Youre on the other side of the world~

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an Iceberg
Waiting to change,
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like
the water,

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water

Then the fire fades away
But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world
to me

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers
and feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along

Then the fire fades away
But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world

Can you help me?
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can't see me anymore

Then the fire fades away
most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world
Ohh.... the other side of the world
You're.... the other side of the world
To me.

ps: This song played on my play list today, it kind of means a lot to me.

pps: i cant embed the videoclip, i dont know why. but you should see i guess

dont turn away...dry your eyes,

am i different...am i someone hard for people to accept...am i weird, am i strange...i dont know...~

it happened since i was small
i remember those words someone said when i was 14
i still remember them till today

its killing me inside
i need something to heal it
old wounds reopen
and im getting worse

i dont need to think of it
i try to put it at the back of my mind
but its etched there
and im alone in facing it

i cried just now
the tears just came
i just, im just lost

i keep saying everything happens for a reason
but i cant figure out the reason why

i want to run away
in the woods, feet against cool sand
face the cool air and breathe through my lungs

i want to go far
but i dont want to run away

naked man and naked woman

I just finished an hour at the gym, i need the exercise as i seem to increase in size the moment i stop working out. Me and my friend always walk back home from the gym, no matter rain or shine and nothing ever bothered us, not the dusty pavements, not the noise or even the abundant cars along the road...that is, until one day...

We came out a bit later than usual from the gym, we walked back side by side while talking along the way. Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a burst of pain on the right side of my shoulder. I turned my head as quickly as i could, my left hand clutching my shoulder as the pain radiated down my whole arm. My eyes caught the deep stare of this half naked woman staring at me as if she wanted to gouge my eyes out. Thats when i realized that she had punched me with all her strength, and looked like she wanted to do it again. I dont know the reason why she did it, except that she was not in her right state of mind, said my friend who told me she always saw her along the road.

My next encounter was not that scary, except for the fact that it was dark, silent and i was ALONE.

After finishing my dinner at a local eatery near my place, i decided at that very second that i wanted to go buy some dvds. I took the angkot as i did not bring my car at the time. The dvd seller smiled at me, gave his usual recommendations of movies that he knew i liked, and i ended up buying more than i had money in my pocket to pay with. The dvd seller knew me well, and he said i did not need to pay the rest of it. But i still did not have that 1k to pay my angkot fee back. so i decided to walk, i looked at my watch, it was nearly 9. its ok, i told myself,im used to it...

I took the small black bag full of dvds, and kept staring at the ground, as i walked back. There were not many people around, 2 guys were walking in front of me. Suddenly, i heard hushed voices as they quickened their steps. Wondering what was going on, i looked past them, but as quickly, looked another way again. Oh my God, it was a naked man, walking towards me. I walked as closely as possible to the 2 boys in front of me, and they as quickly, was walking away as well!

To my dismay, they took a turning to somewhere else, and i was left all alone on the street to face the man who was also not in his right state of mind. I didnt know where to look, look up, and i would see his scary face, look down and err, i see err something else pulak kan..huhu...so i looked to my left, breathing prayers as fast as the wind so that he would just pass on peacefully. He slowed his step as we nearly bumped into each other....slowly, slowly, until he came to an abrupt stop beside me. I wanted to scream or run, but i knew if i did that, things would turn out worse. He stopped, glanced at me, with a half sad- half mad face, and finally decided to walk away.

YOu bet i ran ALL the way home!


I didnt write this today just to tell you about my experience with naked people, (pun unintended) because i bet my friends here have experienced a lot of this as well.
i was just thinking that I go through my daily life quite satisfactorily, i dont think i have any reason not to be happy, and yet here i am always feeling sad and unhappy without a reason to be so. I have everything needed to live a normal life, have people that care for and love me, and yet i do seem ungrateful at times.

What if i was like the really lonely people out there, the naked man, the naked woman. who do not have anyone to love them, feed them, or even clothe them. Would i be someone walking along a dusty road, avoided and shunned by the public.
And i would be alone, all alone...i wonder how would that feel~

Guess i just want to thank God that im alive and well...

PS:

~1 year ago, i made a deal with God...no one knows what it is...but God knows i didnt quite keep my part of the deal

~Theres this really nice book that a friend gave to me, and i like to read this part of the Du`a, although i havent done it for quite some time...

