KETIKA tangan DAN kaki BERBICARA

Nadya has moved

2010-04-26T21:34:00.000+08:00

Dear readers, I have moved ...do read my blog at Her new home!!!

www.imahappykid.tumblr.com

Lots of love~!!

Anyer~

2010-04-10T10:42:00.006+08:00

Tis a lovely day aye Is it not a beautiful day Fear not the darkness comes night For thou art in His Grace, His Light~ ~ExLibris~
I woke up a bit late today, but still had time for my morning jog. Today we took the long route, where it is much hilly and i get more prone to my knee pains. Our slow jog today took us 24 minutes to finish the whole university, lets keep track of my progress shall we. Last weekend after exams, me and a couple of friends went on a short excursion to Anyer, Jakarta. If anyone wants to go there, hope this can be a guide to you.

So, to begin with, i wanted to drive there, but after thinking it over, and having to drive at 2 am in the morning for 5 hours, i decided not to in the end. There were 6 of us all in our pyjamas that fateful Saturday morning, we had spent the night before cooking for our picnic needs.

Food:

1. bihun goreng and ayam goreng (a must for Nadya Amin)
2. nasi goreng kampung
3. egg and sardine sandwhich
4. cokodok (cekodok)
5. keropok
6. miscellaneous

Things to bring on a picnic:

1. picnic basket
2. tikar
3. newspaper
4. extra plastic bags
5. tissue wipes
6. sunglasses and a nice outfit to look keren abisss.. =P

Our transport, was a kijang and driver, and total cost of transport back and forth was

1. 375k for kijang
2. 200k for petrol
3. 100k for tol

A decent speed to drive took us 3 hours to reach Jakarta, and another 2 hours to reach Anyer. When you reach Anyer, there a re lots of beaches and all of them are owned, so you would have to pay around 5k for a beach although some of it are free. There are actually 2 parts of the beach, Pantai Anyer and Pantai Carita which is a bit further of. I think Carita is where we settled down. These beaches are actually in the region of Banten, in the outskirts of Jakarta. We got ourselves a beach in front of a villa, even though we did not take the villa until later. I had to use my acting charms a bit =P cewah! Anyway, if you decide to stay a night at a villa there, most of it would cost around 1 juta, but very comfortable and you can fit more than 10 people so it is considered cheap once you calculate it.

Anyway, when we arrived, it took us a loong time to find a nice spot, most of the beaches had lots of rocks, and it was raining too. We were all in our gloomiest mood. But once we settled down, unpacked our stuff, and made Mr Tummy happy, the sun was shining and we were ready to hit the waves! Boy the waves were super-duper high! Oh, you can actually see Krakatao from most parts of the seaside, so that is a plus point on the trip.

Some beaches offer jet ski, banana boat and other water sports but they are quite costly. Some are just nice to roll around in the sun and make yourself a sandcastle. Some of us really just dashed into the waves ala2 baywatch yang gemok gedempol. while some just laid in the sun, enjoying the breeze. While on a trip to the beach, make sure you wear suitable clothing, especially if you want to play in the water. The waves were big, so our clothes kept doing summersaults. For breaks in between crazy laughing from the cool waves, bring games that everyone can play with. We brought a frisbee that was thrown away by the wind, a ball that was too lembik to play with and the twister game that made you want to pee out of laughter, oops!

All in all, i loved the trip, even though it was short, it was enough to recharge our senses before we started to nerd-ify ourselves again.

ps: internet sucks literally..my photos keep failing to upload =(

Call me freedom!

2010-04-09T09:47:00.005+08:00

Good morning!

internet troubles, i am facing again and again =( It took me around 3 hours to properly connect today, whatttt~~~

I just finished my treasure hunt of medical records, i have been going for weeks to the hospital to get consent to see the hundreds of medical records that i have to go through for my thesis. At last, yesterday, that hunt came to an end after endless bribery, painstaking running up and downs and countless hours being dizzy about it all. So, this weekend, pray that i can finally finish rounding up the data and do my chapter 4 and 5. By the way, for my juniors, when you are in your 4th year, please dont even think about taking medical records, like seriously! There is so much bureaucracy that you have to go through, that experiments seem as easy as peas.

I know everyone is facing tough times nowadays, some of us may not have enough money at the moment, some may be worrying about their thesis, some of us just have issues and problems that is hard to face. I know i do. Sometimes you feel helpless as thoughts fly around in your mind when you are alone but can disappear for awhile when you are among people who care and love for you. So surround you with them, and think happy thoughts. If you cant, atleast try to. Same advice goes to me =) Dont just stay cooped up in your room, maybe take a stroll where the air is fresh. For Jatinangorians, i recommend the university as a place to walk in the late afternoons where you can have a moment to gain some peace of mind. I jog in the afternoons to feel calm. Sometimes I can feel the breeze wisps by me with His Zikr, and His embrace as I thread down the open paths, because the more steps we take towards Him, the closer He comes to us right~

Lets de-stree, de-tox oursleves and be free..Take a moment to breathe, and stop right there, because we need to calm ourselves in times where we are most frantic. Free ourselves from the burden of the worlds, because every burden makes us stronger to face the world. No matter how bad everything seems now, Thank God we still have our eyes to see, Thank God we still have a brain to think and Thank God we still have a heart and soul to live~

Anyway, today is all about celebrating and rejoicing life, it is a friday after all. The most holy day of the week. So, why feel down in the dumps when we can wake up and open our eyes, smile and love ourselves more than ever! This morning, my playlist is stuck to this song which I would like to share with everyone today, if you are down and dont have the feeling to go through the day or even this morning, then listen to this.

Do you watch football, because if you do, then you would most probably know that this song has been chosen for the FIFA 2010 anthem! yeayy!

When i get older, they'll call me freedom
Just like a Waving Flag.

[Chorus]
When I get older, I will be stronger,
They'll call me freedom, just like a Waving Flag,
And then it goes back, and then it goes back,
And then it goes back

Born to a throne, stronger than Rome
but Violent prone, poor people zone,
But it's my home, all I have known,
Where I got grown, streets we would roam.
But out of the darkness, I came the farthest,
Among the hardest survival.
Learn from these streets, it can be bleak,
Except no defeat, surrender retreat,

So we struggling, fighting to eat and
We wondering when we'll be free,
So we patiently wait, for that fateful day,
It's not far away, so for now we say

[Chorus]

So many wars, settling scores,
Bringing us promises, leaving us poor,
I heard them say, love is the way,
Love is the answer, that's what they say,
But look how they treat us, Make us believers,
We fight their battles, then they deceive us,
Try to control us, they couldn't hold us,
Cause we just move forward like Buffalo Soldiers.

But we struggling, fighting to eat,
And we wondering, when we'll be free
So we patiently wait, for that faithful day,
It's not far away, but for now we say,

[Chorus] 2x

(Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhh)
And everybody will be singing it
(Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhh)
And you and I will be singing it
(Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhhh Ohhhh)
And we all will be singing it
(Ohhh Ohh Ohh Ohh)

[Chorus] 2x

When I get older, when I get older
I will be stronger, just like a Waving Flag,
Just like a Waving Flag, just like a Waving flag
Flag, flag, Just like a Waving Flag

If only it would make everyone happy

2010-04-01T11:46:00.001+08:00

Im sitting at the hospital right now,eating chocolate out of my hands..a little girl sat looking at the one piece of chocolate that i was eating,and i took a bite too late.as the last bit of chocolate slid down my throat,i wish i had given it to the little girl. She looked forlorn as she and her father were waiting at the health counter,maybe waiting for a treatment but at the moment not able to afford it. If only i could give her the chocolate,maybe it would have made her happy...to be continued,i have to ru down to see the medical records now.late

i just havent met you yet

2010-03-18T12:25:00.003+08:00

hye, a short post on my current affairs~

Exam just finished today...triple yeays..im kind of feeling down about something, but i still have a long way to go, no use crying over spoilt (or is it spilt) milk. But i do have plans to unwind, (as usual)..i want to go for movies tomorrow, maybe fit in a spa here and there =) =) =).. oh dear, but im on a tight budget, we have to pay 20% of 2 years worth down payment for the house in bandung next week. Mom had banked in twice already, money seems to be running through my fingers like water (argh).

Anyway, id like to share with you this song. i loike..mom loikes it as well..hehe..me and mom are fans of michael buble. .michael bubble as we adoring fans call him, mommys boy. Oh, by the way, these few days have been mighty depressing for me, what with the exams and all, i keep on remembering about someone (s). i wish i did not have to, because obviously no one is thinking of me either. Maybe it is just my mind playing games on me, knowing when my immune system is down, attack!! Speaking about immune system, my room has become a breeding hole for viruses. Maybe from my sudden allergy to cat fur, or my awful awful sneezing bouts, either one, i have been facing severe hay fever (if ever there was hay here). So right after exams, i opened my doors wide, pulled down the curtains and let the sun shine and wind blow away those cumbersome pathogens.

ps:
when you remember someone, will the other person have telepathy to remember you as well, or will they go on with their life obliviously

pps:
i need to morph out of this mess

ppps:
cant wait for tomorrow. who says money cant buy happiness, just did not know where to spend it! =) =) =)

I think i miss home

2010-03-13T12:03:00.002+08:00

I called Mommy last night, she was a bit late on picking up the phone. And when i was talking to her, she did not respond as quickly as she used to. Her reason, she just bought something that she had wanted for a long time and now here eyes are glued to it (dad said). I am happy for mom, finally buying something for herself, and not for her spoilt children (especially the daughter studying in Indonesia). I miss home~

--NOTE TO SELF --

someone asked how i felt~

I cried a few days ago, not because of homesickness, but because of something that some people did to me and my friends. I did not mean to cry, actually the incident did not perturb me at all, until other people started looking at me with pity, or hate, i dont know which. On the day it happened, i felt no emotions, just a bit sad, but as the day wore on, and people started to talk about it, it hit me..was i supposed to be embarrased, was i supposed to be ashamed, or was i supposed to be angry. I was smilling like a dumb fool the whole time, oblivious to the fact that the situation was actually getting chaotic.

When i went back home, and heard people talking about it, i still did not feel anything. But the day after that, as people STILL talked about it, it kinda left an effect on me. I do not feel hate, i do not feel revenge..but what i felt is just sadness, a huge sadness overcame me since that day, and that was the reason i cried~ I remember the times when i get angry or hate someone, and the hatred bubbles up to an enormous effect. The only thing that can calm me down is to remember the good things about the person, little things they do to help you, the smiles and laughter that you share, which are more important than anything else in the world. Sometimes, i just dont understand, why some people would throw it all away for materialistic and worldly things.
Is it to prove a point?
Is it to show someones weakness?
Is it to show that you are right?
Is it to get what you want?
But in the end, is it all worth it? Is it worth hurting people that had been there for you all this while?
Is it worth it letting down the people who had backed you up when other people were against you?

tell me, is it worth it~

If what you did was right, then why does it feel so wrong~

It takes forever to know yourself, and it takes years to know someone else. From the outside, we all seem like the perfect human beings, but we determine how right that picture is. I am not perfect, i admit, but i would like to be as close to perfect as i can. We all have our own moments of weakness, and at that particular moment, we must think hard on making the right decisions to make ourself stronger. If we choose the right way, things would turn out best in the end even after many obstacles. But if we take the wrong way, stop yourself before it is too late, turn back and start again on our path in this world.

I dont know, this is just me..maybe some people dont want to know how i feel. but this is how i feel ...

missing people~the scientist - coldplay

2010-03-13T11:01:00.001+08:00




Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are.
I had to find you, tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,
Oh lets go back to the start.
Running in circles, Comin' in tails
Heads on a science apart.


Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.

Oh take me back to the start.

I was just guessin' at numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

And tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start.
Runnin' in circles, Chasin' tails
Comin' back as we are

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.

I'm goin' back to the start.

The wise man said `go learn a lesson`, and thats what i did~

2010-03-12T01:01:00.006+08:00

I learnt a valuable lesson today, actually i learnt many lessons today.

** I did something, and said something, out of spite to someone i dislike. And because of that, as of this moment, i am facing a dilemma of which i unfortunately regret.

Anyway, today was a very busy day for me. I had to run errands since the moment i opened my eyes this morning as the sun was rising from the tips of the misty blue mountains, dotting the horizon. There were bank errands, and printing errands,and just about any type of errands under the sun. I managed to finish everything, and about 11 am, i was off to Bandung. I had to meet my thesis doctor today, settled some documents, and after walking around like a mad hooligan in the hospital, finished everything i needed to do, and went to get myself a Macca. (McDonalds)

I had packed all the things i needed to sit down and study. I was with 2 other friends, and we notoriously took up the whole birthday room for our own use, even after some slight stares by the employees. The room was a bit stuffy (maybe the McD people switched of the ac on purpose), but each of us grabbed a table, facing the huge window and ate and studied for hours on end. I felt great, finally i was studying. If i was in my room, i swear i would have dozed off after 5 minutes. We sat there, studied, talked, laughed, gossiped, ate and be merry for more than 4 hours. As the day grew dark, we packed our things and got ready to go back.
Just about then, another friend asked us to join him for dinner, and as we were still capable of eating more, the 3 of us agreed.

So, we stuffed our overloaded intestinal tracts with food, food and more food. I had a great time laughing my head of at the classy resto, drinks were exchanged, i laughed until i cried crocodile tears. As the night wore on, we listened as this friend gave us some advice about life, the challenges that lay ahead and the road which never ends. On our journey to reach our goals, there will be many setbacks, some will motivate us to move on, while others are so tough, that we just want to give up. A hard life is a test from God, but an easy life is an even tougher test from God. He told us a story about someone who had a very easy and blessed life, and within a few years, everything went downhill. I was sad to hear it, and i sincerely heard every single word of the story, something to remind me of how i lead my life. I wish i could tell you the story, but i would have to ask permission first. In a nutshell, our life can change from zero to hero, and from hero to zero in a nanosecond. So, every second of our life must be rejoiced, every minute our heart beats must be thanked and every step we take, should be taken in gratitude.

At this moment, i would like to thank Allah for giving me reminders everywhere i go. When i forget Him sometimes, I hear Him whispering into my thoughts. When i loose myself, He opens up other ways for people to remind me. And i am thankful for that, pray that His reminders will always be with me until the day i breathe my last breath on earth.~

Oh ya, what goes around comes around.

I have been very nasty lately, i say things i hate myself for saying, and i do things just out of spite. Now it has all come back to me, yeahh, serves me right. I cant tell you what it is about, but I think i am getting what i deserve. (oh noo~~~). What you do determines who you are, and everything happens for a reason. My very principles that i have forgotten. I just would like to take this opportunity to tell myself, (and if you want to listen, you as well, ) that no matter what someone does to you, you must never do the same thing to that person, at all costs. Remember, you have a high set of values for yourself, so why scoop so low to reach the level of that person. What goes around comes around, eventually, and when it does, make sure you are not in that circle to have to face something you dont want to. Smile, and look forward to the joys of life ahead of you, because i promise you that there are many more happy moments just waiting for you to drop by and say HELLO!

2010-02-23T10:23:00.002+08:00

Can I tell you about some of the Things I like

1. The smell after the rain.

2. The smell of soft, fresh laundry, sun kissed.

3. Also like people who smell nice, because believe it or not, I smell you!

4. The smell of roses, fresh roses, and anything to do with roses.

5. So, since i like smells, its time to tell you I am an avid collector of perfumes. My favourite perfume in my collection is by Salvatore Ferragamo. The perfume I wish i have though, is the classic Miss Dior Cherie, Christian Dior

5. Likes simple things that make me happy, like a good plate of bihun goreng, served with ayam goreng.

6. I like to laugh out loud, until i cry. I can laugh and cry at the same time. I just like to laugh..Make me laugh, that is your ticket to knowing who I really am.

7. Likes to enrapture myself in music. My playlist is always on with songs that capture my mood.

Well, these are just a few things that make me happy.
-I am a happy kid-

hati-hati menjaga hati

2010-02-22T20:41:00.004+08:00

There is this purple bookmark on my desk, it has been lying there for days. I have no time to clean my room, actually, i have lots of time, but all i can do is stare into space. The shine of the metal bookmark caught my eye, the edges done beautifully with ribbons and beads. "Great thoughts come from the heart" is carefully carved into the top. I cried this afternoon, i do not know why. Weak, that is I. I can smile and laugh to others, but my heart is aching inside.

What a power the heart is isnt it? where your emotions hide, where your love blossoms, where memories ache and evolve. Tucked on the left side of our body, it pumps blood through every inch of us. Not stopping for a minute, for a second, it spreads the blood, filled with who we are again and again. When we are born, the heart is clean, pumping innocently, coarsing our veins and arteries. And as we grow older, little dots of sins spot our once pure heart. That same heart will be pumping our every deed through us, as what we think, what we eat, what we do...in the end determines who we are...

Pepatah Melayu Berkata: Ikut Hati Binasa~

I first really took notice about the power of the heart when i drove in Indonesia. The roads are a maze, weaving in and out, they all look the same. But when I am lost, or cant decide which way to turn, I always, always ask my heart which way i should go. And so far, my little heart has never lied to me. Whenever my heart tells me to follow a road, but i end up thinking and contemplating about another and choose that, it turns out, the first thought that came to my heart is always right. Why do I trust my heart, pepatah melayu kata "ikut hati binasa", orang pula kata "fikiran hati itu hanya nafsu, kita harus berfikir dengan otak". I dont think that it is so, as everything all comes down to faith. When you have faith in your creator to guide you somewhere, may it be in life, or in a way, then your heart is the most powerful and reliable tool to have in your body. The heart is the instinct that we were born with~
Do you know what Nafsu or Nafs means?

I do not want to sound like a hypocrite, so, i would just tell the truth. I thought Nafsu was bad, everyone tells me that when I do something bad, it is known as "ikut nafsu". But nafs, actually means SOUL. What you decide to be determines whether your soul is pure, or evil, therefore, nafsu is something that depends wholly on you. I have a friend, who always told me that in whatever I do, I would have to open my heart, free my soul and use it wisely. The secret to life is yearning for something with your soul, and the way to succeed is to put your whole heart into it. So, if you use the right part of your soul, you can then trust your heart into making a decision.

I think that when you want to do something evil, you blame your heart for choosing that way. But what really happens is, everyones heart, no matter how bad it is will always whisper to us the right thing. Setiap detik pertama di hati itu, lahir dari keikhlasan, keikhlasan itu lahir dari jiwa kita. But once we think, we give reasons to doubt our heart, and thus end up doing something that we would regret our whole life. I know, I have been there, done that.~

If you have time, read this, i think it is the most simple to understand.

Qalb- Heart
2 meanings:
1. The pine shaped organ located in the left; it’s a flesh of a particular sort. This is the physical heart. It’s a piece of flesh which is from the seen world and doesn’t have much worth.
2. The spiritual heart, it’s a latifa, subtlety. The spiritual heart can be killed, can die, just like the physical heart. The spiritual heart is from the unseen, but has a connection to the physical heart. Majority of people are bewildered in perceiving its connection.

Ruh- Spirit
This also has 2 meanings:
1. The subtle body- connection to the physical heart.
2. The subtle thing which knows and perceives.
As long as the spirit in your body is there, you are alive

Nafs- Soul
It’s essentially who you are.

Aql- Intellect
2 types:
1. Lower intellect, which is the brain
2. Higher intellect, which is located in the heart

In summary:
Heart- Place which we know Allah
Soul- Who we are
Spirit- The tool in which we love Allah
Aql- That what we know

All actions come from the heart, and all actions come from thought:

Thought- Heart- Action

1. The first thing that comes to the heart is a thought.
2. The second thing that comes to the heart is the natural inclination towards that particular thing.
3. The third thing is the judgement of the heart- if you should do it or not
4. The fourth is having firm resolution and actually having the intention of doing it.

In the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd stages, you are not taken into account for it, its only when you get to the 4th stage, you are taken into account for. For example, a thought of stealing something comes to your heart, it then moves onto the next stage which is the inclination of the heart about stealing, then it moves onto the 3rd stage where you judge whether to steal or not, then the last stage is when you actually intend to steal, or don’t intend to steal. And its only at the 4th stage, when you have made that intention to do it, you are held accountable. You can’t control the thoughts that come to your heart. Sometimes they come even if you do not want them to. No matter how many thoughts that come to your heart, you are not accountable as long as you do not intend to do it. With the stealing example, you will only be held accountable if you actually reach the 4th stage and intend on stealing. You can have all the thoughts and inclinations, but its only when you actually intend on stealing, you are held accountable for it.

I know it has been a long time since i have written about all these. Keimanan seseorang itu, kadang kala naik, kadang kala menurun. I as a human being, have these ups and downs, we all do. But we must try to change it, no matter how small or little our effort is. Keep the heart bursting with trust towards the Al-Mighty, and He shall reward you with His most powerful gift, Your Heart.~

ps: To make your heart strong towards all the test that He has given you, add courage, faith and trust to your daily happy meals =)

pps: And I am trying to be strong

Take care

Youre on the other side of the world~

2010-02-22T08:21:00.002+08:00

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an Iceberg
Waiting to change,
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like
the water,

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same
Just like water

Then the fire fades away
But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world
to me

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers
and feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along

Can you help me?
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can't see me anymore

Then the fire fades away
most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're.... the other side of the world
Ohh.... the other side of the world
You're.... the other side of the world
To me.

ps: This song played on my play list today, it kind of means a lot to me.

pps: i cant embed the videoclip, i dont know why. but you should see i guess

my name is khan...and i am not a terrorist

2010-02-21T01:01:00.003+08:00

Waktu itu, yang hanya ada di fikiranku,
Aku ga sempat untuk bicara sama kamu..

I was driving, my mind was perturbed by lots of things today. We had our benchmarking exam this morning, I hoped I answered everything carefully. Although, it is hard to concentrate when you dont really want to. I answered as fast as i could, 200 questions just moulded into each other, not knowing which is wrong and right. I shut my eyes, flipped the pages shut and made my way down the stairs. I wore white today, the colour of faith, contrasting the little amount of faith i have left in myself. I grabbed my gray bag, the one i have been using for days out of no time to change. And i walked, looking down, "im not ready to face you yet world". I thought.

I was driving, my mind was perturbed by lots of things today. I arrived home at approximately 10.15, made myself some hot cocoa (much needed) and just stared at the ceiling. (something i have been doing a lot lately). At last, i decided, "i think i need to go out today, get some air". I asked a few friends out, maybe to catch a movie, i said. Not knowing what lay ahead today~ EMBRACE

I was driving, my mind was perturbed by lots of things today. Suddenly, a 16-wheeler lorry swerved to my lane. I heard my friend gasp, maybe she could not scream anymore. The wheels were an inch from my tyres. I could not think of anything else, all i thought was that i never got the chance to speak to you today. I shut my eyes for a split moment. My friend was still screaming that gasp, my heart was racing, you can almost feel the arteries protrude from underneath the flimsy cloth. My side of the car was a smokes inch from hitting the highway divider, the passengers side was now a centimeter from being crushed into a million pieces. I opened my eyes, my legs charged on the brakes as hard as they could, and the car came to an abrupt halt, our lives were dangling on a thin line, waiting to be taken away.

But God has other plans for me, doesnt He? The megastructure-of-a vehicle swung back to his lane after realizing that he almost crushed us and i was left with trembling fingers, clutched tightly on the wheels. My thumping heart slowed its staccato, and i escaped again the rhythm of death, for today at least. Thank You for giving me another chance to live~

Jangan bersedih~

I arrived with an empty stomach, only partaking on honey and yoghurt this morning. We decided to do some house hunting today, InsyaAllah, in July or so, we would be able to pack our things and move to Bandung. We pertained the help of a senior, of which i am so grateful to have received, and we drove around searching for some place that could finally be called our future home. The world is small is it not? We were introduced to this man, who incidentally, was the eldest brother of one of my doctors in Jatinangor, who, incidentally teaches our batch this year. We sat there, as he told us humorous stories, and fed us full with rambutans from his backyard. We got all the information we needed and went on our search for house hunting. I like to call it REJEKI, as we did find a house which was almost, just almost perfect. We would just have to wait and see if everything works out. InsyaAllah~

After the long search, my grumbling stomach could not take it anymore, and we headed to McDonalds for a late lunch. I probably gobbled up my lunch in 20 seconds, seriously. I even finished all the french fries, which i have never done before. Our plan was to catch a movie at 3.45, alas, it was not meant to be. We arrived late, and the only movie next was at 6.45 pm. So, we waited, we had to, everyone was saying this was a good movie!

I know everyone else has watched it, but to those who have not, i think you should really see it. I thought it was some soppy hindhi movie, but evidently, it is not at all. I liked it. I think you can trust my judgement on a movie ey? Its a story about the things that divide us, unite us and combine us. There are only two types of people in this world, those who are good and do good things, and those who are evil, and do evil things. You decide who you want to be~
I enjoyed the movie immensely, and after 3 hours of it, (although it is a sad movie, i felt much better)

Teman aku pernah bilang kepada aku,

"Pada waktu kita sedih kerna sesuatu, ada sejuta sesuatu yang bsa membuat kita senyum kembali"

Guess who i met today? Yes, i met him! Afghan..!

Well, accidentally of course, and for free! And I was there just in time to hear him sing, his voice sounds exactly the same live. We were standing quite near the stage too! Anyway, he made me smile today. I told you, there are a million things that can make us happy, just wait for it.
Well, i know i am writing nonsense nowadays, but atleast i am starting to write again right? Anyway, i have my tae kwan do grading tomorrow, and i have to wake up early. I should probably get some sleep right about now.

Good night~

something personal

2010-02-19T19:21:00.003+08:00

"I did not feel well today, i think.

I woke up, and i did not want to think.

It would be so nice if i could stop thinking.

Thinking about things i should not be thinking about."

That was what i felt like when i woke up today, my head was throbbing from a late night staring at the ceiling, awake, feeling numb. My eyes felt like someone poured acid into them, dried from too much tears. i Hate This. I just want my normal life back. Define normal, pray tell.
I did not go to class today, even though it was an important one. Sometimes, you need a day to feel free, i have done this before, people say i like to run away from facing my problems. Maybe they dont understand that i need to get away to clear my mind. I know, i do run away. But when i come back, i hope to come back with strength to face my life which at this point can be considered nearing ground zero.

The doctor diagnosed me as V V V hypotension. I diagnose mysef as emotional hypotension. My blood pressure was too low, explaining the throbbing headache. I went back, stared at the ceiling and I feel numb again.

congratulations: today is your unlucky day

2010-02-14T20:52:00.000+08:00

I dont understand. I completely dont understand. One moment, my internet and laptop is fine, and the other moment, it just horrendously changes into this monster which is not user friendly anymore. My blog is back to its trouble making, and i cant seem to change fonts anymore. My facebook is so weird, i dont feel like opening it. at this point, may i say life sucks for me. thank you. do have pity on my dear soul.

