FEAR NOT THE BIG, BAD WORLD~

I was trying to figure out what to do with sooca just around the corner, when i decided to rest my brain for a few seconds, which as usual would turn into minutes or hours. My hands lingered beneath the shelf of my study table until i found the book that i wanted, a recipe book.aha! no, my dears, im not a talented cook, and no, i still havent found the best joys of cooking, so i have to look at recipe books. This certain recipe book was one that mom gave me during my second year, when i started cooking malaysian food for my housemates as we have this schedule on who cooks on what days. TImely enough, it is my turn to cook for today and i was flipping through the pages when an old newspaper clipping suddenly dropped to the floor.

What is this, is it one of those old papers that i keep forgetting to throw away. Opening it, i read the big bold letters spelling out..FEAR NOT THE BIG, BAD WORLD..by dina zaman. Owh, now i remember, my mother had placed this article in the recipe book just before the flight, she said, read it, and maybe it will enlighten you to search for greener pastures. well, she didnt exactly say that, but that abound sums her words up anyway.

iv been putting off the time to read the article, that i totally forgot it existed. but today, i guess ill share some excerpts from the article and why my mom insisted on me reading it. ps i linked the article and you should really read it before you proceed to read my entry, or not you would not understand my constant ramblings...please click here for anyone who would love to read it~
____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________


No wonder mom asked me to read this article. I guess she saw how narrow minded i have become and she placed this article in hopes that i would change for the better. IT is terrifyingly true what the writer had wrote, and i really wish i did not have to say this, but this is what i have become. Im always in the same circle of friends, that my mind has not smelt the fragrance of other thoughts, other opinions and other ways of living.

IT sometimes feels cooped up to live in a world where you see and talk with the same people everyday. Even though it does feel nice to have a clique or a certain group of friends most times, thats not a good enough excuse not to mingle around. If i had the chance, i would definitely love to mingle around with some indonesian friends, but at every chance i get, i probably would ruin any friendship that was about to blossom.

Firstly, i stutter in my terrible indonesian language, which after 3 years here has not improved the least, and then i do tend to jingle the wrong words, so its either that i might die out of embarrasment, or they would die out of fits of laughter (which they try to hide by the way). I really admire some of my malaysian friends who had succeeded in breaking the barrier between two adverse countries. it must feel so good to get a change of air sometimes, and i always wish i was one of those who could. sometimes i would ask, whats wrong with me, why cant i be more like that, but until now i have not found the answer, and i definitely have not found the solution yet.

Mother always said to me, IF EVERYONE IS THINKING THE SAME THING, THEN NO ONE IS THINKING AT ALL.
Sometimes i do like to talk to people outside the circle of friends that i usually hang around with.
Sometimes, i just like to walk alone and have some time for myself to think.
Sometimes, when i think alone, i tend to smile to myself...and i guess people would think i was a lunatic huh~

I would like to follow the writers and moms advice, its high time to change for nadya amin shaharudin, dont you think! by the way, i want to share with you something, why do i like to blog when i know no one actually reads my blog..haha....its the fact that blogging helps me talk to myself (in a healthy way, mind you), and it helps me rethink of the person that i am, and the person that i will be in the future. I really support everyone who blogs and i must say, i would never restrict what they want to express on their blogs. Bloggers are people with an open heart, bloggers are people who always talk to themselves frequently and smile without noticing it, and bloggers are, just, you and me~

**Its time for me to open my eyes and stop closing myself from the world, nadya is going abroad in mind, soul and in her way of life. DEfinitely!

**Its time that i should stop being afraid of anything, confidence goes a long way, but i must remember over-confidence will bring me down though~

**Its time for me to become someone in this world, not another face in the crowd

**ITS
TIME
FOR
ME
TO
CHANGE!


ps: its also time for me to cook, but it wouldnt sound cool if i put it just now..lo...anyway, sorry for the really unfeasible entry, please blame it on the fact that my brain must not have any literature at the moment and must be filled with mad sciene..

ps2: hey, i just found out mad-science= medicine ...they do sound nearly the same, haha...im babbling arent i...

anyway..gotta go~
over and out


`

misery is a second black dress

owh wow!

so sorry blog for the late entry....

it took me nearly a week not to pay my internet, i still havent paid yet, and am borrowing someones internet in the meantime.

it took me nearly half an hour to sign in to my blog, because the internet is slow, and im watching a movie while typing, so this post might be rubbish-ish.