YA ALLAH, AKU BERLINDUNG KEPADA MU DARI RASA GELISAH DAN SEDIH, DARI KELEMAHAN DAN KEMALASAN, DARI SIFAT PENGECUT DAN BAKHIL, DARI TEKANAN HUTANG, DAN KESEWENANGAN ORANG

YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN BADANKU

YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN PENDNGARANKU

YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN PENGLIHATANKU

ps ps::

im sorry about the bad posts and updates, im actually working on something at the moment, which must be kept a secret until it has succeeded..sorrry!!

today is a friday...

today is the 3rd day of my life with boo boo..(or bubu) i havent decided yet which..so far he has been of no trouble at all. he doesnt meow, practically just gives a squeak every now and then after he gets bored of playing by himself. I went out to town from morning until night yesterday, and left booboo in the oilet with some food, water and the door left just enough for him to squeeze through if he wanted to. i was worried the whole day, whether he got scared or lonely in the cold bathroom (although i did supply a box and some towels in a corner), but my worries were rest assured as when i came back home, booboo bounded happily towards the door. no poop or pee outside the bathroom and he looked happy to see me! i hope he sticks with this attitude forever.

i have classes at 7 today, and as usual i havent finished my assignment. argh...i went out to bandung yesterday with a friend. I am trying out this one project, which hopefully succeeds and that was the reason i went out. but ill tell you about it one day, just not now. after buying all the things needed for the project, we went for a spa which turned out to be not that relaxing as they used ice cubes, ouch! i broke one of my favourite heels and oh yeah, i finally stopped by petronas yesterday for the first time..haha

anyway, i have to write loads of things about viruses and all...must focus on that first..but my eyes are red already. will update more later..take care!

is it boo boo or bubu or bubur!

morning again! i seem to be up early nowadays, and thats a good thing right.=)

i came back home yesterday afternoon after around an hour of blank gaze during tutorial. i couldnt pick up what everyone was saying after the tutorial break as my brain normally malfunctions at around that time. coming back home tired, the house cat named Omer entered my room nonchalantly. This orange cat of my friends, is a humongous orange cat unlike garfield minus the obesity. As he purred and rubbed against my legs, i squatted down and talked to him like i always do. I asked him, where had he been...had he seen his girlfriend today...and so on. Omer doesnt mind me talking to him, and the reason why i never had a cat here was that i loved him a lot. But nowadays, hes a grown boy and he doesnt come back home often, i thought as i rubbed his dirty chin. Looking in his eyes, i whispered, Omer, please bring me a kitten to take care.~

At precisely that time, i suddenly heard the pityful meow of a kitten from the back of the house. I ran to the balcony and saw this teeny form of a kitten wandering aimlessly in the paddy fields! it was meowing at the top of its lungs, whether from hunger or just calling for someone to love him (i think its a boy), i shall never know. but at that moment, i ran as fast as i could, could this be...the cat that i was finding for!!

Maybe it was destiny, or maybe it was just a hungry cat, but the scraggly kitten came running and running towards me as if it knew that i was going to take him HOME. it was such a heartbreaking moment, really! I brought him to my room and petted him for a bit, when suddenly Omer came into the room to see what the fuss was all about. When he saw that some other being was in my room, he literally dived onto the poor kitten and nearly broke its bone! i was horrified!! Omer! how could you!! he gave me an ugly look, which must have meant `i hate you!` and looked sharply at the kitten who was now so scared, his legs were shaking like a chicken.

I gave the kitten a bath, and decided to name it BOo BOo, because, suddenly, i cant think of another name! owh dear, maybe i should put up a contest on who can name my kitten...anyone has any ideas what to name it..anyway, as for now, its boo boo, and boo boo has been very good in the past hours. he doesnt meow loudly, which is good and he did potty train himself. the only thing that irritated me was when i tried to get some sleep last night, but he kept wanting to sleep on the bed with me and after some attempts at scolding him, i finally caved in as his tear drop eyes looked at me as if to say `i love you`...

**ps: i hope nothing happens to boo boo, unlike my hamsters!

good morning!!

good morning world!

its 5.40 am in indonesia and i am halfway through my utter most horrible assignment, due at 9 today. only my study lamp is on, and the rest of the room is dark, as if it is night. but it isnt, and i could get cranky by midday because of lack of sleep..owh dear!

anyway, i woke up with a start this morning. as my phone which doubles as the only alarm in the world that i can hear, woke me up with a startle and i accidentally dropped it under the bed. as it rang the second time, i lazily reached out under, but as it was too far, i fell right down from the bed with it. what an early morning start. and i didnt have time to have my morning coffee *grumble*. but i did manage to gulp down some water before the mark of sahur has come to an end.

im wearing my new pink cotton baju kurung today. want to post a picture, but maybe a little later as im still in my jammies...~

anyway, as my teacher used to say, lets pray that today would be better than yesterday..have a great wednesday people!

of badak berendam and mangkuk tingkat

Assalamualaikum and a happy ramadhan to everyone i know...

aaah, it feels so good to be able to sit in front of my laptop with internet at home (finally)...as of this moment, i am currently in our house in tronoh, perak.(yes, its perak now, no more kl).haha...but i dont mind, sometimes you do need a place to get away from everything which mom and dad have finally been able to do after all these years. It is peaceful here, all you can hear are the birds chirping and the pitter patter of rain. Mom is with Mak Teh reminiscing their childhood in perak, dad is reading the papers in the dining hall and kakak is sitting on the sofa, staring out at the garden which my parents have been missing out since they joined the rat race.