There is this negative vibe today, and i have been trying to get rid of it. It might be because of my slight fever, or its just what i am feeling today. Anyway, i woke up at 6 this morning, went for a jog for 3 hours (woohoo!!), tried out a new porridge stall (yucky) and watched 6 episodes of vampire diaries. I think the jogging helped to tune down my fever, its only partially there, but my negative energy is still surrounding me just as yet. What do you do when you think that something is bothering your mind and thoughts, but you just cant seem to know what it is. *sigh*

Owh, did i mention to you i was really out of luck today. I played pool for over an hour,and i sucked big time. I dropped my wallet, apologized and spilled drink all over the shopping mall floor, and apologized some more. It is just not my day. My car is having car troubles, my room is a mess, and my brain is malfunctioning. I cant even write properly on my blog. Argh.

feeling helpless.

ps: made my own soya bean drink yesterday.

NOT YET

2010-02-08T07:50:00.000+08:00

SO

NOT

READY

FOR

CLASS

(PS: THIS GIRL HATES MONDAYS!)

One step at a time, baby..one step at a time

2010-02-06T07:17:00.007+08:00

Again, i started yesterday, very focused indeed since my last post was on focusing on certain things. Class only started at 1, so my focus span was reachable. I still have not finished my thesis though, since i did not really focus on doing it last night. I keep watching tv before i go to sleep nowadays, and sleep while the idiot box is still making noise, the study lamp is on, the laptop is oozing with brightness, and my cat, erm, my cat is doing somthing to my teddy bear,sleeping above.. (ps: you really don't want to know what he did to the bear..but one of these days, i would share the video(s)..

Recently, i started on this routine of looking better after myself. My Ustazah once told me, (heyy,whats with the look??=P)Anyway, my religious teacher once told me, when i was a kid, that, he things you do everyday, that contribute to your well-being, is a duty, but when you do the same thing, sincerely, in the name of Allah, you will be rewarded more than a duty.

So, in the name of this next step, i have decided to do some simple things that you may think is nothing, but to me, they affect me alot.

step numero uno = WHAT YOU EAT IS WHAT YOU ARE

- i have started cooking for myself lately, even though i'm not a fantastic cook that is. But it just feels great to know that your own clean hands are the ones at work. The hands that feed you, are your own. True to the sayings that, what you eat is what you are, I have now added more nutricious things to my daily meal, which once had only consisted of AYAM SAKE (which i am addicted to), gorengan from the canteen, and some yucky ordered food,which i stuff down my throat for the sake of eating.
- Now, my daily dose of diet consists of lots of fruits (jatos sells fruits too expensively=/), lots of vege, and oh yeahh, BROWN RICE! My friend, Irika is doing a thesis on brown rice, and i hope her results are that it does affect the cholesterol levels, meaning that it lowers it (oh please do!!).. Brown rice is supposed to be much healthier, and you know what, it seriously does not taste that bad. Wait, did you think i was on a diet?? No, my dears, im merely on a path to being a wholesome, healthier me!!(haha)
- Then, i have been trying to cut down my weakness for everything sweet. I could die out of my hunger pangs for sweet things, literally! By the by, i have to tell you a secret, jeng3! My triglyceride level is above normal, supposed to be some genetic malfunction. So, i really have to be careful in what i eat and what i do. But, God sent me down on earth with some sweet tooth, and i have been savouring sweet stuff ever since! So, what i am doing now, is to cut down in ordering ES TEH MANIS or any other sweet drinks, and since i am cooking myself,it is easier. One more thing, i am trying to cut down on the KICAP and the SOS which even though tastes good, are one of the culprits of a bad diet.
- ** Have you ever heard of the saying, that the chef of the food that you eat, also influences who you are. For example, if he prays a lot or if the person is good, the food that you eat is more blessed. I do not know whether that is true, but, as i said, what you eat, in the end eventually becomes who you are.

(i kind of feel like i am writing one of those health posters you see at the clinic, omaiigatt)

Daripada Anas r.a. pula, katanya, Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda,

"Sesungguhnya Allah itu nescayalah redha pada seseorang hambaNya, jikalau ia
makan sesuatu makanan lalu memuji kepada Allah kerana adanya makanan itu, atau
minum suatu minuman lalu memuji padanya kerana adanya minuman itu."

(Riwayat Muslim)

ps: I read this one this morning

Barley: Good in fever, while use in a soup form.

Dates: The Prophet (SAW) said that a house without dates has no food. It should also be eaten at the time of childbirth.

Figs: It is a fruit from paradise and a cure for piles.

Grapes: The Prophet (SAW) was very fond of grapes – it purifies the blood, provides vigour and health, strengthens the kidneys and clears the bowels.

Honey: Considered the best remedy for diarrhea when mixed in hot water. It is the food of foods, drink of drinks and drug of drugs. It is used for creating appetite, strengthening the stomach, eliminating phlegm; as a meat preservative, hair conditioner, eye soother and mouthwash. It is extremely beneficial in the morning in warm water.

Melon: The Prophet (SAW) said: “None of your women who are pregnant and eat of water melon will fail to produce off spring that is good in countenance and good in character.”

Milk: The Prophet (SAW) said that milk wipes away heat from the heart just as the finger wipes away sweat from the brow. It strengthens the back, improved the brain, renews vision and drives away forgetfulness.

Mushroom: The Prophet (SAW) said that mushroom is a good cure for the eyes; it also serves as a form of birth control and arrests paralysis.

Olive Oil: Excellent treatment for skin and hair, delays old age, and treats inflammation of the stomach.

Pomegranate: The Prophet (SAW) said it cleanses you of Satan and evil aspirations for 40 days.

Vinegar: A food Prophet Muhammad (SAW) used to eat with olive oil. [That's now a fashion in elite Italian Restaurants]

Water: The Prophet (SAW) said the best drink in this world is water, when you are thirsty drink it by sips and not gulps, gulping produces sickness of the liver.

So “darood” and praise be upon our beloved Prophet Hazrat Muhammad (SAW) who related us with marvelous knowledge, which dazzles the wisest minds. May this information be beneficial to all of us.Insha’Allah.

# 2 WORKING OUT WILL MAKE YOU GREAT INSIDE OUT

-i have a bad knee,it was the outcome of a bad knee injury, i now run like my right leg is shorter than my left, and i cant run as i used to.true story
- mom does not like it when i tell her i go for aerobics, or a jog. she tells me to stick to exercise that does not put pressure on the leg. Mom, you know my passion is to run. I feel free, i feel light, i feel i am on top of the world. But alas, you cant practically feel on top of the world when you cant even run properly right?
- anyway, i thank God that i have a friend who likes to work out as much as i do, because you need a friend to motivate you, and to make sure that each of you dont slack on the exercise. If you really want to have a routine exercise, try find someone who has the same interest in keeping fit.
-My routine used to be daily gym visits, tae kwan do, tae bo, swimming and jogs. But, when i did it everyday, i felt utterly exhausted at the end of the week. Don't get me wrong, it was great, but you have to do things moderately, because when i went to the extreme once, my muscles started to twitch even while i was at rest. true story!
- Now, i try to have a more balanced work out routine, and hope i can find better alternatives that would not hurt my knee. Hmm, after this rainy season:

a) gym on monday
b)swim on tuesday
c)rest on wednesday??
d) tennis or golf sounds fantastic, although dad injured his ligament forever during tennis, and i don't exactly know how to play golf? on thursdays
e)gym again on fridays
f) rest on saturdays??
g) jog on sundays

how does this plan sound??

**ok people, it is time for Nadya to take a bath, (still in the pouring sweat of todays refreshing jog)

** Todays targets=
a) finish my thesis
b) finish my project
c)love myself and the people around me more!

tetris

2010-02-05T10:48:00.004+08:00

gOOD Morning, blessed Day...

i do call it a ver blessed day today as i had slept 13 hours last night (woah!!).. tiredness from the thesis making perhaps? i should really be hitting myself for not blogging a lot...seriously...i keep making empty promises. that is one thing i would like to change about myself, somtimes, i promise myself that i would like to become someone great, but how can you become someone great when you dont put 100% focus in what you do. focus is very important, and it is the first part of self loving..

The other day when i went back, i found tis old game of tetris that mom likes to play, call me old-fashioned, but i love the game. do you remember it? it was born before game-boy, before play station ever existed...there was the game of brick-o-bracks...a mind game of shelving bricks and stacking them before the next level. Me and mommy had daily championships to see who could win, an when we played it, we forgot about everything else.

We would not listen to what other people were saying, we forgot about the boiling hot soup n the kitchen, and we would be oblivious to our surroundings. our brain was focused on one sole thing---to stack a brick!! At the end of the day, me and mom would laugh it off, and mom would say, if you really focus on something, then you are sure to succeed in it, true story...

To prove the fact, i would like to tell you about this thin, tall guy i used to know in high school. He had a british accent as his grandmother was o,ye queen of england (nay)..but was incidentally british. Anyway, he was on the debate team as i, and as my senior, i really looked up to him. He was smart, really good in religion, good in english (alas,not athletic).. but what i admired about him, was that he could balance his life so well. He told me, in whatever he did, he gave his 100% focus. When he studied, only his studies were on his mind. When he was debating, only debate was on his mind..And thats how he succeeded. I keep to his words until today, but theoretically...forgive my weakness...i have yet to practise them.

**People who succeed are the people who know how to compartmentalize their brain. Studies, business, leisure are all different rooms with different keys to unlock them. When you unlock them, you can spend as much time as you want in the room, but when it is time to go out, you keep it under lock and key so as not to interfere with your other rooms.

**People who lead awesome lives, are born the same way as you and me ...it is just that they found the right way to live it...maybe you and i haven't..

**So it is time,that we do something about it, i do not want to sit on my back, be a potato couch.

So, can we do it?yupp...it takes only one thing

FOCUS!

PS: my blog is working again, notice the colour fonts?? baru semangat nak blog okkk!!!

soy bean cake

2010-01-15T23:42:00.003+08:00

Tronoh is kind of hot as usual, i do sweat profusely when i am here,what more with the fact that i don't go out much. I just enjoy the laid back life i lead here, instead of the immaculate image that i keep on going way back there. Today was no different than any other, I am taking care of Daddy as he just recovered from an operation on monday. The Doctor told him, no driving, no farming and no hardwork. Dad, being dad disregarded most of the doctor's orders. He unwittingly ate his antibiotics 2 at a time even though the prescription specifically saidmakan satu dua kali sehari. i even had to tell him of yesterday as i saw him picking up a pot in the garden in broad daylight.

And today, was worst of all. He was told not to drive for at least a month, so i was dispatched as the family driver this holiday. I did not mind at all, and told dad he could tell me to get ready and i would drive him straight away where he wanted to go. At 3 pm, mom went of to work, so i was left alone with dad. 3.15 pm, i asked 'daddy, just call me when you are ready to go to the bank'. 3.30pm, i saw him change into his favourite brown pants from his previous kain pelikat and asked whether or not he wanted to go out already. He said he wanted to wait until later. At 4pm, i fell asleep, and dad sneakily took out the 4-wheel drive and turbo-ed down to town triumphant that he could drive around once more without my knowledge! I woke up to find the house empty, the car not in the drive way and called Dad straight away. He picked up the phone with the most guilty voice ever, and winced that he would be back in just a few minutes. Well, at least he got his few minutes of freedom. (ps:my dad is very degil, so is his daughter)

When my dad came back from his euphoric trip, at the same time, my sister arrived from johor,and my mother came back from work. We were laughing about daddy sneaking out from the house when suddenly, we heard a soft distinct Assalamualaikum, asaalamualaikum...Mom got up to peek through the glass-panel door and saw a small timid boy amidst the cars on the lawn. She beckoned him to come through the gates and asked what he wanted. The dark tanned boy, wearing an oversized songkok looked up at my mother with tired eyes, his voice low, parched from the hot sun. saya jual cd agama, ni untuk sumbangan ikhlas, rm10 satu.

Mom looked at the boy's soiled clothes, his filthy nails and worn out face. "Adik ni dari mana", asked my mother. "Dari Sekolah agama Seremban", he ansered "seremban!?", asked my mother in surprise, "Macam mana boleh jauh sampai sini, mak ayah mana, tahu tak adik kat mana ni, siapa yang hantar adik sini", my mother voiced out a train of questions. The boy looked unwilling to answer my mother, he faltered in his answers. "Ada Ustad hantar saya ke sini, kami ada 8 orang kena jual cd ni, nanti dah habis jumpa dekat Shell " (theres a shell petrol station near my place). It was so sad...can't you all see, this is child labour, and in what, in the name of God! This is wrong!

"Adik lapar x, nak minum x?", asked a corncerned mom. The little boy answered no, but mom directed me to get something for him to drink from the fridge. The orange juice was very sour, even i did not like it, so i decided to give him cold soy bean drink instead. As i handed him the glass, the little boy, with a glass of drink in his hands and a handful of cds in the other, stopped for a moment to think of how to drink. (they teach in religious schools to drink while sitting). In the end, he squated on the orange tiled floor, drinking deeply, his small fragile body quivering with every single drop of the creamy fluid. I held back tears. Mom told me to take out the rattan chair in the hall, and gave it to the boy so that he could drink in comfort, without needing to squat. The small boy smiled gratefully. I really cant describe with words the emotions i felt at that time, I seriously cant. I wish i could show you...

The boy left after mom gave him the rm10 he needed to sell a cd.
The boy's image never left my heart.

I saw him go...
I saw him walk away...

What should i do? What can we do? People everywhere are using these children, whether they realise it or not. Some go from table to table at a restaurant, asking for money, for a so-called charitable organization. Some, like that boy just now go around asking people to buy religious products.
Is this right Muslims?
Aren't you ashamed of using children to do this for you?
These children are supposed to be at school, at home, watching tv, reading books, and not going around asking for compassion from strangers.
What if they were kidnapped, human trafficked half way across the globe? No one would notice, and they would always remain anonymous, just another statistic.

I wish i could do something more.

While my mother gave this boy a simple gesture of this soybean drink, i remembered something. Everytime when i watch a movie with really bad subtitles in Indonesia, I notice that they translate love as soy bean cake. Lots of movies, not only one on their pirated vcds. This child may not have his mothers love, may not have the love he needs from the people responsible towards him, but at least today, he received some love from a complete stranger, my mother..she gave him a piece of soy bean cake today.

One day, i want to give my soybean cake to the children who need it. Spread the love~

aduan rakyat

2010-01-15T09:50:00.003+08:00

I drove my mother yesterday to the small town of Batu Gajah to pay her bills on a hot sunny day. It was like any other usual day when anyone would pay the bills except for today, i was with my mother who would usually do the chores on her own. While she paid for the taxes,she was complaining about how much we had to pay for the house in Batu Gajah, the yearly assesment of the house was, shockingly very expensive, amounting to RM1000 per year! My parents have been paying that amount for years since we did not live in Perak before, and thought it was how much we were supposed to pay. But as the years went on, and we asked around more, it was impossible that such a place could amount to that much. A house in Kuala Lumpur had a yearly assesment of only RM400, and another house in the outskirts of Selangor reached up only to RM200. This was absurd!

After a few moments thinking about whether or not we should deal with this problem, we decided that we should just face the music. Besides, Majlis Daerah Batu Gajah was just around the corner. My mother told me, don't be shocked when you see the building, it looks like a hotel. In my mind, i did not picture it to be like what i actually saw. The building was huge, every single detail was given to its architecture and landscaping, spacious parking lots were strewn everywhere. I could not believe my eyes! Batu Gajah town was a far cry from the Majlis Daerah building, there is a lot of rubbish, the buildings look dilapidated and the roads are not as magnificent as the ones leading to their office. To make things worse, the Majlis Daerah building is situated right beside the Batu Gajah library, the library was another distant cry from that majestic building. It is a small wooden kampung house, converted into a library.

When we walked into the vast offices, the very cold air conditioning system greeted us. There was no one at the counter, even after we buzzed the bells a dozen times. Some officers saw us, but went on going as if we were not there. Finally, someone came to our assistance, after a long wait, and said, there is a meeting going on. But if there is a meeting, why does everyone have to go, even the people who are supposed to be at the counter. On a good note, when we filed our complaint, they were effective in finding out the problem. It turns our, our yearly assesment was only RM200, but somewhere along the way, someone had charged our bills amounting to RM1000. Isn't that a big difference, and my parents have been paying that amount for more than 5 years, (we were told that Majlis Daerah does not keep any archives for more than 5 years, all the previous records were deleted)

When I asked about the library, they said, it was not under their jurisdiction. Then who does the library belong too? The people. Who should be in charge of the peoples welfare? I think you know the answer to that.

I am in the medical field, and to tell you the truth, i am aghast at the situation i faced that day. Have you ever walked down the halls of a government hospital, and compared it to the majestic halls of Majlis Daerah, then you would know the difference. In a government hospital, the doctors do not even have enough space for their own desk, some have to share the same cubicle, meeting hundreds of patients a day. When i walked in the Majlis Daerah, it was so huge, you could hold tea parties there, and no one would notice it. It has been happening everywhere and everyone is turning a blind eye. The lament about the mistake of our assesment is just a small complaint. For me, the most important thing i see is the unfairness and injustice that we, the rakyat has been done. The people of Malaysia has been paying high taxes, hoping in turn to get a beautiful country, no rubbish, lush green parks and well planned towns. But what i see here, is that all the money is sent to Majlis Daerah to beautify its buildings, landscape its horizons and only partially give back its responsibility towards the people.

I walked out from Majlis Daerah Batu Gajah with a very sad heart. If this is what is happening to our country, where libraries are not important and the people are not well taken care of, and that things would turn for the better one day. I still have high hopes in Malaysia still being a thriving country, lets pray my hopes are not dashed.

tea, lime and honey

2009-12-31T09:28:00.004+08:00

good morning..

i woke up today with a smile, as about a whole lot of days now. do you want to know why, well..its because i sleep with my super-duper cute cat-dog who is notoriously cheeky and cunning. I love him to bits even though he is just a normal cat. (sindhu says he acts and looks like a dog). Bubu (or Biu Biu as the vet calls him) has been starting to act really cute in the mornings. i dont know why, maybe he gets hungry, maybe he wants to go out of the room. He would curl up right beneath my eyes, or suddenly lean his soft fuzzy head on my legs with a gigantic thump. Seriously, it melts my heart.

Until ....

I think i know why he is acting all cute and cuddly nowadays...
because he feels guilty, leaving his humongously large poop in my bathroom..its REALLY REALLY big i tell you. (macam slurpee kat 7 eleven bentuk dan ukurannya, kecuali tinja nya berwarna hitam coklat)..muahahahah...

But whatever the reasons he rolls over me like a dog, i lurve him to bits!

So,anyway i woke up to day facing the sunshine, made myself some sardine rolls and a cup of steaming tea served with a slice of lime and a dip of honey~ yumm

Theres these blogs that i read on a nearly daily basis and which i would like to share with you. Today, i would like to talk about it one at a time, because my exam is coming up next week...tee hee

the first is a blog by NINIE AHMAD

I found this blog through a friend of a friend who was following this blog as well. IT tells the tale of a young woman, in her 20s who has succeeded in opening her very own yoga studio which i do find posh indeed in damansara.
What is the most interesting thing is that, i think she resembles me in a way. Like me, she is a girl who is vertically challenged i.e not tall but with her own big dreams in hand, she is now a very succesful woman owning a yoga studio where the rich and famous come to stretch their biceps and triceps.

She tries to tell people about how yoga is not banned in malaysia except for the ones that include all the religious chant, and that what she is doing is just another form of exercise like tai chi or something. Sometimes, going against the monotonous wave of what other people think is hard, but thats what you have to do to stand by what you think is your right.

Underneath all her fame, she is very humble and always remembers her family and religion. As i am, she is also a die hard fan of Yasmin Ahmad, who was both loved and hated just because she had a different way of thinking, a soul who wants to revive our race, our nation, our religion, but whom people close their minds to, not trying to think about new things.

It all comes down to identity, as my mother always say to me. I grew up under the value that IF EVERYONE IS THINKING OF THE SAME THING, THEN NO ONE IS THINKING AT ALL

and i am glad i grew up like that. I want to be someone who can think for myself, not afraid to be different. Everyone was born to be someone special in this world, someone with amazing capabilities, just waiting to be unlocked. The difference between all of us is that some people would stand unwavering, to unlock the magical wonders of their minds and bodies that God has given them, and finally succeed in life. While others stumble and fall before they get to find the key to unlock themselves.

So, i want to promise myself that

I AM NOT AFRAID OF BEING DIFFERENT

I AM NOT GOING TO BE JUST ANOTHER FACE IN THE CROWD

I AM GOING TO BE SOMEONE IN THIS WORLD

So, i guess i started with doing something different today. Other days, i or anyone else would just drink tea and sugar. Today, as a start to accepting our own difference, uniqueness and self, lets toast our new day with some tea with lime and honey! =)

a tribute to ninie ahmad ---BRAVO!

and i did dry my eyes...

2009-12-30T10:07:00.003+08:00

Hey world...

today sounds more positive than yesterday night. i always have these emotional breakdowns dont i. and i tend to put them on the internet. it sounds dumb for me to tell the world what i feel, but you know what, sometimes i feel much better after writing crap anywhere. and i did !

after putting some nonsense on my blog, i played on the dance mat for a few hours until i was practically screaming with laughter and sweat poured down from jumping too much..i had fun!

i want to share you this song i like ...im watching tv right now, and catching up on some things. but do hear this song aite!

Belle Of The Boulevard

Down in a local bar
Out on the Boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you from sinking
It's a long way down, It's a long way

Back like you never broke
You tell a dirty joke
He touches your leg
And thinks He's getting close
For now you let him
Just this once
Just for now
And just like that
It's over.

[Chorus]
Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don't be afraid
But keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
For the Belle of the Boulevard

In all your silver rings
In all your silken things
That song you softly sing
Is keeping you from breaking
It's a long way down, it's a long way

Back here you never lost
You shake the shivers off
You take a drink
To get your courage up
Can you believe it?
Just this once
Just for now
It's over

[Chorus]
Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Don't be afraid
But keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
For the Belle of the Boulevard

Please hold on, it's alright
Please hold on, it's alright
Please hold on

Down in a local bar
Out on the boulevard
The sound of an old guitar
Is saving you

[Chorus]
Don't turn away
Dry your eyes, dry you eyes
Don't be afraid
Keep it all inside, all inside
When you fall apart
Dry your eyes, dry your eyes
Life is always hard
For the Belle of the Boulevard

dont turn away...dry your eyes,

2009-12-29T22:34:00.003+08:00

am i different...am i someone hard for people to accept...am i weird, am i strange...i dont know...~

it happened since i was small
i remember those words someone said when i was 14
i still remember them till today

its killing me inside
i need something to heal it
old wounds reopen
and im getting worse

i dont need to think of it
i try to put it at the back of my mind
but its etched there
and im alone in facing it

i cried just now
the tears just came
i just, im just lost

i keep saying everything happens for a reason
but i cant figure out the reason why

i want to run away
in the woods, feet against cool sand
face the cool air and breathe through my lungs

i want to go far
but i dont want to run away

dukun mie ayam bakso

2009-12-13T22:28:00.006+08:00

I just finished my KKN yesterday, and me and my indonesian friends parted with sad goodbyes. I had a lot of fun with them and wished that there were more opportunities to gather with the locals.

Since 2 months ago, when KKN first started, i think my indonesian language shot up 50% and i now know more indonesian words than i learned in 3 years. It comes to show how hanging out with other people make you learn more things. IT was a bitter sweet experience, i loved the fact that i got to spend time with them. But unfortunately, i dont have much time as it is. It was during this 2 exhausting months that everything coincided, and everyone was also busy.

Anyway, i just wanted to write down a few bits and pieces of memories about the 2 months i spent with them.

1.
I was with this guy friend who drove my car from Jatinangor to our Desa which is like 1 hour away by car, and about 3 hours by angkot. So there we were, talking about each others lives and all, when suddenly he asked me where my father worked. So without further delay, i answered confidently. ``Oh, my dad is retired, but before he retired, he worked in two companies``. Suddenly, my guy friend became very quiet, and looked at me. I was unperturbed and thought he did not hear, so i repeated again, ``my dad worked in TWO COMPANIES``. He slowed down the car as he asked me straight to my face, ``kok, bapa lo kerjanya TUKANG PENIS`` ..i was like WHATT!!! and he answered again, ``ga usah malu2, walaupun bapanya tukang penis, tapi itu juga pekerjaan kan``.. I started laughing like a mad cow, as i heard him repeating again and again that i shouldnt be ashamed of my dad working as a tukang penis. I think after an eternity of laughter, i finally calmed down and caught my breath in time to say, ``Bokap gue dulu kerja di TWO COMPANIES,bukan TUKANG PENIS.`` hehe....i will remember this like for EVERR!!

2.
HAve you ever tried the food which they sell near your housing areas in Indonesia. The ones where they sell food carried on their shoulder, may it be bakso, mie ayam or anything at all. Ive never actually tried those, although i do eat the ones at the main gate to our uni. Anyway, on one of the days in my kkn,THE village people bought me and a few of my friends mie ayam bakso from those sellers carrying it on their shoulder. I had a really bad stomach ache at the time, but i did not want to be rude in front of all the orang kampung that was there. SO i forced myself to eat the mie ayam bakso that they had graciously bought for me. As i stuffed it down my throat, getting ready to throw up as the food reached my oral cavity. When i suddenly tasted a really really delicious feeling as everything slid down my throat. Oh my God, it was GOOOD , and i mean REAALLY GOOD. i couldnt believe it, i thought it would taste like card board or something, but it was tasty i tell you. From that point on, i became a real fan of mie ayam bakso. So me and my KKN friends decided to try out this famous mie bakso near our area. We went with my friend who brought her driver along, and we went inside, ready to taste good food. A lot of people in the area said that this place sells the best bakso ever! and the place was really full of people, the customers never stopped coming. we even had to wait for a few minutes for a place to sit. As we sat down and got our steamy mie bakso, we greedily dug our forks and spoons and began eating. The funny thing was, it did not taste nice AT ALL. seriously. I thought i was the only one who thougt so, but my other friends said the same thing as well. We all just ate a bit, as everyone was disapointed. with forlorn faces, we finished eating only a portion of it, and after like 10 minutes clambered back in the car. everyone was dissatisfied. When everyone had settled in the car, the driver pressed the accelerator and we whisked away.
Suddenly, he turned around and said, `Tadi tukang parkirnya bilang, di tempat tadi ada guna dukun yang paling hebat di desa ini. Terus kalau orang di sini bilang nya emang enak sekali,soalnya terkena sihir dukun itu. Tapi kalau orangnya orang jauh,susah dkit kena sihirnya` ... you bet we were all screaming in the car..haha

NO WONDER!!!!

