i am a meat eater), but just trying to do things to save the environment. Maybe i will update on anything i do that i feel is helping the universe live from now.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

That reminds me of my childhood days (as usual). My dad was an agricultural scientist that did research on main community plants. We would move from one place to another depending on what specific plant he was researching on at the time. For example, when we lived in Cameron, dad researched on apples and cold weather plants, and when we moved to the states, dad did research on cloning oranges. And the likes..So, our family was a real nomad family, but i dont mind, change is good sometimes.
DAd is now a retired scientist, after years of dedicating his life to his plants, he is safe and sound tucked in perak and is now a full time environmentalist, oh, and maybe farmer. =)

My father is a very passionate man, and with his shining eyes, he would come back from work at nights, telling us stories about what he did with what plants and all. And we kiddos would listen with even more eager eyes, while munching on the fruit that he was researching on. It was always like that, if he was studying on coco trees, we would have coco every weekend, if dad was studying strawberries, then it was strawberries everyday..and in sarawak, when he studied the sagoo tree, we ATE ULAT SAGU!!aha!its true...!!

Being a man of nature, dad always reminded us to save the environment.

1. When we washed the dishes, dad would come over and scold us if he finds that the water was flowing too much from the pipe.

2. If we ever stepped foot outside of the house, lets say, gunung brinchang during our days in cameron, dad would look out for the scattered rubbish that disturbs his sight and tells us...daughters, lets save the environment, and there we were, small kids picking up thrash...but i felt proud of it!

3. when we were in cameron, we would go jungle trekking on weekends, as me and my siblings raced through the lush green forest, dad would walk hand in hand with mom, at times calling us back to show us any interesting plant that had herbal use or was just peculiar in anyway.

4. dad likes to pick up things he finds alongside the road that he thinks is recyclable...and our house would be full of what i call`junk`..when he wasnt looking, me and mom would rush to take out as many junks as possible, and we would throw it very very far away so that he wouldnt notice anything was gone. But mom always asks me to do the dirty job, because she says daddy never scolds his little girls.

5. i once compared dad to this mentally-handicapped man by the road because he too was picking up trash. DAd got so upset, he said i was wishing him to be like that. I never brought up the issue again~

Theres so many more stories about my dad, and i could get carried away. haha..im so sorry, but im always talking about my family arent i..you must be bored i guess, but thats just the story of my life, its all about me, my family and what we have gone through together~ =)

____________________________________________________________________________________

OMG..i did get carried away, this post was supposed to be about me going green.!

lets see, theres a couple of things i could do to start, hmm...but ill post it later, i have to study more of phop...really!

which is more important.....

u....or




u......which!

lets rock!!

this is one of those posts thats not interesting

its just made...

~just because~





MOrning!tengahari!i dont know!haha!im just very happy today!weee!chuweyy chuweyy bum bum!!! =) +_+ =O

I dont usually wake up late on weekends, but nowadays, my schedule has rapidly changed since the exams. I woke up around 9 or 10, and with a very hungry stomach, went down to search for food. I usually get depressed if i dont eat breakfast, or dont eat at all. Im one of those girls who LOVE TO EAT..haha...so sorry people who control what they eat, but chubby is in! (for me, that is). ANyway, couldnt find anyone to try out the new eatery outside, so i decided to make some pre-heat mushroom chicken soup.

BUt chicken soup wont fill my big tummy much, so i was STILL hungry! omg!i am a big -eater.. (btw, next year i want to try to put my name in the makan-cepat-banyak or whatever its called competition!weee).. So, there i was hungry, grumbling, depressed about no food. The whole morning i sat in front of the tv while reading some notes, (exams full next week) (and i kind of skipped my skills lab ,ermm, approximately 3 times)so next week would be full. Supposed to be studying totally today, but im still finding for my momentum, come on, come on!!----Anyway, out of nowhere, suddenly the doorbell rang, ting tong(it really sounds like that) ibu nadya, ibu nadya, tadi ada pesen makanan hahhhh!!!!when did i, erm,did i, no, it wasnt, but how could.....huh!!

Talk about food falling from the sky!seriously!i was just wishing for food, and there it was, food!

sedap pulak tue

SOmetimes, i cant believe my rezeki, thank you God, and i do Love You!I ate like a horse, while Omer sat listlessly beside me, waiting for his share of tidbits. (i dont know why im so enthusiastic today..hehe).