i still dont have internet, so i wont be blogging for awhile..sigh..my life is a bore..

ps- lots of grammatical and spelling errors because im typing in the dark~
_______________________________________________________________________________________


I was out with some friends the other day, we went to bandung straight after class on some `important` matters. We searched quickly, and after only and hour or two, the important matters were finished in a jiffy. I was so proud, no, extremely proud that i only spent 20k on some `important` matters. Strutting around the shopping mall, proud of my achievement, i chanced to glance at this shop, one of my favourite shops to buy clothes, a bit pricey, but i love the colours. no,i must not go in, no no no ....at last..i went in~argh...i have the weakest faith..i am A SHOPAHOLIC...*sheepish smile*

i walked in, my friends had headed to mcd, i was all alone in a world that i couldnt keep away from, and obviously had no strength to turn away from. i swirled in the beautiful colours of clothes, clothes, clothes galore!owh, im in heaven!!haha~and suddenly, there it was, on a mannequin, a dress, i felt it, IT WAS CALLING FOR ME, I BELONG TO YOU, YOU BELONG TO ME, WE BELONG WITH EACH OTHER..i liked 2 dresses in the shop.oh my god! i dont know why! i tried it on in the dressing room, it looked really well, and owh, i just had to buy them. i couldnt decide. i couldnt ask anyone for opinions, which to buy, which!!!...and i bought 2 black dresses that looked nearly the same............

9.30 pm -- walked out of shop with triumphant smile, bought something

9.35 pm -- smile falters

9.45 pm -- realize bought nearly same looking dress

9.50 pm -- realize it was too pricey for a simple dress

10.00 pm -- went home

10.30 pm -- felt like shooting myself~~haha

decisions...haihh, why do we have to make decisions, and sometimes make stupid ones like just now..i just dont understand~

_____________________________________________________________________________________


being an adult means growing up, having big responsibilities and the worst thing is that we have to make decisions. one thing about me is that im a really bad decision-maker, i think slowly, take an extremely long time to decide, and when i do decide, i always feel that i made the wrong decision in the first place, and then regret it.

how do i change that...its so hard, there are always so many decisions to make. i specifically hate it when im driving, and you have to decide which way to go in like split seconds, and you cant think too long because the cars at the back would start cursing you, and then when you do decide and take the road.....you find out that it was the wrong one. that sucks major time~ and it always happens to me. its like just when my heart tells me to take a road, if i dont follow it, my brain would analyze something, and choose the other way. and it would be the wrong one~

so what are we supposed to do about that. people always tell me dont follow your heart, think first, follow what your head has thoroughly thought over. some say, the instincts in your heart is the most powerful tool in mankind and therefore should be trusted in making decisions. even deciding which opinion about decisions is hard to decide, what more deciding to decide!

My mom is a very good decision maker, unlike me sadly. she always seems to know things and can somehow magically predict the outcome. no wonder she teaches critical thinking in university, what a wonder woman my mom is~( oh dear, its mothers day today, and i should have posted something about moms, haihh, later2, i will once i get my hands on my own internet) . my brother is more like mom, he thinks quitely, weighing the pros and cons in the cony head of his, and wisely makes a decision. me and my sister seem to share one thing in common, frantically, panically jump into a conclusion and think that is the right thing to do, and at the next moment falter with that decision.

Alright, enough blabbering~ (another trashy post by me)

BAck to the black dresses,and the connection between the black dress and this post. I liked one better than the other, and regret buying the other one so much that i felt like returning it, but i was totally lazy to drive back to bandung the next day. so i spent the whole night fretting to myself in sefless regret. it really felt like the end of the universe..haha~ at the end of the day, i gave up, there was no way i would drive all the way just to change it, and just had to live with my decision of owning two black dresses that looked nearly the same~

Suddenly, this bright sunday afternoon, a friend asked me out for something that we both had to do and said he would drive. it was like a miracle!the best part was, the place we had to go was near the mall....and i eventually could change the dress to a nicer one, and i dont regret buying a 2nd dress~

So, heres the moral of the story~~~~hehe

We are grownups

We are always expected to make decisions

We can make decisions

THey can be right

But they can be wrong most of the time

We can make decisions, and we may regret them

We make mistakes

But we are only human, u and i~

I learnt that i do try to decide, and i have improved in trying to make decisions. But it is a learning process that comes with the package of growing up. Sometimes, using my instinct, i do make the right decisions, and sometimes by thinking, i make the wrong ones. But making a wrong decision just makes us bloom into making us better human beings. i always learn by my mistakes, (which are a lot of mistakes), and i try not to do it again. but the most important thing, is no matter how bad the decision we made is, just never give up, there will always be a perfect solution around the corner.~

I will always remember the black dress that i bought.