3.
We went to this primary school to do a program, and after that program, we took some pictures with the children there. Incidentally, there was this little boy who ran from afar towards us, he was dirty and grimy unlike the other school kids who were in uniform and he had this small towel draped over his face. He squiggled in between the other kids but ran away as soon as we wanted to snap some pictures. He was really shy,and never even talked. After everyone had taken photos, my friend suddenly turned to look, and at the end of the hallway, there he was, this little kid was standing alone with that small towel still draped over his face. he wouldnt take it off even for a second. And my friend suddenly got the creeps as the boy was standing alone, near a banana tree. I smirked at her and went towards the boy. ``adik, mau foto bareng ga`` i asked the kid who was probably around 3 years old. He backed away, nearer and nearer to the end of the hallway, nearer to the banana tree. ``adik, yuk foto yuk`` i said again.
Suddenly, he slowly pulled down the towel, revealing only one eye and said `KE SINI YA` as his foot stepped directly underneath the banana tree. I was startled and turned to call my friend who was nearby to see the boy. As we turned to look at the boy, in only a few split seconds, he wAS GONE!! and the worst thing was, there was no exit from the banana tre...JENG JENG JENG.....

Many more things happened but i dont remember most of it obviuosly. Anyway, i hope that i get more chances to mingle with the locals. As of this moment, me and my friend have gone around Jatinangor trying out food that we would not even dream of trying if not of KKN. Im going around hunting for the best mie ayam in jatinangor, and just a few moments ago ate a quite good one in cisekeh gede..kikikiki....

alright, i have to go now, havent done pass year questions yet.

pps:
feel really good now because im not as busy as it was in the last 2-3 months. exams are coming up, mommy and daddy are coming for the holidays and bubu has a skin infection.

ppps:
Ok, i know, i know that i always never keep up to my promises of writing more often. please forgive me, and i am definitely running out of excuses as it is. but i am busy!huhuhu..

PPPPS:
internet is slow like hell, cant upload the pictures, especially the one with the kid

praying under the clear blue sky

2009-11-28T09:09:00.006+08:00

I woke up yesterday morning with a start as my housemate banged her room door, rushing on the way out so as not to miss prayers for raya. I sprang out of bed with such speed, that i nearly ran over my cat Bubu who usually accompanies me to the bathroom and waits outside as i shower. Grabbed anything i saw in my wardrobe and called to my other friends who were to go with me for the prayers that morning. This is our first Raya Haji that we Malaysians prayed together instead of at our own respective areas, so i was quite excited. Furthermore, the prayers were held out in the open, under the clear blue morning sky. IT WAS EXHILARATING!

I sat cross-legged indian style at the back of the row, as the soothing voice of other muslims called out to Allahs name. I just sat there, oblivious to the others around me, looked up, breathed in the fresh air and smiled to Him. It was a glorious day! I felt so calm and peaceful that i wished the prayers wont end, but like any other, it ended, and we got duit raya as well!haha..(can i use it to buy a pair of jeans..huhu)

I called mom, dad and kakak at home..they had just finished their prayers as well. They had rendang, lemang and all the raya stuff for breakfast. Daddy asked me what i had, and because me and my housemates didnt actually have enough time to plan for what to cook, we had stopped by a small sundry shop and bought maggie which we cooked for 7 of us. oh dear. It was simple, but i liked it, because at least we sat down together and spent time with friends.

The rest of the day was history, i spent it cleaning up my messy room as it was still messy since TSM, and after cleaning it up, i slept all through the afternoon. By the time i woke up, it was time to get dressed for dinner at Alpina. This year, i didnt even go to see the animals get slaughtered. I just stayed home and rested. and i liked it very much.

You know what, i always wondered why when we selawat and all, we mention the prophet Ibrahims name. Why not Adam, and why not only Mohammed s.a.w..

The answer is that:

The prophet Ibrahim was one of the prophets who sacrificed a lot to mankind, i read somewhere in the Quran, but i dont remember where it is. And i dont exactly remember what i read. Ibrahim was the father of Ismail who after was the first descendant towards the birth of our beloved prophet. (i cant believe i forgot my point, but i do have something important to tell, but i must read again)

Also, Prophet Ibrahim had settled his wife and son in the valley of Makkah by God's order to pioneers a civilization. It was from this civilization that Prophet Mohammed was born.

Prophet's Ibrahim's willingness to sacrifice his beloved son Ismail for the sake of God exemplifies not only his sincere devotion to God.

(i cant finish this just as yet, because i have to hurry out to bandung now and i havent taken a bath yet, will try to finish and prove my point though..)huu~!

take care , have a blessed aidiladha

manusia bermacam ragam

2009-11-25T14:10:00.003+08:00

Hey world

ps: this is not an emotional entry, im actually gleefully writing this happily. but i would like to apologize if you have any hard feelings after reading this, i write only the truth and nothing but the truth.

I just came out from 2 weeks of fiery hell, scorched and burnt, but still stable i am. Thank god.

It was a humongously busy 1 month, but the last 2 weeks seriously gave me hell. And being a woman, and of course being me, i was really emotional about it. i should really scrap the emo part of me, someday though.

Anyway, we finally finished our 1 year planning of TSM charity golf, which was to be our most major event in our 2 year hold as UMNO Bandung members. And i personally thought it sucked for everyone because the students had to work their butts off like slaves, and in the end other people (lots of them) just lulled as if no one is working hard.

I just really want to thank the members of kelab umno bandung who really helped, whether they have high posts, or none at all, because everyone played a part in making the event happen. i know we got pissed of at some people who think we are just kids or just there as pawns set for the game, i dont know, whatever. i just hope that when we grow up , (i mean like really grow up), we wont turn into people like that.

Orang Melayu or MAlaysia la, have a tendency to stick their noses way up high once they get something. For example, there was this guy i knew a year ago,who came to us asking for help in making this event happen. At the time, he did not have the title DATO to his name, and he was known only as encik. Well, the encik i knew at the time was very courteous, and a real gentleman really. Lo behold, when he came for the event last week, he had just received his title a few months before, and he was a real pain in the back (im still controlling my language). I think he was just plain rude to all of us and his attitude was really unacceptable. Id hate to see my country fall in the hands of people who have greed spelt in their beady eyes. G-R-E-E-D.

I remember when i went to Australia, i had a meeting with the dean of Bond university, and he was one of the professors in the world who was called to create a vaccine for H1N1. He is a really respected man, holding a high post, and yet, he is one of the most humble person i ever knew. As i waited in the waiting room for my 2 o`clock meeting, he came out at exactly 2 to meet me and shook my hand, as he led the way to his office. This world renowned professor had the courtesy of a gentleman, but not our malay politicians. REally!

So many more things happened during the event, and i wasnt the only one that faced it. My juniors had to go all out to find food to satisfy someones hunger, my colleagues had to stay up night and day to finish what was supposed to be the tsm committee`s work, and the likes. They wanted the best, but they themselves never gave their best.

Oh yeah, i remember 5 of us working at the hilton hotel to do something that wasnt our job at all, and this man gave us RM27 to split between the 5 of us for our lunch.and he said, `tak payah la nak makan kat hotel ni, dah la mahal, makanan tak sedap pulak tu, makanla kat luar2 tu ke tepi2 jalan tu ke`....betapa hinanya

hey man, dont you know, i go to hilton just to have my lunch on lazy days, and i could damn well afford eating there without your help.

I guess our looks gave us away, and the man finally decided to double the amount. The thing was i didnt mind if he didnt give anything at all, as long as he was just courteous, and appreciated that we wanted to help. Just dont say that part `xpayahla nak makan kat hotel ni`.. pooodah~
(btw, this man is still an encik as well, lets just wait and see how he turns out to be once he gets the title that he most probably wants`

I have always been interested in politics since the day i could walk, and i know that politics is like a rotten apple waiting to fall of a tree. But watching what happened from just that simple event, watching greedy men race to kow-tow the feet of our dpm, i just felt like laughing and it made me look down on our people. You are given the chance to be someboedy to help your rakyat, and not mengampu 24 jam at someones foot. It was called a CHARITY for a reason, unless you forgot what charity means. or you could look up the dictionary for the word IDIOT, maybe you would find your name at the meaning =) peace~

I would like to promise myself that if one day, Allah permits me to be someone in this country, world or universe, i would use the power given to me to bring good to mankind and not look down on people. There are people that i extremely respect and have been bred to respect for example Dr Jamilah Mahmood, Tun Dr Mahathir Mohammad, Zeti Aziz, and many more. These are people that i have the deepest respect for and would like to stand in their shoes some day. one day, we could be elected as the most powerful man in our country and feel proud of it, but it would only matter if it comes with being the one man people pray for everyday.~

I could say it now, but i dont know if i would keep my end of the bargain someday, because people tend to change, people tend to become greedy, and people tend to bring out monsters and demons inside of them without realizing it. Im going to join politics one day, if i have the chance. And when i do, im counting on you guys to remind me of who i really am, who i want to be and what i can do for YOU. thank you

making it through the rain~

2009-11-18T23:04:00.003+08:00

I saw you this morning ,In my red ruby shoes
You looked down, i looked down and we acted like we didnt know each other....

I used to hate days that i didnt tell you everything i did, and you would just listen
I used to like days when i would pour out my heart, and you would try to console it
I used to be impatient for the day to end, so that we would talk till the morning light
and I used to love the thought of just having someone like you there for me~

I left you without telling you why, but you never asked for a reason
I said goodbye without saying those words, but you never turned around to listen
I cried tears when i knew that it was my last time with you, but you just kept on
and I did care deeply once in my life, and wished that you would care too~

I saw you in the rain just now, it was a cold day wasnt it
I wanted to walk away, but you know, i just couldnt do it
I stood by your side to help, the way i always used to do
But you couldnt care less, coz i mean nothing to you

I hope its the last time that i feel like being there
Coz i dont like being taken for granted, anytime, anywhere
I felt like a total moron coz i believed that you would try
To make our paths collide, and we would be free to fly

I know i meant nothing to you,
But you meant the world to me once
Thanks for the memories that ill try to erase
God bless your life, and the future that you will pave~

ps: ( 10 years from now, i would kick myself coz i wrote this stupid poem and even thought of you)

if each morning could be as wonderful

2009-11-13T07:10:00.002+08:00

Hye...

Yesterday, during a blackout, me and a few friends were hanging out at the dining table as the weather was parched hot and the light wasnt working. We ate, we drank to good times and laughed at stupid jokes, just felt like wasting our youth at the time. Coincidentally,there were 2 types of bread on the table, wholewheat and plain white bread. Which one would you choose Nadya, asked a friend of mine. I would definitely choose white bread as it tastes so much better than whole wheat, said i. but on the other hand, white bread has a much higher glycemic index than the other, thus making it unhealthier than even rice! A fleeting thought came into my mind at the moment as i continued the conversation with them, why do we human beings prefer something that only tastes good but has bad benefits in the end and not something that is a bit bitter but brings out only what is good in us, like the whole wheat bread.

And why did God make bad things nice while good things bad~
I dont know, maybe thats the point of living. He makes choices, and it is up to us to choose whether we want our life to be whole wheat or plain white~

I am now of the habit of sleeping very early and waking up early in the morning, therefore not missing my Subuh. Alhamdulillah to that.( but i kind of missed 1 Isya because i slept TOO early!huhu). At the moment, i stopped depending on other people to wake me up. At the moment, i detached myself from people who take me for granted. And at the moment, i am living my life for ME. In a nutshell, i am also trying to improve my whole balance in life, emotionally, mentally and physically.

I hope to be doing things that are healthier for me as a whole. I try to eat more natural things, and try to eat home made food instead of expensive take- outs. Im trying to increase the amount of time i exercise and do sports instead of just wallowing up in a cooped up bedroom on lonely afternoons. Most obviously, im trying to cut on my horrific spending habits (muahahhaha)which has grown to be a disease.

Because i think it is time for me to finally choose my wholewheat bread.

ITs been a long time since i did things just for myself, and it has finally come to a point in life when you decide, thats it, i dont mean to be selfish, but here i am, its my life, and like it or not, i have to make the best of it. you only get one chance in life you know. I used to be someone who would do anything to make people close to me happy and i would really go the distance to make that happen. But when people just tend to think you would always be there for them, it just drives you away when you find out that in the end, they will never be there for you~

In the end, all you have is your family, so why not go the distance for THEM and YOURSELF.

This year, i want to go the distance for myself...
to make me into a better person....
i know this sounds cheesy, and probably ive said that i want to change a thousand times, but trying to change is better than thinking that you cant right.

so, no matter how many times you want to turn over a new leaf, and no matter how many times other people think you cant do it, in the end, its the thought of trying that counts!

Life is like a wholewheat bread
It is bitter
Unlike plain white
But if you have to choose
Maybe you should go for the bitter part first
Coz as life goes along, im sure it will get sweet~

till death do us part

2009-11-12T06:06:00.007+08:00

I have a very bad habit..i open my facebook like at least more than 5 times a day but i dont get to the job of replying peoples messages until around 5 days later. I just click and click and click without any purpose at all...maybe i just enjoy clicking. (ps, i even click on my handphone without any purpose, thats how bad its getting ..huhu)

Anyway, 3 days ago..i clicked to check my facebook home and i scrolled down to read some status which could make me laugh. Usually on the right side of the home page, there will be notices of friends that we have not reconnected with for a long time. this time, that friend was XTIMZ FATIMA...someone who had died barely a few months before.

I was actually stunned and speechless. If you knew her, or read the news, you would know that this wonderful person had died recently in a car crash in India. and yet, her facebook account is still here, lending a soft reminder of her presence, of her life for 20 over years with us.

I stopped to think twice, should i open her facebook.... how would it feel to open someones facebook when you know she is not alive anymore~ ive never thought of that. before the existence of the internet, the only memories we had were of photographs long kept in dusty cupboards, and an occasional diary that we find. Now, with facebook, you have a window opened to view someones private life,a window to the soul to tell us what happened when, who they were in love with, who they were fighting with, who they were crying to..I hesitated, but in the end, i clicked --RECONNECT WITH HER

I shut my eyes for a few seconds, not sure of what i would find. when i finally opened my eyes, i was stunned to see hundreds of new comments, some just posted a few hours ago when she had died weeks before. There were still people telling her how much they miss her, people reminiscing on old times, wishing she was there with them, asking her how she was,hoping she was ok on the other side, hoping all of this was just a lie and they would meet her again on another monday~

i was really touched with all the comments given on her page, she must have been a really good soul for people to still remember her like she was still there. I just wondered, one day, if im gone..will people remember me like they remember her~

i really wonder....

Thats why people say, the human race does not remember you by who you are, but they remember you by what you did while you were alive.

I always wonder, when we die, would we be amongst the living. Would we be a presence looking over what is happening to the people we were once with but are not able to talk to them anymore. Could i see the comments on my facebook when im dead, i mean, not la click the facebook kan...but you know, when you think of someone who has died, can they listen, can they hear us..can they feel what we commented..i wonder.

Mom told me once, that we all are just passing by in this world. It doesnt matter what car we drive, what house we live in,because what matters is what we bring inside of us. Whether our heart is pure, full of good deeds...or our hearts are filled with loath and evilness. Thats how people remember you.

Imam Malik Ibn Anas saw the Death Angel in his sleep, and the Imam asked him: " How much left for me to live?". The Angel pointed to his five fingers. Then the Imam asked him: " Does that mean 5 years, or 5 months, or 5 days ?". Before the Imam had a chance to get an answer back, he woke up.

The Imam went to someone who would interpret dreams. That man told him: " Imam Malik, when the Angel pointed to his five fingers he didn't mean 5 years or months or days, but the Angel meant that your question ' how much left for me to live' is among 5 matters that only Allah (SWT) knows about, and he recited the following verse from the Qur,an:

"" Verily, with ALLAH alone is the knowledge of the Hour. And HE sends down the rain, and HE knows what is in the wombs. And no soul knows what it will earn tomorrow, and no soul knows in what land it will die. Surely, ALLAH is All-Knowing, All-Aware. "" 31:34

the first movie i cried~

2009-11-07T14:03:00.002+08:00

OK, its still my free saturday, just a few hours after i had written the other short post. The dvd guy that im close to suggested for me to watch this movie. its called AN AMERICAN CRIME.
its the first ever movie i CRIED...EVER
seriously....
its a true story and read more on it after i watched the movie with tears down my eyes...i cant believe something like this can happen to someone~

Times like these i feel very grateful that i have a loving family which would never leave me, and never would stop loving me....and i would never stop loving them~

panadol extra

2009-11-07T12:10:00.002+08:00

you bet this was a super-duper busy month. I think i only go in my room after 10pm to sleep. and the worst thing is that i get really dizzy at night and have to settle down with a panadol extra so that i can sleep straight away.
this has been going on for 2 weeks.
2 weeks on drugs.
i need to stop.
havent stopped.
will stop.

Its going to be extra2 busy next week. This is my first saturday at home in a month. and im indulging myself by watching dvds in my oh-so-messy room, finally have time to play with Bubu who has grown quite a bit, he can potty outside already! Thank God i hired someone to clean my room 3 times a week, and she does it at a really good price, atleast my room is clean, i just havent gotten down to making it neat and tidy just the way i like it.

I wish i dont stop writing like im doing now....
I wish so many things to happen ...
and I wish so many things not to happen...
But they are happening...
So i guess its just time to suck it in
Go through one thing at a time the way i know i can handle it...
and just hope ill come out alive =)

naked man and naked woman

2009-10-08T20:54:00.004+08:00

I just finished an hour at the gym, i need the exercise as i seem to increase in size the moment i stop working out. Me and my friend always walk back home from the gym, no matter rain or shine and nothing ever bothered us, not the dusty pavements, not the noise or even the abundant cars along the road...that is, until one day...

We came out a bit later than usual from the gym, we walked back side by side while talking along the way. Suddenly, out of nowhere, there was a burst of pain on the right side of my shoulder. I turned my head as quickly as i could, my left hand clutching my shoulder as the pain radiated down my whole arm. My eyes caught the deep stare of this half naked woman staring at me as if she wanted to gouge my eyes out. Thats when i realized that she had punched me with all her strength, and looked like she wanted to do it again. I dont know the reason why she did it, except that she was not in her right state of mind, said my friend who told me she always saw her along the road.

My next encounter was not that scary, except for the fact that it was dark, silent and i was ALONE.

After finishing my dinner at a local eatery near my place, i decided at that very second that i wanted to go buy some dvds. I took the angkot as i did not bring my car at the time. The dvd seller smiled at me, gave his usual recommendations of movies that he knew i liked, and i ended up buying more than i had money in my pocket to pay with. The dvd seller knew me well, and he said i did not need to pay the rest of it. But i still did not have that 1k to pay my angkot fee back. so i decided to walk, i looked at my watch, it was nearly 9. its ok, i told myself,im used to it...

I took the small black bag full of dvds, and kept staring at the ground, as i walked back. There were not many people around, 2 guys were walking in front of me. Suddenly, i heard hushed voices as they quickened their steps. Wondering what was going on, i looked past them, but as quickly, looked another way again. Oh my God, it was a naked man, walking towards me. I walked as closely as possible to the 2 boys in front of me, and they as quickly, was walking away as well!

To my dismay, they took a turning to somewhere else, and i was left all alone on the street to face the man who was also not in his right state of mind. I didnt know where to look, look up, and i would see his scary face, look down and err, i see err something else pulak kan..huhu...so i looked to my left, breathing prayers as fast as the wind so that he would just pass on peacefully. He slowed his step as we nearly bumped into each other....slowly, slowly, until he came to an abrupt stop beside me. I wanted to scream or run, but i knew if i did that, things would turn out worse. He stopped, glanced at me, with a half sad- half mad face, and finally decided to walk away.

YOu bet i ran ALL the way home!

I didnt write this today just to tell you about my experience with naked people, (pun unintended) because i bet my friends here have experienced a lot of this as well.
i was just thinking that I go through my daily life quite satisfactorily, i dont think i have any reason not to be happy, and yet here i am always feeling sad and unhappy without a reason to be so. I have everything needed to live a normal life, have people that care for and love me, and yet i do seem ungrateful at times.

What if i was like the really lonely people out there, the naked man, the naked woman. who do not have anyone to love them, feed them, or even clothe them. Would i be someone walking along a dusty road, avoided and shunned by the public.
And i would be alone, all alone...i wonder how would that feel~

Guess i just want to thank God that im alive and well...

PS:

~1 year ago, i made a deal with God...no one knows what it is...but God knows i didnt quite keep my part of the deal

~Theres this really nice book that a friend gave to me, and i like to read this part of the Du`a, although i havent done it for quite some time...

YA ALLAH, AKU BERLINDUNG KEPADA MU DARI RASA GELISAH DAN SEDIH, DARI KELEMAHAN DAN KEMALASAN, DARI SIFAT PENGECUT DAN BAKHIL, DARI TEKANAN HUTANG, DAN KESEWENANGAN ORANG

YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN BADANKU

YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN PENDNGARANKU

YA ALLAH, SEHATKAN PENGLIHATANKU

ps ps::

im sorry about the bad posts and updates, im actually working on something at the moment, which must be kept a secret until it has succeeded..sorrry!!

michael jackson and zain bhika- give thanks to Allah

2009-10-01T19:19:00.005+08:00

free s, embed, michael jackson, gives thanks to allah songs
free Music download | free Mp3 download

Give thanks to Allah,
for the moon and the stars
prays in all day full,
what is and what was
take hold of your iman
dont givin to sjeitan
oh you who believe please give thanks to Allah.
Allah o Ghefor Allah o Rahim Allah o yihibbon Mohsinin,
o Khalikhone o Razikhone whahoe ala kolli sjeiin khadir

Allah is Ghefor Allah is Rahim Allah is the one who loves the Mohsinin,
he is a creater, he is a sistainer and he is the one who has power over all.

Give thanks to Allah,
for the moon and the stars
prays in all day full,
what is and what was
take hold of your iman
dont givin to sjeitan
oh you who believe please give thanks to Allah.
Allah o Ghefor Allah o Rahim Allah o yihibbon Mohsinin,
o Khalikhone o Razikhone whahoe ala kolli sjeiin khadir

Allah is Ghefor Allah is Rahim Allah is the one who loves the Mohsinin,
he is a creater, he is a sistainer and he is the one who has power over al

i like this

2009-09-29T14:18:00.002+08:00

D'Masiv - Jangan Menyerah

Tak ada manusia
Yang terlahir sempurna
Jangan kau sesali
Segala yang telah terjadi

Kita pasti pernah
Dapatkan cobaan yang berat
Seakan hidup ini
Tak ada artinya lagi

Syukuri apa yang ada
Hidup adalah anugerah
Tetap jalani hidup ini
Melakukan yang terbaik

Tak ada manusia
Yang terlahir sempurna
Jangan kau sesali
Segala yang telah terjadi

Tuhan pasti kan menunjukkan
Kebesaran dan kuasanya
Bagi hambanya yang sabar
Dan tak kenal putus asa

2009-09-29T12:00:00.002+08:00

OH MY GOD!!

I FORGOT!!

the most important resolution is TO STOP SPENDING LOADS OF MONEY...!!wuhuu!!

simple resolutions

2009-09-29T11:30:00.001+08:00

ok, even though we have gone through 2 weeks this year, but its best that i do my resolution now, before i get too far back...

RESOLUTION FROM NOW AND 2010 ABOVE

(weird title, but dont know how else to say it)

1. keep my end of the promise to God

2. Love and respect my parents even more

3. stop taking things for granted, work harder for what i want

4. smile even more, since my tooth looks prettier now..haha

5. be forgiving, be kind, be loving, be caring

6. if someone does something to me, hopefully i can just brush it off and walk away

7. stop gossiping or mengumpating..haha...seriously

8. wake up early (and not like umm..5 minutes before class)

9. want to be funny but not silly

10. accept myself for who i am, and never lose my identity

moreh ..(is that how you spell it)

2009-09-21T23:04:00.002+08:00

this was during ramadhan in tronoh

we had a small moreh at the masjid

raya quickie!

2009-09-21T12:53:00.003+08:00

Selamat hari raya everyone!

1. WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU DONT LOVE GOD ENOUGH AS MUCH AS HE LOVES YOU

When? its when you have your terawih prayers and think about which baju raya to wear, the red or the pink one. You take Him for granted, but HE is always there to help you when you need Him. =(

2. WHEN YOU REALIZE YOUR LOVE FOR CATS CAN CHANGE

When? when your sister brings back a cat named Bali who terrorizes you even when you are watching tv. Or when he jumps over you as if you were a highway. Or when he bites you for no reason. You dont understand if he likes you or hates you as he bites at ONLY YOU!aiyoo

3. WHEN YOU REALIZE SOME OTHER PEOPLE NEED MORE THAN YOU DO, BUT THEN YOU FORGET ABOUT IT THE NEXT SECOND

When? when you go shopping at a factory outlet one night and suddenly stumble upon a small girl selling newspaper. When you want to offer her some money she doesnt take it, but instead just wants to sell the papers so she can go home. She looks at your bountiful plastic bags full of clothes and says 'teh, lg bli baju untuk lebaran ya?' 'saya gA ada baju baru untuk lebaran'. and you quickly go in the shop to buy her something for raya, but look out the window to see that she had already gone somewhere else. you cant buy anything for her, and instead start buying some other clothes for yourself. bummer!

4. WHEN YOU REALIZE SYAITAN DIIKAT WAKTU RAMADHAN, BUT WHAT ABOUT ...?

When? when you sleep one night and suddenly wake up to find this huge gray thing looming on top of you. and the sound of all the clocks suddenly tick loudly as the thing closes in on you. then you hear the running of small feet in your room and as you pray really really hard, it all goes away..then you pick up your handphone, look at the clock..its midnight!

5. WHEN YOU REALIZE WHAT RAYA IS ABOUT

FOOD
FAMILY
FUN!!

ps: am in perak now, havent taken a bath, had a blast enjoying with family in nilai and kajang yesterday..will update soon!

air asia and the 15 kilos

2009-09-14T01:49:00.003+08:00

MONOLOGUE

I cant sleep...been tossing and turning for a good 2 hours while watching the departed on tv. Bubu has been sleeping soundly since 11 pm, i got a chance to squeeze in some sleep for about 15 minutes, but it was a nasty sleep, i kept waking up every few seconds.

Thought of getting some milk from the fridge, it works most of the time, but no milk was left in the fridge..most were given as sacrifice to Bubu for a peace offering. I remembered there was some left over downstairs and decided to have an early sahur. Went down, chose what i wanted and went up again to watch tv in my room. TV DINNER\sahur..

Anyway, while i was eating, i suddenly remembered the last time i packed my stuff to come here. Mom always lectures me about how i always pack excess luggage. There were lots that i wanted to bring back to Indonesia, but you know Airasia, its just ridiculous.i mean who in the world travels less than 15 kilos (i know some friends who do though). but i dont. so this time, i really wanted to try to lessen the weight of my luggage because most of the time mom would have to pay for excess luggage as if she bought another ticket. i brought a hand luggage and a bag to check in. I tried stuffing in so much in the hand luggage until the bag for check in was less than 15 kilos. and i was definitely so proud of that achievement. it would be my first time ever without excess luggage in uhhh.. 3 years!