After the delightful lunch, i skipped lightly back to my room, rolled over the carpet and blasted some songs, Which i normally do (sorry for the loud music people, but i do love music!). Grabbed my towel, and took a bath at errr 2 oclock in the afternoon! (secrets out, im not that fond of early baths on a weekend such as this...haha) While in the shower, suddenly, my stereo blasted an old catchy song, by

metro station, shake it

. I dont know why, but it made me want to dance! haha(told you im too happy for words) SO, there i was, in the shower, soap suds were flying around, bubbles were popping in the air, hot shower and there was me dancing while singing to the tunes of this song!

Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake It
Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake It
Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake It
Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake It
Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake It

I saw you dancing and I coudn't get you off my mind
(I could tell that you could tell that I was taking my time
I was thinking of ways that you would stay and be mine
(You're body's shaking, turn me on, so I can turn out the lights

____________________________________________________________________________________

Suddenly this one piece of memory flooded into my mind, during my kiddy-roller blade days. That was the in thing at that time, when everyone showed of their then super-cool wheels. I was with my sister, and my dearest 2 cousins Intan and AFzal, and we were way close back then. IT was in Johor Bahru, where Afzal lived when he was small, and his house was situated in a very hilly area. SO it was super-duper (sorry bout the happy-language!) to skate around in. The afternoon sun was high, and the four of us raced each other, all happy and smilling, kids, no problem in the world.

Suddenly, we chanced upon a really steep hill, the king of the hills. IT was time, we must skate down this hill to prove that we were the best roller blade kids in town! Aha! We were scared, really, but we wanted to do it. Slowly,we marched to the hill, making sure no parent was looking. All 4 of us held our hands tight, we would skate down together... 1--2--3!! AS we skated down fast, I started saying my prayers like 100km per hour under my breath, bismillah, bismillah, bismillah,, we were gaining speed, my hands were sweaty as i held on tight to the chain of me and my kins, when suddenly my cousin said, LETS ROCK!!RELAX MAN!!!and she let go of my hand....

KABOOM- BOOM BOOM POWWW!!!!!

haha

that was the end of that

we crashed!!

to be more accurate, my cousin had loads of cuts and bruises on her knee. while i was happily saying, tu la, lain kali baca la bismillah~...haha..what a memory~

____________________________________________________________________________________

Anyway, everyone says that you cant be too happy, because something bad will happen to you.

I wonder if its true.

But after being very happy today, i realized, there might not be that much time for us to be happy so why not just you know, STAY HAPPY!! (even though theres no reason to be)

I love being happy, who doesnt right...

If i dont be happy always, when would be the next time before i dance in the shower, when would be the next time before, i laugh so hard, tears pour out of my eyes...~

I just love to LAUGH!

I just love to LOVE!

i just love to LIVE!

I just love to ENJOY every single moment that i am ALIVE!

Im not a serious person, and i am SILLY and Embarrass my self a lot!

bUT I DONT care, because there might not be a next time to be HAPPY!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Yeah, we can be worried about something bad happening the moment we get too happy...

But, as the story of my cousins and i go, yeah we fall, yeahh, we suffer from minor cuts and bruises

But as long as God is in our minds, in our hearts...

we just GET UP, dust it off, and..

in the meantime people

LETS ROCK!!!! =) =) =)

Lets fight....lets not give up....~

Surah As-Shams ayat 7-10 :

"Demi jiwa serta penyempurnaan (ciptaan)Nya

Maka Dia mengilhamkan kepadanya (jalan) kejahatan dan ketaqwaannya

Sungguh beruntung orang yang menyucikannya (jiwa itu)

Dan sungguh rugi orang yang mengotorinya"
(91:7-10)


If you have been reading my blog before, you would know that i have always been complaining about my inner turmoil, the fight between good and evil. There are times when i feel so close to God, thinking im on my way, im a step closer to heaven. And sometimes, i just seem to forget about it, not meaning to bow to my evil ways, but that is me, just human.