It reminds me of the word decision

So if you ever buy a second black dress, you can regret for awhile, but keep in mind that you can still do something about it =)

cheers!

kampung girl said hye to city boy

I suddenly found myself to be a very kampung girl, not that i did not realise it, i just did not think i was too kampung-ish.

Anyway, i went out one day to fetch a friend from the airport and his parents were going to be there, so i opted to wear something pink and white. Plus,i had no more jeans to wear because of my &*%$#$ dobi. Omg, i must have looked childish, but i was going for the whole innocent look =P

That got me thinking actually, why had i become so like this. I was brought amongst my siblings who are the exact opposite of me. My cousins are the exact opposite of me. And here i am, shy, quiet, immature....worst of all, kampung...oh the dreaded word, i wonder why we are so afraid to be termed as kampung in the first place.

Mom always brought me up a bit differently, i dont know if it was because i was the last and thus termed the baby of the family. They never let me in the kitchen, dad never spanked me if i did not know my maths, abang has a soft side when it comes to me and kakak, bosses me around..just kidding, she spoils me a lot.

I was in a very protected environment, which i am sometimes thankful of, but sometimes i do wish i was more like my sister, brother and cousins. MY sister laughed her head of when she heard i did not go clubbing in bali, my brother laughed his pants off when he heard it because he would go to brazil just to go clubbing.

Sometimes i wonder, who do i really wish to be...

Who am i actually...

Is my life full of what other people want me to be...

Or is it full of what i want to be like other people...

And if so, then what am i like, really...

I define the world into 3 types of human beings.

GROUP A : - PEOPLE WHO ARE REALLY RELIGIOUS
- REALLY TRY TO KEEP AWAY FROM DOING ANYTHING WRONG
- ALWAYS DO ACTIVITIES THAT ARE FOR THE GOOD OF OTHER PEOPLE-->
LIKE CERAMAH, USRAH, AND OTHERS
- MINGLE MOSTLY WITH OTHER PEOPLE FROM THIS GROUP
- MOST ARE NICE PEOPLE, HARMLESS ENOUGH, SOME WONT ACCEPT YOU IF YOU ARE
NOT RELIGIOUS ENOUGH
- SOMETIMES TERMED AS ALIM, SOMETIMES TERMED AS KAMPUNG

GROUP B : - NORMAL AVERAGE JOE
- SOMETIMES HAVE THE FEELING OF WANTING TO BE RELIGIOUS, SOMETIMES FORGETS
ABOUT IT AND WANTS TO JOIN GROUP C
- A VERY CONFUSED LOT OF PEOPLE
- HAVE A VERY BLURRY IDENTITY OF THEMSELVES
- SOMETIMES A BIT TOO SHY, SOMETIMES A BIT TOO LOUD, SOMTIMES JUST PLAIN
AWKWARD
- HAVE DONE ACHIEVEMENTS AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS, BUT ALSO HAVE DONE BAD STUFF
- SOMETIMES TERMED AS NERD, SOMETIMES TERMED AS KAMPUNG

GROUP C : - KNOW ABOUT RELIGION, BUT SOMETIMES TOO LAZY TO DO IT
- LIVE A VERY HAPPY LIFE IN THE WORLD, WITHOUT NEEDING TO CARE ABOUT
MUCH, BUT KNOWS THAT AFTER THE END OF THE WORLD, MAYBE ITS NOT HAPPY
- VERY CONFIDENT ABOUT THEMSELVES
- KNOW THAT MOST WANT TO BE LIKE THEM
- SOMETIMES TERMED AS COOL, NEVER TERMED AS KAMPUNG

So which group do i belong to u ask..of course i belong to group B. 1 foot in A,the other in C. I can be both at times, but majoring only in 1 at most.
My sister once said to me, 60% of what we do is what we picked up from the people near us. I wish i had picked up the cooler 60% though. Its easy for her to say, she was born to be cool. Unlike her little sister here.