Mom saw what i was trying to do, the hand luggage was already around 10 kilos, but i was happy, i wont have any excess luggage this time. She walked into my rrom in Kajang and said, `nadya, i wont have you carrying a heavy bag around` `maa!its just a short walk, i can carry it` i answered. but she just shook her head, and took out some things to put in the other luggage. She said,`i know i always blab to you about how much your bag weighs all the time, but i wont have you carrying this heavy bag, i dont mind paying as long as you dont carry anything heavy`

wow...thats my mom...i know it sounds like a small thing, but to me, it showed how much my mom loved me...aww..i miss my mom..she does sacrifice a lot for me and for all of us...i just miss her and cant wait to go back for raya.

thanking you for another breath of life...~

2009-09-13T00:57:00.002+08:00

The last few days of Ramadhan is said to be as one of the most sacred days awaited by many. At 3 in the morning today, i was woken up by my housemate to go to the Qiamulail(special prayers performed in the early morning), my red eyes popped open as i dragged myself on my feet and with just my pyjamas, brushed my teeth, washed the groggy look of my face and set off to do our prayers in the wee morning at the university mosque. The air was chilly as i hugged myself in my old pink sweater and the wind bit like frost underneath the clear black sky.

As i laid my praying mat on the brown carpet of the mosque, i glanced to my left and my gaze was met by 2 friends of mine who lived somewhat far away from the university. Curiously, i asked them, how in the world did they get here, as there were no transportations from where they lived to the university at such time. With a shy smile, one answered, `we went out, and just left it in God`s hands whether or not he wanted to provide us with some means to go to this morning prayer`. `surprisingly,there was an ojek (motorcycle) waiting for us across the road! Maybe, when you put your heart to do something good, God will always help you` said the other one.(they didnt exactly use those words =p)I smiled to myself, how very true were their words, it was a reminder to me about what i wrote in an entry before. If you pray to get closer to God, God doesnt give you closeness, he gives you the OPPORTUNITY to get close to HIM. As we prayed that morning, i felt a sense of peace and calm to be amongst the lucky ones to wake up and pray to Allah...

After a nice sahur at the mosque, we parted our ways and each went to bed again. My tired eyes were shut for a mere 2 hours when Bubu the cat got hungry and began clawing at my hair. It was still early and i didnt have the strength to get up, but Bubu became even more persistent and agitated. At nearly the same time, my housemate came barging into my room and jumped on my bed without so much as a good morning. `not you again!` i grumbled jokingly as she played with Bubu. After squinting for a while, i finally got up and gave Bubu his breakfast. It was only around 7 at the time and the sun was just beginning to rise.

I spent the whole morning and afternoon talking to my friend, playing with Bubu and cleaning up my room. It was nice to have a really restful weekend at last. suddenly, i remembered that i was to have dinner with a friend tonight. So at around 3 in the afternoon, i took a really late bath, and waited until the Asar prayers before proceeding to go out making it only 2 hours of sleep in the last 24 hours.

As i shifted into gear on the highway to Bandung, my eyes were slowly fluttering every now and then out of sleepiness. I pressed the pedal harder, speeding to get to town faster as i was a bit late and should have been there a good half an hour before. I was going at about 130kmh with sleepy eyes when suddenly, a black avanza in front of me stopped abruptly in the middle of the highway.I was so near the car that it took me by surprise as i wasnt paying much attention on the road. My heart skipped a beat as i estimated that i couldnt brake in time, the silver CRV behind me was tailing right behind and was so near.in mere seconds, I had to choose between a devastating crash with a car in front, crash with the divider on the side or be knocked dead by the car behind.

Fleeting memories and pictures of my whole life flashed through my mind as i pressed down on the brake as far and hard as i could. Even with the brake fully down, i knew there was no way i could escape from hitting straight into the back of the avanza. With trembling hands, i took a risk and swirved to the right,barely inches from the divider and the car in front.At the same time, my eyes stood transfixed at the rearview mirrow as the speeding CRV behind didnt notice me in time. With the only strength i had, i turned the wheels as fast as i could and the CRV braked with such force behind me that his wheels practically grinded the tar beneath and smoke started to develop beneath them. It was exactly like in the movies, the screeching tyres and the heart-thumping seconds between life and death as the crash was just able to be stopped in time. It was awful! Sweat poured from my face as i replayed it in my mind again and again, my hands were still trembling and all the blood from my face seemed to have vanished as i was so scared from the incident, i just blanked out.

After a few moments, realizing i was still alive, i quickly regained driving and got back on the road. We were lucky, all 3 cars because what happened was, there was an accident right in front of us. And we were the cars behind that got lucky not to have been trapped in the same accident! I was in a state of shock and disbelief at avoiding such a catastrophe, the feeling of being seconds away from death is not something that i would want to experience again..ever!
I said my prayers, and continued the drive slowly and wide awake this time. I kept thinking what would have happened if i didnt brake in time.

**Note to self, please never drive alone when you are sleepy!

So..I guess its true what they say, the last few days of ramadhan are really sacred. Today, i learnt 2 valuable lessons which ill try to always remember.

#1. IN WHATEVER YOU DO, ALWAYS PLACE GOD AS YOUR FIRST REASON, AND IN HIS OWN WAY, HE WILL MAKE IT ABLE FOR YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU CHOOSE TO DO..

#2. DO NOT TAKE FOR GRANTED THAT YOU WILL LIVE TO BE A HUNDRED, DO NOT TAKE FOR GRANTED THAT YOU MAY LIVE TO SEE TOMORROW, AS YOUR LIFE CAN BE TAKEN AWAY ANYTIME AT ALL

AND OOH YEAHH

#3. DO NOT DRIVE AT 130KMH WHILE YOU ARE HALF ASLEEP!!!huhu

**At only 22, i dont want to die yet, i still have so many things so go through, so many experiences to live upon, so many wrongs to right....The incident jolted me back to reality on how i havent been thankful enough for what we all have...which is the simple gift of LIFE. If God wanted to take me away at that very moment, he could easily have. Instead, he gave me another chance, another breath of life.......~

today is a friday...

2009-09-11T05:48:00.004+08:00

today is the 3rd day of my life with boo boo..(or bubu) i havent decided yet which..so far he has been of no trouble at all. he doesnt meow, practically just gives a squeak every now and then after he gets bored of playing by himself. I went out to town from morning until night yesterday, and left booboo in the oilet with some food, water and the door left just enough for him to squeeze through if he wanted to. i was worried the whole day, whether he got scared or lonely in the cold bathroom (although i did supply a box and some towels in a corner), but my worries were rest assured as when i came back home, booboo bounded happily towards the door. no poop or pee outside the bathroom and he looked happy to see me! i hope he sticks with this attitude forever.

i have classes at 7 today, and as usual i havent finished my assignment. argh...i went out to bandung yesterday with a friend. I am trying out this one project, which hopefully succeeds and that was the reason i went out. but ill tell you about it one day, just not now. after buying all the things needed for the project, we went for a spa which turned out to be not that relaxing as they used ice cubes, ouch! i broke one of my favourite heels and oh yeah, i finally stopped by petronas yesterday for the first time..haha

anyway, i have to write loads of things about viruses and all...must focus on that first..but my eyes are red already. will update more later..take care!

is it boo boo or bubu or bubur!

2009-09-10T06:07:00.004+08:00

morning again! i seem to be up early nowadays, and thats a good thing right.=)

i came back home yesterday afternoon after around an hour of blank gaze during tutorial. i couldnt pick up what everyone was saying after the tutorial break as my brain normally malfunctions at around that time. coming back home tired, the house cat named Omer entered my room nonchalantly. This orange cat of my friends, is a humongous orange cat unlike garfield minus the obesity. As he purred and rubbed against my legs, i squatted down and talked to him like i always do. I asked him, where had he been...had he seen his girlfriend today...and so on. Omer doesnt mind me talking to him, and the reason why i never had a cat here was that i loved him a lot. But nowadays, hes a grown boy and he doesnt come back home often, i thought as i rubbed his dirty chin. Looking in his eyes, i whispered, Omer, please bring me a kitten to take care.~

At precisely that time, i suddenly heard the pityful meow of a kitten from the back of the house. I ran to the balcony and saw this teeny form of a kitten wandering aimlessly in the paddy fields! it was meowing at the top of its lungs, whether from hunger or just calling for someone to love him (i think its a boy), i shall never know. but at that moment, i ran as fast as i could, could this be...the cat that i was finding for!!

Maybe it was destiny, or maybe it was just a hungry cat, but the scraggly kitten came running and running towards me as if it knew that i was going to take him HOME. it was such a heartbreaking moment, really! I brought him to my room and petted him for a bit, when suddenly Omer came into the room to see what the fuss was all about. When he saw that some other being was in my room, he literally dived onto the poor kitten and nearly broke its bone! i was horrified!! Omer! how could you!! he gave me an ugly look, which must have meant `i hate you!` and looked sharply at the kitten who was now so scared, his legs were shaking like a chicken.

I gave the kitten a bath, and decided to name it BOo BOo, because, suddenly, i cant think of another name! owh dear, maybe i should put up a contest on who can name my kitten...anyone has any ideas what to name it..anyway, as for now, its boo boo, and boo boo has been very good in the past hours. he doesnt meow loudly, which is good and he did potty train himself. the only thing that irritated me was when i tried to get some sleep last night, but he kept wanting to sleep on the bed with me and after some attempts at scolding him, i finally caved in as his tear drop eyes looked at me as if to say `i love you`...

**ps: i hope nothing happens to boo boo, unlike my hamsters!

good morning!!

2009-09-09T06:37:00.004+08:00

good morning world!

its 5.40 am in indonesia and i am halfway through my utter most horrible assignment, due at 9 today. only my study lamp is on, and the rest of the room is dark, as if it is night. but it isnt, and i could get cranky by midday because of lack of sleep..owh dear!

anyway, i woke up with a start this morning. as my phone which doubles as the only alarm in the world that i can hear, woke me up with a startle and i accidentally dropped it under the bed. as it rang the second time, i lazily reached out under, but as it was too far, i fell right down from the bed with it. what an early morning start. and i didnt have time to have my morning coffee *grumble*. but i did manage to gulp down some water before the mark of sahur has come to an end.

im wearing my new pink cotton baju kurung today. want to post a picture, but maybe a little later as im still in my jammies...~

anyway, as my teacher used to say, lets pray that today would be better than yesterday..have a great wednesday people!

the scrapbook and the paper shredder

2009-09-08T23:24:00.006+08:00

when i was smaller, i once asked mom to take a couple of coloured paper to her office to shred. They were bright yellow a4 sized papers, to make the borders of my scrapbook which had to be done for school. so I asked mom to shred the coloured paper to make mini squiggly borders on the sides of each page, and if mom forgot to shred them, i would throw a tantrum, getting mad at her, as i would be late in doing my nice scrapbook. Mom would always just say, `sorry,sorry,sorry..mama forgot, i`ll do it tomorrow ok`..and i would frown tight-lipped as i thought about how i was ever going to be able to do the borders now!

Everyone had to do the scrapbook project, and it was some sort of competition, who made the most beautiful scrapbook with neat hand writing and beautiful cartoon pictures. We would even go out on weekends to find the fanciest paper for the cover, and even nicer covers for the pages inside. At school, we would marvel at each others development and compete to see who would end up with the nicest scrapbook of all.

I would bug mom and dad all day to take me to the nearest bookstore so that i could show off to my friends about how my scrapbook would be the fanciest. Each page was done with care so as to appear neat and tidy. Mom and dad must have had a headache watching me meticulously doing it again and again, and spending their money on it. But, who cares, as long as we have the nicest scrapbook right! And i sure wanted to hand in my scrapbook on time, making sure it would be the best.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The reason why i remembered this piece of memory, was when mom called just now. They had just finished their prayers at 11 o`clock at night from the mosque and are now safely tucked in our orange house in perak. We talked for awhile, but actually, i wasnt focusing on our conversation, my mind was thinking about how i always take for granted that mom and dad would always be there when i called, when i needed them...i forgot how precious every single time i have to talk or spend with my mom and dad was.

What triggered this thought was when i went with some friends to help out at the earthquake site,where a lot of them had lost everything, if not food, water, shelter, then loved ones. I dont mean to sound all mushy, and goody two shoe-d...but its just that sometimes we forget things can be taken from us at any time in our lives.. and the point is, the only thing i dont want taken away from me is my mother and father......

I always take them for granted, when i run out of money, with just a phone call,mom would drive out to the bank and put in double the amount i needed. If it was my birthday, they would always write me beautiful notes in my birthday card chosen with lots of love. They were ALWAYS there...ALWAYS..i cant imagine what would happen to me if they werent...

REcently, we just celebrated dads 60th birthday..both my parents are aged as it is, and even the process of watching them slowly aging is really sad to see.. they were both succesful and were on the fast track for such a long time that it is really different to see them slow down.....and they are slowing down. They walk slower, they forget easily, and they take things one at a time.

Yasmin ahmad once told her mother, she wants her mother to die first. because if she herself died first, then there would be no one to take care of her mother. Thats a really noble thing to say, if you think about it. Because,my wish on the other hand is very selfish...i would always pray that i die before my parents do...because i cant bear to live without them....i really cant....i just cant.....~

you see...Mom and dad are like a scrapbook which i should always do as best as i can...fill them with pretty pictures of sweet memories, make them even more precious with their perfect smile and laughter...and always handle them with care... so that one day, when i have to hand them over to God, i want to make sure that they had the perfect life that they deserved.and this is certainly one scrapbook that i want to make sure...is the best~

**ps

guilty!!of not blogging for a long time!and blogging nonsense stuff!been busy readjusting to life back in jatinangor after nice hols..!huu~

of badak berendam and mangkuk tingkat

2009-08-24T17:40:00.004+08:00

Assalamualaikum and a happy ramadhan to everyone i know...

aaah, it feels so good to be able to sit in front of my laptop with internet at home (finally)...as of this moment, i am currently in our house in tronoh, perak.(yes, its perak now, no more kl).haha...but i dont mind, sometimes you do need a place to get away from everything which mom and dad have finally been able to do after all these years. It is peaceful here, all you can hear are the birds chirping and the pitter patter of rain. Mom is with Mak Teh reminiscing their childhood in perak, dad is reading the papers in the dining hall and kakak is sitting on the sofa, staring out at the garden which my parents have been missing out since they joined the rat race.

Kakak asked me a few days ago, nadya, what do you miss most about raya? the answer i could think of at that time was i miss the times when everyone would crowd in one house. kakak...missed our beloved Nani, she said..yeah, during those times, my grandmother, or affectionately called Nani was still alive. We do miss her a lot because with her presence, everyone would come back to batu gajah and just fill her yellow bricked house. the lawn would be full of us kids running around, chasing each other, climbing the massive mango tree, and the only thing that kept us from becoming wild goose were the mosquitoes that were abundant. As the sun begins to hide across the horizons, we could already sniff the sweet smell of Nanis and Mak Tehs delightful dinner on the way as they hustled and bustled in the hot kitchen. Everyone would wait impatiently as they bring out the best food ever, one by one... There would be plenty of food, everything tasted like a slice of heaven as they were the greatest chefs i could ever remember!

Mak teh kept a lot of cats and we would play with them before everyone was called to dinner. All of us were on our best behavior, no elbows on the dining table please, if you spill it, wipe it..and the list goes on. But every mouth watering dish was, ahh, indescribable..and the desserts were to die for.pumpkin pie, chocolate cake..you name it! and oh yeah, there would always be jars of young mango preserved, ooohh...succulent,sweet and tantalizing.hell yeah! all the aunts and uncles, cousins would eat together and talk through the night. We youngsters would play with the bunga api outside, laughing as we trembled with delight and awe at the sparkles.

And when the young night has come to an end, we would bring out those pink mattresses kept under Nani's bed and lay dozens of them in the large hall. Mak Teh would bring out the home made quilt blankets and all the families would sleep side by side. goodnight kakak,goodnight intan, goodnight afzal~

(i wish i could write a beautiful memoir of our childhood days, or at least a beautiful entry...but i dont feel so good today, went to the doctor and had heaps of blood taken out for a blood test =( ..)

PS:

yesterday, i learnt a new word..badak berendam..literally speaking. Mom told me and my sister to go buy some malay kuehs for buka puasa, so we went out to the nearest kueh stall just around the curb. as kakak was staying in the car, i went out and patrolled the streets for the best kueh around. finally, something caught my eye. they looked like bakso dipped in coconut milk! i was elated! the stall seller just laughed and said, this is badak berendam, try some. feeling not so confident to try it, i decided to buy it anyway and brought it back home.

Upon buka puasa, everyone reached out for the kuehs, and dad with startled eyes asked, whats this ball-like thing in the coconut milk? and we all answered its badak berendam! he was laughing and said, what an ugly name, its so literal! but as we tried it, it turns out the kueh was good after all. guess its true not to judge anything by its name and appearance then! =)

i should be updating about my winter/summer holiday in this entry, but i totally forgot to bring my travel journal, and it wouldnt be of much use if i just made a just-so entry would it? but ill put some pictures here, just a little bit..for all the rest, theres always facebook .

back in business!

2009-08-21T17:14:00.002+08:00

haha!told you it would be way loonng before i wrote again...i just came back from a terrific vacation in aussie!!and i really really miss my cousins already...awww...!ive got tons to tell, but it'll have to wait until im in the house in perak...

updates since 24/7

2009-07-28T17:05:00.003+08:00

im back in malaysia since the day i turned 22! owh how old i feel and how uncomfortable i am in this very stinky cyber cafe. theres no internet connection in our house in kajang, and thats where i would be for this whole week.

lots of nice things happened since i came back home, kakak drove all the way to kajang from johor to celebrate my birthday! i would really love to upload some nice pics of what we did but as i said, i am stuck here..

mom wanted dim sum so we went to eat at this chinese restaurant in equatorial hotel, unfortunately, the person we called did not mention that they only served dim sums for lunch..so we just ate normal food of steak and sandwiches,but i ate the buffet...haha...reminds me of my childhood days when mom would bring us there for breakfast and lunch as she was busy with work in bangi..

anyway..can i update on that later? seriously...trhis place is soo stinky!!..
huhu

but probably ill not update for quite some time...maybe in 2 weeks..maybe in a month...im not sure yet...t

take care!i miss the comfort of internet at home,..wuwuwuw

.....

2009-07-24T02:47:00.001+08:00

happy birthday to me =(

if someone prays....

2009-07-20T22:32:00.005+08:00

ive been complaining about my cough for the last month, which was very bad i might add. The reason why my cough continued even more than my other friends who suffered the same episode was that i come from a family who has asthma. The doctor who checked on me the other day told me that even if one does not have asthma, but have family members who do, they will have a prolonged coughing episode...i see~

First of all, i would like to apologize AGAIN for not updating my blog as frequently as i used to. hey, even my room is messy nowadays. argh...

anyway...i was watching evan almighty while half studying with my eyes closed yesterday. Ive watched it before, but had nothing better to do as i sat in front of the idiot box.actually, Evan almighty was found not to be suitable for the muslim audience as it contained scenes nearing to blasphemy and the likes. but then again, theres this saying that goes, take what is good and leave the bad, and that is what i did when i watched this particular movie.

if any of you watched it, you would probably have heard this line that i would like to share with you:

If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient?

If they pray for courage, does God give them courage, or does he give them opportunities to be courageous?

If someone prayed for their family to be closer,you think God zaps them with warm, fuzzy feelings? Or does he give them opportunities to love each other?

it means alot doesnt it, see, i told you not all that is bad IS bad. anyway, that night, after quite some time of not doing so, i opened my Quran and flipped to the last page that i had read before. i had finally reached surah Yaasin after so long, and so that night, i read the verses with a bottle of water in front of me as my habit when reading the quran. (not for any purposes, but just my throat gets parched easily). As i recited the last words one by one, i was getting ready for a bout of cough, and gulped down to the last drop the bottle of water in front of me.

Guess what, until today...my cough which had been torturing me for one month ..has finally gone away as the last droplets of water that night entered my throat. can i say its a miracle, maybe.....

i prayed to God to make me well, i complained to Him not to make me sick, not to burden me especially at this time. I fretted and frowned at every cough, every sneeze, every high temperature. I talked to Him every night before i sleep that if he could just make me well again, i would pray to him with even more zest.everyday i would tell him i would appreciate it very much if he took my painful cough away..and then i stopped to think...

IF I PRAYED TO BE CLOSER TO GOD, DO YOU THINK GOD GIVES ME CLOSENESS....OR DOES HE GIVE ME THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE CLOSE TO HIM~

thats deep~..you see, i have based my whole life on this particular sentence, that everything happens for a reason..no matter how bad that something is..i guess its true..hmm, this is kind of an abrupt entry as im still finding my momentum on blogging! hope you liked this, toodles...and i am coming back to the blogging world! =)

when was the last time you did something spontaneous

2009-07-12T13:58:00.002+08:00

dear diary,

its been one week since i wrote anything, fresh out of ideas i might say.

i was walking back home from my sunday morning jog, which is now a walk because i cant run more than a few miles before starting to cough, argh, really a pain in the butt, me cough..cant even go do proper workout.

anyway,during my walk back home...

i felt ive been living the same old day in and day out...

whens the last time i did something spontaneous

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I REALLY LIVED~

the cat in the hat

2009-07-06T13:42:00.002+08:00

There was an old woman who lived by the sea
She ate lobsters and crickets for dinner
And for breakfast, its beans coladas and pea

Her house was at the tip of a cliff
Her smile was uneven, much needed a face lift
Her scarf was red and well used
But she always, just smiles, and laughs and mused

The old woman had a cat who lived in a hat
Who lived with her while catching live rats
He slept and snored on the window sill
And kept by her side when she was ill

The cat worried if his owner died
What would he eat, would he have survived
And purred day in and out by the womans bed
Until one day, she gasped and coughed..and then she was dead..

Poor old cat cried tiny kitty tears
He is now alone, as he had always feared
His fur was dirty from no human touch
All he ate was mice for lunch

One day as he strolled through the garden of weed
He stumbled upon a giant apple seed
As he patted the dust so that he could see
the seed grew and grew into a tree

On top of the tree was an old woman whos smile was uneven
And put out her arms to the now purring cat
Who took up her cat with her to heaven
ANd remained the same furry creature who lived in her hat

~ex
libris

arent we all under the weather...

2009-07-05T10:42:00.003+08:00

Recently there seems to be an epidemic not only in my house but i guess a lot of people here and everywhere. EVeryone seems to be sick, and if not sick, is already showing signs of getting the same sickness.

Its really terrible to be sick, but people say that when sickness comes, sins float away. So, in reality, we should be happy to be sick i guess, but it really is hard to be happy when your nose is blocked and your throat is swollen like a bee right.

A wise man told me the trick to not feeling sick is to fight back, when your body feels the most weak, that is when you act as if you feel nothing.

i went out to jog today, but i kept stumbling over my own feet because i didnt feel up to it. Both me and my friend felt like 2 dizzy homo sapient who just happened to stroll down the dusty hot road. Along the way, we bought hot fresh milk, maybe it would soothe our dizzyness. As we walked slowly, we stopped talking for awhile, both immersed in each others own thoughts of dizzyness.

Still not content with the hot milk, i stopped by the local grocery mart and bought myself tons of ionic drinks, having high hopes that these would help. But as the day would turn into night, i would probably go see a doctor later in the evening.

This post means nothing really, but just wanting to say im sick!haha...nah~its not that, i just want to wish all the others who are sick to get well soon~

Mom told me this story of a muslim doctor, captive in a dark cell with other prisoners of war. ALl they had was mountain water trickling inside their dark cell. The doctor tried to cure the sickness of everyone who was in the cell with him with what he had...and all he had was water. He made them drink lots of water day in and out, he bathed their wounds with water, and he made sure that everything he did, included the treatment with water.

With the blessing of God, all under his care became well again, and one day they were set free after months of being captives. After regaining his freedom, he did a research on using water as a healing remedy. I dont remember exactly, but i think it was mentioned in the quran or hadiths about the power of clear water, untainted by any other contents. And at last, his research proved to be fruitful, as water indeed had may i say a miracle healing property.

Thats why all of us today are recommended to drink 3L of water a day..

ok, so thats what im trying to do now...ive stocked myself with more water than ever..hopefulle id get well soon...

maybe prove the miracle of water too =)

anyway, get well soon everyone....may the holidays be happy and not like as if stuck in a prison where everyone seems to be in a foul mood

want to read something beautiful~

2009-07-05T00:27:00.002+08:00

purity is half of faith

alhamdulillah fills the scales

subhanallah and alhamdulillah fill that which is between heaven and earth

prayer is light

charity is proof

patience is illumination

Quran is an argument for OR against you

Everyone starts his day

And is a vendor of his soul

either freeing it or bringing about its ruin~~

hadith # 23

JOGJAKARTA-SOLO 2009

2009-07-04T09:43:00.014+08:00

(a very tanned hand from the travels i must say!)

Im back from a really fantastic vacation from my accounts that is. EVeryone has been telling me that Jogjakarta had nothing much to offer, but for me, the 5 day holidays with 9 crazy lunatics was worth every single cent. The 5 days of total relaxing holiday was what i needed to get away from the hustling life in jatinangor for awhile, and it did me good. But coming back to the comforts of my room, from the hot sun of jogjakarta, yupp,its true what they say... sometimes theres no place like home!

I have been thinking of finding myself a travel log traditional type of notebook, where i can record my travels. But i havent been able to find a really nice one, something like abangs leather bound notebook. Anyway, for this travel, i used my expense record in my handphone to keep track of what i have been doing. IT helps a bit, but a travel journal would be even better.

These entries are going to be very very travelly, so sorry if you get bored about it...!This entry is an intro, so bear with it ya

ok, first things first, the essential things to bring during a 5 day travel. from left.

1. make sure you bring a bag fit to travel that can ACTUALLY fit stuff in it! I finally found the best bag to travel, which was given to me by my aunt from one of her travels to Greece, i think. It has lots of useful pockets in it, and can be turned into a side bag, handbag and back pack. very versatile.

2. always bring along toiletries to freshen oneself anywhere at anytime. sunblock, wet tissue, hand sanitizer, face spray, hair comb,hair serum..haha...very gurly, i know!but it IS essential i say!

3. Bring a camera that lasts the whole day and night (which mine only lasts for half a day, hence the lack of photographs)

4. NEver forget to bring your handphone, eventhough sometimtes you need to get away from all those gadgets

4. its not in the picture, but i bring along my hat wherever i go because it is definitely hot!