Kakak asked me a few days ago, nadya, what do you miss most about raya? the answer i could think of at that time was i miss the times when everyone would crowd in one house. kakak...missed our beloved Nani, she said..yeah, during those times, my grandmother, or affectionately called Nani was still alive. We do miss her a lot because with her presence, everyone would come back to batu gajah and just fill her yellow bricked house. the lawn would be full of us kids running around, chasing each other, climbing the massive mango tree, and the only thing that kept us from becoming wild goose were the mosquitoes that were abundant. As the sun begins to hide across the horizons, we could already sniff the sweet smell of Nanis and Mak Tehs delightful dinner on the way as they hustled and bustled in the hot kitchen. Everyone would wait impatiently as they bring out the best food ever, one by one... There would be plenty of food, everything tasted like a slice of heaven as they were the greatest chefs i could ever remember!

Mak teh kept a lot of cats and we would play with them before everyone was called to dinner. All of us were on our best behavior, no elbows on the dining table please, if you spill it, wipe it..and the list goes on. But every mouth watering dish was, ahh, indescribable..and the desserts were to die for.pumpkin pie, chocolate cake..you name it! and oh yeah, there would always be jars of young mango preserved, ooohh...succulent,sweet and tantalizing.hell yeah! all the aunts and uncles, cousins would eat together and talk through the night. We youngsters would play with the bunga api outside, laughing as we trembled with delight and awe at the sparkles.

And when the young night has come to an end, we would bring out those pink mattresses kept under Nani's bed and lay dozens of them in the large hall. Mak Teh would bring out the home made quilt blankets and all the families would sleep side by side. goodnight kakak,goodnight intan, goodnight afzal~

(i wish i could write a beautiful memoir of our childhood days, or at least a beautiful entry...but i dont feel so good today, went to the doctor and had heaps of blood taken out for a blood test =( ..)

PS:

yesterday, i learnt a new word..badak berendam..literally speaking. Mom told me and my sister to go buy some malay kuehs for buka puasa, so we went out to the nearest kueh stall just around the curb. as kakak was staying in the car, i went out and patrolled the streets for the best kueh around. finally, something caught my eye. they looked like bakso dipped in coconut milk! i was elated! the stall seller just laughed and said, this is badak berendam, try some. feeling not so confident to try it, i decided to buy it anyway and brought it back home.

Upon buka puasa, everyone reached out for the kuehs, and dad with startled eyes asked, whats this ball-like thing in the coconut milk? and we all answered its badak berendam! he was laughing and said, what an ugly name, its so literal! but as we tried it, it turns out the kueh was good after all. guess its true not to judge anything by its name and appearance then! =)

i should be updating about my winter/summer holiday in this entry, but i totally forgot to bring my travel journal, and it wouldnt be of much use if i just made a just-so entry would it? but ill put some pictures here, just a little bit..for all the rest, theres always facebook .

when was the last time you did something spontaneous

dear diary,

its been one week since i wrote anything, fresh out of ideas i might say.

i was walking back home from my sunday morning jog, which is now a walk because i cant run more than a few miles before starting to cough, argh, really a pain in the butt, me cough..cant even go do proper workout.

anyway,during my walk back home...

i felt ive been living the same old day in and day out...

whens the last time i did something spontaneous

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I REALLY LIVED~

arent we all under the weather...

Recently there seems to be an epidemic not only in my house but i guess a lot of people here and everywhere. EVeryone seems to be sick, and if not sick, is already showing signs of getting the same sickness.

Its really terrible to be sick, but people say that when sickness comes, sins float away. So, in reality, we should be happy to be sick i guess, but it really is hard to be happy when your nose is blocked and your throat is swollen like a bee right.

A wise man told me the trick to not feeling sick is to fight back, when your body feels the most weak, that is when you act as if you feel nothing.

i went out to jog today, but i kept stumbling over my own feet because i didnt feel up to it. Both me and my friend felt like 2 dizzy homo sapient who just happened to stroll down the dusty hot road. Along the way, we bought hot fresh milk, maybe it would soothe our dizzyness. As we walked slowly, we stopped talking for awhile, both immersed in each others own thoughts of dizzyness.

Still not content with the hot milk, i stopped by the local grocery mart and bought myself tons of ionic drinks, having high hopes that these would help. But as the day would turn into night, i would probably go see a doctor later in the evening.