Back to the bigger picture, i went to a boarding school, which helped in making me like this today.. sigh..No one in my family went to boarding school, except my brother, who eventually hated it because there was no freedom.

I cringed at how kampung-ish i must be.. *bigg cringe*

Ill try to be less kampung-ish in the future

But at the moment, I dont know the definition of myself. I kind of lost my identity along the way when i picked up 60% of other uncool beings along the way...

But who cares what people think right (yerright)

If thats who i really am, then theres nothing anyone can do about it (except for me, who will try)

kampung girl does not want to say bye to city boy, but it looks like it should be that way...

or shouldnt it be...~

tauge memaniskan kue tiaw

cara-cara membuat kue tiaw goreng yang sedap!


haha!gotcha!

although mom taught me how to make really good kue tiaw, (mine does not taste like hers though), this post is not exactly about kue tiaw.

i was in the kitchen one day, fyi, my mom never lets me in because she says im intruding in her food masterpiece. anyway, on that certain day, mom was making kue tiaw goreng, i sat down on a stool beside her and watched her cook. (everytime she asks me to cut the onions, i pretended i was talking to the cats)

we talked about things, the latest guy i had a crush on, gossip about my sister and brother, and just laughed at silly jokes which my father cracked. when, all of a sudden she said `nak tau x how i make the kue tiaw taste good?`, she smiled as she threw a handful of tauge into the wok. at that instant, i caught a whiff of delicious malay food. aaahh...i miss moms kue tiaw goreng, no one can make it as nice as her.

mom putting in the tauge with her loving hands made me think, how something simple as tauge can make something taste extraordinary!

--------------->>

sometimes, we go through our life, (like eating kue tiaw goreng) without noticing the small things, the simple things (like tauge) which makes life so much better. we take for granted that everything, everyone, will always be there for us, that we forget, God can take anything from us anytime.


am i a simple person?

i dont know....maybe im not a simple person, but at times i do like to live the simple life


--like breathing the very air into my lungs...im scared of dying, the scariest death is to be without air




--taking long walks in the green pastures...i hope my children will get to run around with sand between their toes, swinging on shady trees in the park when they grow up...



--i dont really know what i am rambling about, just another crappy post for the benefit of me and whoever reads this...


O you who believe! Eat of the good things that We have provided for you, and be grateful to Allah, if it is Him you worship

[Surah Al-Baqarah, 172]

We created man from a drop of mingled sperm, in order to try him. We gave him the gifts of hearing and sight. We showed him the way: whether he be grateful or ungrateful.

[Surah Al-Insan, 2-.3]

What can Allah gain by your punishment, if you are grateful and you believe? Indeed, it is Allah who recognizes all good, and knows all things.

[Surah An-Nisa, 147]

“If you are grateful, I will increase my favours to you. But if you show ingratitude, truly, My punishment is terrible indeed.”

[Surah Al-Ibrahim, 7]

----->>>

life is like kue tiaw goreng....

1. its very simple if you know how

2. but you have to make it according to order

3. you cant put less of anything, you cant put too much of anything, just nice

4. lastly, add something simple like tauge, it may be unimportant, you may miss it out....but life is too short to miss out on the simple things~~

#3. do not unto others what others unto you

I was going to declare war on something...when I came across the website that Tun Dr Mahathir initated. it is called the KUALA LUMPUR FOUNDATION TO CRIMINALISE WAR.

I had posted an entry before this, showing how emo i had gotten at the end of this week.

A few minutes after some loud ear-blasting music, some deep breathes and soothing words, i was up and smiling again.

But for some people, they never learn how to do this, (reproachfully to myself) instead, they keep what we call in Malay as dendam which i think is such childish nonsense.

But nonsense or no nonsense, these are the things that in the early phase, ignites wars. first between people that we know, then between larger communities, in the end, a lot of people will be involved in it and get hurt.

Anyway, i checked myself in time...(hopefully).. sometimes, we are so busy finding the fault of others that we do not notice that we are doing exactly the same thing.

That is why i would prefer not to delete the entry before this, as a reminder to me of what happens when i do not control my emotions.

I was proud of the fact that whenever something disturbing happens, i do not put an intentional entry or ym status just so that some other person would most probably get hurt. I know alot of people who do that. its like a mini ym-war, one person writes another status in hopes that the person intended reads it and is hurt. Like a war, suddenly the whole world knows something is brewing, instead of it being a private problem.

well, shamefully and regrettably after ugh-ing people who do that, i just did. doesnt that ever happen to you, just when you start mengumpating about how some person or other acts negatively, you end up doing the exact same thing which is, i say pretty stupefyieng.