5.SUNGLASSES! --to shade oneself..and to look HOT...muahaha

6. I recently bought a mini telekung, which is a tad bigger than the palm of my hand..very,very useful..one of the most practical things i bought in my life, seriously

After finishing my osce remed on friday, i ran home, and....SLEPT!!
huhu
but i did finish packing a good hour before going to the train station.
our kijang was really late and we had to employ personal vehicles at the last minute..that was cumbersome for everyone, so sorry..
but at last, we reached the train station in time, and after crossing the railway track, in and out of coaches, we finally settled into our blue seats ..all 10 of us.

those on the trip:

ok...actually this entry has been in my draft for ages, around 2-3 days. but i have been busy wrecking my mind thinking of something to weasle my way out of the 2nd judicium. I just dont understand why we have to go and dont they understand that we are not only troubling ourselves, but troubling our parents as well...yeahh, mom said, they are just a sadistically set of people...aint nothing we can do about it, they live on other peoples sadness.

Dont want to spoil my mood on writing about my trip now, so i guess ill go back to the vacation part.

DAY 1 ( 27.06.09)

The train ride was for 8 hours, and it was extremely cold in the coach. I bundled myself with layers of warmth, woken up time to time by some passing freeze. Luckily, i survived the cold train ride unscathed and we arrived at the train station in jogjakarta at 4.30 am.
The air was cool, as we unloaded our bags into the RUMAH UMNO,which we would be staying in for the next 4 days, 3 nights. The big house was not luxurious, but good enough to accommodate us backpackers. WE rested for an hour, some took a bath, 1 person didnt (hee)...and by 7, we were of again to travel the ancient city.

The aim for today was to finish all the temples, or candis. I felt that it was very interesting to look upon such great architecture, the richness of the past, which one day could collapse at any moment. The day was extremely hot, as we climbed the first temple, CANDI BOROBUDUR. The view was astonishing, miles and miles of ancient stones merely stacked upon each other with nothing much to hold them together. Any large earthquake could easily dismantle the ancient temple as had more than once happened. I took lots of pictures, definitely, as we scuttled around the large temple. We spent around 2 hours there before proceeding to other temples. The next two temples were much smaller, Candi Pawon and Candi Mendut. Candi Mendut was nice because it had this large tree where we children swung like tarzan from timbuktu. These temples had various buddhist influence, and beside Candi Mendut was a newly built buddhist monastery which we did go in, only to take some photos. A friend of mine took a really beautiful photograph from her slr, which i would like to congratulate her on, and wish that she would enter the photo in any competitions!i do!

The next was Ratu Boko, which isnt actually a temple, but a place for the princesses to take a bath. ermm..may i say, it was an ancient ground for bath tubs. I absolutely loved the scenery here, but unfortunately, my battery died on me upon reaching this scenic place. but, ill ask from some other friends, probably youll see it on my facebook. The whole landscape was large, and we got lost once, (following someone la...i wonder who laa)..=P..But we managed to get back to the right area, and we spent a lot of time there, taking in the natural beauty of the past.

As we spent a lot of time there, by the time we went to Prambanan, we couldnt get in. But the sun was setting and it was magnificent! I do wish i could post the pictures here! later, i hope.

Lastly, after a tiring day visiting all the temples, we went home, took a bath and went out for dinner at Mang Engking. (im not quite sure how to spell it). But this restaurant is in a castle, very interesting i must say! The seafood was normal, but maybe we paid for the ambience.

All in all...it was a good day spent..

EXPENSES
Car petrol 20 000
Borobudur entrance ticket 16 000
Personal stuff 28 000
6 000
Candi Pawon and Candi Mendut
entrance ticket 3 500
Lunch (nasi baker) 11 500
Any travel expenses 10 000
Candi Brambanan and Ratu Boko
entrance ticket 25 000
Dinner at Mang Engking
–palace seafood… 57 500

total= 177 500

_________________________________________________________________________________

DAY 2 (28.06.09)

I was eager to try out nasi gudeg after my lecturer told me that it tasted good. Unfortunately, never trust anyones taste buds except for yourself...true! It wasnt good at all, i barely touched mine, what more looked at my friends dish which contained an exotic bird head and rice...ahaha..

Today, we went to the train station to check out our options to Solo before proceeding to the Kraton which is the palace in Jogja. The palace grounds was large, very asian oriented monarchy. It is considered the little brother of Solo as the royalty first started there. Kraton closes at 2 pm so, we had to go there first thing.

After the palace, we visited Brambanan again, this time my camera still had batteries. But you should really see it during sun set, awesome! I bought this really nice purple had for a good price and am extremely satisfied with it.(yeayy!!)

At brambanan, we took a mini train around the compound while looking at other temples around it. By the end of our 2 day trip, i reckon we could ace any history test on the temples in jogja!

WE went back home to rest for lunch, again eating nasi bakar which is really good and cheap. Situated just at the corner of where we were staying, definitely should try. After having rested, we went to Amplaz in search of civilized shopping! (sorry ma friends, we had to check out the mall didnt we!)..fortunately for me, things were expensive and not to my liking so i didnt spend much.

VEry restful and unhurried day, enjoyed it!

EXPENSES

Car rental (2 days travel) 160 000
Breakfast-nasi gudeg, ayam suwir 12 500
Car petrol day 2 20 000
Kraton entrance ticket 3 000
Personal stuff 7 000
40 000
10 000
20 000
70 000
130 000
Mini train at brambanan 5000
Lunch –nasi bakar again 10 000
Dinner @ pastello ---
ambarrukmo plaza (amplaz) 25 500

TOTAL = 513 000

___________________________________________________________________________________

DAY 3 (29.06.09)

Today we woke up earlier than usual because we are going to SOLo! hurrayy!
The train to Solo is called pramex, costing very cheap and the trip is only 1 hour.
WE were kind of lost at what to do, i felt guilty because i lost the list of things to visit in Solo. We took a beca from the train station and went around town, as we arrived early in the morning, nothing was opened much. So we went to mcd, where 2 friends went to find a large car to rent. We ended up getting thiS reALY really large mobile fitting all of us.

First stop, Kraton Kasunanan. This palace was unique because it had a lot of western influence as it is the big brother of the royalty in Jogja. There were many gifts from athens, greece, the british and a lot of european countries. In solo, it is known as kasunanan because it is bigger than the royalty in jogja. in jogja, it is known as kasultanan..see the difference right..
The palace grounds were unique because you had to take off any sandals or slippers to step on the special sand taken from the samudra sea. BUt if you wore closed shoes or a sandal with a back strap, then it is allowed. THe belief is that if you go bare footed on the sand, it is a sign that you were blessed and may hinder from any rheumatism.

Theres this really beautiful carriage that i liked, pure white..but as usual, my camera died on me again!!
In the middle of the palace is a well, believed to be used for health by the king.

The trip was then proceeded to the next palace known as Puro Mangkunegaran. The thing about this palace, is that he is actually one of the kings nephews, a knight in his title. He succeded to make a kingdom of his own in Solo, and thus the royal family still lives on in the palace until now.

This palace is somewhat like a mansion of a rich man. Full of marbles from italy, chandeliers from france and furs from the sumatran jungle. The tour guide said that there was a generation of the kings where he became very rich because he charged a lot of taxes from the local people, therefore enabling him to buy all those luxuries.

One interesting object in this palace, is when the tour guide mentioned the ancient g-string and the chastity belt for the king and queen. It is worn so that they wont you-know with other people outside the blood lineage. It closes their private parts, and is locked by a key, held by only 1 person. Unfortunately, photography is no allowed inside the palace itself.
The tour guide, even showed us some lulur and traditional herbs sold by the women of the palace, believed to be used since ancient time for beauty and health.

The whole mansion-type palace was very aspiring, because it was a new monarchy, a lot of the furniture still were from the 20th century. There are pictures of the king who is only 59 years old and his family. one of the family married a malaysian.

Oh, did i mention, that the movie PUTERI GUNUNG LEDANG was filmed at this palace, and there are pictures of tiara jacquelina as well.

From all the palaces, we did what we always do best...visit temples..the next temple on the list is called Candi Sukho. A unique thing about this temple is that it is known as the temple for pronography!! What!! believe it or not..

The story behind this temple is that the people who built it believed that sex is sacred, something like karma sutra, and filled the temple with 18 above carvings for the sole prupose of sexual education...hmm,peculiar eyy... but true.

This candi is a long way from solo town, so we had to travel more than an hour, passing the Bengawan Solo, which is the famous river in solo, drove through impossible hilly roads and finally reach the top of the cold cold mountain.

Everyone was hungry as we got of the mini bus, so we all ate pop mie and drank hot coffee...sadly, my camera aint working this time either...(and i dont think i can buy a camera this year because of **^&*&^ FK who forced us to stay for judicium 2, so i have to waste my *&^&*^ money on flight tickets!!!!argh!!! )..
the temple was shaped like a pyramid, very unique from all the temples that we saw. i believe that it had some egyptian influence or so, as the temple was like an aztec temple.
A funny thing happened there, when we were all posing to take photographs, my friend went to ask some mat salleh for help..
so she was like, ok, you have to press this button and get this view and etc etc...
suddenly the mat salleh said : photonya mau smua atau gi mana....ahaa!!never underestimate the power of a language barrier i say!

FRom the top of the mountain, we went back to the town, it was nearing 5, so Pasar klewer which was a cheap place for batik was already closed, we had to go to this place called KAMPUNG BATIK, and the stuff there is freaking expensive.. all i got from solo, was an expensive tshirt, which after much running around, i finally got the cheapest they had to offer.

We went back to Jogja on the same 1 hour train...along the way, we stopped at the WRONG STATION!..but had time to cover our shame and went back in the train before it started to move.haha...but we reached jogja around 8, just in time for dinner after a really really long taxi ride.

EXPENSES

SOLO-train pramex 7 000
Personal stuff 6 000
25 000
Beca transport 7 500
Breakfast @ McD 34 000
Kraton Kasunanan
entrance ticket 5000
Puro Mangkunegaran 10 000
Lunch—pop mie
Candi Sukhoh 5 500
Car rental 50 000
Train back 7 000
Dinner –
phuket (8.30 pm) 29 000

TOTAL = 134 700

____________________________________________________________________________________

DAY 4 (30.06.09)

our last day in JOGJA..i would personally vote this day as one of the best days of my life! haha
I ABSOLUTELY love the beach and to the beach we went!!
This beach is called pantai krakal...its so stunningly beautiful, at par with the beaches in Bali! TO get there, is a tiring 2 hour drive up a hill! But, once you get there, it was worth it! I loved it! WE had the best times there, the water was as clear as the sky was blue...the waves crashed upon each other like neptune with his crown..The rocks beneath our feet were like stumped glass, sharp, but pleasant to our senses...

We sunk in our happiness, seeping in the sun that burn pleasurably on our already tanned skin. We even opened our own spa with sand massages! how about that!

After more than an hour of swimming, everyone lazed on the sand while playing uno..ahhh, c`est la vie....~

From the sun scorched waters of the sea, only a minute walk lead us to the public shower rooms. at first, i didnt exactly wanted to take a bath in a place like that, but we had no choice..BUT, once i took a bath in the cool natural mountain water, it was definitely a pleasantly clean experience...

EXPENSE

gas 20 000
lunch 15 000
other 10 000
train 175 000
travel
car back 160 000
house
for 3 days 45 000

TOTAL = 380 000

GRAND TOTAL = 1, 250, 000

a very budget holiday!

cant help falling in love with you......~

2009-06-19T20:46:00.004+08:00

A few days ago, me and a couple of friends went for lunch at Ayam Bakar Laos, right after exams. I ordered my favourite mixture of Ayam goreng bumbu rojak and kuah kalasan and es teh manis to match. The moment my lunch arrived, i buried my head right into it as i was extremely hungry (as usual).

It was one of those happy days, where every single conversation turned out to be really funny. The food tasted extremely good that day, i commented ,in between fits of giggles from the jokes my friends cracked.

assalamualaikum ~~~
`pesona jilbabmu,jilbabmu, pulang dari kantor, masih berjilbab`,
`pesona jilbabmu,jilbabmu`

Suddenly, a she-man (if you know what i mean) came and started singing to this tune, as we call, mengamen(**pengamen = indonesian street singer who goes around singing in return for some donations). He\she was wearing a jilbab(head scarf) and was singing this song, in hopes that someone would give him\her change. EVeryone in the shop was trying not to burst into fits of laughter at the dangdut tune, very weird i must say, for a she-man to be singing this song. The owner of the shop started mimicking and laughing at the she-man, but he-she went on singing. Out of pity, my friend gave her some change, and with exuberance, she thanked all of us and prayed that we would be pretty women always and always. Thank you2!!..

When she was gone, everyone started laughing and singing to the tune.. It was kind of funny though..really!

A few seconds after the she-man left, a guitar tune filled the air, owh no, another pengamen, i groaned...argh..cant we eat in peace~!!!

Wise men say
only fools rush in

but I can't help
falling in love with you.

Shall I stay
would it be a sin

if I can't help
falling in love with you.

The only time i heard an indonesian street-singer hum an english tune was ages ago, this was most probably my second time! i turned quickly to take a closer look at him, eyeing him from top to bottom. It was an old man this time, his creased fingers gently strummed the guitar he had strapped against his soiled checkered shirt, with very dusty glasses, he gave and apologetic smile....his face a dark hue against the hot sunny day.

The way he walked...
The way he sang...
The way his sad eyes looked at me, it gave a shiver down my spine...
This wasnt an ordinary pengamen, this was a man, with a story...

I clapped my hands in delight as he finished the last line to the song, he wasnt one of those who came in for money, he sang the full song, albeit some wrong lyrics here and there, and then came to take the change.

WIth downcast eyes, he bowed and gave another apologetic smile, thanking us, his audience for the day. IT was one of those heart wrenching moments....where all laughter cease, as all of us sat there, in deep thought, watching this strange man....

who he was..
who he could have been..
who he is now...

____________________________________________________________________________________

Living in indonesia for nearly 3 years now, has taught me a lot of lessons in life. When we came here during our first year in medical school, nothing could have prepared us to what we were to see. There were so many people living of the streets, wearing tattered clothes and waiting for luck to smile upon them, when a passer-by would throw coins or dollar bills. They would wait by the side of the road, some poorer than others, some were handicapped with no arms and legs, carried by another beggar.

If you have not been here, maybe you cant imagine what its like. But those who do, know what i mean. When i first came here, i wanted to give money to every single beggar that i saw. Every man, woman and child made my heart cry and want to give as much as possible. If me and my friends did not have any small change for the child-beggars, we would go and buy food to give them and so on.

One day, a senior told me, lets see how long you last with these acts of kindness, im sure you would not.. one day you would become like what all of us here have become...hati keras~ .some of them dont need the money, he said, some of them are too poor they dont have anything to eat...some of them are sincere beggars, some of them are filthy thieves...and theres millions of them ....and you cant do anything about it.
i hated him for what he said that day, and i refused to believe that i would become a person who could shut my eye on the poverty in this country...

2 years later~

HAti sudah keras...What i refused to believe has come true. years of watching too many poor people around here has made my soft sides disappear. Im sure im not the only who has become so, and most of us have closed our hearts, after feeling helpless to help the people living of the streets. REmember the girl, (me) who used to give money to every beggar, now i just give to those who really look like they need it. It has become somewhat a bad habit, where i forgetfully ignore the beggars, especially those who pitifully stand at my car window during the red lights.

Its not something im proud of...
But i guess i just adapted to life here, and have become too accustomed watching them that my empathy has faded...

A friend once told me, dikala kita gembira dan gelak ketawa, pada waktu itu, pasti ada yang sedang berduka dan menangis ... I find that very true, and i will remember what my friend said to me until the day i die~

Im not sure whats the point of this entry...
But i guess its just as a reminder, that other people out there need our help...
Like me, i tend to forget, tend to take things for granted...
But what if one day, i become like the man singing the song cant help falling in love with you...
He could have been a rich man, brought down to his knees during the era of global economical downturn...
Anytime, anywhere, we never know what might happen to us....

(sorry, im so sleepy, cant think...brain dead)(excuse the lame entry please, as i will write a better one...some day..that is..huhu)

________________________________________________________________________________

THis afternoon, coming back from gym, we walked back home uner the dusky sky..An old man was walking in front of me, somehow he looked familiar from the back. On his right was a small child, still in his school uniform ,on his left, was a guitar strapped to a soiled checkered shirt.

One hand was holding the means of getting money day in and day out, a song for a rupiah, the only source of income for him.

The other hand was holding his son, and with him was a hope that one day this boy could bring them out of their poverty..

__________________________________________________________________________

I couldnt look them in the eye, they were too sad....
But if you do see them, or the man one day while you are in jatinangor, please do give something to them.....
Who knows, we might be able to change their life one day...
Lets hope for a miracle~

Like a river flows
surely to the sea
darling so it goes
some things are meant to be.

Take my hand
take my whole life too

for I can't help falling
in love with you.

For I can't help falling
in love with you.........

BOOm bOoM PoW!!!

2009-06-19T20:05:00.000+08:00

!!!HELLELELELEOOOOOO!!!updates2!

hye there!

i just finished all my papers today! yippee!! but unfortunately, theres still my practical exams next week...argh! but anyway, i want to rest and clean my room today..therefore, today is officially NO STUDY DAY!

My room is an absolute mess i tell you, its as if hurricane Katrina landed in the midst of jatinangor,and happened to knock on my door. I would like to show some pictures of my room one day, haha, because i never had the chance to decorate my own room way back home. We moved too much that i got used to staying in rooms that lacked any personal touches.

The sun was shinning hot today, but it was windy though. I feel im getting even darker than ever, sigh~ MY rezeki today, i was treated to lunch by mr-iv-never-been-to-jatos, (actually i forced him to go, sorry~~) and also had a really really nice bubur jagung made specially by miss-jangok-of-jatinangor (who is a really2 good friend of mine though)(btw, sedaaappp tauuu)...thank you2! you guys made my day~

After eating full to the brim, me and Y headed of to the gym, which im trying to go everyday now since classes have ended.

And things i plan to do during the hols while awaiting remedials~

1. travel jogja-solo-semarang (26-1july)

2. judicium (owh God)

3. go for guitar lessons, (yes, i am going, thank you very much =P)

4. check out the equestrian club somewhere in lembang, but cant quite get in contact with the person in charge just as yet

5. continue swimming lessons

6. continue my tae kwan do lessons

8. jog in the mornings

9. gym in the afternoons

10. finally ----get to do what normal teenagers do --> watch tons of movies, shop till i drop dead, and I GET TO WEAR PRETTY CLOTHES AGAIN...weeee ..(exam month been wearing baju tidur unless theres exams, you can see why i cant wait to wear nice clothes again..)

** btw, someone promised to play ping pong with me!!you know who you are =)

selalu denganmu~

2009-06-16T18:00:00.002+08:00

one of my favourite indonesian artists is TOMPI!

so id like to share this song with you guys, to those who also like his songs~

anyway, enjoy..

Selalu Denganmu - Tompi

adakah waktu yg tak berbatas
untukku merasa bahagia
saat-saat aku jatuh cinta
saat ku terbang jauh ke sana

**: selalu denganmu
kasihku selamanya
selalu denganmu
cintaku bersama

kaulah matahari dalam hidupku
dan kaulah cahaya bulan di malamku
hadirmu selalu akan ku tunggu
cintamu selalu akan ku rindu

Tau kah kau diriku
tak sanggup hidup bila kau jauh dariku
ku ingin di pelukmu
slalu.........

Hadirmu.. selalu akan kutunggu..
cintamu.. selalu akan ku rindu..
dan tiada lagi batas ruang waktu

ooh tuhan
tetapkan rasa cintaku ini
hanya untukmu..
selalu setia..
slama-lamanya

2009-06-15T00:29:00.001+08:00

owh dear god!

what have i done!!

my blog has been destroyeddd

i cant even find my layouts now!!!

i think im going to have to move my blog somewhere!!

aaaa>>>!!!noooo

(gr....tu laaa...gataallllll sgtttttt...aaaaaargh)

har de har har~

2009-06-14T23:48:00.002+08:00

nadya= pink! no way!

but i cant find a background that i like!

guess ill check out templates later...

hey gurl..studyla

REading PHop..and going GREEN

2009-06-14T11:19:00.003+08:00

Well, tomorrow is my public health exams and im with my usual fundamental gastritis.

After reading about pollution and all, i mean i know its common knowledge, but i just want to say that i decided that im going green.

Not yet that is, but i want to try.

Not to become a vegetarian though, (because i am a meat eater), but just trying to do things to save the environment. Maybe i will update on anything i do that i feel is helping the universe live from now.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

That reminds me of my childhood days (as usual). My dad was an agricultural scientist that did research on main community plants. We would move from one place to another depending on what specific plant he was researching on at the time. For example, when we lived in Cameron, dad researched on apples and cold weather plants, and when we moved to the states, dad did research on cloning oranges. And the likes..So, our family was a real nomad family, but i dont mind, change is good sometimes.
DAd is now a retired scientist, after years of dedicating his life to his plants, he is safe and sound tucked in perak and is now a full time environmentalist, oh, and maybe farmer. =)

My father is a very passionate man, and with his shining eyes, he would come back from work at nights, telling us stories about what he did with what plants and all. And we kiddos would listen with even more eager eyes, while munching on the fruit that he was researching on. It was always like that, if he was studying on coco trees, we would have coco every weekend, if dad was studying strawberries, then it was strawberries everyday..and in sarawak, when he studied the sagoo tree, we ATE ULAT SAGU!!aha!its true...!!

Being a man of nature, dad always reminded us to save the environment.

1. When we washed the dishes, dad would come over and scold us if he finds that the water was flowing too much from the pipe.

2. If we ever stepped foot outside of the house, lets say, gunung brinchang during our days in cameron, dad would look out for the scattered rubbish that disturbs his sight and tells us...daughters, lets save the environment, and there we were, small kids picking up thrash...but i felt proud of it!

3. when we were in cameron, we would go jungle trekking on weekends, as me and my siblings raced through the lush green forest, dad would walk hand in hand with mom, at times calling us back to show us any interesting plant that had herbal use or was just peculiar in anyway.

4. dad likes to pick up things he finds alongside the road that he thinks is recyclable...and our house would be full of what i call`junk`..when he wasnt looking, me and mom would rush to take out as many junks as possible, and we would throw it very very far away so that he wouldnt notice anything was gone. But mom always asks me to do the dirty job, because she says daddy never scolds his little girls.

5. i once compared dad to this mentally-handicapped man by the road because he too was picking up trash. DAd got so upset, he said i was wishing him to be like that. I never brought up the issue again~

Theres so many more stories about my dad, and i could get carried away. haha..im so sorry, but im always talking about my family arent i..you must be bored i guess, but thats just the story of my life, its all about me, my family and what we have gone through together~ =)

____________________________________________________________________________________

OMG..i did get carried away, this post was supposed to be about me going green.!

lets see, theres a couple of things i could do to start, hmm...but ill post it later, i have to study more of phop...really!

which is more important.....

2009-06-14T10:59:00.002+08:00

u....or

u......which!

lets rock!!

2009-06-13T14:56:00.002+08:00

this is one of those posts thats not interesting

its just made...

~just because~

MOrning!tengahari!i dont know!haha!im just very happy today!weee!chuweyy chuweyy bum bum!!! =) +_+ =O

I dont usually wake up late on weekends, but nowadays, my schedule has rapidly changed since the exams. I woke up around 9 or 10, and with a very hungry stomach, went down to search for food. I usually get depressed if i dont eat breakfast, or dont eat at all. Im one of those girls who LOVE TO EAT..haha...so sorry people who control what they eat, but chubby is in! (for me, that is). ANyway, couldnt find anyone to try out the new eatery outside, so i decided to make some pre-heat mushroom chicken soup.

BUt chicken soup wont fill my big tummy much, so i was STILL hungry! omg!i am a big -eater.. (btw, next year i want to try to put my name in the makan-cepat-banyak or whatever its called competition!weee).. So, there i was hungry, grumbling, depressed about no food. The whole morning i sat in front of the tv while reading some notes, (exams full next week) (and i kind of skipped my skills lab ,ermm, approximately 3 times)so next week would be full. Supposed to be studying totally today, but im still finding for my momentum, come on, come on!!----Anyway, out of nowhere, suddenly the doorbell rang, ting tong(it really sounds like that) ibu nadya, ibu nadya, tadi ada pesen makanan hahhhh!!!!when did i, erm,did i, no, it wasnt, but how could.....huh!!

Talk about food falling from the sky!seriously!i was just wishing for food, and there it was, food!

sedap pulak tue

SOmetimes, i cant believe my rezeki, thank you God, and i do Love You!I ate like a horse, while Omer sat listlessly beside me, waiting for his share of tidbits. (i dont know why im so enthusiastic today..hehe).

After the delightful lunch, i skipped lightly back to my room, rolled over the carpet and blasted some songs, Which i normally do (sorry for the loud music people, but i do love music!). Grabbed my towel, and took a bath at errr 2 oclock in the afternoon! (secrets out, im not that fond of early baths on a weekend such as this...haha) While in the shower, suddenly, my stereo blasted an old catchy song, by

metro station, shake it

. I dont know why, but it made me want to dance! haha(told you im too happy for words) SO, there i was, in the shower, soap suds were flying around, bubbles were popping in the air, hot shower and there was me dancing while singing to the tunes of this song!

Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake It
Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake It
Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake It
Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake It
Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake It

I saw you dancing and I coudn't get you off my mind
(I could tell that you could tell that I was taking my time
I was thinking of ways that you would stay and be mine
(You're body's shaking, turn me on, so I can turn out the lights

____________________________________________________________________________________

Suddenly this one piece of memory flooded into my mind, during my kiddy-roller blade days. That was the in thing at that time, when everyone showed of their then super-cool wheels. I was with my sister, and my dearest 2 cousins Intan and AFzal, and we were way close back then. IT was in Johor Bahru, where Afzal lived when he was small, and his house was situated in a very hilly area. SO it was super-duper (sorry bout the happy-language!) to skate around in. The afternoon sun was high, and the four of us raced each other, all happy and smilling, kids, no problem in the world.

Suddenly, we chanced upon a really steep hill, the king of the hills. IT was time, we must skate down this hill to prove that we were the best roller blade kids in town! Aha! We were scared, really, but we wanted to do it. Slowly,we marched to the hill, making sure no parent was looking. All 4 of us held our hands tight, we would skate down together... 1--2--3!! AS we skated down fast, I started saying my prayers like 100km per hour under my breath, bismillah, bismillah, bismillah,, we were gaining speed, my hands were sweaty as i held on tight to the chain of me and my kins, when suddenly my cousin said, LETS ROCK!!RELAX MAN!!!and she let go of my hand....