I have the weekend of this week, after a thunderous week of exams. Theres still more to go mind you, and its just a short break before stepping into the whirlwind again. Being in a very tired state after a tiring exam today, i went back and slept...my asar, and maghrib flew by,eventhough i did get up every time, just before the next azan, but MR EVIL-INNER-TURMOIL said,

dont get up precious, come, let us sleep and regain our energy, you and i

~~ Well, regain my energy i did, and by missing 2 prayers today...owh, how could i~

Above the place where i put my laptop, there is this shelf, filled with novels, books, and other things. My eyes caught this really thin book that i read now and then, but which i should read more often. Its a book that mother gave to me, its called TOWARDS UNDERSTANDING THE BASICS OF ISLAM,a selection from the Quran and hadith. I flipped through the pages like i usually do, its a very meaningful book, but MR EVIL-INNER-TURMOIL said,

ahh, lets not read such rubbish you and i, lets keep clicking facebook in search of a handsome hottie!

(just kidding)

AS my index finger skimmed through the yellowing old pages of the book, i suddenly chanced upon the title, the struggle within~ may i share this with you.....

the human being has potentials for good and evil, and within each person a constant struggle goes on for the dominance of each potential. Hidden within the human soul is the ability to accept God and to recognize ones own nobility and dignity. Once a person achieves a consciousness of this fact he can try to purify his soul to achieve the original harmony God has given it. OR he can descend from one corruption to another.

I always feel in Malay what we call rendah diri because of my lack of knowlede in Islam, the way i dress, my personality, my attire, everything,it just does not actually picture a pious person, does it. And then, theres always me, being a lost soul, a dark fight between good and evil, never seems to stop but never seems to improve either. I thought i was the only one, i thought i was bipolar or crazy-like....until i read this.

A friend once asked me, do you ever wish for hidayah..then she said again, hidayah actually comes to us every single minute, the moment we think about God, that is the moment that we receive our hidayah. And every moment that we think about God, that is the time when we are one step closer to our good side. I guess its true...MAybe all this while, all my mistakes, are just part and parcel of a hopefully better life..as i always say, everything happens for a reason~

It seems that all of us are born with two sides, our upbringing, our decisions, are the things that either brings us closer to good or evil. I have this principle of mine, where i rarely judge a person from what i see, or what i hear until i know him or her well. This principle of mine is based from past experiences, where people judge me, not knowing anything about me and critiscize me. They see me from my dressing, from my rowdiness, the way i laugh too loud, and everything...and they just, judge~ i know im not a good person, but i am trying, at least im fighting, hey..just give me a chance~ Thats one thing hard about people like me, no one really gives a chance, and sometimes, along the way when no one believes in you, we tend to give up.....

A person who has achieved some of Islam should not start thinking he has achieved salvation. Imam Ghazali once said, those who are in the forefront of Islam might one day be left behind by the time they die

I wish people do not judge

I wish people do not critiscize

I wish people would just leave me alone, help me, but dont break me

I just wish...~

But after reading this passage from the book, i realize thAt i still have a chance. At least i realize, masih banyak kekurangan pada diri ini, and i will always try to better myself. Maybe the people who have been judging or critiscizing me all this while, are too comfortable with who they are now, that they dont realize all of us are just the same..
any moment a great man may fall, and any moment, a lay man may be a great man...

I know im weak, therefore ill try to get stronger

I know im naive, therefore ill try to learn more

I know who i am, therefore ill strive to be better

**May we always have the feeling that we still have much to learn and to improve...so lets fight,lets not give up!**


O ALLAH, I SEEK YOUR REFUGE FROM BECOMING WEAK AND HELPLESS, FROM LAZINESS AND DEFEAT, FROM THE WEAKNESS OF OLD AGE, FROM FAILURE AND STINGINESS, AND FROM THE TORMENT OF THE GRAVE.

O ALLAH, GIVE MY HEART ITS TAQWA, AND PURIFY IT, YOU ARE THE BEST TO PURIFY IT, YOU ARE ITS FRIEND AND PROTECTOR

SAVE ME, O ALLAH, FROM A SOUL WHICH IS NOT HAPPY AND THE HEART WHICH IS NOT SENSITIVE AND TREMBLING

FROM KNOWLEDGE WHICH DOES NOT BENEFIT, AND PRAYER WHICH IS NOT ACCEPTED

~God bless

palestine revisited...the arabs, the americans and the jews

Good day world..