This post means nothing really, but just wanting to say im sick!haha...nah~its not that, i just want to wish all the others who are sick to get well soon~

Mom told me this story of a muslim doctor, captive in a dark cell with other prisoners of war. ALl they had was mountain water trickling inside their dark cell. The doctor tried to cure the sickness of everyone who was in the cell with him with what he had...and all he had was water. He made them drink lots of water day in and out, he bathed their wounds with water, and he made sure that everything he did, included the treatment with water.

With the blessing of God, all under his care became well again, and one day they were set free after months of being captives. After regaining his freedom, he did a research on using water as a healing remedy. I dont remember exactly, but i think it was mentioned in the quran or hadiths about the power of clear water, untainted by any other contents. And at last, his research proved to be fruitful, as water indeed had may i say a miracle healing property.

Thats why all of us today are recommended to drink 3L of water a day..

ok, so thats what im trying to do now...ive stocked myself with more water than ever..hopefulle id get well soon...

maybe prove the miracle of water too =)

anyway, get well soon everyone....may the holidays be happy and not like as if stuck in a prison where everyone seems to be in a foul mood

BOOm bOoM PoW!!!

!!!HELLELELELEOOOOOO!!!updates2!

hye there!

i just finished all my papers today! yippee!! but unfortunately, theres still my practical exams next week...argh! but anyway, i want to rest and clean my room today..therefore, today is officially NO STUDY DAY!

My room is an absolute mess i tell you, its as if hurricane Katrina landed in the midst of jatinangor,and happened to knock on my door. I would like to show some pictures of my room one day, haha, because i never had the chance to decorate my own room way back home. We moved too much that i got used to staying in rooms that lacked any personal touches.

The sun was shinning hot today, but it was windy though. I feel im getting even darker than ever, sigh~ MY rezeki today, i was treated to lunch by mr-iv-never-been-to-jatos, (actually i forced him to go, sorry~~) and also had a really really nice bubur jagung made specially by miss-jangok-of-jatinangor (who is a really2 good friend of mine though)(btw, sedaaappp tauuu)...thank you2! you guys made my day~

After eating full to the brim, me and Y headed of to the gym, which im trying to go everyday now since classes have ended.

And things i plan to do during the hols while awaiting remedials~


1. travel jogja-solo-semarang (26-1july)

2. judicium (owh God)

3. go for guitar lessons, (yes, i am going, thank you very much =P)

4. check out the equestrian club somewhere in lembang, but cant quite get in contact with the person in charge just as yet

5. continue swimming lessons

6. continue my tae kwan do lessons

8. jog in the mornings

9. gym in the afternoons

10. finally ----get to do what normal teenagers do --> watch tons of movies, shop till i drop dead, and I GET TO WEAR PRETTY CLOTHES AGAIN...weeee ..(exam month been wearing baju tidur unless theres exams, you can see why i cant wait to wear nice clothes again..)

** btw, someone promised to play ping pong with me!!you know who you are =)

REading PHop..and going GREEN

Well, tomorrow is my public health exams and im with my usual fundamental gastritis.

After reading about pollution and all, i mean i know its common knowledge, but i just want to say that i decided that im going green.

Not yet that is, but i want to try.

Not to become a vegetarian though, (because i am a meat eater), but just trying to do things to save the environment. Maybe i will update on anything i do that i feel is helping the universe live from now.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

That reminds me of my childhood days (as usual). My dad was an agricultural scientist that did research on main community plants. We would move from one place to another depending on what specific plant he was researching on at the time. For example, when we lived in Cameron, dad researched on apples and cold weather plants, and when we moved to the states, dad did research on cloning oranges. And the likes..So, our family was a real nomad family, but i dont mind, change is good sometimes.
DAd is now a retired scientist, after years of dedicating his life to his plants, he is safe and sound tucked in perak and is now a full time environmentalist, oh, and maybe farmer. =)

My father is a very passionate man, and with his shining eyes, he would come back from work at nights, telling us stories about what he did with what plants and all. And we kiddos would listen with even more eager eyes, while munching on the fruit that he was researching on. It was always like that, if he was studying on coco trees, we would have coco every weekend, if dad was studying strawberries, then it was strawberries everyday..and in sarawak, when he studied the sagoo tree, we ATE ULAT SAGU!!aha!its true...!!

Being a man of nature, dad always reminded us to save the environment.

1. When we washed the dishes, dad would come over and scold us if he finds that the water was flowing too much from the pipe.

2. If we ever stepped foot outside of the house, lets say, gunung brinchang during our days in cameron, dad would look out for the scattered rubbish that disturbs his sight and tells us...daughters, lets save the environment, and there we were, small kids picking up thrash...but i felt proud of it!