KABOOM- BOOM BOOM POWWW!!!!!

haha

that was the end of that

we crashed!!

to be more accurate, my cousin had loads of cuts and bruises on her knee. while i was happily saying, tu la, lain kali baca la bismillah~...haha..what a memory~

____________________________________________________________________________________

Anyway, everyone says that you cant be too happy, because something bad will happen to you.

I wonder if its true.

But after being very happy today, i realized, there might not be that much time for us to be happy so why not just you know, STAY HAPPY!! (even though theres no reason to be)

I love being happy, who doesnt right...

If i dont be happy always, when would be the next time before i dance in the shower, when would be the next time before, i laugh so hard, tears pour out of my eyes...~

I just love to LAUGH!

I just love to LOVE!

i just love to LIVE!

I just love to ENJOY every single moment that i am ALIVE!

Im not a serious person, and i am SILLY and Embarrass my self a lot!

bUT I DONT care, because there might not be a next time to be HAPPY!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Yeah, we can be worried about something bad happening the moment we get too happy...

But, as the story of my cousins and i go, yeah we fall, yeahh, we suffer from minor cuts and bruises

But as long as God is in our minds, in our hearts...

we just GET UP, dust it off, and..

in the meantime people

LETS ROCK!!!! =) =) =)

Lets fight....lets not give up....~

2009-06-12T20:44:00.003+08:00

Surah As-Shams ayat 7-10 :

"Demi jiwa serta penyempurnaan (ciptaan)Nya

Maka Dia mengilhamkan kepadanya (jalan) kejahatan dan ketaqwaannya

Sungguh beruntung orang yang menyucikannya (jiwa itu)

Dan sungguh rugi orang yang mengotorinya"
(91:7-10)

If you have been reading my blog before, you would know that i have always been complaining about my inner turmoil, the fight between good and evil. There are times when i feel so close to God, thinking im on my way, im a step closer to heaven. And sometimes, i just seem to forget about it, not meaning to bow to my evil ways, but that is me, just human.

I have the weekend of this week, after a thunderous week of exams. Theres still more to go mind you, and its just a short break before stepping into the whirlwind again. Being in a very tired state after a tiring exam today, i went back and slept...my asar, and maghrib flew by,eventhough i did get up every time, just before the next azan, but MR EVIL-INNER-TURMOIL said,

dont get up precious, come, let us sleep and regain our energy, you and i

~~ Well, regain my energy i did, and by missing 2 prayers today...owh, how could i~

Above the place where i put my laptop, there is this shelf, filled with novels, books, and other things. My eyes caught this really thin book that i read now and then, but which i should read more often. Its a book that mother gave to me, its called TOWARDS UNDERSTANDING THE BASICS OF ISLAM,a selection from the Quran and hadith. I flipped through the pages like i usually do, its a very meaningful book, but MR EVIL-INNER-TURMOIL said,

ahh, lets not read such rubbish you and i, lets keep clicking facebook in search of a handsome hottie!

(just kidding)

AS my index finger skimmed through the yellowing old pages of the book, i suddenly chanced upon the title, the struggle within~ may i share this with you.....

the human being has potentials for good and evil, and within each person a constant struggle goes on for the dominance of each potential. Hidden within the human soul is the ability to accept God and to recognize ones own nobility and dignity. Once a person achieves a consciousness of this fact he can try to purify his soul to achieve the original harmony God has given it. OR he can descend from one corruption to another.

I always feel in Malay what we call rendah diri because of my lack of knowlede in Islam, the way i dress, my personality, my attire, everything,it just does not actually picture a pious person, does it. And then, theres always me, being a lost soul, a dark fight between good and evil, never seems to stop but never seems to improve either. I thought i was the only one, i thought i was bipolar or crazy-like....until i read this.

A friend once asked me, do you ever wish for hidayah..then she said again, hidayah actually comes to us every single minute, the moment we think about God, that is the moment that we receive our hidayah. And every moment that we think about God, that is the time when we are one step closer to our good side. I guess its true...MAybe all this while, all my mistakes, are just part and parcel of a hopefully better life..as i always say, everything happens for a reason~

It seems that all of us are born with two sides, our upbringing, our decisions, are the things that either brings us closer to good or evil. I have this principle of mine, where i rarely judge a person from what i see, or what i hear until i know him or her well. This principle of mine is based from past experiences, where people judge me, not knowing anything about me and critiscize me. They see me from my dressing, from my rowdiness, the way i laugh too loud, and everything...and they just, judge~ i know im not a good person, but i am trying, at least im fighting, hey..just give me a chance~ Thats one thing hard about people like me, no one really gives a chance, and sometimes, along the way when no one believes in you, we tend to give up.....

A person who has achieved some of Islam should not start thinking he has achieved salvation. Imam Ghazali once said, those who are in the forefront of Islam might one day be left behind by the time they die

I wish people do not judge

I wish people do not critiscize

I wish people would just leave me alone, help me, but dont break me

I just wish...~

But after reading this passage from the book, i realize thAt i still have a chance. At least i realize, masih banyak kekurangan pada diri ini, and i will always try to better myself. Maybe the people who have been judging or critiscizing me all this while, are too comfortable with who they are now, that they dont realize all of us are just the same..
any moment a great man may fall, and any moment, a lay man may be a great man...

I know im weak, therefore ill try to get stronger

I know im naive, therefore ill try to learn more

I know who i am, therefore ill strive to be better

**May we always have the feeling that we still have much to learn and to improve...so lets fight,lets not give up!**

O ALLAH, I SEEK YOUR REFUGE FROM BECOMING WEAK AND HELPLESS, FROM LAZINESS AND DEFEAT, FROM THE WEAKNESS OF OLD AGE, FROM FAILURE AND STINGINESS, AND FROM THE TORMENT OF THE GRAVE.

O ALLAH, GIVE MY HEART ITS TAQWA, AND PURIFY IT, YOU ARE THE BEST TO PURIFY IT, YOU ARE ITS FRIEND AND PROTECTOR

SAVE ME, O ALLAH, FROM A SOUL WHICH IS NOT HAPPY AND THE HEART WHICH IS NOT SENSITIVE AND TREMBLING

FROM KNOWLEDGE WHICH DOES NOT BENEFIT, AND PRAYER WHICH IS NOT ACCEPTED

~God bless

palestine revisited...the arabs, the americans and the jews

2009-06-10T13:01:00.002+08:00

Good day world..

And how are we on this fine wednesday, (actually it isnt that fine because im totally not in the mood to study for my next paper, so i thought id give my 2 cents of opinion, which i havent done for awhile)

________________________________________________________________________________________

obamas cairo speech, dr mahathir

Dr Mahathirs new entry about palestine and their never ending conflict reminded me that i havent written about it in a long time. Why..at the time of the seige a few months ago, all blogs were filled with palestine entries, save palestine notes, jihad and so on. but now, everything has quietened down and we have somehow forgotten our promises, forgotten our opinions, while palestine still remains as it is and nothing has changed.

I do feel guilty, dont you~

It somehow felt like a fashion craze, when everyone is into something, you are brought into the whirlwind and want to do the same thing to. i felt that i was just following the flow, boycotting majorly at that time, checking upon their news all the time, and writing entries about them. but now, i havent written about palestine for so long, and thus, we just place the name at the back of our minds, leading our lives as if nothing has happened...

The united states call themselves a superpower nation, the arrogance they have over their own-self given title. In malay, we could just call people like these as orang yang perasan lebih..

1.I have a great despise for people who think too highly of themselves, for me its like,beautiful people who just dont seem pretty anymore the minute they KNOW they are.

2.Its like when we do something wrong, we never notice it, but when someone else just somewhat as glitch, we quickly jump in say that they are wrong, thats what the superpower have led them to believe.

3. and the amazing thing is, the whold world, the west, the arabs, the asians, nod at this just because we are afraid. or we are just weaklings who bow to big bullies~

4. i used to bow down at bullies, keep quiet when someone criticizes me, may they be taller, bigger people, or just smarter or prettier.... but now, if anyone ever just as tries to bully me, i just put up a brave front, and i talk back! yeahh...sometimes in life, we dont mean to be mean, its just standing up for ourselves with AN ATTITUDE!

THE ARABS

I just wish the muslim countries are like that instead of cowering away, satisfied in the richness from their oil produce. i feel so ashamed to see their attitude sometimes, because instead of uniting as one, they fight amongst themselves. The rich bully the poor, being puppets for a country that just wants their richness. ANd they can bow down to them...are they blind, are they afraid....or are they just plain dumb!

In Islam, we are taught about unity, about helping the ones who are weaker, and stand up for our own religion, our own people. But i dont see that in the muslim countries. As a malaysian, there are many things i can do, to help out with the palestinian struggle, and i know im not doing much. That really feels bad enough. But what about the neighbouring countries, right next to palestine, how can they even close their eyes at night when their own blood is being slaughtered like cows day in and day out. i cant~

Not only do they not do anything, but their feud amongst themselves since the birth of their history until now is still unsettled. The rival tribes still have not found an agreement amongst themselves, any different opinions in religion is counted as blasphemy and they make enemies out of their own thoughts and words. what kind of muslims are they....when the birth of Islam was at the heart of an arab state, nowadays, muslims around the world are more of a muslim than they are..

THE AMERICANS

Im sorry, but i do feel very emotional when i think about this. Because as i said, i HATE people who think they are always right. I get fed up with people like this, because the only thing that could make their foggy brains realize it if someone puts a bullet to it. (grr...se how emo i get about this..huhu)
Why is America so afraid of the jews..no, let me rephrase that. i think majority of the americans are mostly jews, so they feel a strong need to support their brothers in arms with their zionist beliefs.
America was built on the fundamental belief of freedom for all, the first few americans who settled on the supposedly great new land, were very much stout christians mind you. NOwadays, christians and jews in the west cant be differentiated, its like christianity has somehow assimilated with the jewish community, and loe behold the day, as they bow down to their jewish counterparts, can christians in the united states or other superpower countries one day be extinct and finally be replaced without anyone ever noticing it.

AND THE JEWS...

hitler

hitler is evil

hitler is a psycopath

and hitler.....killed the jews~

In my opinion, why all the talk about the evilness of this one man, is it just because the jews were repressed at the time. Yes, they suffered a war at the hands of , yes they were executed and kept in war camps, and thousands of them died during those days..

But has anyone actually counted the death toll and destruction that the jews have caused to the Muslim world...NO

Does the world or media record the violent killings that they do without regret to our brothers and sisters...NO

But just because ONE Man KILLED the jewish community, he was labelled a mad man...

But when the WHOLE jewish community kills millions of Muslims...they are not doing anything wrong, they just need a new home..

(did you ever think, myabe hitler was doing something right after all....)
_____________________________________________________________________________________

**it is an unfair world that we live in

**and injustice towards the innocent will always go on

**but that doesnt mean we can just sit down, watch and wait

**its a calling for us to do something about it~

2009-06-09T23:22:00.001+08:00

http://i43.tinypic.com/ick0ls.gif

i just wanted to post pictures because i rarely do..=)

2009-06-09T22:55:00.001+08:00

taking the risk of jumping~

2009-06-09T16:31:00.000+08:00

ps!

2009-06-09T14:41:00.000+08:00

BLOG IS UNDER RE-CONSTRUCTION

cant find a skin to suite me!

grumble!

sorry for the inconvenience..huhu

the kite runner (movie)

2009-06-09T14:04:00.002+08:00

hey2!

remember the book that i told you about, the kite runner...it has a movie!!!

i must find it! but where!!!!!

please find for me dear ones!!!

the boy in the striped pyjamas

2009-06-09T13:47:00.002+08:00

I have been meaning to watch this movie since my friend recommended it to me a few weeks ago, but havent had the time because of my exams. Yesterday called for some leisure break and i decided to give it a try...

i have noticed this movie before, but i know it would be pro-jewish so i did not feel like buying the dvd. But when i watched it, it really is an extremely sad movie and it also showed how children have no boundaries when it comes to trust, love and friendship...

do watch!

PS!

2009-06-09T02:37:00.001+08:00

**
I WANT TO SAY
GREAT LUCK AND GOOD LUCK
TO MY COLLEAGUES WHO WILL FACE SOOCA TOMORROW
GOD SPEED..GOD BLESS...AND JUST ACE THE TEST!

...and i want to climb your mango tree~

2009-06-09T02:05:00.003+08:00

I finally finished my sooca today!yeayy!!i am so happy, a part of me feels so giddy because im too happy for words to describe. I slept at nearly 3 in the morning, and with a very restless sleep, got up at 4.30 after many missed calls from many people, i finally forced myself to get up. just 1 more day, i told myself, i just had to sacrifice my few hours of sleeping for this 1 day.

My heart felt it was about to burst every time i read the notes that i still had to review. Nothing i did could calm my nerves, i was so scared that i shivered and had to wear socks because it felt safe and warm..wuwuwuw...When i just couldnt take it anymore, i decided to call my mommy and daddy, maybe their voice would further soothe me. Mom picked up the phone on the second dial tone, and we talked for a while. Telling her how afraid i was, mother quickly recited some soothing prayers and words as i just sat there on my bed, clutching my mobile to my ear, wells of tears were beginning to form at my lacrimal glands (MUAHAHHAHAHAH!!).

dID I tell you, the meaning of sooca is = SOOsCAry!seriously it is the most frightening type of exam in my entire young adult life, because it is utterly unpredictable and it depends on factors that you can control and cant:

so the uncontrollable factors are:

1. after re-memorizing all the notes, will what we memorize ACTUALLy be remembered on that morning

2. will we be the LUCKY people who get to know which case is coming out from the dozens of cases that we have to learn

3. will we GET the case we really know, memorize and like

4. do we REMEMBER what to write down during the very heart pumping 30 minutes in the quarantine room

5. once you open the door, will it be :
a)door of doom = bad\strict\sadist doctors
b)door of heaven = good doctors\doctors who know or like you\doctors who arent there in the room at all, and you babble to yourself, and when they come in, they just give you an A

what a life~

Alhamdulillah, God was with me today, and i managed to survive my sooca morning. IT felt so good to finally feel free, (although today is only the first exam of more to come)

The only thing i wasnt satisfied was that we had to stay in the &*%^$^ quarantined computer lab, and i was sweating like a $%^* and i was so hungry i could %^&* eat a horse! I was showing to my friends some stuff i liked on the internet, when suddenly a virus infected the computer that i was using,and it couldnt close any windows and just got stuck there with the manifesto left by the virus creator..i was like, thats a big UH-OHHH~(serves them right for containing me in that room!)

Mentally and physically, i was extremely exhausted, the drive back home seemed to trudge on endlessly, and when i finally reached home, i collapsed straight away on the bed. The room left still in its unkempt messy-ness,my bag strewn on the floor, the comfort of bundling oneself underneath the bed covers and the only sound i heard was the pitter-patter of rain drops on the window outside my room....for a moment there, i experienced heaven~

ANyway, i did not want to write this entry, i actually wanted to write about something else, thus the title...but, im so tired and i have to clean up my room...so, i guess ill write it later

**ps: tonight must sleep late so that i can wake up a list of people(S)

**ps: omer the cat just had a bath, and is sleeping on my bed, so i cant change the bed sheets

hadith 38

2009-06-07T10:46:00.001+08:00

"Allah the Almighty has said: 'Whosoever acts with enmity towards a closer servant of Mine (wali), I will indeed declare war against him. Nothing endears My servant to Me than doing of what I have made obligatory upon him to do. And My servant continues to draw nearer to Me with supererogatory (nawafil) prayers so that I shall love him. When I love him, I shall be his hearing with which he shall hear, his sight with which he shall see, his hands with which he shall hold, and his feet with which he shall walk. And if he asks (something) of Me, I shall surely give it to him, and if he takes refuge in Me, I shall certainly grant him it.'"

[Al-Bukhari]

air mata keinsafan

2009-06-07T04:52:00.005+08:00

hey there to those still up in this unearthly hour~

ITs 4 am in the morning now, and i cant sleep, not because i dont want to (which if i had a choice, i would have done), but because sooca is on monday, and time is of the essence (even though i would like to take a few minutes ofF to write something on my blog.

i was reciting to myself just now, trying to remember the things that should have been in my brain ages ago. every time i look at the amount of notes that i still have to go through, and understand and memorize, it sends a shiver down my spine. YOu know how scary it feels right~ sometimes when you have read something a dozen times, and memorized it, and just when you think you get the picture, you suddenly forget. its absolutely panicky!

So i repeated the same words again
and again
and again.....
and it is so hard at this time to memorize because the brain can only function as much...

i think i was on the point of total exhaustion....the floor and the ceiling felt as if it was moving,i just had to lie down on the bed for awhile,.~

I FELT FEAR...
I FELT SCARED....
AND WORST OF ALL, I KEEP THINKING, AM I ABLE TO DO IT....~

i lay on my bed, with my eyes open,my laptop was playing this song that i have been hearing to during these trying days.....at the point when i felt like giving up, i heard the lyrics play.....

..........Setiap kekasih Allah
Menempuhi jalan ini
Untuk mereka memiliki kejayaan
Ayuh bersama kita susuli
Perjalanan kekasih Allah
Agar kita tiada rugi
Dalam meniti hidup ini...........

I dont know what im babbling now, i cant think...but i just want to say, that this part of the song really means a lot to me....

no matter how hard this part of mine or our lives are, setiap kekasih Allah menempuhi jalan ini....

im weak, and this moment im at my weakest point....
i guess the only part of me that keeps me going, is that im doing this for HIM~

what panic feels like

2009-06-04T21:34:00.000+08:00

-IM SO SCARED!

-I FEEL LIKE PANICKING BUT I KNOW IT WILL BE OF NO USE IF I PANIC!!

-I WANNA TELL MOMMY THAT IM SO SCARED I COULD ACTUALLY PEE IN MY PANTS (figure of speech)

-BUT I DONT WANT TO TELL HER, COZ I DONT WANT HER TO KNOW IM SCARED AND I REALLY HAVE TO ACT LIKE IM BRAVE NOW, WHEN IN REALITY IM SOOOO SOOOO SCARED!!!

**ok, stop panicking

**breathe in, breathe out...fuh fuh

**you can do it nadya!!

FEAR NOT THE BIG, BAD WORLD~

2009-06-03T21:32:00.001+08:00

I was trying to figure out what to do with sooca just around the corner, when i decided to rest my brain for a few seconds, which as usual would turn into minutes or hours. My hands lingered beneath the shelf of my study table until i found the book that i wanted, a recipe book.aha! no, my dears, im not a talented cook, and no, i still havent found the best joys of cooking, so i have to look at recipe books. This certain recipe book was one that mom gave me during my second year, when i started cooking malaysian food for my housemates as we have this schedule on who cooks on what days. TImely enough, it is my turn to cook for today and i was flipping through the pages when an old newspaper clipping suddenly dropped to the floor.

What is this, is it one of those old papers that i keep forgetting to throw away. Opening it, i read the big bold letters spelling out..FEAR NOT THE BIG, BAD WORLD..by dina zaman. Owh, now i remember, my mother had placed this article in the recipe book just before the flight, she said, read it, and maybe it will enlighten you to search for greener pastures. well, she didnt exactly say that, but that abound sums her words up anyway.

iv been putting off the time to read the article, that i totally forgot it existed. but today, i guess ill share some excerpts from the article and why my mom insisted on me reading it. ps i linked the article and you should really read it before you proceed to read my entry, or not you would not understand my constant ramblings...please click here for anyone who would love to read it~
____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________

No wonder mom asked me to read this article. I guess she saw how narrow minded i have become and she placed this article in hopes that i would change for the better. IT is terrifyingly true what the writer had wrote, and i really wish i did not have to say this, but this is what i have become. Im always in the same circle of friends, that my mind has not smelt the fragrance of other thoughts, other opinions and other ways of living.

IT sometimes feels cooped up to live in a world where you see and talk with the same people everyday. Even though it does feel nice to have a clique or a certain group of friends most times, thats not a good enough excuse not to mingle around. If i had the chance, i would definitely love to mingle around with some indonesian friends, but at every chance i get, i probably would ruin any friendship that was about to blossom.

Firstly, i stutter in my terrible indonesian language, which after 3 years here has not improved the least, and then i do tend to jingle the wrong words, so its either that i might die out of embarrasment, or they would die out of fits of laughter (which they try to hide by the way). I really admire some of my malaysian friends who had succeeded in breaking the barrier between two adverse countries. it must feel so good to get a change of air sometimes, and i always wish i was one of those who could. sometimes i would ask, whats wrong with me, why cant i be more like that, but until now i have not found the answer, and i definitely have not found the solution yet.

Mother always said to me, IF EVERYONE IS THINKING THE SAME THING, THEN NO ONE IS THINKING AT ALL.
Sometimes i do like to talk to people outside the circle of friends that i usually hang around with.
Sometimes, i just like to walk alone and have some time for myself to think.
Sometimes, when i think alone, i tend to smile to myself...and i guess people would think i was a lunatic huh~

I would like to follow the writers and moms advice, its high time to change for nadya amin shaharudin, dont you think! by the way, i want to share with you something, why do i like to blog when i know no one actually reads my blog..haha....its the fact that blogging helps me talk to myself (in a healthy way, mind you), and it helps me rethink of the person that i am, and the person that i will be in the future. I really support everyone who blogs and i must say, i would never restrict what they want to express on their blogs. Bloggers are people with an open heart, bloggers are people who always talk to themselves frequently and smile without noticing it, and bloggers are, just, you and me~

**Its time for me to open my eyes and stop closing myself from the world, nadya is going abroad in mind, soul and in her way of life. DEfinitely!

**Its time that i should stop being afraid of anything, confidence goes a long way, but i must remember over-confidence will bring me down though~

**Its time for me to become someone in this world, not another face in the crowd

**ITS
TIME
FOR
ME
TO
CHANGE!

ps: its also time for me to cook, but it wouldnt sound cool if i put it just now..lo...anyway, sorry for the really unfeasible entry, please blame it on the fact that my brain must not have any literature at the moment and must be filled with mad sciene..

ps2: hey, i just found out mad-science= medicine ...they do sound nearly the same, haha...im babbling arent i...

anyway..gotta go~
over and out

`

7 things i wish would drop out of the sky and land on my lap

2009-06-03T19:06:00.003+08:00

heyya!

i have a bad stomachache and im sure its going to get worst.
my exams are next monday and the hours are passing by extremely fast...i wonder can God change the total sense of time but still maintain the exact hours for us human beings, as it flies so fast, i wish i could just grasp it in my hands....but still, time passes at the grips of my fingers, while i am still gaping open mouthed at the amount of things i havent studied yet.

i have tons of reasons to study hard this time, and i really pray that i would. for if i do, i have decided that this year i would like to reward myself if i work hard. yippeee! but hard work is not enough, i still have to save tons of money to get the stuff that i want...

NADYAS WISH LIST for the year 2009
(but must save money to buy before even wishing for it)

1. check out the new n97, i think i want!!

2. ask someone to buy me the new sony cybershot,but i think at last, i would have to buy it myself,*sigh*..but it would take such a long time to save money..haihh~

3. get a back pack for travelling

4. get a travelling wallet (the one that i can put passport and tickets in)

5. get new luggage (as my sister once said, for a family who travels a lot, we do not have the right luggage at all)

6. buy mom a watch, hmmm, i think im going to jakarta to buy that...what do you think...anyway,hope i can save enough money for that too.

7. get a pair of really comfortable loafers and athletic shoes, its been awhile since i last bought mine

Well, i cant remember much from my loooong list, but these are top priority that i have to save money for...argh...and the list goes on~..i wish i was an(a) heiress !

anyway, as for rewarding myself, i have planned some vacations after exams..hopefully everything will go as planned..pretty please~

i just had to post this on my blog to remind me that my workout wont work unless i stop munching on these

2009-06-03T16:45:00.003+08:00

DONUT
Dunkin Donuts Chocolate Frosted Donut (230 calories)
59 minutes of walking (3 mph).

BREAKFAST SANDWICH
McDonald's Egg McMuffin (300 calories)
32 minutes of running (5 mph).

CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE
Panera Chocolate Chipper (440 calories)
62 minutes of biking (10-11.9 mph).

PIZZA
Pizza Hut Large Hand-Tossed Style Cheese Pizza (1 slice; 320 calories)
39 minutes of swimming (slow to moderate laps).

CINNAMON ROLL
Starbucks Cinnamon Roll (500 calories, varies by location)
85 minutes of dancing.

HAMBURGER
Burger King Original Whopper With Cheese (770 calories)
94 minutes of swimming (slow to moderate laps).

BROWNIE
Au Bon Pain Chocolate Chip Brownie (380 calories).
129 minutes of yoga (Hatha style).

FRIES
Wendy's Large French Fries (540 calories)
77 minutes of biking (10-11.9 mph).

ICE CREAM
Häagen-Dazs Vanilla Ice Cream (0.5 cup; 270 calories)
29 minutes of running (5 mph).

BURRITO
Taco Bell Burrito Supreme, Beef (410 calories)
70 minutes of dancing.

Hybernation

2009-06-01T21:26:00.005+08:00

Makan tidak kenyang

Mandi tidak basah

~
Am i in love....

NOPE

its that time of year again, the time where i spend most of my waking and sleeping hours cooped up in my schizophrenic looking room. The heat is unbearable, i dont know why...but everytime the word stress creeps into my brain, it will send a 100 volt of heatwave into my room.

im not one of those brainiacs, therefore an extra load of fear for me, my memory is short term, therefore another point for terror to reign me during these dire days. owh, i do wish times were easier, and i wish i was more of a person fonder of studying. but my capabilities of focusing are only, sigh, just a glance~

i bought food for my exam-month ration which put a hole in my pocket. hopefully i dont need to go out much and waste time. owh god, what a life! i feel like a squirrel just before hybernation. i eat, eat ,eat and eat so much until my tummy bulges, then, i read for a few seconds, and later find myself snoring nicely on a bed, lying upside down because i was watching tv.

My exams are next week, and i am indeed not ready yet. what to do!!what to do!! (running in panic circles 8 times around my room). Everyone seems so serious when these critical days come, no one dares to laugh too loud, (takut ilmu keluar), i tiptoe out of my room in case i startle my housemates deep concentration as they bury their heads in their books, if not, they would be hearing me walk out of my room approximately every 5 minutes, open the fridge door, grab some knick-knacks, eat it. and repeat the same cycle again.

Omer the cat is my constant companion when i study, every morning, he would meow constantly until i open the door, its breakfast time, he says, the most important meal of the day. he sometimes come at 7, sometimes at 8, but he always wakes me up in the morning. i let him in, while i take a bath, and then i put his food out and i eat my breakfast too. (he wont eat unless someone watches over him, that spoilt brat). He will then sleep while i study, sometimes he makes faces, as if mocking me that he can sleep, and i must study. sometimes, he deliberately sleeps on my books and cover the thing i am working on. cats~ attention deficit creatures they are!