And how are we on this fine wednesday, (actually it isnt that fine because im totally not in the mood to study for my next paper, so i thought id give my 2 cents of opinion, which i havent done for awhile)

________________________________________________________________________________________

obamas cairo speech, dr mahathir

Dr Mahathirs new entry about palestine and their never ending conflict reminded me that i havent written about it in a long time. Why..at the time of the seige a few months ago, all blogs were filled with palestine entries, save palestine notes, jihad and so on. but now, everything has quietened down and we have somehow forgotten our promises, forgotten our opinions, while palestine still remains as it is and nothing has changed.

I do feel guilty, dont you~

It somehow felt like a fashion craze, when everyone is into something, you are brought into the whirlwind and want to do the same thing to. i felt that i was just following the flow, boycotting majorly at that time, checking upon their news all the time, and writing entries about them. but now, i havent written about palestine for so long, and thus, we just place the name at the back of our minds, leading our lives as if nothing has happened...

The united states call themselves a superpower nation, the arrogance they have over their own-self given title. In malay, we could just call people like these as orang yang perasan lebih..

1.I have a great despise for people who think too highly of themselves, for me its like,beautiful people who just dont seem pretty anymore the minute they KNOW they are.

2.Its like when we do something wrong, we never notice it, but when someone else just somewhat as glitch, we quickly jump in say that they are wrong, thats what the superpower have led them to believe.

3. and the amazing thing is, the whold world, the west, the arabs, the asians, nod at this just because we are afraid. or we are just weaklings who bow to big bullies~

4. i used to bow down at bullies, keep quiet when someone criticizes me, may they be taller, bigger people, or just smarter or prettier.... but now, if anyone ever just as tries to bully me, i just put up a brave front, and i talk back! yeahh...sometimes in life, we dont mean to be mean, its just standing up for ourselves with AN ATTITUDE!

THE ARABS

I just wish the muslim countries are like that instead of cowering away, satisfied in the richness from their oil produce. i feel so ashamed to see their attitude sometimes, because instead of uniting as one, they fight amongst themselves. The rich bully the poor, being puppets for a country that just wants their richness. ANd they can bow down to them...are they blind, are they afraid....or are they just plain dumb!

In Islam, we are taught about unity, about helping the ones who are weaker, and stand up for our own religion, our own people. But i dont see that in the muslim countries. As a malaysian, there are many things i can do, to help out with the palestinian struggle, and i know im not doing much. That really feels bad enough. But what about the neighbouring countries, right next to palestine, how can they even close their eyes at night when their own blood is being slaughtered like cows day in and day out. i cant~

Not only do they not do anything, but their feud amongst themselves since the birth of their history until now is still unsettled. The rival tribes still have not found an agreement amongst themselves, any different opinions in religion is counted as blasphemy and they make enemies out of their own thoughts and words. what kind of muslims are they....when the birth of Islam was at the heart of an arab state, nowadays, muslims around the world are more of a muslim than they are..


THE AMERICANS

Im sorry, but i do feel very emotional when i think about this. Because as i said, i HATE people who think they are always right. I get fed up with people like this, because the only thing that could make their foggy brains realize it if someone puts a bullet to it. (grr...se how emo i get about this..huhu)
Why is America so afraid of the jews..no, let me rephrase that. i think majority of the americans are mostly jews, so they feel a strong need to support their brothers in arms with their zionist beliefs.
America was built on the fundamental belief of freedom for all, the first few americans who settled on the supposedly great new land, were very much stout christians mind you. NOwadays, christians and jews in the west cant be differentiated, its like christianity has somehow assimilated with the jewish community, and loe behold the day, as they bow down to their jewish counterparts, can christians in the united states or other superpower countries one day be extinct and finally be replaced without anyone ever noticing it.

AND THE JEWS...

hitler

hitler is evil

hitler is a psycopath

and hitler.....killed the jews~

In my opinion, why all the talk about the evilness of this one man, is it just because the jews were repressed at the time. Yes, they suffered a war at the hands of , yes they were executed and kept in war camps, and thousands of them died during those days..

But has anyone actually counted the death toll and destruction that the jews have caused to the Muslim world...NO

Does the world or media record the violent killings that they do without regret to our brothers and sisters...NO

But just because ONE Man KILLED the jewish community, he was labelled a mad man...

