Monday, 6 October 2008

and the journey has begun

TARIKH HARI INI

Today, 06.10.08, the day that many people gaped with their mouth wide open at nadya amin shaharudin. after my last controversial entry on my blog, suddenly, i am doing the unthinkable...and i did it. I of all people, wore the infamous head scarf....the word that i had dreaded for so long, the T-U-D-U-N-G.

FOOTNOTE

Ok, so i promised to reply the comments about the stigma of bertudung and tidak bertudung. but i think at this point, firstly, people would want to know why i made such a drastic decision and change. SO, my next entry after this is for the comments. p.s= this entry is a bit jumbled up, im like really new to this blast of emotions im feeling...seriously

HOW IT ALL STARTED

Mind you all, i have been thinking about this for a long time, almost over a year. The last entry on my blog, was actually written when my heart was already set on wearing the tudung, i was just waiting for the right time. i have no idea why i am embarking myself on this strange journey to get me closer to God, i mean for heavens sake, i am surely a mere mortal, who is only another face in the crowd. But, looks like God did favor me a bit now and then, as i keep hearing a little voice inside me reminding me that i must be destined for GREATNESS(or was it just my imagination). Well, anyway, some people say you get restless if you do not do something, so thats the way i was.

PERASAAN BERGELORA DAN MEBUAK-BUAK

It was not an easy decision to make..who said wearing the tudung was easy must be senile. I set my heart to wear it on the first day class started after Eid. The whole holiday, my mind had been hovering over the fact was i brave enough to do something like this..i mean,its me your talking about...me who sold her soul to rock and roll!!(i got that part from the reapers series)..anyway, i went out once to bandung, wearing a tudung, to try out how it would feel, it felt ok,so i thought i could summon the strength to do my most daring act yet.

The night before the BIG DAY, suddenly i felt myself loosing it, i did not have the confidence to do it. i cried and wept at the thought of how my life will change 360 degrees, thank God, a good friend of mine called me at 2 in the morning to comfort me and give me the last strength i needed to go ahead with my decision. I was howling and crying to this friend of mine, and i told him, why cant guys wear tudung...i even asked him to wear a towel on his head for a day so that he could feel how it felt to wear a tudung..huhu...i thought that was funny at that time..

The next day, i wokup, took a bath, took a really really REALLLLY deep breath, and i wore the tudung without thinking twice. I felt i was brave enough to face the day...UNTIL....until i reached my university and went into class, people were staring, jaws dropped, eyes adverted mine, mouths started oowings and aahings and making their own assumptions as to why i was doing it....so i crawled into a little corner in class...and cried...and cried...and cried.....and cried even more....the whole lecture time, i was sniffling and sobbing while the lecturer was talking..

Some people started messaging me,asking me what happened...my non-muslim friends called and messaged and told me not to change, they were afraid id get too Malayish...ha...i hope that never happens...im proud of the mixture of my pakistani and chinese descent, atleast im not too MAlay ey..hehe...no offence...anyway, i told them ...read my blog...it says what i want to say...IF I DO WEAR A TUDUNG ONE DAY, IT WOULD NOT BE BECAUSE OF THE MALAY SOCIETY...BUT FOR MY RELIGION...

TAHAP IMAN YANG MUDAH NAIK DAN TURUN

At the end of the day, people smiled at me, my lecturer hugged me and said Alhamdulillah...i felt like i did something for myself, but at the same time, i made a whole bunch of people happy (god, my parents must be beaming on me right now from canada)..haha...Its only my first day, a big obstacle that i overcame....but i do not know about the other days to come and if i would go on with this tudung phenomena...but if i do not, or do, i hope everyone will not judge me for my decisions...as someone wrote on my comments....IN THE FINAL ANALYSIS, IT IS BETWEEN YOU AND GOD....



to be continued......




12 comments:

kamenr said...

:')

Dr Amad said...

Alhamdulillah...

Lanjutan dari madrasah Ramadan,silibus direct dari Allah menjadikan Nody seperti hari ini.Jangan menoleh kebelakang,semoga pengorbanan dan usaha yang dibuat,di kira Allah sebagai amal soleh dan dikurniakan pahala seterusnya menjadi sebab saudari tergolong sebagai penghuni syurga Allah...

Seeru ala' barakatillah.

newt21 said...

salam,

[quote]All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.[unquote]Anatole France

<3

Fuzzy A! said...

I stand in awe and applaud your decision. I could only guess how hard it is to do that.

Funny thing is, I could totally imagine you in tudung eventhough the last and only time we met was, what, 8 years ago? [I always have a very hard time imagining what someone would look even if he/she parts his/her hair the other way, wtf]

I won't say that you're surely heaven's resident already because, to be honest, I am not God and thus have no jurisdiction in saying who'll be where. But, if this is what you want to do, you have to be prepared for the talk behind [cakap belakang direct translation ftw] and good-meaning comments that annoy the hell out of you.

Again, congrats.

hekenawang said...

:)

drrazi said...

alhamdulillah, hepi sgt2 w ur decision tu. mmg sgt susah wat keputusan tu, tapi kan cik nadya, if orglain 'terdetik' utk pakai tudung, utk tiru apa yang cik nadya buat, die pon buat, orglain plak 'terdetik', anda akan mencipta SAHAM PAHALA BERANTAI sampai bila2....

mesti bezkan? hehe,excited gile...!!

seriously, excited giler tgk noddy pakai tudung. i heard from ur fren tu sndri n i can understand ur feeling. teruskan 'berjuang' ek? yela,ramai yang akan cakap2 belakang nnt....

bdk2 nakal akan berkata, "alah,xlame tu...die saje nk poplariti je"

xpon, mungkin ade yg berkata, "alah noddy, ko xpyhla pakai tudung2 ni, ko kan sexy, biarla org tgk ko" <------jgn bayangkan ketua batch kite tau? xbaik tuduh die.=p

so,u must be strong. seluruh malaikat bergembira dgn kebaikan yg u buat,trust me... manusia mmg xperfect, byk buat salah, tp bile kita buat baik, Allah begitu gembira dan menyambutnya dgn baik. ingat balik hadith qudsi yang saya bacakan dulu kat permata. SATU langkah kita dekat ngn Allah, SERIBU langkah Allah dekat ngn kite. SERIBU tu.....byk gakla....kan? hehe.

p/s: oops,ingtkan ruangan tazkirah tadi, blog noddy upenye. sori. hehe...