Anyway, todays lesson is DO NOT UNTO OTHERS WHAT OTHERS UNTO YOU. sometimes, the feeling of getting back at someone is all we want to do. but why should we stoop so low like others when we know we are better than that. Theres this movie i once saw, where someone had sweet revenge at another person, in the end, a friend asked that person, REVENGE WAS SWEET AND IT PROBABLY WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO, BUT WHY DOES IT FEEL SO WRONG....

think about that...

I would like to share another thing in which i think i have changed in these years i lived in Indonesia. I was never one of those who liked to merajuk, but the other day, when i was on holiday with my family, i suddenly was overcome by this merajukness when my family started making fun of me because i was short. I walked straight into my room, slammed the door and isolated myself from everyone.

TOTT...NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO

Everyone was surprised, where was the girl they knew who never shed a tear and never cared what other people say. Well, sadly, i had evolved. I was surprised myself too, because i had never shown such emotions in front of my family. This comes to show what my sister had said when i was small was true, 60% of what you do now is what you get from others. hrmm....

As all my lessons in life, i would like to quote from the only reliable source of life guidance. I would like to say sorry to Allah for awhile (wait, give me 5 seconds)...ok...for i have sinned.. oh dear.. MAy we learn by our mistakes, and may Allah be forever patient with us whenever we do wrong~

• A good action and a bad action are not the same. Repel the bad with something better and, if there is enmity between you and someone else, he will be like a bosom friend. (Qur`an 41:34)

• The repayment of a bad action is one equivalent to it. But if someone pardons and puts things right, his reward is with God. Certainly He does not love wrongdoers. (Qur`an, 42:40)

• those who give in times of both ease and hardship, those who control their rage and pardon other people ,God loves the good-doers (Qur`an, 3:134)

• You will never cease to come upon some act of treachery on their part, except for a few of them. Yet pardon them, and overlook. God loves good-doers. (Qur`an, 5:13)

Another year has passed in the field of medicine

Well..well..well.....isnt it another year that i have survived in this country, away from home and family. Away from the luxuries of home and KUALA LUMPUR (argh), away from it all..

I am sitting my remedial exams, hopefully to increase my marks for this semester, its going to take me half-a-month and i am not studying as hard as i had hoped *sigh*. `Nadya, Nadya,Nadya...what has gotten into you, you lil twerp!`...My exams begin this wednesday and eventually ends on the 14th. Then its freedom for Nadya!!! (by the way, im going to Bali after that, so be sure to look up the updates later on my blog)

So, today i felt like writing on how our worlds can change in just 1 year. I remember well, during the beginning of my second year, i had just suffered from a really insecure life in Jatinangor..i had problems with friends, family, guys and myself. Its like i was a total different person from who i am now. Life had never been so hard as it was the year before.


When the 2nd year began, it felt like a fresh start and i was determined not to let the past haunt me in my new beautiful home filled with new friends. Alhamdulillah, we are getting along well and have been for this year and hopefully for years to come. A person that used to be in my life, and now with another (hrmmm) had really caused the early months of my life here to be tormenting. The pain of trying to forgive and forget is one of the painful deals our tender hearts have to handle. But gradually, and hopefully, i have healed from it and only time will tell if memories can be erased. I have met other interesting people now, and they have been really great in helping me out throughout my ordeal. When one wants to forget something, always remember that everything happens for a reason. Feelings do change over a year, why suffer remembering what doesnt want to be remembered right.

How about my studies u say...*cringe*...i call this part the PEDOMAN AKHIR TAHUN. This means that, we human beings always go through the year without thinking and planning, and just when we nearly reach the end of the year, we look back and say `argh, IF ONLY i studied more, focused more and bla bla bla`. news for people like these(me especially)...why did i not do it in the first place...d-uhhh. I had hoped to really work hard for these remedial exams and the Bali trip is something like a reward, but looks like im not working hard enough, im playing hard though..*sigh*

Anyway, im someone who believes in second chances, so, i hope that i dont miss them anymore. I am grateful that i have lived through yet another year, thank you God for blessing me and my family with prosperity and happiness, and i pray for a thousand more years under Your guidance. ..