By lunch, he would go out for his usual dirty day job, and will only come back when called or when he smells dinner cooking. Then after eating dinner, he would probably go somewhere and come to my room later on at night. (hes not here tonight, i wonder why). He would sleep on the floor, performing funny antics while i study. His eyes would open lazily if i make any extra noise, giving me a very annoyed look, and i would have to apologize to him, yes your majesty..cats~ a very arrogant yet lovable when they have a need for you, e.g breakfast, lunch, dinner...

anyway, yes i am in a state of hibernation

usually, i would be writing more during exams

but this time, i dont know why

haihh~

god help me~~

ok, i really have to go study now....s.t.u.d.y!!!!!!ZZZzzzz

christian the lion

2009-05-26T23:33:00.001+08:00

ps:natrah is my official u tube supplier =P

The furniture shop was on the King's Road in London. It sold
tables, wardrobes, chairs and desks - but anybody peering through
its plate-glass window on a Sunday might have noticed something
rather more unusual.

Amid all the pine and oak, stretched out languidly on a bench,
there was a lion. And it wasn't stuffed.

Tiger feet: Christian enjoyed living in swinging London

Tiger feet: Christian enjoyed living in swinging London

"Christian used to lie beside me while I did the accounts at
weekends," remembers Jennifer Mary Taylor, who worked there.

"And every so often, if I'd ignored him for too long, he'd sock
me across the head with one of his great big paws.

"He was very loving and affectionate - he liked to stand and put
his paws on your shoulders. But he was...", she pauses. "I mean, he
was a lion. Does that sound silly?"

Christian the lion (named by someone with a Biblical sense of
humour) arrived in

Chelsea at a time when the King's Road - home to Mick Jagger -
was the very heart of the Swinging Sixties.

For a year, the Big Cat was part of it all, cruising the streets
in the back of a Bentley, popping in for lunch at Casserole, a
local restaurant, even posing for a Biba fashion advert.

He eventually grew too big to be kept as a pet and was taken to
Kenya, where he was rehabilitated into the wild by the 'Lion Man',
George Adamson.

Now, his story is to be told in a new book, written by the
Australian John Rendall who, along with his friend Ace Berg, bought
Christian from Harrods in 1969.

John Rendall's Chelsea flat

London pride: At home in John Rendall's Chelsea flat

So what possessed them to buy a lion cub in the first place?

"A friend had been to the 'exotic animals' department at Harrods
and announced, rather grandly, that she wanted a camel," says
Rendall.

"To which the manager very coolly replied: 'One hump or two,
madam?'

"Ace and I thought this was the most sophisticated repartee we'd
ever heard, so we went along to check it out - and there, in a
small cage, was a gorgeous little lion cub. We were shocked. We
looked at each other and said something's got to be done about
that."

Harrods, it turned out, was also quite keen to be rid of
Christian, who had escaped one night, sneaked into the neighbouring
carpet department - then in the throes of a sale of goatskin rugs -
and wreaked havoc.

The store, which had acquired the cub from Ilfracombe zoo,
happily agreed to part with him for 250 guineas. So began
Christian's year as an urban lion.

Today, it would be unthinkable for a shop to take such a
cavalier attitude towards selling exotic animals (though Harrods
did, at least, provide Ace and Rendall with diet sheets).

And it is hard to imagine either the animal rights lobby or any
local council condoning a shop as a suitable habitat for a lion.
But, back then, no one minded at all.

Christian was given his own living quarters (and a very large
kitty-litter tray, which he used unfailingly) in the basement of
the appropriately named Sophistocat furniture shop.

"He had a beautiful musky smell that was very distinct," says
Rendall. "But he was clean."

The vicar of the Moravian Chapel nearby was approached to allow
Christian the run of the graveyard, and every day he was taken
there to roar around and play football.

Once, when he was brought along to a seaside picnic, he dipped
his toes reluctantly in the water and intimated with a shudder that
it was disagreeably cold. But he was eventually persuaded to swim
in the English Channel.

"He was a lot of work," says Rendall. "It took all four of us -
me, my then girlfriend Jennifer Mary, Ace Berg and an actress
called Unity Jones - to look after him.

Cat's pyjamas: Christian, rummaging through the drawers

Cat's pyjamas: Christian, rummaging through the drawers

"He also ate a lot, four meals (two liquid, two solid) plus
supplements every day, which cost about £30 a week - a lot of
money back then."

He pauses, then adds, "And he had a very good sense of
humour."

Really?

"Oh yes. Sometimes, he'd see people staring at him through the
back window of the car, keep very still on purpose - and then, just
when they were convinced he was a stuffed toy, he would very slowly
turn his head and freak them out."

Everyone loved Christian and he became a popular local figure.
In 1970, when Chelsea beat Leeds in the FA Cup Final, Sophistocat
received a call from a policeman, 'The football fans are going to
be boisterous, so you'd better get your bloody lion out of the
window or they'll smash it in,' he warned.

Christian himself was beautifully behaved, and though he never
hurt anyone, you underestimated his strength at your peril.

Jennifer Mary remembers taking a friend to see him, "after I'd
had one or two glasses of wine -and when he put his paws on my
shoulders, one of them slipped, his claw caught my dress and he
pulled the whole front of it off."

He grew and grew - from 35lb when he first arrived to a rather
more serious and imposing 185lb a year later - and he was beginning
to acquire a mane that made him look more fearsome.

He clearly could not stay with his two young owners for
ever.

His future was decided by a chance encounter - when the actors
Bill Travers and Virginia McKenna walked into the shop to buy a
pine desk.

They had recently starred in the film Born Free, which tells the
true story of the wildlife conservationist George Adamson and his
wife Joy, who raised a lion cub called Elsa in Kenya then
rehabilitated it into the wild.

And they immediately suggested that Adamson might be able to
help.

Certainly, the conservationist was intrigued by the challenge of
introducing a King's Road lion to the wilds of Africa.

"But," he warned, '"ou must be prepared for this not to work.
Elsa was born in Africa and she knew its smells. Taking a
British-born lion, whose parents were also raised in captivity, is
going to be a very different thing."

Christian was flown to Kenya in a specially-made crate
emblazoned with the words, 'East African Airways. London-Nairobi.
Christian - male lion, 12 months'. John and Ace went with him.

"I think George Adamson got quite a shock when he met us," says
Rendall. "Straight from the King's Road, in all our gear - flares
from Granny Takes A Trip, and with hair everywhere.

"We looked rather different from everyone else in Nairobi. But
then so did Christian. He'd come from winter in England, so had a
very thick coat - he was almost as hairy as we were."

Adamson wanted to drive straight to the Kora Reserve, close to
the Tana river, where there was no human habitation. This, he felt,
would be the ideal spot to build a camp.

Because lions live and hunt in prides, and it is hard to impose
a new male on an existing one, the plan was to introduce Christian
into the wild in tandem with Boy, one of the tame beasts who had
starred in Born Free.

Together, they would form the nucleus of a new pride - and the
whole project would be funded by a TV programme.

Christian was marshalled into the back of a Land Rover, with
straw on the floor and chicken-wire separating him from his friends
on the front seat. It was all rather confusing for a lion
accustomed to the butter-soft leather of a Bentley. And he was hot.
And dusty. And confused.

Not long into the journey, Rendall ventured, "Mr Adamson, he
needs to go to the loo."

Adamson was impatient.

"We're miles from anywhere. If we stop here and he runs away, we
will never, ever catch him."

"Mr Adamson," promised Rendall, "that is not going to
happen."

The great Lion Man turned his head, sucked on his pipe and
pulled over on the dirt road.

Rendall opened the back of the car, and Christian jumped out to
take his first real steps on African soil.

To his evident disgust, it was prickly and hot. He clearly
didn't like it one bit.

Rendall picks up the story, "So he went tip-toeing along and
went to the loo.

Considerably. Then he looked around and I said, 'OK, come on,
back in,' pointed back at the car - and in he jumped.

"I got back in the car, too, shut the door and George Adamson
turned round and said to me, 'That is quite remarkable. You may
call me George.'"

Kora, an area that now has National Park status, lies about 220
miles to the north-east of Nairobi. The scenery is rugged - densely
packed with knotty thorn bushes, with just a narrow corridor of
greenery that follows the course of the Tana river.

And so Christian arrived at the camp, which Adamson's brother
had built from macuti - palm fronds - chicken-wire and mud.

The conservationist went off again and returned a couple of days
later with Boy, the lion from Born Free.

At that time, Boy was very fragile, as his shoulder had been
shattered in a nasty encounter with a buffalo. But he was the first
fully-grown lion that Christian had seen since leaving Ilfracombe
zoo as a cub.

The first meeting was explosive. Normal lion protocol dictates
that the younger male should be subservient to the dominant
male.

But Christian, more schooled in Sloane than feline etiquette,
sashayed fearlessly towards Boy.

Fortunately, Christian and Boy, though in adjacent compounds,
were separated by a wire fence. In fury at the perceived slight,
Boy flung himself against it - until Christian, suddenly realising
his faux pas, slunk away with his belly close to the ground.

This process was repeated over and over again until Adamson felt
confident enough to allow the pair to meet without the safety
barrier of the fence.

"First, Boy left his compound," recalls Rendall. "Then Christian
went out to meet him.

"Boy took one look - and he clobbered him. Christian didn't
fight back. He rolled over on his back. That went on for day after
day, until Boy was obviously satisfied that Christian knew who was
boss - and they became totally inseparable."

Adamson had also acquired a female lion cub, Katania, to add to
the pride, and she seemed to act as an intermediary between the two
males.

Each day, the three lions would go out for a walk in the bush,
Boy first, Katania in the middle, then Christian - with Adamson,
carrying a rifle in case he needed to scare anything off, at the
rear.

For Christian, there were some tricky moments, such as the time
he spied a rhino and tried to stalk it, only for the beast to hurl
him through the air in a cloud of dust.

"I saw Boy turn and look at Christian," says Rendall. "There was
a look on his face, as if to say: 'You absolute fool. What a howler
of a blunder.'"

Slowly, progress was made. The biggest threat to Christian and
Boy were the wild lions that stalked the reserve, which Boy was
fighting to establish as his territory.

Then, one day, there was a tragedy that caused the whole project
to be called into question. A chef called Stanley had left the
safety of the compound to look for wild honey. He hadn't realised
Boy was nearby, and when he saw him, he tried to flee.

Running away was the worst action he could have taken. Adamson,
hearing Stanley's screams, came running and shot Boy through the
heart - but it was too late. Stanley had been bitten through the
jugular and died an hour later.

The outcry that followed almost brought the lion project to a
halt, but Adamson found some support for his work among other
conservationists, dug in his heels and carried on.

John Rendall and Ace Berg continued to make sporadic visits to
Kenya, but mostly they followed Christian's adventures from
afar.

Finally, in 1974, George Adamson wrote to say that the pride was
self-sufficient. Christian was defending it. There was a litter of
cubs. They were feeding themselves and rarely returned to camp.

The King's Road lion had finally adapted to the wild.

This was a bittersweet moment for all concerned. Rendall and Ace
decided to travel to Kora one last time, in the hope of being able
to say goodbye, though Adamson warned them that it would almost
certainly be a wasted mission.

"Christian hasn't been here for nine months. We have no reason
to think he's dead - there have been no reports of lions poached or
killed. But he may never come back," he said.

Rendall recalls, "We said: 'OK. We appreciate that, but we'll
come anyway and see you.'"

They flew to Nairobi then took a small plane to the camp in
Kora, where Adamson came out to meet them.

"Christian arrived last night, " he said simply. "He's here with
his lionesses and his cubs. He's outside the camp on his favourite
rock. He's waiting for you."

Adamson and his wife Joy often talked about the mysterious,
apparently telepathic communication skills of lions - particularly
between lions and men.

Both believed that lions were possessed of a sixth sense and
George was convinced that a scientific explanation would one day be
found.

And here, it seemed, was the proof.

"Christian stared at us in a very intense way," says Rendall. "I
knew his expressions and I could see he was interested. We called
him and he stood up and started to walk towards us very slowly.

"Then, as if he had become convinced it was us, he ran towards
us, threw himself on to us, knocked us over, knocked George over
and hugged us, like he used to, with his paws on our shoulders.

"Everyone was crying. We were crying, George was crying, even
the lion was nearly crying."

"The lionesses were far from pleased. There was a lot of
growling and spitting," continues Rendall.

"'George said: 'This isn't safe - we'd better go.' So we each
put a hand on Christian's back and he walked with us back to
camp."

The reunion party went on all night and into the morning.
Leaving his exhausted companions to go to their beds, Christian
returned to his pride.

"We watched him go back to the two lionesses, who were not at
all happy with this man, smelling of nicotine, whisky and humans,"
says Rendall.

"He just walloped the two of them with his paw, then
collapsed."

And that was the last anyone ever saw of him.

For the next 14 years, George Adamson remained at Kora,
rehabilitating several other lions and ignoring warnings from the
authorities, who did not consider it safe for him to stay.

Then, in 1989, he was ambushed and murdered by bandits.

He died with a gun in his hand and, in accordance with his
wishes, was buried at Kora.

Following his death, his supporters formed the George Adamson
Wildlife Preservation Trust, which now does work in Kora as well as
in Tanzania, where it is reintroducing the endangered black rhino
and hunting dog.

The trust's chief aim is keep alive Adamson's dream of a place
where animals can roam free - a fitting epitaph not just for the
great conservationist but also for the lion who once lived in
Chelsea

hes just not THAT into you

2009-05-26T19:27:00.005+08:00

i learned a very valuable lesson in life today, after watching this movie that i just bought entitled HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

The movie is actually an atypical love story, telling evey girl, if the guy never calls back, or never messages, you dont have to think deep...

he didnt loose your number

the phone lines arent damaged

he is not busy with his work

hes
just
NOT THAT INTO YOU!

ahah! a very simple answer to many complicated questions to come.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

I have decided to apply this very wise principle in my life in no matter what i face. The point is, i want to stop figuring out what i do wrong, or where were my mistakes, and just stop caring too much about other people that i myself have a heartache,a headache, and just loads of aches.

Girls have this problem of always worrying too much. i wish it wasnt so. if some guy suddenly did not call me or message me, yes i would definitely think, and think, and think and think...why hasnt this guy called or messaged. and then, sometimes, like a total looser, giving up my egoistic hope, i would message, or call...and then, sometimes i would get a short message, or sometimes no reply at all...and i would then curl up in bed, with little drops of tears in my eyes. ahaa.! the exact words of a total imbecile! A character in the movie said, `i never worry if a guy does not call me back or messages me, because i know there sure are soo much more better guys out there than he ever will be`. Yupp, told like a true soldier, and a true soldier i shall be =)word of advice, he didnt loose your number, he didnt forget to call, he is not busy at all....HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!!

I am not trying to flatter myself when i say i used to care a lot about what other people feel. Im always apologizing for who i am, what i did or did not do, and just basically bringing myself down for the sake of making someone else happy or just when i wanted to fit in. But, after watching this movie, i felt my head cleared, feeling theres no point in going through all that, when you can easily just dont care anymore. For me, whats worse than hatred is when you just dont give a damn...

There was this one point in life, when i just switched schools, at that time, my english had not deteriorated to this terrible level yet.so When people heard me speaking, they thought i was a show off, snobbish english-speaking brat, but in reality, i was brought up to speak english at home, and the schools i had gone to were all english-medium based. it was just that I was more comfortable speaking in english more than in any other language. I was so sad at the time, i just wanted to fit in and be like other people who can easily have a conversation, laughing out loud. So i decided to do something about it, making my first mistake, which was apologizing for who i am.

I started adding lah-s in my conversation, and trying to speak broken english. Yeah, you may say it was a stupid decision, but at the time, if you were in my shoes, at that age, i guess you would do the same thing. Even once in uni, i used to enjoy going to the front to talk or questions, not because i wanted to boast, but because i thought i was just being friendly. or so i thought. never could i be so wrong, a friend confided in me that she said everytime i went to the front, she thinks that it was because i wanted to show off. sad right~ since that day, i started to pull myself from doing such things in public, and i lowered myself to a level so ghastly, just so that other people would accept me.

Another mistake i made, was when i apologized for something which i know is not my fault, and i try to make other people happy by acting like a fool, always apologizing, and condescending myself. I say im not good in this, im not good in that, im not as pretty enough, not everything, just to keep other people happy. But what does that make me~ it has really hurt me along the way, imagine, having to tell oneself that im not good enough. I kept critiscizing myself in hopes that people would finally smile again. is it worth it i ask~

The statement do not unto others what others unto you does mean well. Nothing good comes out of revenge. SO, revenge is never a good thing. This principle that i am applying now is dont seek revenge, dont seek hatred, just DO NOT CARE anymore. THat is. its simple right. in other words, just relax lah~ go with the flow, and dont think too much.

**Sometimes it works, sometimes its hard not to think about a problem that we face. But whatever happens, happens for a reason, and it just, you know, happens. The course of our life is not decided by what we worry on, but on what we decided to do.

**If i had a problem, i would donate hours of my life trying to figure out what i did wrong in hopes of finding a solution. But as of today, i know that everything has a solution....but not everything must be solved.

**i was surfing the net just now and got this of someones blog, and yeah,its so true!

** its a bit too big to put on mine, but it says

THERES A POINT IN LIFE WHEN YOU GET TIRED OF CHASING EVERYONE AND TRYING TO FIX EVERYTHING.
BUT ITS NOT GIVING UP
ITS REALIZING YOU DONT NEED CERTAIN PEOPLE AND THEIR CRAP~

monologue

2009-05-25T00:44:00.001+08:00

Nadya :

I think being in the scientific field, or specifically medicine has somewhat blunted my brain on my literature side.

Besides a slow pace with my studies, i have been totally wrecking my brains to write something on my blog, for all that its worth, i do long to write something worth helping me in my time of usual turmoil at the end of the semesters.

Blog :

Well, have you found anything interesting to write about, i have been waiting for nearly a week and you have missed your deadline

Nadya :

Well, i am kind of busy with my studies now, blog!

Blog :

yehh yehh... you always give excuses, i do see you clicking the laptop every half hour, and just staring into space. stop with the excuses, and admit your just some lazy bum

Nadya :

Whatever blog~
Hey, speaking of space, i was thinking of changing your name

Blog :

Oh yeah~ to what

Nadya :

Well, i was thinking to change your layout too, its kind of boring isnt it.
ANd your name, maybe we should change it to something like the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, or something more bombastic than that

Blog :

Are you sure this is a good idea

Nadya :

I dont know, but its worth a try, maybe with that i would find more stuff to write about.

Blog :

i will be the judge of that, say, why do you always like to give me a face lift everytime its near your exams

Nadya :

Sory, i think the internet connection is bad tonight, alright, catch you later blog,~
toodles!

ps, if i were to change your name, then i would call you the hitchhiker...but it does sound pretty weird doesnt it~)

2009-05-20T03:13:00.001+08:00

in memory of a pair of lion king shoes~

2009-05-17T20:22:00.007+08:00

i believe every shoe has a story.....

and

i believe every story has a shoe.......

When i was small, i was an avid fan of the lion king MOVIE. when we were in the states, dad took us to the cinema every weekend to watch the cartoon over and over again. it costs us a dollar each, and every time we went, we would get free posters. i loved the movie, mom would cry all the time during the sad parts, kakak would look with her mouth open and abang would whine about us not watching star wars. but dad took us anyway...i dont know if it was because it only costs us a dollar, or was it because i loved the movie...i believe it was the latter though~

since we were living in the states, a young malaysian family, just starting to blossom in the world, we had to cut on costs here and there. i think if i went back to who i was during my sweet childhood days, i would probably gawk at the amount of shoes i have now. it was different then, but life was and still is a golden moment during our childhood arent they. i remember my very first pair of american shoes(which was probably made in china)( because there was this one time, my father bought a walkman for kakaks birthday, and when we flipped the sides, it wrote MADE IN MALAYSIA...haha)

i treasured the shoes so much, it was a pair of sneakers, white with flashing lights if you stepped on it. i felt it was the most exquisite thing my eyes ever saw..but most important of all, it had a picture of Nala, a character in lion king. I felt special everytime i wore it. i used to tell my american friends,` see, i have a pair of magical shoes, everytime i wear it, i become as fast and strong as the lions in lion king!`. i dont know if they believed it, of if they just smirked behind my back, but i did not care. i was in my ultimatum, i was with my lion king shoes....

we lived in the states for nearly 2 years, winter, summer, autumn and spring, i never once went out of the house without my lion king shoes. every summer, there would be a marathon, and every marathon, i would wear those shoes. one summer, mom told me that i had to get rid of the shoe, just a few days before the marathon, she would buy me a new pair, she said. and i cried.....what would happen to me, my power would be taken away from me! no! i cant run anymore! mom tried to coax me, saying that the power to run comes from within, and not from the shoes...i did not believe her, and i pleaded to run for the last time in my lion king shoes~ and i did~...

I ran, and i ran as fast i can, a small scrawny malaysian girl amongst big sized giants. But with my lion king shoes, i could do anything. i believed in them! i would win! and In the end, i did win the marathon. an achievement that i still keep in my mind until today. if you believe in yourself, you really can do it, no matter how tough it looks!

a few months later, it was time to go back to malaysia, sadly, i had to leave those shoes behind, by that time, mom had bought me a pair of black shoes with (could you believe it, barbie doll on the sides!). But who was i to complain, i did not complain when i was small, unlike now, now im just a whiney complaining spoilt brat with abundance of love but not knowing how to appreciate it~ As i did not complain, i wore those shoes everywhere i went too, mom never bought us flip flops or sandals. The first time i wore sandals was when i was in form 2, and i practically tripped over my own feet! I wore my barbie doll shoes until one day, when i took them of in the car during a long drive somewhere, suddenly everyone rolled down the window, and started screaming at me to put my shoes back on! loe behold! all this time, i had stinky feet for never opening my athletic shoes!haha--lol!

i think those shoes kind of decided my the type of childhood that was to come.Would you believe if i said i was a very boyish girl. i think dad wanted a boy instead of a girl. He brought us up to be tough, manly girls! aha! atleast he tried to. and it did work out when i was small. i was not allowed to wear any jewelry or read any gurly magazines. instead, we would spend our afternoons riding our horses, flying kites, or having imaginary adventures in rivers wide. I remember an incident when dad told me to close my eyes, and open my hands, he had a present to give me. Grinning wide, i held out my hand and he curled my fingers around something soft and warm. what was it!!what was it!!!excited i was!! i quickly opened my eyes ,and guess what it was! it was............HORSE DUNG!owh dad! how could you, i thought at that time, and i cried the whole afternoon to my mom who scolded dad for playing such a trick on me. but dad laughed his hat off, and those were the days....we lived like cow boys, free of any troubles, only remembering the memories that some children are not so lucky to have.

I just watched laskar pelangi last night, an indonesian movie based on a famous novel. Seeing those kids, i felt how difficult life was for them, for an education, for fending themselves, or even for a pair of shoes. THe kids ran around bare footed or with rubber sandals bought at some china mans shop. It made me rethink of the values that mom and dad had instilled in us since we were small, but along the way i had somehow lost them. Dad is a very simple and humble man, bringing us up just the way he is, caring for others. WE did for some time, way back when we were still with our families. But the malicious world told us not to become humble, and here i am, a product of mankind, lost is my humbleness, and i regret loosing that.

There has been many pair of sneakers along the way, but i would always remember my lion king shoes. as a child, i believed it had magical powers, giving me wings to fly, strength to jump, and speed to run like a lion! They taught me how to win, how to loose, how to accept everything, how to be humble, how to love the world around you, and most importantly how to believe in myself...it dared me to DREAM!

I dedicate this entry to my lion king shoes..
representing who i was..
presenting who i still thrive to be..
i will..
be...
a pair of lion king shoes....

Growing up, those pair of sneakers were the greatest gift my parents ever gave me,they gave me the gift of a childhood......

** Alhamdulillah, my childhood was full of love and happiness. mom and dad, you have succeded in giving only happiness to mine..i cant ever repay the happiness of my childhood, but i would try to bring happiness to your lives ahead. hopefully~

heyya!

2009-05-17T10:11:00.004+08:00

hello hello

i miss you dear technology!

i have been living for a hermit for weeks, when i suddenly found out that if you ordered your internet, and havent paid yet, you would still have to pay the same amount next month...i was dumbfounded! but unfortunately when i told everyone that i just knew about it, they were like, d-uhh~huhu

anyway, something interesting happened on my jog today. its been awhile since i went jogging, my knees really hurt...sighh....but anyway, we went out at 7.30 in the morning and started our usual weekend jog. today was not tiring, but my knees felt like someone put pins in them. im going to see a specialist after exams, i hope theres nothing bad =(

after the jog, we walked the stuffy roads of the sunday market. and woahhh!!i found my one true love! this animal here! it was for sale, can you believe it! its soooo cute!!!seriously!!!at first, me and `I` hesitated to touch it, but once i held out my hand, it curled to my fingers like a baby! omg!im so in love with it!! im going to call it mammoth-mammoth!!haha! i did not bring any money, and the man said that the starting price was 150k, woooo..drool....i want it..i want it...i think i want it more than i want a cat...the one i held was a bit older, but there was a baby which someone had already bought. when `I` held it, it started making clucking noises.aaaaa~want want~~~

this animal is called a slow loris. if i dont know the name, i always google the big eyed animal that always comes out in national geographic...and out pops the picture of this animal. i think it is endangered, but here, no one cares. i do care, but then again...its soo cute...may i~~~pleeease~~~~

read this~...(but i want)huhu

Today, from the AFP (Agence France-Presse)

Aboriginal Bom tribesmen have found a “critically endangered” ash-white and owl-eyed monkey in the southeastern Bangladesh hills.

The monkey, known locally as “Lajjaboti Banor”, weighs about five kilograms (11 pounds) and was found at a forest in the Banderban hill district, the official BSS news agency said Monday, quoting zoology officials.

It had not been for years, officials said, without being able to pinpoint when the animal was last sighted.

The monkey’s dominant features are big eyes and long black stripes on its back. It is very shy and hides its face on seeing humans.