YoYO said...

oi drrazi..
sesuka hati perasaan ketersinggungan ko jek kate ak plak..
ak suci lg tidak mengatahui...
hahahahaha...
well...
my lovely assistant...
1st of all i wanna said dat congrates atas keyakinan noddy utk membuat satu keputusan yg mmg bkn mudah utk dibuat..
akhirnya noddy terbuka jugak hati utk memakai tudung..
alhamdulillah..

Ilmu Allah itu Maha Tinggi..
Tidak tercapai oleh akal kita utk memikirkan ketinggian ilmu Nya..
hanya Dia-lah yg akn menentukan segala sesuatu..
Kita hanya dpt merancang akn tetapi Dia lah yg menentukannya..
Dan telah menjadi ketentuan Nya kepada noddy bahawa pada saat ini dan pada waktu ini noddy telah terbuka hati utk menyahut seruan Nya...

Hidayah Allah tidak terbatas..
Hidayah Allah juga tidak mengenal waktu..
Mungkin dahulu hidayah Allah masih lg belum sampai kpd noddy..
akn tetapi Allah telah menetapkan bahawa sekaranglah masa yg sesuai utk memberi hidayah Nya kpd noddy..

Allah itu Maha Tahu..
Dia mengatahui bila utk menganugerahkan rahmatnya kepada hambanya..
Ketahui lah sahabatku bahawa noddy merupakan antara org yg beruntung kerana Allah masih lg menyayangi noddy kerana masih lg diberikan rahmat dan hidayahnya kpd noddy..
Mungkin noddy berfikir..
mengapa sekarang?
mengapa bukan sejak dahulu?

Allah Maha Adil dan Allah Maha Bijaksana..
Mungkin dahulu merupakan waktu yg diberikan Allah kpd noddy utk merasakan nikmat dunia..
bergembira dgn apa yg ada di muka bumi..
Dan taktala Allah sudah merasakan semua itu sudah cukup maka Allah merasakan tibalah waktunya utk noddy berubah..
Dan Allah mengatahui jika sekarang perubahan itu dilakukan maka noddy akn menjadi hambanya yg terbaik di antara yg terbaik..

Allah Maha Pengasih lg Maha Penyayang...
Jgnlah noddy berpaling ke belakang melihat perkara2 yg noddy lakukan dl..
Anggaplah semua itu telah selesai dan sekarang bukalah lembaran baru dlm kehidupan ini..

Allah Maha Pengampun..
Jgn lah bimbang akn dosa terdahulu kerana ini adalah ketentuan Allah dan insyaallah Allah akn mengampunkan semua dosa2 noddy dahulu..
Sy percaya bahawa noddy akn mejadi lebih baik dr yg lain..
Mengapa?
kerana noddy sendiri yg mencari cahaya kebenaran itu..
Kebenaran yg dicari oleh daya usaha sendiri akn lebih dihargai drp mereka2 yg merasakan diri mereka di dlm kebenaran..
Inilah kebenaran yg mutlak dan jgn sesekali utk melepaskannya..
Selawat dan salam kepada Allah serta rasul junjungan dan keluarganya.
Kerana dgn hidayah dan syafaat merekalah noddy adalah noddy..
:)

ahmad Z said...

waaah~~ panjangnye ketua batch punye comment.bagi ah tazkirah nnt bile2 eh yo..hehe..sy nak comment jugak.org lain dah kasi comment pjg2..emm,teruskan dan istiqamah.. boleh menoleh ke belakang,tapi jangan la pusing balik =)

andaiNYA... said...

nadya=)

congrate!!

i am do hv some talk wit my mother about ur previous post..and she directly said that u are on ur way to wear tudung n u need some courage..n that why u wrote that post..so definately SHE's RIGHT..

Alhamdulillah hi rabbil 'al
amin...
thanks Allah who gave u d courage n open up ur heart with d "nur"
congrate again!!

BE STRONG ok!
n NEVER GIVE UP!!

hidayah = petunjuk dari Allah
taufiq = kekuatan untuk melaksanakan petunjuk yang Allah berikan

ramai orang dpat hidayah dari Allah
tapi tak semua di beri taufiq olehNYA..
so be grateful..
Allah hv choose u..
ALHAMDULILLAH..

someone said...
Allah akan memberi pada siapa yang mencari...

ya..pd siapa yang mencari...
so..jom sesama kt smgt untuk mencari redha Allah dalam semua perkara=)

till then...
again..be strong...
smg ISTIQAMAh...
n mayAllah bless us Alwayz!!

=)

Anonymous said...

Greetings i am new to this. I hit upon this site I have found It positively accommodating & it's helped me out so much. I should be able to give something back and help others like it has helped me.

Cheers all, See You Around.

Anonymous said...

What's Happening i'm new to this, I came accross this chat board I find It incredibly accommodating & it's helped me a great deal. I hope to contribute and aid other users like it has helped me.

Thank You, See Ya Later.

Anonymous said...

Whats's Up i am fresh to this, I came accross this board I find It positively useful & it's helped me out alot. I hope to contribute and support other people like its helped me.

Cheers, See Ya About.