3. when we were in cameron, we would go jungle trekking on weekends, as me and my siblings raced through the lush green forest, dad would walk hand in hand with mom, at times calling us back to show us any interesting plant that had herbal use or was just peculiar in anyway.

4. dad likes to pick up things he finds alongside the road that he thinks is recyclable...and our house would be full of what i call`junk`..when he wasnt looking, me and mom would rush to take out as many junks as possible, and we would throw it very very far away so that he wouldnt notice anything was gone. But mom always asks me to do the dirty job, because she says daddy never scolds his little girls.

5. i once compared dad to this mentally-handicapped man by the road because he too was picking up trash. DAd got so upset, he said i was wishing him to be like that. I never brought up the issue again~

Theres so many more stories about my dad, and i could get carried away. haha..im so sorry, but im always talking about my family arent i..you must be bored i guess, but thats just the story of my life, its all about me, my family and what we have gone through together~ =)

____________________________________________________________________________________

OMG..i did get carried away, this post was supposed to be about me going green.!

lets see, theres a couple of things i could do to start, hmm...but ill post it later, i have to study more of phop...really!

...and i want to climb your mango tree~

I finally finished my sooca today!yeayy!!i am so happy, a part of me feels so giddy because im too happy for words to describe. I slept at nearly 3 in the morning, and with a very restless sleep, got up at 4.30 after many missed calls from many people, i finally forced myself to get up. just 1 more day, i told myself, i just had to sacrifice my few hours of sleeping for this 1 day.

My heart felt it was about to burst every time i read the notes that i still had to review. Nothing i did could calm my nerves, i was so scared that i shivered and had to wear socks because it felt safe and warm..wuwuwuw...When i just couldnt take it anymore, i decided to call my mommy and daddy, maybe their voice would further soothe me. Mom picked up the phone on the second dial tone, and we talked for a while. Telling her how afraid i was, mother quickly recited some soothing prayers and words as i just sat there on my bed, clutching my mobile to my ear, wells of tears were beginning to form at my lacrimal glands (MUAHAHHAHAHAH!!).

dID I tell you, the meaning of sooca is = SOOsCAry!seriously it is the most frightening type of exam in my entire young adult life, because it is utterly unpredictable and it depends on factors that you can control and cant:

so the uncontrollable factors are:

1. after re-memorizing all the notes, will what we memorize ACTUALLy be remembered on that morning

2. will we be the LUCKY people who get to know which case is coming out from the dozens of cases that we have to learn

3. will we GET the case we really know, memorize and like

4. do we REMEMBER what to write down during the very heart pumping 30 minutes in the quarantine room

5. once you open the door, will it be :
a)door of doom = bad\strict\sadist doctors
b)door of heaven = good doctors\doctors who know or like you\doctors who arent there in the room at all, and you babble to yourself, and when they come in, they just give you an A

what a life~

Alhamdulillah, God was with me today, and i managed to survive my sooca morning. IT felt so good to finally feel free, (although today is only the first exam of more to come)

The only thing i wasnt satisfied was that we had to stay in the &*%^$^ quarantined computer lab, and i was sweating like a $%^* and i was so hungry i could %^&* eat a horse! I was showing to my friends some stuff i liked on the internet, when suddenly a virus infected the computer that i was using,and it couldnt close any windows and just got stuck there with the manifesto left by the virus creator..i was like, thats a big UH-OHHH~(serves them right for containing me in that room!)

Mentally and physically, i was extremely exhausted, the drive back home seemed to trudge on endlessly, and when i finally reached home, i collapsed straight away on the bed. The room left still in its unkempt messy-ness,my bag strewn on the floor, the comfort of bundling oneself underneath the bed covers and the only sound i heard was the pitter-patter of rain drops on the window outside my room....for a moment there, i experienced heaven~

ANyway, i did not want to write this entry, i actually wanted to write about something else, thus the title...but, im so tired and i have to clean up my room...so, i guess ill write it later

**ps: tonight must sleep late so that i can wake up a list of people(S)

**ps: omer the cat just had a bath, and is sleeping on my bed, so i cant change the bed sheets

air mata keinsafan

hey there to those still up in this unearthly hour~

ITs 4 am in the morning now, and i cant sleep, not because i dont want to (which if i had a choice, i would have done), but because sooca is on monday, and time is of the essence (even though i would like to take a few minutes ofF to write something on my blog.


i was reciting to myself just now, trying to remember the things that should have been in my brain ages ago. every time i look at the amount of notes that i still have to go through, and understand and memorize, it sends a shiver down my spine. YOu know how scary it feels right~ sometimes when you have read something a dozen times, and memorized it, and just when you think you get the picture, you suddenly forget. its absolutely panicky!

