some things are better left forgotten : part 1

Do you ever experience nights when you just cant stop thinking of someone or something? The image and the memory of that person or something just keeps replaying in your brain...You know it is not right for you to remember the past, but you just cant help it. In Malay, there is this proverb ~melayan perasaan~, and this is the phase that i am going through now especially since it is exam time. The more you want to forget, the more the devil tells you to remember. If i could just shut the thoughts out, i think my life would be much happier because some things are better left forgotten.

The first thought i would like to shut out from my brain is my love life(haa) which has its ups and downs (but mostly downs). By the way, is talking about my love life on my blog appropriate? maybe not, what if one of my ex-lovers read this?haha...well, good for you then...Past relationships are really hard, no wonder in Islam, it is actually forbidden for a guy and girl to have a relationship(bf-gf) before marriage. If i had known this before, then i would not have encompassed myself on this rugged journey of feelings..unstable emotions..trust..sensitivity.. A THING WE CALL L-O-V-E....

One of my past experiences was with someone whom the letter LOVE was just not enough to describe, we were both perfect and imperfect in a lot of ways. the relationship lasted for two years ( so far, two years is my normal ratio for a relationship, God help me..hehe). We both had faults and it would seem that we were not destined for each other from the start. But we prevailed against everyones wishes and tried to withstand the test of time...until time got the better of us.

He was a really loving person and so far, that is the best quality in him that i saw. every single step of my way, he was there for me. I was the one who changed in the first place, i thought it was for the better. I did not want to, but i felt that it was the only way( if this guy is reading this--just wanna let him know that im sorry(too late for that)) but whatever i do is for a reason.
He isnt perfect, but that was the best part of him...his imperfectness made everything seem perfect. But in the end, it destroyed us...I guess i pushed him too hard to be a big success in his life, and that thing was what he was not used to. i dont know if he has changed to that person that i wanted him to become, or has he changed to something else? thats what lies in the future....
I dont exactly know what changed my mind, was it because we did not have a bright future together or was it my alter ego telling me to do the right thing. But until now, i dont know if i did the right thing. Yes, i was wrong in many ways... i was wrong in how our relationship ended, but am i right in my decision? Only Allah knows...

Yes, as any human in love would be, we made our promises of being together FOREVER AND EVER, but promises are meant to be broken. or are they?


to be continued one day...