But when the WHOLE jewish community kills millions of Muslims...they are not doing anything wrong, they just need a new home..

(did you ever think, myabe hitler was doing something right after all....)
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**it is an unfair world that we live in

**and injustice towards the innocent will always go on

**but that doesnt mean we can just sit down, watch and wait

**its a calling for us to do something about it~

http://i43.tinypic.com/ick0ls.gif

i just wanted to post pictures because i rarely do..=)

taking the risk of jumping~

ps!

BLOG IS UNDER RE-CONSTRUCTION

cant find a skin to suite me!

grumble!

sorry for the inconvenience..huhu

the kite runner (movie)

hey2!

remember the book that i told you about, the kite runner...it has a movie!!!

i must find it! but where!!!!!

please find for me dear ones!!!

the boy in the striped pyjamas

I have been meaning to watch this movie since my friend recommended it to me a few weeks ago, but havent had the time because of my exams. Yesterday called for some leisure break and i decided to give it a try...

i have noticed this movie before, but i know it would be pro-jewish so i did not feel like buying the dvd. But when i watched it, it really is an extremely sad movie and it also showed how children have no boundaries when it comes to trust, love and friendship...

do watch!

PS!

**
I WANT TO SAY
GREAT LUCK AND GOOD LUCK
TO MY COLLEAGUES WHO WILL FACE SOOCA TOMORROW
GOD SPEED..GOD BLESS...AND JUST ACE THE TEST!

...and i want to climb your mango tree~

I finally finished my sooca today!yeayy!!i am so happy, a part of me feels so giddy because im too happy for words to describe. I slept at nearly 3 in the morning, and with a very restless sleep, got up at 4.30 after many missed calls from many people, i finally forced myself to get up. just 1 more day, i told myself, i just had to sacrifice my few hours of sleeping for this 1 day.

My heart felt it was about to burst every time i read the notes that i still had to review. Nothing i did could calm my nerves, i was so scared that i shivered and had to wear socks because it felt safe and warm..wuwuwuw...When i just couldnt take it anymore, i decided to call my mommy and daddy, maybe their voice would further soothe me. Mom picked up the phone on the second dial tone, and we talked for a while. Telling her how afraid i was, mother quickly recited some soothing prayers and words as i just sat there on my bed, clutching my mobile to my ear, wells of tears were beginning to form at my lacrimal glands (MUAHAHHAHAHAH!!).

dID I tell you, the meaning of sooca is = SOOsCAry!seriously it is the most frightening type of exam in my entire young adult life, because it is utterly unpredictable and it depends on factors that you can control and cant:

so the uncontrollable factors are:

1. after re-memorizing all the notes, will what we memorize ACTUALLy be remembered on that morning

2. will we be the LUCKY people who get to know which case is coming out from the dozens of cases that we have to learn

3. will we GET the case we really know, memorize and like

4. do we REMEMBER what to write down during the very heart pumping 30 minutes in the quarantine room

5. once you open the door, will it be :
a)door of doom = bad\strict\sadist doctors
b)door of heaven = good doctors\doctors who know or like you\doctors who arent there in the room at all, and you babble to yourself, and when they come in, they just give you an A

what a life~

Alhamdulillah, God was with me today, and i managed to survive my sooca morning. IT felt so good to finally feel free, (although today is only the first exam of more to come)

The only thing i wasnt satisfied was that we had to stay in the &*%^$^ quarantined computer lab, and i was sweating like a $%^* and i was so hungry i could %^&* eat a horse! I was showing to my friends some stuff i liked on the internet, when suddenly a virus infected the computer that i was using,and it couldnt close any windows and just got stuck there with the manifesto left by the virus creator..i was like, thats a big UH-OHHH~(serves them right for containing me in that room!)