So i repeated the same words again
and again
and again.....
and it is so hard at this time to memorize because the brain can only function as much...

i think i was on the point of total exhaustion....the floor and the ceiling felt as if it was moving,i just had to lie down on the bed for awhile,.~

I FELT FEAR...
I FELT SCARED....
AND WORST OF ALL, I KEEP THINKING, AM I ABLE TO DO IT....~


i lay on my bed, with my eyes open,my laptop was playing this song that i have been hearing to during these trying days.....at the point when i felt like giving up, i heard the lyrics play.....


..........Setiap kekasih Allah
Menempuhi jalan ini
Untuk mereka memiliki kejayaan
Ayuh bersama kita susuli
Perjalanan kekasih Allah
Agar kita tiada rugi
Dalam meniti hidup ini...........

I dont know what im babbling now, i cant think...but i just want to say, that this part of the song really means a lot to me....

no matter how hard this part of mine or our lives are, setiap kekasih Allah menempuhi jalan ini....

im weak, and this moment im at my weakest point....
i guess the only part of me that keeps me going, is that im doing this for HIM~

what panic feels like

-IM SO SCARED!

-I FEEL LIKE PANICKING BUT I KNOW IT WILL BE OF NO USE IF I PANIC!!

-I WANNA TELL MOMMY THAT IM SO SCARED I COULD ACTUALLY PEE IN MY PANTS (figure of speech)

-BUT I DONT WANT TO TELL HER, COZ I DONT WANT HER TO KNOW IM SCARED AND I REALLY HAVE TO ACT LIKE IM BRAVE NOW, WHEN IN REALITY IM SOOOO SOOOO SCARED!!!

**ok, stop panicking

**breathe in, breathe out...fuh fuh

**you can do it nadya!!

7 things i wish would drop out of the sky and land on my lap

heyya!

i have a bad stomachache and im sure its going to get worst.
my exams are next monday and the hours are passing by extremely fast...i wonder can God change the total sense of time but still maintain the exact hours for us human beings, as it flies so fast, i wish i could just grasp it in my hands....but still, time passes at the grips of my fingers, while i am still gaping open mouthed at the amount of things i havent studied yet.

i have tons of reasons to study hard this time, and i really pray that i would. for if i do, i have decided that this year i would like to reward myself if i work hard. yippeee! but hard work is not enough, i still have to save tons of money to get the stuff that i want...

NADYAS WISH LIST for the year 2009
(but must save money to buy before even wishing for it)

1. check out the new n97, i think i want!!

2. ask someone to buy me the new sony cybershot,but i think at last, i would have to buy it myself,*sigh*..but it would take such a long time to save money..haihh~

3. get a back pack for travelling

4. get a travelling wallet (the one that i can put passport and tickets in)

5. get new luggage (as my sister once said, for a family who travels a lot, we do not have the right luggage at all)

6. buy mom a watch, hmmm, i think im going to jakarta to buy that...what do you think...anyway,hope i can save enough money for that too.

7. get a pair of really comfortable loafers and athletic shoes, its been awhile since i last bought mine


Well, i cant remember much from my loooong list, but these are top priority that i have to save money for...argh...and the list goes on~..i wish i was an(a) heiress !



anyway, as for rewarding myself, i have planned some vacations after exams..hopefully everything will go as planned..pretty please~

Hybernation

Makan tidak kenyang

Mandi tidak basah

~
Am i in love....

NOPE

its that time of year again, the time where i spend most of my waking and sleeping hours cooped up in my schizophrenic looking room. The heat is unbearable, i dont know why...but everytime the word stress creeps into my brain, it will send a 100 volt of heatwave into my room.

im not one of those brainiacs, therefore an extra load of fear for me, my memory is short term, therefore another point for terror to reign me during these dire days. owh, i do wish times were easier, and i wish i was more of a person fonder of studying. but my capabilities of focusing are only, sigh, just a glance~

i bought food for my exam-month ration which put a hole in my pocket. hopefully i dont need to go out much and waste time. owh god, what a life! i feel like a squirrel just before hybernation. i eat, eat ,eat and eat so much until my tummy bulges, then, i read for a few seconds, and later find myself snoring nicely on a bed, lying upside down because i was watching tv.

My exams are next week, and i am indeed not ready yet. what to do!!what to do!! (running in panic circles 8 times around my room). Everyone seems so serious when these critical days come, no one dares to laugh too loud, (takut ilmu keluar), i tiptoe out of my room in case i startle my housemates deep concentration as they bury their heads in their books, if not, they would be hearing me walk out of my room approximately every 5 minutes, open the fridge door, grab some knick-knacks, eat it. and repeat the same cycle again.