One problem with the story. This is not a monkey.

the worm, the surau and a pair of 100 dollar shoes~

2009-05-13T13:27:00.002+08:00

since i dont have internet at home, and i have steadfastly decided not to get it this month, i have wholeheartedly set my foot in the begging territory. far from the comfort of my room and comfy keyboard, i am now typing in the computer lab, during break. sheesh~

anyway, its 12.30 in the afternoon now. i just finished praying and i did not finish my learning issue. actually i did, but i did not put it on paper. lab was very boring today, i did what i usually do in lab, sit down, stare at the empty tables or go and talk to some random victim of my boredom. my stomach was grumbling, and i looked down in my lab coat, there was only 15k in it. and thats the only amount i have to last me until my next scholarship money comes in. bummer. obviously it wont last, see, i told you i would have to resort to begging!

the food in our canteen is such a mouthsore, not much choice and very expensive. i would have to cut down on what i wanted to buy. i did not want to buy in the first place, but with my ever severe gastritis, no matter how little money i had, i still had to eat. i think the makcik at the canteen gave me yesterdays fried food, it tasted awful, i nibbled a bit, sighing at the loss of my money on such awful tasting food. after finishing, i went to the surau next to the canteen to pray.

lo behold!!it was a worm fiesta!! there were worms in the shoes, worms on the shoe rack, worms on the prayer mat, worms on the roof and falling down , and then...there was me screaming! i dont like worms, i had a very traumatized childhood with worms....eeeewww!!give me a snake any day, i can handle, (yerright), but not worms! they are so scrawny, small and move so seductively slow and wobbly that you can never fall in love with a worm....whatmore with this worm conference being held in front of the surau. and inside, mind you. i tiptoed into the surau, bringing my shoes with me, and people were gawking, not at the rooms, but the fact that i brought my shoes into the surau.

it was like i did not respect the house of God~

I had a very strong affinity towards worms, and i seriously couldnt stand them. its no joke, put a worm on me anyday, and ill probably faint twice. yeahh,it sounds pretty much like any other girlish girl would be afraid of, but i shamefully say, that side of me is definitely girly!

ANyway, back to the story...so i brought my shoes in, and many mouths were tsk tsking at me for bringng my shoes in. there were a few worms around me on the floor, and some said that God wanted to punish me for bringng my shoes in that he surrounded me witht these worms. i did not mean any disrespect, and i know my boundaries of bringing shoes in, but rest assured, i only put less than a milimeter of my heels on the floor. i dont think it even caused a freckle on the floor.

hehe...
i thought the whole incident was funny though
there were worms
there was me screaming
and then there were the shoes~~ and suddenly, no one was thinking about the worms anymore, it was all about the shoeeess~ haha....

i have to go now, in search of harvard hottie, must be in the canteen now...hohoho~...just kidding, i have to go there to give my friend her labcoat...anyway...toodles,.....sorry my blog does not have anything of interest now...blame it on the internet....wwuwuwuwuwu

the kite runner

2009-05-12T10:37:00.002+08:00

(saya curi2 guna kawan saya punya internet pagi ni..hehe...*blush2*, kalau xdpt online,saya tengah online la tu)hehe

I had finished reading this book a long time ago, during my last visit back home. mom and kakak were really steadfast on telling me this is a good book. but it is definitely. almost surreal. its a pretty famous book, most of my friends who take a cup of coffee with a good book have heard of it. i havent. what does that mean~

anyway, i really enjoyed this book, im too lazy to make a summary out of it today. but do read it~

Khaled Hosseini's quietly powerful debut novel The Kite Runner fulfills the promise of fiction, awakening curiosity about the world around us, speaking truth as the lessons of history echo down the years. The themes are universal: familial relationships, particularly father and son; the price of disloyalty; the inhumanity of a rigid class system; and the horrific realities of war.

In Afghanistan, young Amir's earliest memories of life in Kabul are blessed with a cultural heritage that values tradition, blood ties and a deeply rooted cultural identity. Upper class Pashtuns, Amir enjoys the luxury of education, material comfort and a constant playmate, the son of his father's longtime Hazara servant, Hassan.

Twice in his lifetime Amir is morally tested in his relationship with Hassan. The first time, a victim of his own arrogance, Amir fails his companion. Hiding behind the superiority of class, Amir chooses the path of least resistance, but the scar of betrayal cuts through his soul and never heals. That first failure dictates Amir's inner dialogue throughout his life, even in America, until he is offered another chance at personal redemption. Returned to his homeland at the request of an old family friend, the second challenge is equally perilous, and Amir recognizes the very real implications of his decision. This internal struggle is the underlying theme of the novel, which spans Afghani history from the peaceful 70's to the repressive rule of the Taliban in the late '90s.

Played out on the world stage, a desperate battle to preserve the cultural heritage of Afghanistan spans Amir's life in Kabul and America. While Amir and his father reside safely in America, their homeland is decimated by constant warfare -- streets lined with beggars, fatherless children whose future is marginalized by poverty: "There are a lot of children in Afghanistan, but little childhood." The sweet simplicity of youthful winters spent "kite running" with Hassan seem light years away, illuminated by the boys' unfettered innocence.

Against this stark landscape, the adult Amir is challenged as never before, charged with the protection of a young life already scarred by the random violence visited upon the disenfranchised. With inordinate compassion and stunning simplicity, Hosseini portrays Amir's impossible dilemma. Complications abound, but the answer lies in humanity's capacity for kindness. The grace of acceptance heals the wounds of brutality, for with forgiveness anything is possible, even the wild joy of soaring kites against a winter sky.

the worse i will overcome, the best is yet to come!

2009-05-12T03:56:00.003+08:00

i seriously need my own internet

i am now in total gratitude to someone for borrowing this instrument of total release from boredom when hes out or asleep

i need internet

i need internet

i need money to pay the internet

i finished it on a stupid dress

im bored

i dont want to sleep, subuh is just an hour and a half away

i dont have anything to write about

actually i do

but i dont feel like writing it yet

im reading a book

been reading it for some time

i miss my ----

i really do! =)

i have to study

its raining outside

my eyes are fluttering

i want to sleep

must not

must not

must ZZZzzzzzZZ~~~

standing tall in high heels~

2009-05-12T02:30:00.003+08:00

Occasionally, no, most of the time, i wear high heels,whether it is to class or out for shopping, or just on a casual day somewhere. my feet ache, my leg muscles do scream in agony, but i walk the talk, standing high in my high heels. why go through so much suffering, you may ask~~~well, blame it on society and the type of people it has brought up to be.

SO, im this ordinary girl who suddenly stopped shorty, literally, of growing up at a young age. Standing only a few centimetres over 5 feet, i am definitely no towering personality. I do realize that im short,no, im vertically challenged and i have begun to embrace it, sometimes, but that doesnt mean that embracing who we are gives other people the ability to look down upon your imperfections.

I always seem to chance upon people who love to rub the imperfections that i have in my face. for example, they would go like `oh my god, do you realize how short you are`, or `how does it feel to be so short`, or maybe something less hurtful like `YOU ARE SHORT`..well, i never! *puff* I just dont understand where did the politeness in our community go. dont people have feelings no more, or is it just i that have too much to feel. People who are lucky enough to be born with something of additional quality like height, less weight, or less melanin in their skin, sometimes unknowingly or knowingly look down upon people who did not have such luck.

If i notice something that is imperfect about someone, i really really try my best to refrain from saying anything about it. (if i did, please take note that it was never, never intentional), or if it was, it was only to people who i was really mad at because they dont have the courtesy to refrain their mouth on gawking at someones unchosen imperfections. seriously, i dont understand, never will and hope i never understand people like that. but then again, who am i to judge others~

woahh, this sounds like an emo entry....but its not at all...its just something i was thinking about a long time ago.~

ANyway, in the bigger picture, i dont care what people say about me, although i do take it to heart sometimes. But as i said, to embrace your imperfections, is a route to being perfect. If people say it as a joke, i dont mind it much, im all grownup now, hey, thats nothing man. But if they rub it in my face, god, i wish i could just freaking let them have a taste of how it feels like to be in my shoes!

Im short, and i cant do anything about it
But atleast im female, and thank god someone invented heels.
If i was tall, i would never want to wear high heels and just wear loafers everywhere i go
Too bad im short, but hey, im still standing tall!! =)

misery is a second black dress

2009-05-11T00:13:00.004+08:00

owh wow!

so sorry blog for the late entry....

it took me nearly a week not to pay my internet, i still havent paid yet, and am borrowing someones internet in the meantime.

it took me nearly half an hour to sign in to my blog, because the internet is slow, and im watching a movie while typing, so this post might be rubbish-ish.

i still dont have internet, so i wont be blogging for awhile..sigh..my life is a bore..

ps- lots of grammatical and spelling errors because im typing in the dark~
_______________________________________________________________________________________

I was out with some friends the other day, we went to bandung straight after class on some `important` matters. We searched quickly, and after only and hour or two, the important matters were finished in a jiffy. I was so proud, no, extremely proud that i only spent 20k on some `important` matters. Strutting around the shopping mall, proud of my achievement, i chanced to glance at this shop, one of my favourite shops to buy clothes, a bit pricey, but i love the colours. no,i must not go in, no no no ....at last..i went in~argh...i have the weakest faith..i am A SHOPAHOLIC...*sheepish smile*

i walked in, my friends had headed to mcd, i was all alone in a world that i couldnt keep away from, and obviously had no strength to turn away from. i swirled in the beautiful colours of clothes, clothes, clothes galore!owh, im in heaven!!haha~and suddenly, there it was, on a mannequin, a dress, i felt it, IT WAS CALLING FOR ME, I BELONG TO YOU, YOU BELONG TO ME, WE BELONG WITH EACH OTHER..i liked 2 dresses in the shop.oh my god! i dont know why! i tried it on in the dressing room, it looked really well, and owh, i just had to buy them. i couldnt decide. i couldnt ask anyone for opinions, which to buy, which!!!...and i bought 2 black dresses that looked nearly the same............

9.30 pm -- walked out of shop with triumphant smile, bought something

9.35 pm -- smile falters

9.45 pm -- realize bought nearly same looking dress

9.50 pm -- realize it was too pricey for a simple dress

10.00 pm -- went home

10.30 pm -- felt like shooting myself~~haha

decisions...haihh, why do we have to make decisions, and sometimes make stupid ones like just now..i just dont understand~

_____________________________________________________________________________________

being an adult means growing up, having big responsibilities and the worst thing is that we have to make decisions. one thing about me is that im a really bad decision-maker, i think slowly, take an extremely long time to decide, and when i do decide, i always feel that i made the wrong decision in the first place, and then regret it.

how do i change that...its so hard, there are always so many decisions to make. i specifically hate it when im driving, and you have to decide which way to go in like split seconds, and you cant think too long because the cars at the back would start cursing you, and then when you do decide and take the road.....you find out that it was the wrong one. that sucks major time~ and it always happens to me. its like just when my heart tells me to take a road, if i dont follow it, my brain would analyze something, and choose the other way. and it would be the wrong one~

so what are we supposed to do about that. people always tell me dont follow your heart, think first, follow what your head has thoroughly thought over. some say, the instincts in your heart is the most powerful tool in mankind and therefore should be trusted in making decisions. even deciding which opinion about decisions is hard to decide, what more deciding to decide!

My mom is a very good decision maker, unlike me sadly. she always seems to know things and can somehow magically predict the outcome. no wonder she teaches critical thinking in university, what a wonder woman my mom is~( oh dear, its mothers day today, and i should have posted something about moms, haihh, later2, i will once i get my hands on my own internet) . my brother is more like mom, he thinks quitely, weighing the pros and cons in the cony head of his, and wisely makes a decision. me and my sister seem to share one thing in common, frantically, panically jump into a conclusion and think that is the right thing to do, and at the next moment falter with that decision.

Alright, enough blabbering~ (another trashy post by me)

BAck to the black dresses,and the connection between the black dress and this post. I liked one better than the other, and regret buying the other one so much that i felt like returning it, but i was totally lazy to drive back to bandung the next day. so i spent the whole night fretting to myself in sefless regret. it really felt like the end of the universe..haha~ at the end of the day, i gave up, there was no way i would drive all the way just to change it, and just had to live with my decision of owning two black dresses that looked nearly the same~

Suddenly, this bright sunday afternoon, a friend asked me out for something that we both had to do and said he would drive. it was like a miracle!the best part was, the place we had to go was near the mall....and i eventually could change the dress to a nicer one, and i dont regret buying a 2nd dress~

So, heres the moral of the story~~~~hehe

We are grownups

We are always expected to make decisions

We can make decisions

THey can be right

But they can be wrong most of the time

We can make decisions, and we may regret them

We make mistakes

But we are only human, u and i~

I learnt that i do try to decide, and i have improved in trying to make decisions. But it is a learning process that comes with the package of growing up. Sometimes, using my instinct, i do make the right decisions, and sometimes by thinking, i make the wrong ones. But making a wrong decision just makes us bloom into making us better human beings. i always learn by my mistakes, (which are a lot of mistakes), and i try not to do it again. but the most important thing, is no matter how bad the decision we made is, just never give up, there will always be a perfect solution around the corner.~

I will always remember the black dress that i bought.

It reminds me of the word decision

So if you ever buy a second black dress, you can regret for awhile, but keep in mind that you can still do something about it =)

cheers!

i dont want to say goodbye =(

2009-05-05T18:55:00.002+08:00

Im doing my past year questions VERY very slowly, i have a deadline, but i cant seem to be focusing on what im doing. Maybe a little bit of blogging should help (not)~

Actually feling a bit sad now, because i just finished my goodbye letters to my 2 best friends since zaman hingusan in kutpm....sedihnya, feel like crying, dah cry pun....i did not have time to see them much the last days before they go back. so tonight we are going out, maybe for the last time in our lives, i dont know.... sedihnya...sedihnya......menangis x henti ni~~~~rindunya kat deorang.....sedihhhhhhhhhhh

i wish we had more time to spend, argh....sedih....i cant write anything coz tengah menangis sambil tulis....wuwuwuwuwuw.......

i remember the first time i met them in kutpm, i went into the same house with them, and there was such a chemistry that we got along quickly. kenangan pahit, manis, jahat, baik, we had gone through together. not many here know im EXTREMELY CLOSE to them and i love these 2 girls so much..they have always been there for me no matter what. when i had problems, i would run to their place just to talk to them and stay the night there....now, i dont have any place to go....i will miss them so much...

i dont know what rubbish im writing now, i know im just crying like mad~~~ wuwuwuwuwuwuwuuwwu

how can friends be so valuable to you, i dont know...but they are to me.... it feels bad that i have to cry for them, when i really should be happy because they finally finished here, tapi xboleh....nak menangis jugak......xnak deorng balik.....nanti rindu sorang2.... =( =(

cant wait to see them tonight, but the minute i see them, it means that i have to say goodbye.....xsanggup nak jumpa.....nanti menangis lagi teruk....=( ......dahla tengah dengar lagu nasyid time ni, haihh, lagi la nak menangis....eeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......

i need inspiration, not broken promises

2009-05-05T16:22:00.001+08:00

today, yesterday, and a few days before has been very monotonous. life has been the same as always, class begins either around 7 or 9, i wake up 15 minutes before, rushing, and go to class. on hot days, i take the car, but now, they tragically are doing roadworks at the university entrance. So, it takes me nearly 15-20 minutes to get to class, when normally i can reach in 5 minutes.

Car is very dirty. keep reminding myself to get it washed. but the jam in jatinangor is so bad that i dont have the mood to send it for washing, i want to wash myself but i dont have time. Have lots of work to do, and i keep putting things off. Thats a really bad habit of mine. Its either i put things off(is it off or of,i always get confused), or i dont put my heart into everything i do unless i really want it.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Hmm, since i have lack of inspiration today, i just would like to make a few notes.

1. to my tutorial mates,

im sorry my work hasnt been good this semester, i know i did not try hard and i did not do my learning issues well. i am ashamed of that fact because i used to pride myself that i would put my everything in my presentation so that other people understand. but this semester, i dont know why, maybe its because of the lack of inspiration ...or its just plain laziness. I dont know which, but i have to stop this. i can totally see the clueless stares my dear tutorial mates give me, and i feel the terrible pang of guilt. i would just like to say im sorry, ill try better next time.

~~~

haihh, the lack of inspiration is so bad that i dont even have any idea what to write to my tutorial mates. Im doing past year questions now, and i was supposed to finish it by today, but im still doing it. (haihh, nak buat past year questions pun tengah tiada semangat)...

did someone take away my passion, my inspiration~

thanks for the memories

2009-05-04T00:43:00.001+08:00

Hey there friend, do you still remember me
Do you still think of me, of how we used to be
Or think of how we could have been
In the future, in the past, after all we had seen…

Hye friend,
I still remember you, I miss you, and all the time I remember
I still think of you, and I wished that our hearts had melted together
If only fate had other plans, things could have differ
But it was not meant to be, and not you, but I was to suffer…

Hey friend,
Did you find me, did I find you, or did we find each other
Who joked first, who smiled first, and filled my life with laughter
Did you bring me this far, just to let me go down a path alone
Did you mean the things you said, before you became as hard as stone…

No friend,
Maybe we shouldn’t have met in the first place
Me and you, what we had, is now nothing but waste
All this time, I was the one who valued our friendship more than anything,
How was I to know, you are everything, and me to you means nothing…

Stop friend,
I am tired of wishing for things to change, you don’t even know you are hurting me
How can you live your life with all those lies, and you don’t even feel guilty
You dragged me this far, leaving me at a junction, don’t know where to go
Even though I wish it was different, I know the answer would always be no…

Ok friend,
You have made your decision, and I have made mine
We would look back, you can smile, but know that I can only afford a cry
Its hard to change, you know, I know, that love is blind,
But I cant force anything, except just force myself to say goodbye…

Dear friend,
Maybe next time you should appreciate what you have or had
I just want you to know, you made my life, one too sad
Maybe you didn’t mean to do the things you do, I understand and I forgive
Alright dear friend, I have to move on, ive decided, im going to live…

Goodbye friend,
Don’t forget me, and I wont forget you
The things in the past, I still wish it were true
I hope what we once dreamed of would become realities,
In the meantime, dear friend, thanks for the memories…

*** i should be studying right now, but my stomach ache hasnt gone away, so i cant focus (alasannn)and felt like writing a poem

*** heres a poem, to no one in particular, maybe fact or fiction, believe what you want to believe

*** hahaha~~ i think its extremely jiwang, all my poems are sadistically so~

ashamed no more~

2009-05-03T16:48:00.006+08:00

Have a very bad stomach ache today because of you-know-what and also that-you-know what and i had a very late breakfast and a late lunch. So i lulled myself to sleep the whole day to stop the pain until it was 2.30 in the afternoon. Waking up, the pain hasnt gone, but it has lessened, and it still is here~ouch! But, i cant let down my faithful blog today, i promised to write to you didnt i. I have decided that i dont want to let down any promises, and must do as i say i want to do..wish me luck on that~

I cant think well today, so my entry might be full of blabbers and unfortunate thoughts.

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I have a confession to make. I am sometimes ashamed of what i write in my blog =( I mean, i dont know why, but most of my entries seem to be about God, religion and all that. And then, when people see the real me, they would go like, huh, why is she writing on all those things when she herself isnt anything like what she portrays to be. I write on my blog things that i face everyday, mistakes i make, lessons that i learn and all that i feel like writing about. Sometimes i cant help it if i suddenly want to write about religion and all, but it is just what i felt like writing on. And i did feel so ashamed of it~~

But then,i went for the comparative religion seminar on friday and saturday. Hearing what the speaker had to say, the feeling of shame has somewhat disappeared, although not totally, but it has literally gone down the drain. SOmething he said made me feel ashamed that i had felt ashamed in the first place. In a nutshell, the whole event was a real mind opener, and i should go to more things like that to remind me again and again~and again *_* Heres a summary of the things i remembered and that i took note of~

PATUNG, SAYA DAH TAHU AWAK BUKAN TUHAN

Most were pretty familiar with the speakers that day, Brother Shah Kirit and also his little brother who are both converts and has been Muslims for nearly 13 years. They grew up in a Hindu family, praying to the Hindu Gods and had no notion whatsoever of what was to change their lives forever. They gave a brief introduction on how they converted into Islam, the challenges they faced and the little signs God gave that eventually evolved into their lives. As a little boy, Bro Shah knew that the truth was out there, but he just did not know where to find it. He jokingly said that when he was small,he would pray,Tuhan, saya tak tahu awak wujud ke tak, kalau awak wujud, jagalah saya, tapi kalau awak tak wujud, saya xda apa2 nak crita.

While i was hearing his speech, it did wrench my heart at the words that he said. A funny man at times, but beneath all that joke, was a serious message that he wanted to convey. He said, while he was growing up, he was surrounded by a lot of Malay friends, Muslim friends, but not one, told him about the beauty of Islam. Not one really had the courage, or the patience to da`wa to him. Have the Muslims no pity on the people who do not know the truth, do they not care if others went unto hellfire because they died as kafirs when no one actually guided them to the right path. If he had died as a non-believer, he would curse all the people who did not try to help him, and bring them with him to hell. The room fell silent as he poured out these words, the laughter before had faded, and all looked down, a feeling of guilt in our hearts. IT is true what he said, and all of us knew it.

kenapa Islam disorokkon dari masyarakat...

At that point, i looked down at my hands, not wanting to look up because i felt the guiltiest of all. I am a Muslim, but i dont act like one, and i certainly did not take upon me the responsibility of helping others to understand about Islam. That was when i realized, i could change that, and i could do something about this... i would not stop blogging about my religion, even though with what little knowledge i had, i must be proud of what i do, i must go on, i can write,so Nadya Amin Shaharudin...write wisely~~

Nowadays, people are afraid of the very word ISLAM, MOSLEMS, ALLAH, QURAN. The very perceptive of Islam has changed, whether in our hearts, in the way we live, in the way other people see Islam, which is the most misunderstood religion in the world. When Bro Shah first wanted to know about Islam, he was afraid, because people told him that he cant do this, he cant do that, there were so many things he couldnt do that he definitely doubted the very truth of Islam. It was not until later when he met someone, who firstly told him about the beauty of Islam, the stories of the prophets and the very truth and revelations in the Quran that he became to love Islam. The moment that changed him forever was when he first read surah al-ikhlas, one of the shortest verses in the Quran, but with a very powerful meaning. For us moslems, the verse is so powerful that even with 3 recitations, it is equal to reading the whole Quran. Listening to the story of Bro Shah, now i know the reason why.

"He (Abud Darda) reported God's messenger as saying, "Is any of you capable of reciting a third of the Qur'an in a night?" On being asked how they could recite a third of the Qur'an he replied, " 'Say, He is God, One' is equivalent to a third of the Qur'an." Muslim transmitted it, and Bukhari transmitted it from Abu Sa'id."

Bismillah Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem
Qul Huw-Allahu Ahad
Allah-us-Samad
Lam yalid wl lam yulad
Wa lam yakul lahu kufuwan ahad

In the name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.
Say: He is Allah, the One!
Allah, the eternally Besought of all!
He begetteth not nor was begotten.
And there is none comparable unto Him.

DA`WA, WIN THE HEAD AND WIN THE HEART

To spread your religion is not an easy task, everyone knows that. But to show the beauty of your religion, is one that must be undertaken. During his speech, he said that whenever someone asks you about your religion, never argue about the truth. Take time to listen, to think, and to answer with proof. I wish i could be more like him, the very fundamentals of Islam at his fingertips, and how long has he been as Muslim...13 years....how long have i been a Muslim~~21 years

During his early years before he finally converted, his parents, now both still Hindu, had at many times threatened to kill themselves. IT made his decision harder, but he steadfastly put his heart and soul on his decision. In the end, his love to God would have the perfect solution. 13 years has passed and his parents had finally accepted his and his brothers decision little by little. It was definitely not easy, and they faced too many challenges by taking that step, but they pushed on and never looked back. What strong people they are, truly one that we must take as an example in our weak lives.

** As a very naive person in my religion, i nonchalantly pushed aside my duty to spread Islam. How little confidence i have about answering questions when people ask me about Islam, now that is something i should be ashamed of. I have decided, now, no more. Outwardly, i may still be like someone who doesnt know much, but inwardly, i will try harder!

** It takes time to change, but change is needed.

** So the next time someone wonders why someone like me wants to write about religion in her blog, i wont be ashamed of it, because in my heart i know, at least i am doing my responsibility, no matter how small it is~~

What a prayer is worth (2)

2009-05-02T00:25:00.004+08:00

** if you have not read part 1, i would advise you to close your eyes and read the entry below before reading this..no peeking =)

Hye there, im back from the comparative religion seminar. It was just as good as i thought it would be, no, it was way better. Theres so many things that i found interesting that i would like to share, but maybe i would do it in another entry. InsyaAllah.

Anyway, theres this other story i would like to share, also based on my experience. YOu must be bored reading about my experiences, but as of now, i have very little knowledge, my life so far has been based on experience. When i was the pizza-faced teenager at age 13, i was (notice the usage of the word was) a semi- bright student. I dont know why, but suddenly, at that particular year, my brain grew a bit bigger, and i became a smarty-pants.I knew i did not have to study much, and for sure i would get a perfect score in my exams and gain the most wanted 1st placing in class, and among the top 10 in the whole batch. Theres only 2 explanations for that, it was either i was a genius, or i was a geek. I think i was a geek. haha...

Well as the story goes, i would always get number 1 in class for every exam, and i loved the attention (who doesnt). There was this chinese boy in my class who was also a mr smarty-pants who would always try to beat me for the top spot (because chinese people are supposed to be smarter than malays, that is the common acknowledgement). So we were friends, but, there i was, a big competition to him. It was the end of the year, and in high school, the end of the year exams were major. Maybe i was too proud of my achievement so far, that i did not study much and when the results came out, i was number 4 in class, and the chinese boy got 1st. I never felt so humiliated in my life, i felt the whole world was over. And to make things even worse, i had to go through the whole day looking at that chinese boy with a super big smile on his face, he had finally beaten this malay girl.

I went home crying, it was the end of the world~ I did not dare tell my dear mother that i did not get number 1 this time, so who did i consult, i decided to talk to God. At that time, i performed the solat hajat. With tears streaming down my face, i prayed~

Dear Allah, if you are hearing this prayer, please know that i am so sorry that i might have been too proud of myself all this while. I promise i will not be proud of anything anymore, everything that i achieved so far is from you.
Dear Allah, i know its too late to change anything now, but i really really really wish that you could spare some time to fulfill my prayer. Just this one prayer~ Did you know i got number 4 this year, i am so ashamed, dear Allah, i know its too late, but......~

The next day at school, the teacher called me and the chinese boy into her office. Guess what, the teacher had mistakenly changed our marks, and i was supposed to be number 1, and the boy number 4. I say, that was one of the biggest miracles i had ever experienced in my life although it was for something small, but hey, it mattered a lot to me at the time *_*

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If anyone asks me, what a prayer is worth, theres only one thing i would answer. To me, a prayer is worth more than anything in the world and because of prayers, i now believe in miracles. I know that my experiences have nothing to do with life and death or anything, it is just something small that i had gone through along the way, but has left a big mark until now.

A prayer is one of the main things in Islam, and believe it or not, it is one of the easiest thing to do. Just spending 10 minutes to think about God, is it so hard to spare. When God had taken care of creating us imperfectly perfect human beings, the least we can do is thank him.

I used to limit what i wish to ask from Allah in my prayers, until i found out, Allah does not limit how much we want to wish. He is not a genie who gives only 3 wishes. We can wish as many as we want, ask Him for help and forgiveness, and turn to him in our time of need or when we simply want to say thank you. God always listen to what we ask for, just sometimes the answer is no...

so, what a prayer is worth~ its worth a miracle..........