Mentally and physically, i was extremely exhausted, the drive back home seemed to trudge on endlessly, and when i finally reached home, i collapsed straight away on the bed. The room left still in its unkempt messy-ness,my bag strewn on the floor, the comfort of bundling oneself underneath the bed covers and the only sound i heard was the pitter-patter of rain drops on the window outside my room....for a moment there, i experienced heaven~

ANyway, i did not want to write this entry, i actually wanted to write about something else, thus the title...but, im so tired and i have to clean up my room...so, i guess ill write it later

**ps: tonight must sleep late so that i can wake up a list of people(S)

**ps: omer the cat just had a bath, and is sleeping on my bed, so i cant change the bed sheets

hadith 38

"Allah the Almighty has said: 'Whosoever acts with enmity towards a closer servant of Mine (wali), I will indeed declare war against him. Nothing endears My servant to Me than doing of what I have made obligatory upon him to do. And My servant continues to draw nearer to Me with supererogatory (nawafil) prayers so that I shall love him. When I love him, I shall be his hearing with which he shall hear, his sight with which he shall see, his hands with which he shall hold, and his feet with which he shall walk. And if he asks (something) of Me, I shall surely give it to him, and if he takes refuge in Me, I shall certainly grant him it.'"

[Al-Bukhari]

air mata keinsafan

hey there to those still up in this unearthly hour~

ITs 4 am in the morning now, and i cant sleep, not because i dont want to (which if i had a choice, i would have done), but because sooca is on monday, and time is of the essence (even though i would like to take a few minutes ofF to write something on my blog.


i was reciting to myself just now, trying to remember the things that should have been in my brain ages ago. every time i look at the amount of notes that i still have to go through, and understand and memorize, it sends a shiver down my spine. YOu know how scary it feels right~ sometimes when you have read something a dozen times, and memorized it, and just when you think you get the picture, you suddenly forget. its absolutely panicky!

So i repeated the same words again
and again
and again.....
and it is so hard at this time to memorize because the brain can only function as much...

i think i was on the point of total exhaustion....the floor and the ceiling felt as if it was moving,i just had to lie down on the bed for awhile,.~

I FELT FEAR...
I FELT SCARED....
AND WORST OF ALL, I KEEP THINKING, AM I ABLE TO DO IT....~


i lay on my bed, with my eyes open,my laptop was playing this song that i have been hearing to during these trying days.....at the point when i felt like giving up, i heard the lyrics play.....


..........Setiap kekasih Allah
Menempuhi jalan ini
Untuk mereka memiliki kejayaan
Ayuh bersama kita susuli
Perjalanan kekasih Allah
Agar kita tiada rugi
Dalam meniti hidup ini...........

I dont know what im babbling now, i cant think...but i just want to say, that this part of the song really means a lot to me....

no matter how hard this part of mine or our lives are, setiap kekasih Allah menempuhi jalan ini....

im weak, and this moment im at my weakest point....
i guess the only part of me that keeps me going, is that im doing this for HIM~

what panic feels like

-IM SO SCARED!

-I FEEL LIKE PANICKING BUT I KNOW IT WILL BE OF NO USE IF I PANIC!!

-I WANNA TELL MOMMY THAT IM SO SCARED I COULD ACTUALLY PEE IN MY PANTS (figure of speech)

-BUT I DONT WANT TO TELL HER, COZ I DONT WANT HER TO KNOW IM SCARED AND I REALLY HAVE TO ACT LIKE IM BRAVE NOW, WHEN IN REALITY IM SOOOO SOOOO SCARED!!!

**ok, stop panicking

**breathe in, breathe out...fuh fuh

**you can do it nadya!!

FEAR NOT THE BIG, BAD WORLD~

I was trying to figure out what to do with sooca just around the corner, when i decided to rest my brain for a few seconds, which as usual would turn into minutes or hours. My hands lingered beneath the shelf of my study table until i found the book that i wanted, a recipe book.aha! no, my dears, im not a talented cook, and no, i still havent found the best joys of cooking, so i have to look at recipe books. This certain recipe book was one that mom gave me during my second year, when i started cooking malaysian food for my housemates as we have this schedule on who cooks on what days. TImely enough, it is my turn to cook for today and i was flipping through the pages when an old newspaper clipping suddenly dropped to the floor.