Omer the cat is my constant companion when i study, every morning, he would meow constantly until i open the door, its breakfast time, he says, the most important meal of the day. he sometimes come at 7, sometimes at 8, but he always wakes me up in the morning. i let him in, while i take a bath, and then i put his food out and i eat my breakfast too. (he wont eat unless someone watches over him, that spoilt brat). He will then sleep while i study, sometimes he makes faces, as if mocking me that he can sleep, and i must study. sometimes, he deliberately sleeps on my books and cover the thing i am working on. cats~ attention deficit creatures they are!

By lunch, he would go out for his usual dirty day job, and will only come back when called or when he smells dinner cooking. Then after eating dinner, he would probably go somewhere and come to my room later on at night. (hes not here tonight, i wonder why). He would sleep on the floor, performing funny antics while i study. His eyes would open lazily if i make any extra noise, giving me a very annoyed look, and i would have to apologize to him, yes your majesty..cats~ a very arrogant yet lovable when they have a need for you, e.g breakfast, lunch, dinner...

anyway, yes i am in a state of hibernation

usually, i would be writing more during exams

but this time, i dont know why

haihh~

god help me~~

ok, i really have to go study now....s.t.u.d.y!!!!!!ZZZzzzz

heyya!

hello hello

i miss you dear technology!

i have been living for a hermit for weeks, when i suddenly found out that if you ordered your internet, and havent paid yet, you would still have to pay the same amount next month...i was dumbfounded! but unfortunately when i told everyone that i just knew about it, they were like, d-uhh~huhu

anyway, something interesting happened on my jog today. its been awhile since i went jogging, my knees really hurt...sighh....but anyway, we went out at 7.30 in the morning and started our usual weekend jog. today was not tiring, but my knees felt like someone put pins in them. im going to see a specialist after exams, i hope theres nothing bad =(

after the jog, we walked the stuffy roads of the sunday market. and woahhh!!i found my one true love! this animal here! it was for sale, can you believe it! its soooo cute!!!seriously!!!at first, me and `I` hesitated to touch it, but once i held out my hand, it curled to my fingers like a baby! omg!im so in love with it!! im going to call it mammoth-mammoth!!haha! i did not bring any money, and the man said that the starting price was 150k, woooo..drool....i want it..i want it...i think i want it more than i want a cat...the one i held was a bit older, but there was a baby which someone had already bought. when `I` held it, it started making clucking noises.aaaaa~want want~~~

this animal is called a slow loris. if i dont know the name, i always google the big eyed animal that always comes out in national geographic...and out pops the picture of this animal. i think it is endangered, but here, no one cares. i do care, but then again...its soo cute...may i~~~pleeease~~~~






read this~...(but i want)huhu


Today, from the AFP (Agence France-Presse)

Aboriginal Bom tribesmen have found a “critically endangered” ash-white and owl-eyed monkey in the southeastern Bangladesh hills.

The monkey, known locally as “Lajjaboti Banor”, weighs about five kilograms (11 pounds) and was found at a forest in the Banderban hill district, the official BSS news agency said Monday, quoting zoology officials.

It had not been for years, officials said, without being able to pinpoint when the animal was last sighted.

The monkey’s dominant features are big eyes and long black stripes on its back. It is very shy and hides its face on seeing humans.

One problem with the story. This is not a monkey.

i need inspiration, not broken promises

today, yesterday, and a few days before has been very monotonous. life has been the same as always, class begins either around 7 or 9, i wake up 15 minutes before, rushing, and go to class. on hot days, i take the car, but now, they tragically are doing roadworks at the university entrance. So, it takes me nearly 15-20 minutes to get to class, when normally i can reach in 5 minutes.

Car is very dirty. keep reminding myself to get it washed. but the jam in jatinangor is so bad that i dont have the mood to send it for washing, i want to wash myself but i dont have time. Have lots of work to do, and i keep putting things off. Thats a really bad habit of mine. Its either i put things off(is it off or of,i always get confused), or i dont put my heart into everything i do unless i really want it.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Hmm, since i have lack of inspiration today, i just would like to make a few notes.