What is this, is it one of those old papers that i keep forgetting to throw away. Opening it, i read the big bold letters spelling out..FEAR NOT THE BIG, BAD WORLD..by dina zaman. Owh, now i remember, my mother had placed this article in the recipe book just before the flight, she said, read it, and maybe it will enlighten you to search for greener pastures. well, she didnt exactly say that, but that abound sums her words up anyway.

iv been putting off the time to read the article, that i totally forgot it existed. but today, i guess ill share some excerpts from the article and why my mom insisted on me reading it. ps i linked the article and you should really read it before you proceed to read my entry, or not you would not understand my constant ramblings...please click here for anyone who would love to read it~
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____________________________________________________________________________________


No wonder mom asked me to read this article. I guess she saw how narrow minded i have become and she placed this article in hopes that i would change for the better. IT is terrifyingly true what the writer had wrote, and i really wish i did not have to say this, but this is what i have become. Im always in the same circle of friends, that my mind has not smelt the fragrance of other thoughts, other opinions and other ways of living.

IT sometimes feels cooped up to live in a world where you see and talk with the same people everyday. Even though it does feel nice to have a clique or a certain group of friends most times, thats not a good enough excuse not to mingle around. If i had the chance, i would definitely love to mingle around with some indonesian friends, but at every chance i get, i probably would ruin any friendship that was about to blossom.

Firstly, i stutter in my terrible indonesian language, which after 3 years here has not improved the least, and then i do tend to jingle the wrong words, so its either that i might die out of embarrasment, or they would die out of fits of laughter (which they try to hide by the way). I really admire some of my malaysian friends who had succeeded in breaking the barrier between two adverse countries. it must feel so good to get a change of air sometimes, and i always wish i was one of those who could. sometimes i would ask, whats wrong with me, why cant i be more like that, but until now i have not found the answer, and i definitely have not found the solution yet.

Mother always said to me, IF EVERYONE IS THINKING THE SAME THING, THEN NO ONE IS THINKING AT ALL.
Sometimes i do like to talk to people outside the circle of friends that i usually hang around with.
Sometimes, i just like to walk alone and have some time for myself to think.
Sometimes, when i think alone, i tend to smile to myself...and i guess people would think i was a lunatic huh~

I would like to follow the writers and moms advice, its high time to change for nadya amin shaharudin, dont you think! by the way, i want to share with you something, why do i like to blog when i know no one actually reads my blog..haha....its the fact that blogging helps me talk to myself (in a healthy way, mind you), and it helps me rethink of the person that i am, and the person that i will be in the future. I really support everyone who blogs and i must say, i would never restrict what they want to express on their blogs. Bloggers are people with an open heart, bloggers are people who always talk to themselves frequently and smile without noticing it, and bloggers are, just, you and me~

**Its time for me to open my eyes and stop closing myself from the world, nadya is going abroad in mind, soul and in her way of life. DEfinitely!

**Its time that i should stop being afraid of anything, confidence goes a long way, but i must remember over-confidence will bring me down though~

**Its time for me to become someone in this world, not another face in the crowd

**ITS
TIME
FOR
ME
TO
CHANGE!


ps: its also time for me to cook, but it wouldnt sound cool if i put it just now..lo...anyway, sorry for the really unfeasible entry, please blame it on the fact that my brain must not have any literature at the moment and must be filled with mad sciene..

ps2: hey, i just found out mad-science= medicine ...they do sound nearly the same, haha...im babbling arent i...

anyway..gotta go~
over and out


`

7 things i wish would drop out of the sky and land on my lap

heyya!

i have a bad stomachache and im sure its going to get worst.
my exams are next monday and the hours are passing by extremely fast...i wonder can God change the total sense of time but still maintain the exact hours for us human beings, as it flies so fast, i wish i could just grasp it in my hands....but still, time passes at the grips of my fingers, while i am still gaping open mouthed at the amount of things i havent studied yet.

i have tons of reasons to study hard this time, and i really pray that i would. for if i do, i have decided that this year i would like to reward myself if i work hard. yippeee! but hard work is not enough, i still have to save tons of money to get the stuff that i want...

NADYAS WISH LIST for the year 2009
(but must save money to buy before even wishing for it)

1. check out the new n97, i think i want!!

2. ask someone to buy me the new sony cybershot,but i think at last, i would have to buy it myself,*sigh*..but it would take such a long time to save money..haihh~

3. get a back pack for travelling

4. get a travelling wallet (the one that i can put passport and tickets in)

5. get new luggage (as my sister once said, for a family who travels a lot, we do not have the right luggage at all)

6. buy mom a watch, hmmm, i think im going to jakarta to buy that...what do you think...anyway,hope i can save enough money for that too.

7. get a pair of really comfortable loafers and athletic shoes, its been awhile since i last bought mine


Well, i cant remember much from my loooong list, but these are top priority that i have to save money for...argh...and the list goes on~..i wish i was an(a) heiress !



anyway, as for rewarding myself, i have planned some vacations after exams..hopefully everything will go as planned..pretty please~

i just had to post this on my blog to remind me that my workout wont work unless i stop munching on these

DONUT
Dunkin Donuts Chocolate Frosted Donut (230 calories)
59 minutes of walking (3 mph).


BREAKFAST SANDWICH
McDonald's Egg McMuffin (300 calories)
32 minutes of running (5 mph).





CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE
Panera Chocolate Chipper (440 calories)
62 minutes of biking (10-11.9 mph).




PIZZA
Pizza Hut Large Hand-Tossed Style Cheese Pizza (1 slice; 320 calories)
39 minutes of swimming (slow to moderate laps).





CINNAMON ROLL
Starbucks Cinnamon Roll (500 calories, varies by location)
85 minutes of dancing.


HAMBURGER
Burger King Original Whopper With Cheese (770 calories)
94 minutes of swimming (slow to moderate laps).



BROWNIE
Au Bon Pain Chocolate Chip Brownie (380 calories).
129 minutes of yoga (Hatha style).



FRIES
Wendy's Large French Fries (540 calories)
77 minutes of biking (10-11.9 mph).




ICE CREAM
Häagen-Dazs Vanilla Ice Cream (0.5 cup; 270 calories)
29 minutes of running (5 mph).

BURRITO
Taco Bell Burrito Supreme, Beef (410 calories)
70 minutes of dancing.

Hybernation

Makan tidak kenyang

Mandi tidak basah

~
Am i in love....

NOPE

its that time of year again, the time where i spend most of my waking and sleeping hours cooped up in my schizophrenic looking room. The heat is unbearable, i dont know why...but everytime the word stress creeps into my brain, it will send a 100 volt of heatwave into my room.

im not one of those brainiacs, therefore an extra load of fear for me, my memory is short term, therefore another point for terror to reign me during these dire days. owh, i do wish times were easier, and i wish i was more of a person fonder of studying. but my capabilities of focusing are only, sigh, just a glance~

i bought food for my exam-month ration which put a hole in my pocket. hopefully i dont need to go out much and waste time. owh god, what a life! i feel like a squirrel just before hybernation. i eat, eat ,eat and eat so much until my tummy bulges, then, i read for a few seconds, and later find myself snoring nicely on a bed, lying upside down because i was watching tv.

My exams are next week, and i am indeed not ready yet. what to do!!what to do!! (running in panic circles 8 times around my room). Everyone seems so serious when these critical days come, no one dares to laugh too loud, (takut ilmu keluar), i tiptoe out of my room in case i startle my housemates deep concentration as they bury their heads in their books, if not, they would be hearing me walk out of my room approximately every 5 minutes, open the fridge door, grab some knick-knacks, eat it. and repeat the same cycle again.

Omer the cat is my constant companion when i study, every morning, he would meow constantly until i open the door, its breakfast time, he says, the most important meal of the day. he sometimes come at 7, sometimes at 8, but he always wakes me up in the morning. i let him in, while i take a bath, and then i put his food out and i eat my breakfast too. (he wont eat unless someone watches over him, that spoilt brat). He will then sleep while i study, sometimes he makes faces, as if mocking me that he can sleep, and i must study. sometimes, he deliberately sleeps on my books and cover the thing i am working on. cats~ attention deficit creatures they are!

By lunch, he would go out for his usual dirty day job, and will only come back when called or when he smells dinner cooking. Then after eating dinner, he would probably go somewhere and come to my room later on at night. (hes not here tonight, i wonder why). He would sleep on the floor, performing funny antics while i study. His eyes would open lazily if i make any extra noise, giving me a very annoyed look, and i would have to apologize to him, yes your majesty..cats~ a very arrogant yet lovable when they have a need for you, e.g breakfast, lunch, dinner...

anyway, yes i am in a state of hibernation

usually, i would be writing more during exams

but this time, i dont know why

haihh~

god help me~~

ok, i really have to go study now....s.t.u.d.y!!!!!!ZZZzzzz