1. to my tutorial mates,

im sorry my work hasnt been good this semester, i know i did not try hard and i did not do my learning issues well. i am ashamed of that fact because i used to pride myself that i would put my everything in my presentation so that other people understand. but this semester, i dont know why, maybe its because of the lack of inspiration ...or its just plain laziness. I dont know which, but i have to stop this. i can totally see the clueless stares my dear tutorial mates give me, and i feel the terrible pang of guilt. i would just like to say im sorry, ill try better next time.

~~~

haihh, the lack of inspiration is so bad that i dont even have any idea what to write to my tutorial mates. Im doing past year questions now, and i was supposed to finish it by today, but im still doing it. (haihh, nak buat past year questions pun tengah tiada semangat)...

did someone take away my passion, my inspiration~

Today

I woke up today with a sad heart..

Today was going to be the day that i gave away my hamsters back to the person who sold it to me, at the sunday market.

If you had read my blog before, you would have known that i keep 2 hamsters. Mojo and Jojo. Sadly, Mojo died a tragic and cruel death. He was eaten whole by a cat right outside my door while i was sleeping soundly.

A week after that tragic incident, i bought another hamster to keep Jojo company. I wanted to name it Mojo again, but a friend said that we had to remember the dead~ so i named it Michi instead. Michi was so gentle at first, as it was only a baby. But after much persuasion by Jojo, it got fierce and both of them always bite me when i try to pet them.

I walked to the sunday market, and commented to my friend on how empty it was. Then i realised! THere was no sunday market. I asked around, and to my dismay, the market was placed at a futher place today, and i was late to watch the last of the malaysian games today.

With the small box containing the 2 very sad hamsters, i walked to the site where the games had begun. It was a very hot day, and i shaded them as much as possible. Many of my friends loved the hamsters, and played with them. Although some bullied them and they did fall down a lot =(

I was going to bring them back, as i couldnt find the man who sold them to me. When suddenly, a friend who was looking at the box approached me. He played with them for a while, silently watching the 2 rolling over each other in the heat. With a small smile, he asked if he could take them home with him.

I was overjoyed. They finally had a new home. I pray that my friend can take care of them much better than i did.

ps:

** i find my room very quite and lonely without the sound of the screeching wheel that they play in everyday

** i miss them so much.....but i think it was for the best

** i hope my friend loves them as much as i did

** remind me to give all the stuff to him later

** thank you to that friend for his willingness to take care of those furry creatures...i miss them so =(

Im cured of my homesickness!!yippee!!

Im back in action!!

HAha....I guess i was really homesick after all

I was in dire need of a break, and i got it just in time before a major breakdown.

My flight was at 6 in the morning on a very cold and tiring thursday. I woke up at 3 am, and tip toed my way across the hall of the house as i went out. It was too early to wake anyone, so i quietly said a hushed goodbye, and waited outside for my friend to come and send me of to the airport. (im so sorry dear friend for the 4 am wake up call, i really owe you one)~~

I was a bit sad when i arrived in malaysia,it was 9 am, mom and dad had to go off to the Pakistani embassy so they could not see me until 2 in the afternoon. My aunt picked me up, and although it was great to see her, i cringed at the prospect of having to wait for so long until i met my parents. WHile i was daydreaming in the car, suddenly the phone rang, guess what!! mom and dad had to cancel their trip to the embassy as Pakistan was having a public holiday and the embassy was closed. Suddenly pakistan was one of my favourite countries on the planet!wuhuu! I got to see mom and dad!!

Well, what can i say, it was really good to be home. Technically, i dont actually know where our real home is, the houses in kajang before this were mostly rented, dad bought this apartment just to rent out, but we now use it as a half way house, oh dear. Anyway, during short visits back home, we stay in kajang, long visits would be in perak, or cameron sometimes. huhu...I do wish dad sold all the other houses and settled down on a nice house by the sea, i wish, i wish~ sigh~ At night, my other aunt and uncle came and we ate satay kajang...(clap3!!)..Theres this place that has the best satay in town, but theres no ambience, so, not many people know about it. Anyway, me loike satay!




The next morning, i persisted that we eat at the nearest mamak at home. I had set my heart to cure my homesickness also by filling my tummy with the best my tastebuds could find! I ate nasi kandar on my first morning!woahhh~~~sedapnyaa~~~( i feel as if i had not gone home for so long, but mom said i just came back 3 months ago...omg, i really have chronic homesickness). We wandered around kajang town for awhile, dad bought a new sony cybershot (im drop dead jealous!!argh!please buy me one...please!)I surveyed the latest from sony, 12.1mp~~i want!!~~~

Kakak came that afternoon from johor, afternoons are nice in malaysia, because someone would eventually go out and buy some kueh and we would eat it with sweet hot tea while gossiping at the dinner table. This time, there was no hot tea because it was an extremely hot day (malaysia panas gilerrr~~), we settled down with some cooling cans of yeos..hohoho



The day passed too fast, and it was time to send mom and dad for umrah on a sunny saturday morning. I felt glad that i went home, i got to spend a really short but quality time with my loved ones. If only abang was here, it would be utterly perfect. We waited until it was time to see them go, we hugged like a 100 times, and moms eyes were glassy (i think).

ps=

**I never regretted setting my heart to buy the ticket back home even for a minute.

**I learnt that we have to make decisions, im big enough, and i should listen to what other people think, but dont let that be something to waver any decision i have made.

**I feel happier now...and hope i would have more happy thoughts! *_*...yippee!!

**I miss mom and dad still, but i feel safer in my heart knowing i love them every second even more *_* aaawww~~~